Real World Peeves, Disgruntlement, and Irks.

[eye8urcake]

My son's wedding is Saturday, at 4pm, outdoors in the middle of the northeastern Nevadan high desert during what's apparently going to be the next heat bubble mess. I've been stressing out a lot over this, for various reasons, and while I'm absolutely dreading it I'm also looking forward to it hoping after it finally ends, I'll feel like I have a modicum of my sanity back. That's the tl;dr.

***Serious powerleveling and unraveling. Do not pass GO if you don't like whining.***

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His wife's family is right-wing, there's not even been discussion of vax and/or masks.

My husband got fitted for a suit he really didn't want but capitulated to wear because the bride wants 'all the dads to match' which is fine, whatever, she's the bride and it's not costing us anything so we'll do it her way. But here it is, two days before the shindig and we haven't gotten the suit or any discussion of how/when/where to get said suit from them, and because apparently we're not deserving of a mailed invitation, (even when they dropped by they forgot it at home) I also don't have actual directions to this fucking place, and for some reason (likely their own pre-wedding dash to dot all their is and cross all their ts) getting texts returned is akin to pulling teeth.

I got my dress to wear and look like three scoops of vanilla ice cream stacked on top of each other smushed into a (really cute) sunflower shower curtain and the two daughters who I'm not estranged from, who were planning for months to come spend Friday night here to help me do my hair and makeup to not look like a bag lady at this thing, randomly changed plans and the only reason we found out is because hubs has been going at everybody like a swarm of wasps all morning.

Oh, and it got sprung on me a few days ago that there's going to be a just me and my son mother/son dance, that I was expected to choose the song for and that I get to rock that ice cream in a shower curtain look through in front of people who... let's just say they really don't care for my family outside my son.

On top of that, I was kept in the dark until a few days ago that my third daughter, whom I AM estranged from, is also attending the wedding - this after I got HER wedding invite in the mail, cried tears of joy at even GETTING one then unblocked her on Facebook thinking I'd make contact only to see that she's still making incredibly shitty passive-aggressive posts about how she's the REAL WINNER because no matter how hard it got for her where she lived, she Stuck It Out(tm) and didn't cave in and move somewhere cheaper and better like a loser (what I did with them when hubs got his back broken at work and our income dove to less than half what it was).

Skimming past that, I see she's talking to my abusive ex-husband again, who never paid child support and only even tried to see his kids to lower support owed, posting things about his awesome fucking life (images of him on a boat, in a vineyard, I mean it's like picture perfect Insta stuff except he looks like someone lit his face on fire and stomped said fire out with golf spike shoes) while I'm... not living quite as large, I guess.

I mean, I know envy isn't pretty, and I don't think that's what this really is, because I have a good life, even if it's not an easy one, but there is a very intense resentment that no matter how shitty he is as a human being, no matter how many people he victimizes and takes advantage of, there's always one more willing to enable him to live easy without ever lifting a fucking finger or showing an iota of responsibility.

I'm not a praying woman, and I don't believe in gods but I really do hope that I make it through this without embarrassing my son, getting insulted by my daughter, and with some tenuous grasp on my quickly eroding sanity.

ETA: Fucking Gs.

[Derp]

@eye8urcake

Fuck 'em.

I mean, really. That day, for you, is about your son fulfilling a life goal. If they don't approve of the dress or the beliefs or the whatever-else, that doesn't affect you in the slightest. A few hours later, you will be back living your life the way you choose and your son will be off with his new wife and that's all you went there to do anyway.

Everything else is just details, and if those don't go exactly right, then whatever. Life happens.

Don't sweat it.

[RightMeow]

@eye8urcake

I know how it feels to just HATE how you look in something or dread going to something where there might be drama. Like Derp said, fuck them.

You are the amazing person you are. You look how you look. Rock that. If you are uncomfortable in the dress, it's only for a few hours and besides, there is even a song that says vanilla is the finest of the flavors. So you be that vanilla cone! You be the best dessert in a desert you can be.

As to the people. Yep, fuck em. Don't give any of them the power of how you feel about you. I know it's hard, but sometimes people suck. You go to that wedding. You watch your son marry the person he's chosen. You dance in that moment to that song and you enjoy being included, being there, and the celebration of love. Don't worry about the other details. They won't be remembered when you look back on the memory, just that you were there and the happiness will.

[Wizz]

@wretched said in Real World Peeves, Disgruntlement, and Irks.:

@wizz If it helps, my wife and i got engaged like 5 months into our relationship, and married the same year. I moved in with her like...3 weeks after meeting her? This year will be our 15th anniversary.

I'm totally aware that there are relationships that work out like that (happy upcoming anniversary BTW!) but like...frankly that's just a pretty dramatic roll of the dice as to whether it will, if you have that little experience with someone. ‍️

And given how young my sis is, how completely skewed her values and priorities have been re: previous relationships thanks to a lot of trauma and culty religious stuff, and how little she and we actually know this dude (aside from an episode where he lost his mind at her and was very verbally abusive in a way that just seemed absolutely bonkers)...I am stressed out about it and have very little faith things will go well.

We'll see.

[GreenFlashlight]

@eye8urcake Just to be clear, have you asked your son if he cares if you return fire, should they start something? I ask because I don't know if he'd get vicarious pleasure out of that.

[eye8urcake]

@greenflashlight said in Real World Peeves, Disgruntlement, and Irks.:

@eye8urcake Just to be clear, have you asked your son if he cares if you return fire, should they start something? I ask because I don't know if he'd get vicarious pleasure out of that.

I don't know, either, to be honest. I have not asked him, it's awkward to bring up. He's friendly enough with them that he goes on family trips and the like, and they have a very positive relationship despite my son being, generally speaking, as liberal as we are - I assume he just doesn't discuss these things with them.

I also know that if they do come at me in any way other than passive-aggressive that he knows there will be one of two outcomes - I either unload on them, or hubs and I just make a quiet exit.

Chances are, it'd be the former and not the latter, but one of the major things stressing me out is that I actually like his wife - we've worked hard to overcome a lot of awkwardness between us, I was there for her when she had some post-partum issues, and I really don't want to be the one who shits on her special day. I know my temperament, and I know my recent stress-level, and I know I'm building it up more in my head than I ought to because of that.

Likely, it will be a nice, pleasant day made only mildly weird by me having to bring a crippled chicken in his cat-carrier house and me and my estranged daughter pretending to be nice to each other. BUT I WORRY SO MUCH.

ETA Also, you guys are such a weirdly good support system to have for things like that, that I feel are weird things 'normal' people won't get. You have a way of breaking things down that brings me up for air from deep within anxiety spirals. Thank you all for that.

[Ominous]

I hate the dating scene.

That is all.

[Misadventure]

Re: dice of life

I know a couple who met in France, and they married so she could come to the US, and they are happily married now.

So yeah, it can happen the good way too.

[Cobalt]

My uncle who just lost his wife now has fucking delta, isn't getting out of bed, isn't eating, isn't drinking... He's in his late 60s and smoked most his life.

Fuck everything

[GreenFlashlight]

@cobalt Words seem insufficient. I'm so sorry. I hope for the best.

[Sunny]

@cobalt

Oof. I'm sorry. Thinking about you and yours.

[Selira]

So glad that MU*ing has taught me to always, always keep the receipts if someone is being shitty.

[Ominous]

@selira

Did you get a refund?

[Kestrel]

@selira said in Real World Peeves, Disgruntlement, and Irks.:

So glad that MU*ing has taught me to always, always keep the receipts if someone is being shitty.

I hope they got defensive and accused you of being an obsessive stalker for it because that's by far my favourite part of showing someone irrefutable proof of their own lies.

[GreenFlashlight]

As I try to clean the things that can happen to a toilet when no men live in the house to periodically lift the seat and expose what's going on down there, I am forced to conclude that my stance on gay rights has been wrong this whole time and the Bible was right.

[RightMeow]

@ominous

I hate the dating scene too. Feel free to trade stories.

[Cobalt]

I'm delivering a pizza to the Children's of Alabama... And the woman who ordered it is in another city. She's ordering it for her grandchild who has been in child ICU since Sunday with covid:/

[GreenFlashlight]

@cobalt I'm choosing to ignore all the terrible things in that story to glad the kid has such a thoughtful gran, and that the kid is apparently able to eat (when I had COVID, I slept too much to eat a pizza).

[GreenFlashlight]

When you buy one of those handy pre-portioned bags of broccoli and cauliflower for that bean salad you like to make, get it home, and notice it expired a month before you bought the goddamn thing.

[Aria]

@greenflashlight said in Real World Peeves, Disgruntlement, and Irks.:

When you buy one of those handy pre-portioned bags of broccoli and cauliflower for that bean salad you like to make, get it home, and notice it expired a month before you bought the goddamn thing.

1. Ew.

2. Definitely go back to the store and bitch about that. I've done that before with milk that went sour several days before the printed expiration date because that told me that their food storage practices - whether in shipping or in store - were unsafe and could make people super sick.