RL Anger

[mietze]

Having been pretty badly emotionally beat down by the person in question's entourage during a very vulnerable time in my life, I empathize.

I will say though that it takes sometimes a certain type of personality to thrive in a pretty cutthroat and sell yourself biz, and that personality doesn't always (though by no means does it always exclude it) jive with community building collaborative storytelling.

Success or failure is not usually a measure of how nice a person you are or aren't. And I would also say that people can change a lot in 10-20 years! But it is also okay to never be curious to find out if/how they have, either.

[Thenomain]

We’re talking about the prime Pillow Fort instigator and at the time all around shitty person to our hobby, yes. Her ability to get people to like her until she decides they’re not worth it anymore is a defining trait, and I’d be looking forward to the moment where her current support network figures this out.

It’s good to be self-aware, @AeriaNyx , and I you can probably be pretty confident that you now have more of it than she does.

[Atomic]

I think I know this person. I have known them since high school. They have been nothing but good to me, even through rough times and dark places.

That said, though I dorked around on a LOT of MU back in the day, I don't think I ever crossed paths with them. Really, though, that was a long time ago and many MUers were pretty wretched. There are members of this board I hated back in the day, but I'm sure neither of us were our best, and I get along fine with them now.

I think that's one of the few authors I have read that handles trans characters and ace characters really well if I recall correctly.

As for the actual bent of the thread:

JFC, insurance company. You say you'll pay 80 percent of the cost, then fucking pay it! Don't bill me for the whole thing, it was your operator that sent me to your ER when I wanted to go to the UC.

WTF, Chico and Grand Rapids PD. Adults too challenging for you to beat in public, so you're moving on 11 year olds now?

[Sparks]

@Atomic said in RL Anger:

I think I know this person. I have known them since high school. They have been nothing but good to me, even through rough times and dark places.

I never met the person in question in MU*ing; I know them in-passing from the writing community. (They're more a friend-of-a-friend than someone I know directly.) But they've also always been nothing but pleasant in the interactions we've directly had, and nothing but pleasant to mutual acquaintances in that sphere of life (i.e., writing).

That said, I think people can act very differently in different contexts, and some environments are wildly unhealthy for certain people. We've all seen people who use MU*s as therapy outlets instead of actually seeing a therapist, for instance. Or people who are perfectly nice individuals offline when you meet them face-to-face, but who become aggressive, competitive jerks when you put them into an online gaming context; the sort who would never insult someone to their face, but will scream insults over voice chat in the middle of an Overwatch or Fortnite match. And in those cases, if you remove the person from the situation, their toxicity vanishes.

I suspect maybe MU*ing was one of those cases for this person. Or maybe they've matured in recent years.

Back on topic. As for my own RL anger, why the heck does it feel like my family cannot get a break? Mom wasn't able to stop chemo at the end of the treatment this time; she's going to be on maintenance levels of chemo forever, as while she's on it her levels are down but when she comes off they immediately start to spike back up. Dad's Parkinson's is getting worse and worse. My uncle's on dialysis. My aunt's tendons are going loose and bones are crumbling a bit below the pelvis, making it impossible for her to walk without crutches.

So I've been working with my folks to discuss end-of-life arrangements for mom (we might have her for a few more years, but she wants to have that all squared away—especially after watching how quickly cancer took my writing mentor), and how dad could get cared for as his Parkinson's get worse after mom's eventually gone. Which means they're getting a condo in Phoenix (where my little brother lives) to move there six months out of the year, then they're going to downsize everything in the house up here, sell the house, and buy a condo up here so they have less to take care of.

I have no idea what's going to happen with my aunt; she's not really self-sufficient at this point, whenever she needs to leave the house. Plus, her house is in no way accessible—it literally has four feet of stairs to climb to reach the front porch—and I'm fairly sure she's going to have to move to a wheelchair in the next year. Mom or I have to drive her everywhere now, and while mom's retired, I am not and cannot be on-call during weekdays. If mom and dad are in Phoenix...

Combined with some stressors at work, it's just... a lot. I feel like I'm kind of drowning a bit, and I'm not sure how to alleviate that. I've been distracting myself with GM'ing and writing, but that's maybe not a sustainable method long-term.

[AeriaNyx]

@Sparks No. It was definitely a blend of real life jerkitude as well. I will give an example -- Keep in mind I fully acknowledge that I am as responsible for the following given my people-pleaser nature, but ... enh. There is a line.

So. This person had a way of being the pinnacle of the social strata, of making it seem as if you needed her approval to be invited to the party. Some of this was just her charisma, and her (clearly) superior writing. Some of it was legitimate if you're not in, you don't get to participate in the cool story. This IS the Pillowfort, that was their entire bag. They'd take over a sphere, become staff and if you wanted anything you had to be in their good graces. So a very real factor was being on her good side. She'd casually mention really wanting something or other, and those of us on the periphery would often scramble to gain ground by giving her gifts. Did she demand this? Nope. Did anyone hold a gun to my head? Nope. Did I make bad life decisions to spend my money on an $80 DVD collector's edition and mail it to her? I certainly did. Now, typically, you would never know if she received these gifts as she would never mention it. Another person I know actually sent her $300 worth of My Little Pony stuff and shipped it across the country. Again, no acknowledgement of receiving any thing, nothing. There was an incident in which she was stranded at an airport and called me asking if I could set up a ride for her. I called my BF, who drove 40 miles to pick me up, another 40 miles across the Bay Area to pick her up, then back across the Bay for another 50 miles, stopped at her comic shop and then to her door, where she got out, and went into her house. No thank you, no offer to cover all or even part of the gas or bridge tolls. Not even a goodbye.

I hung out at her house multiple times. I accidentally set her broom on fire. I'm not saying she was a totally bad person with no redeeming qualities. And I'm able to admit that I did a lot of these things because of my own damage. But she did pit people against each other in an attempt to maintain her position at the top. She did control people for her own benefit and she did not give any fucks what people did to help her.

ETA to remove a lot of self-indulgent whinging.

ETA to add:
I'm really sorry about the stuff going on in your life, Sparks. That all sounds super overwhelming and that level of stress has to be intense. I'm really sorry and I hope that things ... well, I hope something good happens soon. You're a really good person and you don't deserve to have such pressure. I think you're awesome.

[surreality]

@AeriaNyx I have more to say about this (in support of what you're describing) when caffeine withdrawl headache fucks off, but... yeah.

What you're describing is a lot like a 'pay to play' scenario. While they aren't looked on grandly in this hobby, at least those are generally transparent and open to anybody.

I know when Spider was here, she sent some of the stuff she found in the room she was staying in to this person. (Not her things, my things.) She was already boxing that shit up before she even thought to ask if this was OK -- then claimed it was a single old stuffed animal, but dang did that box rattle loud and get heavy for a single old stuffed animal.

I dunno if it helps to have someone say they know this shit was definitely, absolutely going on... but this shit was definitely, absolutely going on.

[Arkandel]

@AeriaNyx said in RL Anger:

I accidentally set her broom on fire.

I'm sorry, I know you had more important things to get off your chest but... I have questions.

[Quinn]

Is this like a Voldemort thing? We can't say their name or they'll appear?

[Coin]

@Quinn said in RL Anger:

Is this like a Voldemort thing? We can't say their name or they'll appear?

Seanan. They're talking about Seanan. (Yes, I know you know that.)

I'm not sure I ever got her approval, even when I was in the Pillowfort, but I certainly didn't have the time or inclination to seek it. I was even there the day she was ousted, saw her log off for the last time, even!

I don't think she ever did anything bad to me other than ignore me a lot and, the few times we did play in the same scenes, ignore my character pretty handily. Like, whatever. I think part of it was that she considered me beneath her notice, which, lulz, I mean, okay.

Certainly not going to defend the shitty things she did and the shitty attitudes she's had, but I'm happy she's doing well in her writing career, as it means someone made it and that she doesn't have time or inclination to be in a hobby that clearly calls her to a position of power that brings out the worst in her. Win for everyone.

[AeriaNyx]

@Arkandel As in most things in life the reality is far, far more mundane than what could be.

I was at her house cooking dinner, and while I was in the kitchen, she asked me to do something, I don't remember what, but it was like, nudge something from a high shelf or something like that. As we are both quite short, I used a broom to do so, but the bristles got too close to the gas stove burner et voila.

[surreality]

@AeriaNyx Short people who ask other short people to get things from the high shelves (barring the sort of injury/etc. that would prevent this, obviously) deserve to have their brooms set on fire.

If I wasn't annoyed before, I would be now, purely on principle.

[Ghost]

TFW you have a family member (parent) who defends racists with white supremecist ties but is horrified at the idea of someone finding out they have a family member who was doxxed for overt white nationalism/Neo Naziism.

But they are totally totally totally not racist. Really. Not at all. Fake people are my faaaaave.

[mietze]

Disenfranchised grief (or any really) blows.

[Cupcake]

Someone shot a 66 year old man outside of a synagogue that is two blocks from where I grew up in Florida. I've known many people who have attended over the years, including friends, my pediatrician, and several teachers from my early elementary years. I've attended services there as well, though not as a regular.

Apparently this schmuck was in a car that circled the block several times before getting out with a gun and shooting. The victim is in the hospital and recovering, and the police have yet to determine it a hate crime.

I don't live there anymore, but this has shaken me up. There but for the grace of whomever, you know?

[Thenomain]

@Cupcake

How many block-circles before the police can call it premeditated?

[Cupcake]

@Thenomain

I have no idea. The news reports I've read say "several times". The shooter stopped the car and fired six times, hitting the victim while he was approaching the synagogue doors.

I keep visualizing the area, the apartment complexes and the houses, and how I'm familiar with all of the little shortcuts between buildings and the demarcations of the eruv (the boundary that allows Orthodox Jews to engage in certain activities that are otherwise against the rules of the Sabbath). How the guy probably drove right past the apartment complex I was brought up in.

[Ghost]

...when the person in front of you in line at the coffee house orders 9 different drinks during morning rush.

[Tinuviel]

@Ghost said in RL Anger:

...when the person in front of you in line at the coffee house orders 9 different drinks during morning rush.

Those people can go to hell. If you want something super special first thing in the morning, bring your own syrups and make it in your car. You get two options before midday: Black, or white. That's it.

[Derp]

@Ghost said in RL Anger:

...when the person in front of you in line at the coffee house orders 9 different drinks during morning rush.

That person is almost assuredly an intern or a secretary.

[Thenomain]

@Derp said in RL Anger:

@Ghost said in RL Anger:

...when the person in front of you in line at the coffee house orders 9 different drinks during morning rush.

That person is almost assuredly an intern or a secretary.

I am learning the love of online ordering for pickup.