Let's talk about TS.

[Pyrephox]

@mietze said in Let's talk about TS.:

I dunno. But it seems to me the biggest problem people are always complaining about their RP partners to their other ones. It's pretty fun when the "spokes" of the wheel finally talk and realize what a shit the "hub" is being. I've made some of the best mush friends that way.

It usually seems to be a way of manipulating play partners to a) stay away from each other, and b) be flattered by the praise (and therefore spend more of their RP time with the manipulator).

[Ganymede]

@jaded said in Let's talk about TS.:

...are those actually pulled from the D&D erotica book? Or are you just making them up?

I'm kind of making them up. There is the spell Bigby's Hand, Mage Hand, and Mordenkainen's Magnificent Mansion.

[Jaded]

@ganymede
Yeah I recognized the format. I asked because Mordenkainen's Magnificent Member is actually one of the spells. So it made me wonder.

[surreality]

@pyrephox There is also the manipulative bullshit game of ’compete for me to feed my ego! I’ll even get you started by alternately negatively comparing you to them to make you feel insecure/neg you, and implying they are talking smack about you even though in reality they have no idea you even exist!’

These people really need to go dive headfist into a swimming pool full of broken glass. No water... just the broken glass.

[mietze]

How someone treats someone else on a game when they are annoyed at them is a pretty good indicator of how I can expect to be treated myself at some point. Do they go out of their way to be manipulative? Are they passive aggressive or mean on channel? Do they whisper campaign? Do they make fun of the other person while still egging them on?

I dunno. I find it harder and harder to engage in Rp these days for various reasons but I find I'm less tolerant of people being oocly mean, and appreciate being with/around others who similarly try to avoid that. I guess edgelordianism and right swipe/left swipe is for the whippersnappers.

[mietze]

Anyway. To tie it back to TS. Since that particular type of rp can have major and unexpected ooc baggage (both in game as and off), after a few missteps sexual RP of any kind (either on screen or implied off screen) or passionate relationship rp is something I am careful about. I'd rather engage in that play with a nice, calm, easy going player than a super intense one, even if the RP isn't as good. Though I'll be honest: I have found in general the more considerate and easy going the player, the better their RP.

[ThatGuyThere]

@pyrephox said in Let's talk about TS.:

@kay said in Let's talk about TS.:

@ganymede said in Let's talk about TS.:

@theonceler

Jake the One-Eyed Trouser Snake.
The Flesh Spear of Destiny.
Russell the Milk-Spitting Muscle.
Misplaced Baby Fist.
Squirtle.

I can keep going, I guess.

I feel you should! Extra points if it could also be the name for a D&D weapon or artifact.

Rod of Monstrous Size?

If you are going the D+D magic item route we have to go with the best.
Rod of Lordly Might.

[Apos]

@mietze said in Let's talk about TS.:

My hard line in the sand nope: anyone who claims to be married or partnered who then spends time bitching sexually about their spouse/partner. I'm not talking about occasional grumpy stuff, look I've been married/partnered to the same guy for like 20 years, every one gets on each other's nerves sometimes. But constant complaining or worse, /denigrating/ one's partner? Yikes. I have met people that were so ugly and mean about their SO that I did not feel comfortable interacting with them again. On any level.

Another hard note for me is someone who is constantly complaining about their other RP partners. Especially if its accompanied by "you are the nicest and the only one who understsnds." Yeeeeeaaaaaaahhhhhhhh.

Holy shit, people do that? That is mind boggling to me, that would strike me as uncomfortable as someone asking like, creepy personal questions, maybe more so. To go with the D&D posts, I think no one should ever get near their Wand of Regrets and Disappointment.

[Ashen-Shugar]

@kay said in Let's talk about TS.:

@ganymede said in Let's talk about TS.:

@theonceler

Jake the One-Eyed Trouser Snake.
The Flesh Spear of Destiny.
Russell the Milk-Spitting Muscle.
Misplaced Baby Fist.
Squirtle.

I can keep going, I guess.

I feel you should! Extra points if it could also be the name for a D&D weapon or artifact.

+7 Barbed Phallicer of Lord Fisto

You could even sing it to music

[Kestrel]

@ashen-shugar said in Let's talk about TS.:

music

That was so beautiful, I shed a single manly tear.

[Arkandel]

@kestrel https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eWEjvCRPrCo

[Templari]

@arkandel Heh. I just tossed this to a friend who was trying to deny the connection between his internet, porn, and his computer melting down.

ETA Correction: I chose the live Avenue Q to send.

[Arkandel]

@templari The song is such an earworm... I first listened to it when WoW first launched and at any given time I can replay it in my head

[Cobalt]

@apos said in Let's talk about TS.:

@mietze said in Let's talk about TS.:

My hard line in the sand nope: anyone who claims to be married or partnered who then spends time bitching sexually about their spouse/partner. I'm not talking about occasional grumpy stuff, look I've been married/partnered to the same guy for like 20 years, every one gets on each other's nerves sometimes. But constant complaining or worse, /denigrating/ one's partner? Yikes. I have met people that were so ugly and mean about their SO that I did not feel comfortable interacting with them again. On any level.

Another hard note for me is someone who is constantly complaining about their other RP partners. Especially if its accompanied by "you are the nicest and the only one who understsnds." Yeeeeeaaaaaaahhhhhhhh.

Holy shit, people do that? That is mind boggling to me, that would strike me as uncomfortable as someone asking like, creepy personal questions, maybe more so.

It would immediately make think that they were saying the same sort of things about me to their other RP partners.

[Seraphim73]

@arkandel Just in your head? I've been known to burst into my acapella rendition of The Internet is For Porn at semi-random points. Which is very awkward with a 2-year-old who is starting to repeat things I say.

[Hella]

@cobaltasaurus said in Let's talk about TS.:

@apos said in Let's talk about TS.:

@mietze said in Let's talk about TS.:

My hard line in the sand nope: anyone who claims to be married or partnered who then spends time bitching sexually about their spouse/partner. I'm not talking about occasional grumpy stuff, look I've been married/partnered to the same guy for like 20 years, every one gets on each other's nerves sometimes. But constant complaining or worse, /denigrating/ one's partner? Yikes. I have met people that were so ugly and mean about their SO that I did not feel comfortable interacting with them again. On any level.

Another hard note for me is someone who is constantly complaining about their other RP partners. Especially if its accompanied by "you are the nicest and the only one who understsnds." Yeeeeeaaaaaaahhhhhhhh.

Holy shit, people do that? That is mind boggling to me, that would strike me as uncomfortable as someone asking like, creepy personal questions, maybe more so.

It would immediately make think that they were saying the same sort of things about me to their other RP partners.

They usually are. I've had that happen recently. The truth always comes out, though.

And to maybe add to the subject of the thread: TS pressure. I've found it makes you not want to TS with that person, yes, but also that it has a spillover effect to TS in general, at least for me.

[surreality]

Actual answers, both what I've done historically and what I think I would do now if I get back to things again.

#1. If for whatever reason, it's off the table, I make sure to mention it. This could be because I was with someone at the time who was not OK with it RL, it could be because I wasn't in a headspace in which I felt like exploring those themes at all; while the reasons varied, it's a typical enough expectation that it may occur that if there's some reason it absolutely will not no matter what, I have said so up front.

It never failed to stun me how many people would try anyway if told this, up to and including using dice to attempt to force the issue, regardless of the reason. It similarly never failed to stun me that they'd be stunned I would want nothing to do with them after that.

#2. I always would ask about this if I saw a scene veering in that direction -- basically, the point at which someone was pressed against the wall or clothes were hitting the floor and unless something drastic intervened, the direction was very obvious. I am almost impossible to offend with language choices, but know others are not the same. I don't care what style someone runs with (even if in some cases, the language choices are more hilarious than the hotness I'm sure whoever along the way intended) and will generally play along unless it crosses into territory like, say, referring to my character as a slut/whore/trash/etc. in metapose (in the same way that player behavior would annoy me in any other context), at which point I will say something, and I will say something the first time it happens. If it happens again, I'm out, and I'm done.

#3. I'm leaving this one mostly alone because if I don't, I am going to rant in a way that is completely inappropriate for this part of the forum because... reasons. Needless to say, though, if you tell me you're totally into a grand epic story better than anything ever, and when you discuss the events of that story it is literally (used correctly) nothing more than a laundry list of who has enjoyed your genitals and how and how many times and how much they enjoyed it, I am not going to consider your epic tale of tail to be on par with Lord of the Rings. Nor should I.

If someone doesn't want to play with me because I don't want to TS them, it's not something I consider a great loss.

#4. I like the prefs setup I've described various times to be a good first step. It gives people neutral ground for basics without awkwardness or confrontation. If people have questions, they have a place to start the conversation, if one is needed, and having a place to start is a huge help.

Unspoken #5. The sad truth is that you can't assume someone isn't a total asshole or sociopath just because things start out well or they seem nice, even if they seem totally fine and sensible for years. Be careful, and trust your gut. If something feels off, say something.

[Three-Eyed Crow]

I keep hearing the Salt-N-Pepa classic "Let's Talk about Sex" whenever I click on this thread.

I'm reading very little of it, but the song brings me joy.

[magee101]

Let me preface by saying I have not delved too far into the replies but a lot of what I am seeing especially from @Ganymede gos what I have done/experienced. Allow me to just throw out my preferences and experiences as it were.

1. The topic coming up: If a person becomes flirty with me IC i almost always without fail throw then a little page like 'Oh? Wassup here, are we being friendly or 'friendly'?' I pretty much quickly suss out the intentions and see if there is possibilities of TS if that is what the other person is trying to do.

2. Do the dirty live or ftb? Well admittedly I enjoy the act though I have not engaged in it in some time. I have had other folks ftb on me and I do not begrudge them for it but I dont do well with lead up and then nothing as it were. The two partners that I have had with ftb only I both told them that we will have to have an IC conversation about miltiple partners. One the relationship shifted from monigomy to friends with benefits and we still did other rp and lead up rp. The other person we ended up going our seperate ways ICly and OOCly but not on bad terms.

3. That first scene and crazy stuff: so again since I am pretty shameless in approaching someone I tend to break the ice a bit and help open up the conversation for likes and dislikes. I like my rp relationships to develope prganically so just like i have done in real life things start simple and vanilla and slowly build up into other things. -However- there have been times that you speak with someone and learn they are into say harder stuff and if I feel like my character would be ok or already has some experience in this area it wouldnt be hard for then to do it with a new partner.

4. Those boundries: so yeah, set them, but dont be afraid to explore. A properly "good" or perhaps better phrased respectful TS partner will thank you if you do try something and be cool with ftb or retconning if you dont enjoy it after testing. Having been on both sides of this throughout many many years its always been a yeah that kills the mood for the night but if you two have chemistry funtimes will continue.

Already a long post but let me add a few things about myself. I very much just need to get a feel for the player and the TS, sometimes 2 liners are just not enough but I have run across some players that can create some very evocative 2 liners that keep me hooked. I have "suffered" through what I consider suboptimal TS bc I really enjoy the player and it is decent enough that beside my own poses I can still imagine the scene well enough to enjoy.

I like to be very descriptive in my poses but I also try to make every detail in some way add to the erotic imagery. In some ways smut is my most creative moments, but if there isnt a spark I can fail to get the flames going at times. I am a very open person once conversations have begun and while I do think some things are weird and def dont want to do them bc of upbrining and personal beliefs I dont look down badly upon anyone for their particulars.

Last but not least 5. Frequency: So for me, it becomes a thing that if my character is young its something they want to do a lot, if they are older less frequently. Sometimes it depends on what is happening. If there is little intersect in the lives of the two characters then sex it is, but if there are other things they share in common then lets go do some of those things from time to time! Admittedly I really do enjoy my 'omg we survivied a thing' fucks.

[Arkandel]

@surreality said in Let's talk about TS.:

It never failed to stun me how many people would try anyway if told this, up to and including using dice to attempt to force the issue, regardless of the reason. It similarly never failed to stun me that they'd be stunned I would want nothing to do with them after that.

Yeah, there are assholes everywhere and also in the hobby. I think in that light it's a good thing we continue to beat the ol' dead horse of "state your limits and stick to them" since clearly someone, somewhere is still getting away with it or they wouldn't still be trying the 'ICA=ICC' gambit of throwing the dice then forcing others to TS-or-else-they-are-bad-players.

in metapose (in the same way that player behavior would annoy me in any other context), at which point I will say something, and I will say something the first time it happens. If it happens again, I'm out, and I'm done.

I guess it's a male thing but I never had that issue - sometimes a partner will refer to their own character in assorted ways but never mine. But it doesn't ever bother me unless it gets amped up to really comical levels.

#4. I like the prefs setup I've described various times to be a good first step. It gives people neutral ground for basics without awkwardness or confrontation. If people have questions, they have a place to start the conversation, if one is needed, and having a place to start is a huge help.

The only thing I don't like about setting preferences is the expectations some might think come implied with it, since it can be taken as a signal that TS isn't just a possibility but an actual goal that comes with a checklist attached. Kind of... "I like walks on the beach and blindfolds" becoming "but I BROUGHT you to the beach and here is a goddamn scarf, so why aren't you putting out?!". Dunno.

The squicks list though is definitely a good thing, especially since it goes beyond TS. "I don't want pregnancy RP" applies to FTB as well, for example.

@magee101 said in Let's talk about TS.:

One the relationship shifted from monigomy to friends with benefits and we still did other rp and lead up rp. The other person we ended up going our seperate ways ICly and OOCly but not on bad terms.

Yeah, that's fair enough. Part of a conversation like this definitely is the possibility they might say "nah, sorry, this isn't for me" and walk away. It's another reason to have it early, though, since that way some of the risk is mitigated if the RP ends up having to be aborted.

-However- there have been times that you speak with someone and learn they are into say harder stuff and if I feel like my character would be ok or already has some experience in this area it wouldnt be hard for then to do it with a new partner.

The way this has worked for me at least is to have a list in my head of things a character is willing to or interested in doing as well as what I'd find fun myself. It's kind of a double whitelist, if you will. Still, it's far easier for a PC to be adjusted especially given the circumstances they are often in; I can see a stressed werewolf suffering from PTSD being eager to channel his emotions in ways that actually open up character growth venues for him, for example, if the right opportunity comes along and even if it's not how I originally designed his personality.

Ideally TS is 'just like any other kind of RP' in at least that way - it should give me the chance to change, expand and make the character more interesting.

4. Those boundries: so yeah, set them, but dont be afraid to explore. A properly "good" or perhaps better phrased respectful TS partner will thank you if you do try something and be cool with ftb or retconning if you dont enjoy it after testing.

There are hard limits and there are... reservations. There are things I won't do in RP simply because I don't like them; it's not that I find them wrong (in terms of doing them in RP, that is), they are just not enjoyable on any level for me. So for example I might play an asshole who's a flawed human being in all kinds of illegal or immoral ways and that doesn't bother me if my partner is OOC okay with it, but I wouldn't have him beat the crap out of his girlfriend because... I just don't want to.

I have "suffered" through what I consider suboptimal TS bc I really enjoy the player and it is decent enough that beside my own poses I can still imagine the scene well enough to enjoy.

I chalk this under 'bad RP I endure' whether it's TS or not. Sometimes I'd rather stay around for a little bit longer and finish the scene than offend the person I'm playing with as long as I like them otherwise. After all I don't need to play with them often/again if it's bad enough.

I like to be very descriptive in my poses but I also try to make every detail in some way add to the erotic imagery. In some ways smut is my most creative moments, but if there isnt a spark I can fail to get the flames going at times. I am a very open person once conversations have begun and while I do think some things are weird and def dont want to do them bc of upbrining and personal beliefs I dont look down badly upon anyone for their particulars.

Those who know me are aware I'm not very chatty OOC during scenes since I find it interrupts the RP's flow and it could even be interpreted as crossing the IC/OOC line, and that goes double during TS. But yes if it's going into a particular direction buttons might be pressed I'd be compelled to check up on them and make sure they're okay.

Last but not least 5. Frequency: So for me, it becomes a thing that if my character is young its something they want to do a lot, if they are older less frequently. Sometimes it depends on what is happening. If there is little intersect in the lives of the two characters then sex it is, but if there are other things they share in common then lets go do some of those things from time to time! Admittedly I really do enjoy my 'omg we survivied a thing' fucks.

One sometimes overlooked function TS plays is giving people something to do during downtime. Between PrPs, when there aren't many people online or scenes happening... that's when it thrives. Conversely it's also why so much is reportedly happening on sandbox or stalling games since there isn't anything else to do, and it's easier to come up with the circumstances leading up to someone's pants dropping than some thematic arcane puzzle that has to be solved.

The path of least resistance, yo!