RL Anger
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@shincashay said in RL Anger:
There's enough laid out to cast some serious side-eye at the nomination.
Kavanaugh flipped his shit and swore vengeance against the Democratic party in his confirmation hearings. In a sane universe the President would have withdrawn his nomination already if he lacked the good grace and basic decency to step down himself on that basis alone, even aside from the truth of the allegations.
But we live in Stupidest Timeline so who the fuck even knows.
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2 more years... 2 more years left.
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All the Kavanaugh discourse on FB/at work/with family has rendered me really emotionally exhausted because I feel compelled to argue about it.
We may disagree on a lot, but as someone who has also been through some profound ugliness... take a break from facebook. Trust me on this one. Doing that for the past series of political clusterfucks has absolutely helped. It doesn't solve everything, but I swear, it has absolutely helped.
(Whenever someone links me something from there, just one glance at my feed has me running like hell screaming NOPE NOPE NOPE until someone links some funny comic or whatnot directly again.)
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Dr. Ford's coming forward and telling a national audience about her trauma 'inspired' a slimeball who assaulted me to post about how you just don't force yourself on a woman who says stop. That was the tipping point. I called him out on Facebook, tagged him and just let people know. He's a professor at a local college, so he came to me all apologetic, ...and then changed his name on FB to a nickname to hide himself from his work entanglements. He confessed with of course the favorite male caveat 'That's not how I remember it", and then came to me to try and manipulate me into silence. "Do you think I should lose my job over this?" "Do I need to get a lawyer?" "The more my name comes up in connection with this incident, the more likely I could lose my job. That's not your problem, per se, but it will have an impact." ... Which is all classic guilt the victim abuser crap 101. And then he wondered why I got angry. I'm still angry. I don't know how to NOT be angry about it. Part of me thinks I should send the screenshots to the college, let them decide. Part of me, the victim in me, doesn't think it should go that far. Which just winds me back up at anger.
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Dr. Ford's coming forward and telling a national audience about her trauma 'inspired' a slimeball who assaulted me to post about how you just don't force yourself on a woman who says stop. That was the tipping point. I called him out on Facebook, tagged him and just let people know. He's a professor at a local college, so he came to me all apologetic, ...and then changed his name on FB to a nickname to hide himself from his work entanglements. He confessed with of course the favorite male caveat 'That's not how I remember it", and then came to me to try and manipulate me into silence. "Do you think I should lose my job over this?" "Do I need to get a lawyer?" "The more my name comes up in connection with this incident, the more likely I could lose my job. That's not your problem, per se, but it will have an impact." ... Which is all classic guilt the victim abuser crap 101. And then he wondered why I got angry. I'm still angry. I don't know how to NOT be angry about it. Part of me thinks I should send the screenshots to the college, let them decide. Part of me, the victim in me, doesn't think it should go that far. Which just winds me back up at anger.
If you are up to dealing with the... well, we all know what happens when people report, do. Please report. The college should know.
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THE LAWYERBOT PRESENTS:
Answers to the "typical" questions:
"Do you think I should lose my job over this?"
"That's up to your employer to figure out, not me."
"Do I need to get a lawyer?"
"That's up to you to figure out, not me."
"The more my name comes up in connection with this incident, the more likely I could lose my job. That's not your problem, per se, but it will have an impact."
"Maybe you should have thought of that before you decided to do what you did."
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@macha In situations like this, good grace and decorum go right out the window. You send those screenshots to his workplace, you give those screenshots to your local law enforcement branch, you post them on your social media if you're so inclined. These kinds of people only thrive because of the shadows they're in.
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@tinuviel thanks for the support. I can’t go to law enforcement because I don’t know which it would be, as it happened far from home. But I am seriously considering the screenshots being given to the college. I just worry about the backlash stress.
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@surreality I don't even think we really disagree on that much (to date, I think we've only had like, two? Disagreements?), and I appreciate your words. Thanks. It's hard to avoid FB often, a lot of folks I do research/academic work with use it in order to communicate, primarily. I've still been trying to stay clear.
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@Macha I hope that you do send the screenshots to the college. Whatever choice you make, I support you 100 percent and am sending Carebear Stare Beams and support your way.
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I came to this thread to vent because I'm disgusted at the victim blaming and rape apologize bullshit that we're hearing about every day. I truly fucking hate it and it saps my energy in a bad way. Can people stop being awful now?
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@sonder Every time a man victim blames or acts as an apologist I have to wonder, "So. Who did you rape?"
He/Him
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@tinuviel YUP. "Feeling pretty nervous about your past behavior there, aren't you?"
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@macha
Which ever route you go I hope it works out for you. -
Or "who did you watch be assaulted/raped and then engage in her shaming/blaming afterwards?"
Which is probably even more people, men and women.
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My heart breaks (and I lost it during Dr. Ford's testimony about looking towards Mike Judge, her friend, while she was being attacked) for all the people who saw that their friend could have helped them and they didn't.
I am so lucky that in the times when I've been assaulted when other people were around my friends always intervened. Including one rescuing me from his own father who had drunkenly cornered me at a military ball.
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I told. My mother slapped me and called me a liar. Then fifteen years later when she was divorcing him, she asked me to come participate in the divorce stuff with that information. Then earlier this year, he was possibly dying, and she wanted me to come over to her house and sit with that side of the family to provide comfort, because of said possibly dying, and she is actually still mad at me for saying 'no' to that. I'm pretty okay with her being mad at me. I'm also pretty okay with how uncomfortable I know she is right now with everything going on in the news.
Meh. People are messed up in so, so many delightful ways.
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“It is better to live doing the things that you like. It is foolish to live within this dream of a world seeing unpleasantness and doing only things that you do not like.” -- Yamamoto Tsunetomo.
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You should hear how she's addressing my heart attack.
Actually no, you probably shouldn't. Though my reaction is really more along the lines of...
I've had a long time to process and stuff, I'm a lot luckier than a lot of the people who are traumatized right now. I'm alright.
