Ominous' Two-Hour and Really Fatty Macaroni & Cheese
aka Ominous' Take on His Mamaw's Mac & Cheese
Ingredients:
1 to 2 boxes of large elbow macaroni (Pour the uncooked macaroni in a deep casserole dish. You want enough to fill it between one-third and halfway up, as the macaroni will expand once cooked to fill it the rest of the way.)
0.5 to 1 stick of butter, melted
1 cup Cheez-Its, crushed
Salt
1-16 oz. box of Velveeta, half cubed and half sliced
1-16oz. block of extra sharp cheddar cheese, hand shredded
0.75 to 1-5 oz. wedge of asiago cheese, hand shredded
2-12 oz. cans of evaporated milk (EVAPORATED Milk not Condensed Milk. If you use the latter, you're making macaroni & cheese flavored room temperature ice cream.)
Pepper to taste
Ground cayenne or chipotle pepper to taste
Ground dried mustard to taste
Optional Ingredients:
Crumbled blue cheese to taste
4 slices of bacon, cooked and crumbled
Heavy cream instead of evaporated milk, if you want to be really fatty
Hardware:
Stockpot
Lasagna Pan, Deep Casserole Dish, or Dutch Oven
Cheese Grater
Cheese Slicer
Range
Oven
Fill a stockpot with one gallon of water and salt heavily. Do not use less than a gallon of water when cooking pasta. Do not use unsalted water when boiling pasta. Otherwise, the dead Italian grandmothers of the world will haunt you.
While bringing the water to a boil shred and cube all the cheese. Also melt the butter and stir it with the crushed up Cheez-Its. Once the water is boiling add the macaroni to the pot and preheat the oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit. Cook the pasta to al dente, then drain the water, saving 2 cups of it.
Add one can of evaporated milk, fresh ground pepper, ground cayenne/chipotle pepper, and ground dried mustard to the pasta, then slowly incorporate the cubed Velveeta, shredded cheddar, shredded asiago, and optional crumbled blue cheese (it does not take much blue cheese to add a little something extra, so go light with it), while stirring, letting the residual heat of the stockpot and pasta melt the cheeses. If it gets too thick, add the second can of evaporated milk. NOTE: The sauce will continue to thicken even once you're done, so aim for a little soupier than you want the finished product. If you need to throw the pot back on a burner to finish melting everything, that's alright, but do it on a low heat. If you need more liquid than the 2 cans of evaporated milk, use the saved pasta water in small additions.
Once all the cheeses are added and melted, throw in the bacon and stir. Pour the deliciousness into a lasagna pan, deep casserole dish, or dutch oven. Top with the slices of Velveeta and then the Cheez-It crumbles. Place the casserole dish in the oven and bake until the top layer has browned lightly. If it blackens, you didn't use enough butter on the Cheez-Its to fry them. Remove from the oven and serve. Makes enough to give heart disease to a 10-20 member family gathering.
Note: Again, use evaporated milk or heavy cream, not condensed milk. Condensed milk or more accurately Sweetened Condensed Milk has had sugar added.
). If almost everyone is a 'mover and shaker' then no one is.
