RL Anger
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Constant stream of RL friends/family posting about how triggered or depressed they are is depressing, especially when their suggested fix is loads of attention or to buy them things like concert tickets, plane tickets, or video games.
Delete the Hog Pit. It'll be fun.
I really don't understand He-Man -
My friends and family know better than to say these things to me.
My response to their darkness is black-on-black crime.
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@Ghost I have a friend who, when I'm super low, buys me dinner because he knows I won't cook. Or will get me some random little goofy thing. But asking for concert tickets? PLANE tickets? WTF?!?
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@Ghost I have a friend who, when I'm super low, buys me dinner because he knows I won't cook. Or will get me some random little goofy thing. But asking for concert tickets? PLANE tickets? WTF?!?
Well, it also sounds like you don't go out begging him to do so. That's totally different.
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@Ganymede @Macha @Auspice My SO and I are pretty generous. We have a lot of friends who don't have as much as we do, so we often do things like cook dinners, help people with projects, etc. We have a yearly tradition where we invite people who don't have family in town for a post-Thanksgiving dinner. Thanksgiving with all the fixins. We are that couple that give out a lot of free food to homeless people, etc.
We found out a while ago this acquaintance of ours lost his job and had a cancer diagnosis and was asking for a few hundred to pay bills. We reached out to friends and got a group together, and he got some 400+ out of it. Later found out he never got fired or had a cancer diagnosis, but instead used it to buy a tattoo and then Facebook blocked everyone who gave him cash.
So, having said all this...I TOTALLY GET BEING DEPRESSED OR HAVING A HARD TIME. I love being there for my friends; it's a badge of honor to me that they can come to me when they need a friend. Having said that, "I'm in a bad place and it would mean a lot to me if someone bought me WWE tickets" just kinda pisses me off. It's also hard when you just see the same 5 or 6 people just constantly flip flop from "internet fighting" to "so depressed cant do anything but would be okay if someone did..."
Just brings me down. I'd love to help. I can even understand how getting a new thing would feel great! Still...it's grating because it makes me worry that I'm friends with some people who take advantage of others.
Delete the Hog Pit. It'll be fun.
I really don't understand He-Man -
@Ganymede @Macha @Auspice My SO and I are pretty generous. We have a lot of friends who don't have as much as we do, so we often do things like cook dinners, help people with projects, etc. We have a yearly tradition where we invite people who don't have family in town for a post-Thanksgiving dinner. Thanksgiving with all the fixins. We are that couple that give out a lot of free food to homeless people, etc.
We found out a while ago this acquaintance of ours lost his job and had a cancer diagnosis and was asking for a few hundred to pay bills. We reached out to friends and got a group together, and he got some 400+ out of it. Later found out he never got fired or had a cancer diagnosis, but instead used it to buy a tattoo and then Facebook blocked everyone who gave him cash.
So, having said all this...I TOTALLY GET BEING DEPRESSED OR HAVING A HARD TIME. I love being there for my friends; it's a badge of honor to me that they can come to me when they need a friend. Having said that, "I'm in a bad place and it would mean a lot to me if someone bought me WWE tickets" just kinda pisses me off. It's also hard when you just see the same 5 or 6 people just constantly flip flop from "internet fighting" to "so depressed cant do anything but would be okay if someone did..."
Just brings me down. I'd love to help. I can even understand how getting a new thing would feel great! Still...it's grating because it makes me worry that I'm friends with some people who take advantage of others.
As someone who has had a depression diagnosis for twenty years and tends to isolate myself into a little corner of blankets and exhaustion and gross for fear of either expressing my feelings or being the slightest burden to anyone ever except my poor husband.....
Your "friends" are taking advantage of you. And they fucking suck.
https://whatiswrongwith.me/Mia
There were never any good old days. They are today. They are tomorrow. It's a stupid thing we say, cursing tomorrow with sorrow. -- Gogol Bordello -
@Aria Oh, yeah, theyre totally wanting to take advantage, which is why we tend to invite the people to post-thanksgiving who share. We've got a lot of friends who (when we visit) we bring coffee or a dessert. We've fallen into a ton of friends who (when they visit us) bring food, games, etc.
But these 5 or so people...tsk. Sucks. I want to like them so badly.
Delete the Hog Pit. It'll be fun.
I really don't understand He-Man -
I want to like them so badly.
Why?
Does not compute.
Why does anyone want to be friends with anyone?
Seriously, does not compute.
Friendship does not mean asking that person for help. It simply does not. I do not loan people money. I do not pick people up from work.
I’m not unfriendly; I simply have limits. I may break them for emergencies or humanitarian reasons, but I am not here to make you feel better. Don’t ask.
I’m here to present solutions and offer advice. If you don’t take it, so be it. And if you don't want honesty, don’t ask for it; I’m happy to lie to your face if it’ll make you feel better.
“It is better to live doing the things that you like. It is foolish to live within this dream of a world seeing unpleasantness and doing only things that you do not like.” -- Yamamoto Tsunetomo.
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@Ganymede Hah. No, nothing so weird or severe. Stuff like "Hey this guy is a former metal musician like me and I love talking music and wrestling with them BUUUUUUT..."
Neat people that may be wonderful conversationalist but just failing in the ethics department.
Or in MU terms: Great concept, cool PB, great wiki, wonderful writer...but a pain in the ass to deal with OOC.
It's always a shame when someone would be SO COOL if not for some behavioral issues.
Hence the: "I want to like them, but..."
Delete the Hog Pit. It'll be fun.
I really don't understand He-Man -
@Ganymede Hah. No, nothing so weird or severe. Stuff like "Hey this guy is a former metal musician like me and I love talking music and wrestling with them BUUUUUUT..."
Neat people that may be wonderful conversationalist but just failing in the ethics department.
Or in MU terms: Great concept, cool PB, great wiki, wonderful writer...but a pain in the ass to deal with OOC.
It's always a shame when someone would be SO COOL if not for some behavioral issues.
Hence the: "I want to like them, but..."
I can understand this completely.
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@Ghost These people suck. You don't deserve to have to deal with their, and they definitely don't deserve to have a friend who does the things you do for people who aren't bullshitting.
Oh fucking well.
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@surreality Yeah the guy who faked an illness is basically dead to us. I mean, we rallied people that didn't even know him to help for a good cause, only to find out it was a big lie and he wanted tattoo money.
Finding out they're bilking (when they don't have any money to treat themselves) is disappointing. I would respect: "Hey, I dont have the money but I'm asking for donations to pick up the ps4 game because I wanna play with my friends". I wouldn't buy a $60 game, but I'd chip in $5.
Finding out we just got our friends to give them money for a lie is unforgivable.
So we pay closer attention these days.
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I am so so so so irritated and I need to vent and AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
My stepmother had a liver transplant like, 2 years ago, because she has cirrhosis, as had numerous people in her family. Her mother, several siblings, etc. She drinks CONSTANTLY. We go out to dinner, and she has at least 2 Dr. Pepper and double shots of Crown Royal. The day before my sister's wedding, at the not-really-a-rehearsal dinner, she had -4-. She was forcing more shots on my little brother's girlfriend, who repeatedly said no, though the drink was ordered (My little brother took it). The day of the wedding the Stepmom started drinking with her sister and best-friend at 11am. The wedding was supposed to start at 6:15. We had no idea where she and dad were, the groom was waiting up at the altar for more than 25 minutes, until, at last, she showed up, drink in hand, to wobble down the aisle to her seat. After the ceremony, she hectored my little brother into giving a speech, then me, and while I was trying to give a speech on the spot, she's like 'Tell them who you are!' 'Tell them where you are from!' 'Tell them what you do!' and I'm like aaaaaaargggh. I finally looked at her and said, "I know how to talk, Myra.' During the cake cutting she wouldn't shut up until my sister was like 'This isn't about you right now, mom.'
And later, the owner, the chef and the bartender of the venue had to physically take her keys away and call her and my dad an Uber. She then proceeded to tell me how no one in her family has ever been a drinker and how humiliated she was by my dad's excess. While weaving side to side, stepping on her oxygen tube and generally just being a total wreck.
Fucking family.
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@AeriaNyx So I'm saying this to make you laugh at the mental image rather than making a serious suggestion, because JFC, you have the patience of a thousand saintly turtles for not totally losing your cool....
But have you considered getting a spray bottle for operant conditioning? Like, every time she picks up a drink in front of you, you just squirt her in the face and say sternly "No, Myra! NO!", like she's a cat scratching the couch or something?
https://whatiswrongwith.me/Mia
There were never any good old days. They are today. They are tomorrow. It's a stupid thing we say, cursing tomorrow with sorrow. -- Gogol Bordello -
@Aria I recommend, "No, Myra! No! No one in your family has ever been a drinker!" because I'm mean today.
Maybe also a very visible tally board? Or make up a custom punch-card, like a loyalty card, and just punch a hole in that fucker every single time, loudly.
Oh fucking well.
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@surreality said in RL Anger:
@Aria I recommend, "No, Myra! No! No one in your family has ever been a drinker!" because I'm mean today.
Maybe also a very visible tally board? Or make up a custom punch-card, like a loyalty card, and just punch a hole in that fucker every single time, loudly.
I vote loyalty card. For every ten punches, you get a free intervention from your disappointed family members.
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Two words:
Air. Horn.
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I have chronic major depression, and I don't think I have ever asked for material things to help with. Normally I just ask friends if they could hang out or talk. I think the most demanding thing I have ever asked is listening to me vent and whine about how much things suck. Which I will agree is a big ask, so I understand when people decline the honor of listening to me complain.
I would very quickly cut out people who do from my life. I'll lend an ear or a hand, but I am not giving you tickets to a concert. How about I give you a ride to a therapist instead?
Ceterum autem censeo Carthaginem esse delendam
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I think the most demanding thing I have ever asked is listening to me vent and whine about how much things suck
Touching on this for a moment, it is exceptionally important that when you are venting you make sure the other person knows that you're venting. Many folks I'm close with like to offer advice, or solutions, when all I need is to vent. So make sure they know "this is venting time, not problem-solving time."
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When someone is talking to me because I'm a silver cloud person. I always ask them: Do you want me to just listen or problem solve?
I ask them because I don't know. I don't feel like they should also have to think to tell me something else. It's just another layer of why they might not want to talk about things. BUT.. I agree. It is important to set the tone.
