RL Anger

[Kanye Qwest]

@Thenomain It is kind of cool, I use it at work so I can control my Linux box without two setups. It can be a little tetchy, though. I have a new (1 year ish) laptop and when using synergy if I undock and redock my laptop sometimes it bluescreens. Maybe 10% of the time? Still worth.

[SG]

How I can be so uncomfortably hot in most places, but be surrounded by a bunch of people wearing fucking toques inside.

HOW DO YOU WEAR A TOQUE INSIDE AND NOT PASS OUT?!?

[GangOfDolls]

I travel a lot for work. I am also terrified of flying. Enter Prince Xanax. He and I get it on every flight.

I have to fly in a couple weeks for work again, this time 6 hours over open water. 6 hours. Open water. I am already having stress dreams about this and my doctor doesn't want to refill my Xanax prescription until I come into see her. Which is fine except there are no available appointments until 6 days after I come back.

I will not be held responsible for how blackout drunk I get both ways.

[silentsophia]

I hate being irritable.

[Arkandel]

Stupid spring. Come on already! Yesterday it was freakin' snowing - it's April! Come on!

I need to be able to go out and walk without freezing my ass off.

[somasatori]

LA traffic. That's all.

[Arkandel]

@somasatori said:

LA traffic. That's all.

[Roz]

Getting a ton of major change requests on a website redesign at the very last stage of a website launch. You know, just suddenly asking for major structural or design changes for pages whose design and layout were already approved weeks ago.

[Misadventure]

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[Roz]

@Misadventure said:

Imagine a team throwing a veto the day AFTER launch.

I DON'T WANT TO IMAGINE THAT

[Rook]

Yup. I've used Synergy to link 3 machines AND a set of 16 55" plasmas on a single NOC setup. It's highly recommended.

[Misadventure]

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[Thenomain]

@Misadventure

My problem with this is still that labels are being thrown around without consideration. I am not a "one of you"; I am a "one of me". Even with this article, I believe this bit of knowledge is still escaping the discussion, just as it escaped the GamerGate discussion (tho there I believe it was mostly trolling and therefore on purpose).

This would probably stay personal, except that this is the American social default, the us-vs-them mentality that was whipped into a frenzy around 9/11 and the "Mission Accomplished!" era of our recent history, tho the histrionics have probably been there since day one of humanity. That is, I think it's important as a society that we recognize this trend, so that it may be pulled out into the light and mocked.

Anyhow, people need to stop abusing one another for trivial shit, please. Thanks.

[deadculture]

@somasatori I heard they never bleed, not like we bleed.

[Lithium]

@Misadventure I was tired of defending myself from the 'proofers' and I know it is the wrong thing to do but I'd missed a couple of days and I got the sense that anyone I'd try to convince would simply disbelieve me and that the story I would tell wouldn't matter. The people who are going to see this as a problem, would see it as a problem already and those who wouldn't, wouldn't be convinced by me or anything I said. They maybe would only be convinced when it happened to someone they knew personally. They hide behind the shield of the internet, or maybe they are simply... assholes, jerks, trolls, or whatever.

My sister was raped when she was 14 by her boyfriend and two of his friends. It was a party. She wasn't drunk. She was't under the influence of any drugs but the police did not press charges, they wouldn't even sign off on presuming to open a case file on it because my sister had gotten in trouble for shop lifting alcohol in the past an so she was just a 'Problem Child' and it was her testimony against theirs. We were let without recourse, not even having money for a civil suit because we were poor and no lawyer would take he case pro-bono.

Where is the evidence for my sister to 'prove' that she was raped? Where is the evidence to prove that they gave her STD's that lead to cervical cancer? There isn't any, because it is her word against theirs and the cops in that situation were absolutely worthless, worse than worthless. They shamed her and worse we were threatened with possible defamation suits if we did try to press things.

Is that always going to happen? No it's not, but it does sort of make it impossible to provide this 'proof' that is so necessary to some in order to believe us.

Obviously, when a few years later I was assaulted... the cops did nothing then, there was no police report about sexual assault, just as there was no police report about my Sister's attack.

This is the problem with a burden of 'proof' to even /believe/ that these things happen. It's the same kind of thing that happened to other 'minorities' (Of which I am one of, which didn't help I am sure) during the Civil Rights movement and afterwards, even continuing today.

That these things happen shouldn't need to be proved, just as we are not expecting everyone or anyone to white knight for us but to simply realize that this /shit/ happens /every god damned day/ and that in order to combat it is going to require a change in the social zeitgeist is only the first step.

This is why people who demand proof, or are 'rationally skeptic' are part of the problem. It is the unwillingness to believe another human being that makes it even hard to stand up anymore. It's why so many of us keep our fucking heads down, and just deal because all to often to do otherwise isn't going to help us, it's going to make it worse and that is only reinforced by the 'proofers'.

It isn't us vs them. It's about a conscious shift in human nature.

If you've never seen it happen to someone around you, then so be it, that you would act if it did, that's good on you. Nobody (at least not myself) is saying that you are a horrible individual.

It's when that idea that just because you've never seen it means that it doesn't happen... that's when it's a problem, and makes me so very angry.

So maybe my saying someone is being 'part of the problem' is inflamatory, maybe I'm not the most eloquent speaker, or writer, or whatnot. This isn't a story from one of my books, I'm not editing myself for prose or to attempt to be a literary giant right now, but it doesn't change that to me... deniers, proofers, are all part of the problem that faces us every day. They are the people that /allow/ stuff like this to continue happening by shaming those who stand up, by demanding something that cannot be provided at times instead of just having basic empathy.

I am also part of the problem, because I put my head down to much, rather than dealing with people like @Tyche because my day is rough enough sometimes, and my confronting them... isn't going to change them. It takes more than me.

That's why this is such a huge issue. It's bigger than any one person, it's an everyone problem but first people have to be willing to admit there's a problem.

I'm done with this topic here because I'm done revisiting horrible trauma from my past because of internet fucktards.

[wanderer]

@Misadventure said:

More on sexual harassment in gaming/comicbook fandom.
https://medium.com/@ken.burnside/for-good-men-to-see-nothing-c1be3e65c52f#.wv54q0h70

Here's a question to think about: why are male gamers like that?

We all remember the type of guy who was into tabletop in school, high school, or at uni. Nerdy, quirky, unattractive, fat, not into sports, just plain different. What do you think was their experience with women, in general? Did they have cheerleader girlfriends? What happened if they dared ask someone out? What did the women of the real world have for them? Disdain, disgust, distaste, plain disinterest.

Is it any wonder that the hobby became a hotbed for exaggerated male sexual fantasies? Is it any wonder that they have no idea how to approach a woman in real life, or that they've simply given up on trying to do it in appropriate ways? Because they've already lost. They're defeated. What you're witnessing isn't mysogyny or the male ego, it's the pulverized remains of self-worth.

Is that a justification? Of course not, but it is an explanation of the underlying problem.

Quite frankly, I would always be on guard if I was around male gamers, especially those of the earlier generations who never outgrew the hobby, never developed other life interests. What these unsuspecting girls should realize is that they're entering an unsafe hobby for women, and should be on guard and loud when problems arise. Yeah, they'll get dismissed but they'll also make enough of a fuss that the guy will probably give up. What girls are expecting is a normal environment in which they are safe, like they would be elsewhere. This isn't anything like that, there's way too much pent up frustration, and one should adjust expectations and behavior accordingly. You don't enter a night club expecting everyone to be your friend. You guard your drink and stay close to your group.

So what is the solution? Treating these men as villains, demonizing them and alienating them further?

A little bit of situational awareness is what I'd advise. I would also ask you for some empathy and kindness. Not when an incident arises but way, way before that. If we're responsible for the safety of women, we're equally responsible for how we treat the men in the hobby. Anyone will turn into an animal if they're surrounded with hostility all their lives, and at some point, it's too late to do anything constructive about it. I think that understanding the underlying cause is important.

I've had my own share of unpleasant experiences as a girl in the hobby. A game master told me after a session that he has ropes cut in my size. This after, somehow, in every game my female character would end up tied helplessly to an altar. He was a great game master with incredible stories... if you weren't female. After the comment with the ropes, I never went to another session. Eventually, I stopped playing tabletop altogether.

Another time, I went to a cafe/bar where roleplayers would sometimes have sessions. I saw a bunch of guys, vaguely familiar to me from roleplaying circles. They were playing a Game of Thrones card game, so I was intrigued and asked if I could join. They were pretty welcoming, and more than willing to show me the ropes. However, I was the only woman there, and... Well, I started feeling uncomfortable. Because of the way they were looking at me. There was a palpable atmosphere of thirst that I'm at a loss of words to describe. It felt like they would devour me with their eyes if they just could. I was a representation of something they really, really wanted and were on the verge of taking by force, that's how strong the desire was. I excused myself after a while and left.

The thing is, I don't think of any of them as bad people. When I think back to these events, I think of them with compassion. The GM with the ropes, he miscalculated his approach terribly. He didn't do anything wrong, he didn't touch me, or disrespect me. He just showed interest in a clumsy way. The guys playing the GoT game... I feel sad for them. They were older guys who kind of wasted their lives doing nothing but the hobby. You just don't know the story of every gamer guy out there. And no, not every male gamer is like this, there are plenty of those who managed to overcome the challenges of growing up different and became decent individuals. It can be done, so the gropers and the abusers have no justification whatsoever. Still, this is an unhealed rift within the hobby, and some awareness on both sides wouldn't hurt.

[Lithium]

@wanderer I don't need to know their story. I know that Gamers are from every social strata they are handsome, they are ugly, they are plain, they are homely, they are beautiful, they are horrific.

There are rich gamers.

There are poor gamers.

There are middle class gamers.

Unless someone did not go to school, does not exist as a part of our society, then they should /know/ the difference between right and wrong as our society sees it. They are making a /choice/ to assault people for whatever reason.

The one thing /any/ of us have control of, is how we react to any given situation. We are thinking beings that do not act only upon instinct and there is no excuse for anyone to do these things.

There is nothing to feel 'sad' about because they /chose/ to behave in such a fashion.

This whole thing, like the villains are somehow the victim, makes me feel sick to my stomach.

It's offensive because it paints these individuals who assault us as somehow victims who have no choice, lost any agency or control of themselves.

That is so very... very outrageous...

PS. Take a drink

EDIT: Not even going to /touch/ the idea that the 'hobby' is somehow a place where women shouldn't be safe, shouldn't be able to act normally, or should beware every male we don't know (And some we do). I just have no words for how wrong that whole idea is.

[Deleted]

I think women should be abused in online gaming.

I don't think they should be abused for being women, however.

I think they should be abused for the same reasons everyone else is abused for.

For being Peruvian.

[Misadventure]

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[Ganymede]

@Lithium said:

This is why people who demand proof, or are 'rationally skeptic' are part of the problem. It is the unwillingness to believe another human being that makes it even hard to stand up anymore. It's why so many of us keep our fucking heads down, and just deal because all to often to do otherwise isn't going to help us, it's going to make it worse and that is only reinforced by the 'proofers'.

I want to hook onto this, and expand upon it just a little to make a point.

For those of us rational skeptics -- I am one of them -- that usually demand proof of things to change our beliefs, it is important to note that one can disbelieve a person's story, and yet still take action. Taking precautions based on risk is a rational thing to do, which means that even if I don't believe everything someone tells me, I have the intelligence to recognize the possibility of truth and therefore take action in the abundance of caution. Where that preventive action may have a high cost, one may conclude that the benefit of prevention does not exceed the cost of taking it, but that simply isn't applicable here.

Outside of the law enforcement scenario, it costs nothing for any of us here to believe anyone's story. So, why not believe it? And, if we do that, then shouldn't w take precautions and act? Of course; that's perfectly rational.

So, let's change the social zeitgeist.