So I was a junior in college. Dating a really sweet guy. He came with me to visit my parents at some point. The tough thing about bringing your SO home to visit your parents is, of course, how do you do the do. I was like 20 years old, I wasn't gonna NOT do the do.
So Sunday morning was kind of a SAFE BET, because my parents were off at church. Do is done, everything great. He tosses the condom in the trash can in my bedroom just for a second with the intention of, well, taking it out to the big trash can outside so that no one accidentally stumbles on used condoms. Because that'd be awk! We lay down and cuddle and chat for a few minutes. Like, this was a decade ago now, but honestly I thought it was all of 5-10 minutes. We start getting up, getting dressed, etc., and he goes to check the trash can.
The condom is gone.
This is very strange! We have no idea where a used condom could have run off to. No one else is home. Wtf happened??? He searched through the trash, nothing. This was just a bitty bedroom trash can, too, not like a gross big kitchen trash can full of stuff. IT WAS A MYSTERY.
Fast forward a couple weeks. Maybe just a week or two. We're back at school, I'm hanging out in my boyfriend's room. My cell phone rings. It's my mother.
She informs me in a delicate, dry voice that she came across the dog chewing on something. Dog owners will know that feeling of seeing your dog chewing on something you can't quite make out that they don't want you to see, so she of course went over all, "Kayla what did you get this time?" And she found something that I imagine she, who had her tubes tied after I was born and who had a hysterectomy ten or so years ago at that point, had no seen in a good, long time.
Yup. The used condom.
Anyways she told me in a sighing voice that I was lucky she found it and not my father. And requested that I please refrain from getting busy in their house.
