RL Anger

[Cupcake]

@Thenomain For clarification here is a summary:

Me: Have you seen Will yet?
Him: No, not yet, people keep encouraging me to watch it.
Me: You might like it, it reminds me a lot of A Knight's Tale in terms of style.
Him: I've read every one of Chaucer's works aloud!

So yes, I understand the intuitive leap to Chaucer, but we were talking about the comparison of style, not that his accomplishments with regard to reading Chaucer.

It came off, in context, like an out-of-nowhere brag, but I can see how someone on the spectrum might pluck a portion out of a conversation and zig when you thought it was going to zag.

[surreality]

@Cupcake Yeah... that's a weirder zag than what I was envisioning. It could just be an omission of an initial 'I love Chaucer so much that I... ' that they think is known or understood (or is so huge in their head they forget that it isn't self-evident to everyone else as it is to them) rather than a focus on accomplishments, but that might just be me straining to give someone the benefit of the doubt. If they're a boastful sort once in a while, that's probably it; if they tend to just be awkwardly gushy about things, that might just be a testament of just how much they adore Chaucer that they did that (more than talking themselves up for doing it).

I see this in fandom stuff a lot, in passing.
Example might make more sense re: what I'm getting at:
A: Have you tried NewGame?
B: Not yet, but I hear it's good.
A: You might like it, it's a lot like OtherGame.
B: OMG! I ran a three year campaign of OtherGame!

I'd read that as less a brag than 'omg I love OtherGame a whole lot!' which, personally, I'd just chase with something like, "You should definitely check NewGame out, then!" and see if they keep banging on about their campaign or start asking questions about NewGame, which would ultimately be more telling, kinda.

[Ghost]

@Lithium said in RL Anger:

Why the fuck do people go to a movie, pick a seat next to someone else when the whole theatre is open practically, and then /talk/ through the whole fucking movie.

One time, I was alone in a theater and this guy came in with popcorn and soda. He had the entire run of seats and could choose any seat in the house except mine...

...and he sat down right next to me.

Not with a seat in between like No, bro, we are sitting together but not on a date, but sharing cup holder next to me.

After a few minutes of him sitting there in silence, eating his popcorn, saying nothing to me...I waited until more people entered the theater then promptly moved to the next row behind him.

No way in hell was I gonna let this dude behind me.

So I can only theorize 3 reasons why this happened, since he didnt appear to be mentally handicapped.

1. He thought I was attractive
2. He wanted that seat and was pulling some dick move where I was sitting where he wanted to, so he made it awkward but like Hell would he not sit where he wanted, seat taken or not
3. Creeper

[Derp]

So, not entirely sure where this should really go, so here seems legit, because all in all I'm pretty pissed off:

A lot of people know that my availability has sucked lately. Work has been killing me (80+ hour weeks for like a solid month now), and I was super looking forward to school starting again at the end of the month so I could legit tell them to go fuck themselves when it comes to that kind of a schedule and get back into a hobby I love.

Except, apparently that's not going to happen.

First, our local court system is useless, and that's probably putting it politely. My partner was arrested because the court made a clerical error. (Backstory: A few years ago, his license was suspended over yet another clerical error from the court, and we've been fighting a long and painful string of legal battles over these things for the better part of two, because naturally they failed to inform us that he was suspended, so he got a driving while suspended, which they're treating as an entirely different thing from the original, etc. We have gone to court over these charges no less than twelve times trying to get this resolved, because each time they tell us that one is resolved another pops up, and we can't seem to get them to understand that they made a mistake in the first place).

So this time, they put the wrong time on the summons to court. We showed up at 2. They had it scheduled for 10:30. We were told that a warrant would normally be issued but that they were going to rescind it because, you know, it had the wrong time on the paper. No such thing happened. He was arrested at work, and every time I tried to get information on his case (i.e. does he have a bond posted, what is the court date, etc) I was told that the court would see him whenever it decided to see him, and that nothing had been posted.

Normally this would be a minor setback. Except that my partner has cystic fibrosis, and a jail is the very last fucking place that he needs to be if we want to keep him, you know, alive, given the severity of his respiratory and digestive issues. So there is a very real concern for his safety here.

Continue this for two weeks, until I finally get ahold of a judge directly and explain what the hell is going on (again). They issue a bond. I pay the bond. He's out. Except now we have YET ANOTHER court date over this bullshit.

And as soon as that's over, and I think I can relax for a minute, I get a phone call informing me that my dad has what is very probably terminal esophageal cancer.

So. Even when work calms down, there are a ton of other things I'm going to have to take care of, because RL is seriously kicking my fucking ass. So for those waiting on me for stuff, sorry. But I need to do RL for awhile. I'll keep checking in here occasionally, and I'll even try to log in from time to time to chat with folks, but I'm not even joking when I say that sixteen to eighteen hours of my day is pretty much accounted for every day of the week.

[Paris]

Oh no. :< Good luck to you and yours.

[Sunny]

@Derp

I'm really sorry, man. Brutal.

[Gingerlily]

@surreality said in RL Anger:

I can spot the chain, too, on that one. I'm not on the spectrum but have ADD, and the 'keep things in mental buckets' would have 'Chaucer' and 'A Knight's Tale' in a mental bucket (cool characters in guilty pleasure movies I love); 'Chaucer' and 'Shakespeare' would also be together in their own mental bucket (English authors of ye olden days), so you'd probably get an overlap with me, too. It'd likely also give Will a tenuous place in the Entertaining Instances of Anachronisms Included mental bucket, with things like A Knight's Tale and The Princess Bride and Blackadder so on.

SEMI RELATED: There is a theory now that likens the spectrum to an iceberg with the commonly known diagnostics at the visible top and a score of other things, among them ADHD and anxiety disorder, underneath. Not in terms of "If you have these things you are on the spectrum" but more "Genetically these things might be similar enough to contribute to one another across a family's history" Relevant to me because I have ADHD like woah and anxiety like WOAH and a kid on the spectrum. Sharing it with you because...I dunno!

[surreality]

@Derp That is horrible. I'm so sorry. Will keep a candle lit for you and your partner, and hope like hell things get better.

[Gingerlily]

@Cupcake said in RL Anger:

@Thenomain For clarification here is a summary:

Me: Have you seen Will yet?
Him: No, not yet, people keep encouraging me to watch it.
Me: You might like it, it reminds me a lot of A Knight's Tale in terms of style.
Him: I've read every one of Chaucer's works aloud!

So yes, I understand the intuitive leap to Chaucer, but we were talking about the comparison of style, not that his accomplishments with regard to reading Chaucer.

It came off, in context, like an out-of-nowhere brag, but I can see how someone on the spectrum might pluck a portion out of a conversation and zig when you thought it was going to zag.

Depending on where he falls on the spectrum he honestly might not realize he is bragging, that is a nuanced social thing that we expect people to get intuitively, but he genuinely might not. Kids and adults on the spectrum can be -super- frustrating to deal with, I totally get that 100 per-cent. But so many things that seem so simple to us about interacting may really not be.

[Sunny]

@Cupcake

It doesn't make you a bitch to feel frustration / aggravation / etc in reaction to that. It's a reasonable internal reaction to that behavior. What would make you a bitch is if you then behaved with frustration/etc. Which I am positive you did not do. Thus, no, it does not make you a bitch. Your human reactions to social norms being violated are reasonable -- where the understanding/tolerance comes in is in how you moderate your external reaction, the choices you make.

My immediate reaction to someone slapping me (obviously this is not even remotely in the same ballpark or emotional scale or whatever) is always going to be anger. I may not punch somebody if I realize in time that they did it because some bug life saving blah blah.

Context does not matter to the lizard brain. Lizard brain controls initial emotional reaction. Context matters for thinking rational brain, which governs behavior.

[Gingerlily]

@Sunny said in RL Anger:

@Cupcake

It doesn't make you a bitch to feel frustration / aggravation / etc in reaction to that. It's a reasonable internal reaction to that behavior. What would make you a bitch is if you then behaved with frustration/etc. Which I am positive you did not do. Thus, no, it does not make you a bitch. Your human reactions to social norms being violated are reasonable -- where the understanding/tolerance comes in is in how you moderate your external reaction, the choices you make.

My immediate reaction to someone slapping me (obviously this is not even remotely in the same ballpark or emotional scale or whatever) is always going to be anger. I may not punch somebody if I realize in time that they did it because some bug life saving blah blah.

Context does not matter to the lizard brain. Lizard brain controls initial emotional reaction. Context matters for thinking rational brain, which governs behavior.

Right totally. Like, of course that behavior is irritating and annoying. It doesn't jive with our basic social communication norms which have been created in part to avoid irritation and annoyance. It just in this particular situation possibly couldn't be helped on his part, so acknowledging it to vent here but not reacting negatively to the guy in question directly was a super solid call.

Edited because I left out a word, causing one sentence to make no sense.

[Deleted]

Months after my family cut me off I get a text today from my mom saying she is 'praying for me'. I've spent this entire time miserable. Waiting for them to text me to apologize. To say something.

And what I get is a condescending, tone-deaf text. If I could punch life, I would.

[Sunny]

@Admiral

That's awful. I am so sorry.

[Auspice]

@Admiral

I hate the 'I'm praying for you' line. I'm sorry.

[surreality]

@Admiral That one always makes my skin crawl, too.

Do not follow the advice of my impulse, which would be to just reply with: Same. because it will seriously not help.

[WTFE]

I've been collecting Buddhist scripture for a read-through. There's loads of stuff in there you could reply with.

[Coin]

Oh, the "praying for you" bit. Yeah. Fuck that.

[Ganymede]

@Admiral said in RL Anger:

Months after my family cut me off I get a text today from my mom saying she is 'praying for me'.

So few Christians seem to understand that Jesus told you to pray for people because they were already damned. Once damned, only through prayer and forgiveness could you be welcomed back to God.

It tickles me in the irony when people say that they are praying for another person to receive good fortune, because that's clearly not how it goes.

Thank God I'm Catholic.

[Coin]

@Ganymede said in RL Anger:

@Admiral said in RL Anger:

Months after my family cut me off I get a text today from my mom saying she is 'praying for me'.

So few Christians seem to understand that Jesus told you to pray for people because they were already damned. Once damned, only through prayer and forgiveness could you be welcomed back to God.

It tickles me in the irony when people say that they are praying for another person to receive good fortune, because that's clearly not how it goes.

Thank God I'm Catholic.

I kind of get the impression @Admiral's mom absolutely understands that and she already thinks he's damned, which is the problem.

[WTFE]

Respond with this: Gate, gate, paragate, parasamgate Bodhi Svaha!