My discord ID is Saohlai#3963. It is possible that one or two of the 15 different posters that have been banned in the last 24 hours might not have access to my info and may in future want to share a meme with me.
Disclaimer: by posting this information I am not responding in any way to Derp being made an admin, the lock on the current events thread, Farfalla being banned, or the fact that Ganymede just deleted the log of the conversation that led up to the aforesaid ban.
But also I think most people have probably made mistakes about who to trust. We are all humans.
I think the worst thing I ever did on a game was fall prey to the OOC echo chamber about the IC around someone who was a friend and ICly commit to betraying her character without warning. I ended up apologizing OOC for it a few months later, and we talked it out and all was ultimately forgiven (I think, I hope), but at the time I really upset someone who didn't deserve it and torched an IC relationship at the same time. At the time I was so wound up I literally made myself sick over it. I remember running to the bathroom to vomit mid scene but I was too dumb at the time to realize I was so anxious because what I subconsciously knew how uncool I was being. This was 2007 or so I think. 2006? Linear time is confusing.
Anyways. I've never set out to be awful on purpose, I don't have the troll impulse and don't really understand it.
@rucket I got there ten minutes after breakfast ended and I got their frostaccino thing and no food. Absolutely sugar bombed myself, had NO potato wedges, and made myself queasy.
@rucket omg I also made a poor Wendy's decision just today.
I appreciate the importance of a bright line rule, but for the reasons Roz cites, reconsideration in this case is warranted. Noncontact is traditionally interpreted as a shield, not a sword, and is being used otherwise here.
With that said, ultimately moot, because if I were farfalla I wouldn't be coming back here after this either way.
And I probably won't be either.
Tfw when people start realizing how great your friend is that you dragged to a game.
YES PLAY WITH THEM I AM INDIRECTLY RESPONSIBLE FOR JOY AND ALL YOUR FUN IS INDIRECTLY MY FUN
It is way more likely that a person reporting is mistaken than that they are deliberately manipulating data in order to get someone in trouble.
In the event that I was provided with evidence that someone was deliberately manipulating data in this way, I would ban them so fast their head would spin. There are few things I am more hardline about than OOC lying, though.
I strongly believe that deliberately false accusations are the outlier, however.
In my general experience, most disputants will exaggerate at worst, largely due to the magnification or distortion of their own memories.
I agree with @Tinuviel: we're arguing about hypotheticals that grow increasingly extreme and I strongly suspect that in practice, despite different philosophies, the way each set of people actually handles a complaint about harassment or stalking would be similar.
It's only the edge cases where we would differ, and we don't actually have an edge case to discuss here, just a philosophical difference in approach -- and I suspect it's not even that wide. It has to do with what the burden of proof would be on a harassment complaint - how much evidence you need that a thing is happening prior to action. And we frankly don't have the language we would need to define what quanta of evidence would be sufficient, because we don't know, because it's extremely situationally dependent, and most of the language I personally have for handling sufficiency of evidence comes from an extremely nonanalogous forum.
I wouldn't act with a report alone, probably, absent any other evidence - depending on what you mean by act. But I would at minimum flag a player who had a report enough to start paying attention and start looking for other warning signs; an fyi if you will. Because I trust reporters in general as I believe there are so many internal and/or social barriers to reporting that most reports are genuine.
But I do also agree in philosophy with @farfalla that the harm done by mistakenly excluding a not-wrongful actor from a game I'm running would be a lesser harm than mistakenly continuing to include a wrongful actor. Perhaps it is only this harm analysis that separates the two philosophies? Perhaps it isn't.
Also for what it's worth, as a staffer, I burned myself many times clinging to a philosophy of rules and transparency and would have saved myself and my fellow staffers a heck of a lot of sturm and drang if we hadn't stuck to our 3 strikes policy and had just shown some shitheels the door earlier in the process.
I no longer staff anywhere but if I did I feel like I would want to be way more empowered to go "you know what this player is a bad fit can we just tell them to leave". Regardless of written rule or policy. I never want to think about how many strikes a player has ever again.
I'd like to offer a proposal that we collectively move on because no one is ever going to persuade anyone on this subject. Derp will always champion the alleged abuser vis a vis "easily forged" logs and women randomly discrediting people for some reason, and a large portion of the forum will always choose to throw accused abusive men out with the garbage assuming no value lost.
The only difference that we see here is that we're supposedly in the constructive part of the forum, but I see nothing constructive in continuing to flagellate this particular dead horse.
Surely there's some other expectation management that we can disagree about that won't come back to this old chestnut.
So now I'm back at work after a week out sick due to a fkn covid scare and it turns out I wasn't even positive I JUST HAD SOMETHING ELSE, and I'm behind on 2000 of everything, and even just looking at the automated task list in my case management software makes me want to go back to bed.
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@faraday yeah. This. I do not feel wired on my medication.
I am just more functional.
Yesterday due to reasons I was working til 7 pm. I genuinely do not know how I would have done that pre medication. Stressful and tiring, sure, but like . . . Impossible, pre Adderall.
@silverfox TMI PERSONAL INFO TIME I GUESS
I got diagnosed as an adult... in early 2021?
A few years ago (17? 18?) I went to a neuropsychologist, which I had to pay for on my own nickel because my insurance at the time didn't cover it. I spent an exorbitant amount of money and got a diagnosis that was for "neurodevelopmental disorder NOS" abt which I went into kind of a spiral and did nothing for a few years. Ultimately went to a specialist in treating ADHD, got diagnosed with ADHD, ASD and GAD.
My GP was never discouraging particularly but also did not, I think, really believe my self diagnosis. She just kind of ... never wanted to deal with it? Or didn't know how? I don't know, honestly. She was a very helpful doctor in many ways and I think I probably was not communicating with her well around this for a variety of reasons but it is what it is.
I did find that my mental health therapist WHEN I finally got one was very encouraging abt going through the steps to get a diagnosis. Many, many physicians are weirdly resistant to messing with mental health at all unless they are embrace a more holistic "whole person" practice.
Finding a specialist and getting diagnosis is absolutely worth it. My ADHD treating psych also encourages meditation, exercise, diet, etc, but like, ... all of those are all part of treating the underlying issues, which are not resolvable because the neurotype is, as my doctor is firm about, not a disease so much as a different way the brain functions. He likes to say that we ADHD folks would have been super useful to have around if we were hunter-gathering.
Treatment has not solved all or even half my problems. But it had helped me be more aware of what issues there are and helped me to apply structures to deal with those issues. Also when I am on my meds, there are certain super anxious-making thought derails that happened with interruptions in my premedication life that have now simply entirely gone away.
Signed a contract to double my income and also my workload. The torrent is already beginning. The excitement has worn off and left me with muppetflailing panic.
I'm working with a new case management software and working on inputting all of my cases to it while trying to stay above water. Organiziation and calendaring were ALREADY a problem for me BEFORE I did this.
What have I done. Lol.
@ganymede unfortunately I'm appointed because it is a guardianship case and they tend not to care that the government entity has to pay extra when they want to cry...
client. client we had a hearing this morning and a 40 minute phone call afterwards. then multiple back and forth email exchanges.
client why are you calling after hours. you know i'm not going to pick up the phone. none of this is actually accomplishing anything I AM NOT AN EMOTIONAL SUPPORT ATTORNEY
