@faraday Same. It worked OK for that 'here is a week to play downtime for this IC period of time, hash out as needed'. (Usually, there was almost none to be concerned with -- it was 'go do your personal stuffs' time.)
It's why I really liked the slower than 1:1 timescale so much when we had it. It led to a lot -- OMG SUCH A WHOLE LOT -- less figuring it out and playing catchup.
We have lives and such. 
The extra time really, really, really helped.
HorrorMU used slower than 1:1 timescales to very good effect on several occasions. There were also periods of faster time to account for time skips when needed in some stories.
I'm not playing, and likely won't be any time soon if ever, so take whatever I say with that in mind. That said, I very much enjoy being able to take the time to explore a character, including those 'small moments' that can become meaningful, and sometimes even defining.
That takes time.
So does the reality that many of us play from work, or between rounds of adulting. The ability to play things out more slowly and pick at them throughout the day (or more likely over a few days) in the Ares web portal has been cited often as a big positive for this reason.
The giant problem this creates: yeah, you got that great momentous scene handled, but now it's three days later and the rest of the game has moved on so far that it becomes a game of catchup, and you have potentially missed things the character wouldn't have, etc.
Sure, you can do both things at once, but if (generic) your problem is that you don't have craptons of time to engage with the game in the first place, as is common, that's not a viable solution for (generic) you.
I like slower. HorrorMU did best with 2RL:1IC at the fastest. Things zoomed along far too rapidly for many to keep up at 1:1.
Some faster timescales worked -- for example 'this isn't a major events going down sort of period IC, so this week represents all of August 1902, pick and choose your timey-wimey focus for that period and figure it out'. This was best for 'more or less IC downtime' periods than anything else, where the slower periods would come into play again when the action was coming thick and fast.
"Well, golly, I would, but I'm just a silly woman. That's totally beyond my ability! Everybody knows women can't do that, it comes with the tits."
@A-B said in Tips for not wearing out your welcome:
@Cupcake said in Tips for not wearing out your welcome:
stop and calmly explain that sometimes you have difficulty processing people's tone, and could they please clarify their intention?
In those exact words? Bit vague. On the other hand wouldn't want to risk hinting at what it is I'm worried they might mean, because that always leads to them calling that an accusation.
And I take it that by "calmly" you mean "pretending to be calm"? Because I can't switch on and off what I feel about a given thing. And frankly, I wouldn't want to, I've a right not to like being (as far as I can at that point tell) insulted, without being told to "calm down" it away whenever I don't like anything. The English language (probably other languages too, don't know) is a bit awkward in this way, it lumps together "feeling X" and "appearing to feel X", and "inspiring X emotional reaction" and "intended to inspire X emotional reaction" or even "pretending insincerely to intend to inspire X emotional reaction while knowing it'll do anything but". Oops, went off at a tangent.
Suggestion: Prepare a small statement to this effect. Keep it generic and simple. You can keep it in a sticky note, text file, even make it a macro to easily cut and paste or drop into a conversation whenever it is necessary.
Something like this is just fine: "I sometimes have trouble interpreting someone's intended tone, especially in a text medium. Can you explain or clarify what you mean when you say, '<put the quote you're uncertain about here>', or say it in a different way?"
This way, you can present calmly worded text -- and find out if you should be mad at all -- without having to steel yourself to word something in the moment.
That's it from me. I'm not even going to address anything in the post to me directly. I endeavor to be as clear and straightforward as possible, and avoid any innuendo or insinuation, when I am talking to someone I know may have trouble interpreting what I'm saying. It has not been successful thus far, so I'm done trying here.
@GreenFlashlight said in Tips for not wearing out your welcome:
Ask people what they mean, but have a couple of other tests you can run in case they're lying to you or misunderstanding you or whatever.
Seconding this one, big time.
Also, it's worth pausing a moment -- if you think someone is lying to you -- to consider why they would do that.
Sometimes it's obvious: 'I don't want to get in trouble!' or 'I am just an asshole who likes being evil!' (Wow, do I wish the last one wasn't a reality we have to contend with in this hobby, but it actually is. )
Other times, they're saying something they firmly believe is true for whatever reason -- which may be the same 'assumed the worst and didn't check into it to see if it was really true' amazingly often -- but they're wrong. Someone may have lied to them to stir shit, or even passed along the wrong answer without ever intending to.
This happens to everyone. It's not something that just happens to people with communication difficulties or challenges reading people's tone. It may not happen as often, but it happens often. (Anybody who claims otherwise is deluding themselves.) These suggestions and tools are useful for everyone, and I hope more people consider them.
@Sunny It does demonstrate in a nutshell why it's a bad idea to approach this community and games as therapy, though, good lawd.
@A-B I'm neuro-atypical in different ways, so far as we know, actually.
I have no interest in doing you harm.
I see a great many things you are doing that are causing you harm, even when your intentions are good.
I'd really rather not see that happen, not just for your sake, but for the sake of the others around you as well.
Trust me when I say you're reading the 'incendiary' into it. If I want to be incendiary, uh... yeah. I will call someone a goat-fucking braindead syphcock-gobbling shitmonster with all the mental capacity of a freshly-licked rock without skipping a beat, k thx.
And this is exactly what I was hoping to address later: reading nasty intentions into shit where they don't exist is a genuine issue, and a completely understandable one. If (generic) you have problems reading people accurately, this is very common, particularly when you are in a cycle of defensive behavior and anticipating attacks or shady nonsense of some kind.
Instead of insisting <person> is doing <terrible monstrous thing>, you actually need to step back and consider it carefully, because it is very possible it is not an accurate interpretation.
Becoming abusive to others -- which you toe the line on in the post I'm replying to now at best -- because of these interpretations is super not remotely OK.
If I was the person you apparently think I am, I would be tearing holes in you that would sink a battleship. Instead, I'm hoping you consider what's said here and stop the negative behavior that is harmful to us both.
@Sunny If any quote, ever, anywhere on the forum, deserved to be bronzed? No, fuck that. Cast this one in solid gold.
@silverfox I empathize with that a whole lot. Way more than I can properly express.
Generally: What Roz says is spot on.
Her question is one I have, too -- though I did see where that recommendation was made, it came across the same way to me as it apparently has to A.B. I asked for clarification on it, and none was forthcoming, unfortunately. (This eventuality was exactly why I hoped I read it other than intended and asked for clarification.) FWIW, I do not believe it was intended that way.
Clear communication is a non-trivial challenge under the best of all possible circumstances, and those have never existed anywhere, likely ever.
There's a 'big thing' that is a help, but I need a lot more coffee and possibly some food before I even approach that topic.
@bear_necessities Nah, I'm in Wilmington. So it was just right up 202 as a straight shot, more or less. (Or take the pretty back roads through -- people will swear I made this up but I didn't -- beaver valley -- to drool on the scenery and pretty houses.)
@TNP I wish. I do use heat packs sometimes to help with it, but it's actually long-term 'it refuses to fix' damage. There's apparently a thing where, in a car accident or other impact trauma, the body locks up like a rock -- that whole thing you're either supposed or not supposed to do, depending on what year's expert is in vogue -- and usually in a few days, it releases.
Except for a few of us, where Murphy's Law decides to intervene and certain muscles take several months, years, etc. to release, if they ever do.
(He can't actually even touch my lower back without me screaming.)
There's weird surgical shit they can apparently do that's rarely if ever covered, and... nngh. It involves cutting up the muscle fibers in various places and HOPING they heal right and... yeeeeeeeeahnothanks.
I'm kinda lucky in that I have all manner of solutions for the stuff that spazzes out normally, got slept on wrong, decides to cramp up like mad, and so on, but this is... meh. I saw a chiropractor about it in North Carolina who did all the testing, sent me on to the hospital, etc. and we found out this likely wasn't going to change (especially not with no insurance save through the school at the time).
When it happened, a few years before that, my folks sent 19-year-old me to the chiropractor they trusted because he went to their church, and... uh. I knew he was a complete quack at the time (not a statement on the profession, but on this individual), but in too much pain to move and with a 106 degree fever, I couldn't do shit about it. (His solution for a week-long 106 degree fever and a complete inability to move: take no more than 6 regular strength tylenol per day, do not go to the hospital no no no no hospital. Yeah. Kinnnnnnda lucky I'm alive.) So it may have been fixable back when if not for, well... that motherfuckin' guy.
@kk Many thanks. If I ever do, will credit it so folks know where it comes from. Can include your note about it just above if you like. 
@Ominous The scary part is that this was 1993. (The place we got was $425, though. I MEAN... )
@egg It is a gorgeous area. I grew up around 30 minutes from there and am back where I started out now. I was on Gay St. (shut up, MSB) between Matlack and Walnut in the cutest courtyard ever. The apartment was a dream and a steal... but, uh, because not the tenant just before me, but the person before them, murdered someone there rather gruesomely.
Meanwhile, me: "Is that real wood paneling and ceiling beams? Stained glass? Two story? Full kitchen? Additional attic storage?! Builtin shelves?!?!?!"
Landlord: "Most people are more disturbed by the..."
Me: "I'm more disturbed that y'all are otherwise trying to rent one room attic apartments with a single closet you couldn't fit a towel in for $650 and a hotplate passing for a kitchen, with no air conditioning and a space heater."
Landlord: "Fair enough!"
People have, at times, posted stuff here, too, if they don't have a built-in group to go somewhere with. It's worth a try, since you may find people willing to give the game a shot who may have resisted previously for exactly the same reason -- not having someone to go with. Also worth it, since people already there may reach out if they know.
And, yeeeeeah, I loved the apartment I lived in when I lived there. It was amazing. It is the most 'should totally have been haunted' place I've ever lived, but... nothing, really. I miss the hell out of that apartment, save for the whole 'no parking anywhere ever' problem.
The neck cramp of death has escalated over the past few days into 'don't even think about looking leftward, lady'.
Two hours of tens unit and 10mg of flexoril and minimal progress. (Two cycles of the tens unit with my granite calves when I get a charley horse and they're fine, by contrast.)
"But surr!" you might be thinking, "Aren't you married to a massage therapist?!"
Yes. Yes, I am. I like him too much to turn him into Sisyphus, however, and we've learned the hard way over 20+ years that's exactly what happens: he works on it for an hour of me going ow-ow-ow every so often, and it moves a tiny bit more! It no longer feels like I might secretly be a terminator in a fatsuit if someone touches the back of my shoulders!
First sneeze, cough, laugh, startling noise... give it five minutes and it's back to where we started, he's just got hand cramps.
Fuck all the things associated with muscles that have refused to un-fucking-clench since 1992. We don't even have that beloved car any more, body; the crash was a long time ago, ok?
So... College: The MU. I dig it.
I briefly considered a parody game based in a Soapy TV Teen Supernatural Romance Drama sort of setting, and was looking at Westchester PA for it. Since odds are super slim I'll ever do that, if y'all want an inspiration town for 'classic TV style quasi-quaint college town full of random festivals', you could do way worse, and it's worth checking out. (It's such a CW town, it really is. Mystic Falls of the mid-Atlantic.)
@reversed Mom & Pop video rental shop. Would totally do it.
@kk That is a really great list. Thank you for sharing it. If I ever try to cobble something together some day, I would love to steal lots of it to put in a resource section if you're cool with that.
