Posts made by DownWithOPP

There's Transformers: Universe, that has both Transformers and GI Joe as appable characters.

http://tfumux.wikia.com/wiki/Transformers_Universe_MUX_Wiki

Della Reese, 86, R&B Singer and Actress.

Mel Tillis, 85, American Country Star.

When I first read this thread, my intent was to apologize to @faraday - who I put in a terrible spot, because we had communicated numerous times as friends and I had worked within the framework of BSU to help her when I could. But my behaviour had put her in a position where she had to take an action, one that I forced her hand on, and I wanted to apologize to her about it.

I also wanted to offer a long-overdue apology to @cupcake for misjudging her, being abrasive and offensive to her and that I was genuninely sorry for what I had done to her.

As all these other people speak out, I realize that my behaviour has been reprehensible. I have done things that I was not proud of. I was so driven by wanting to be part of things and to win over some form of affection and respect that I clung to people unneccessarily - not just women, but anyone that would show a positive effect towards the things I did. I wanted the attention. I wanted to be the part of someone else's world while neglecting my own.

@tek, I apologize for what happened with Marcus and your char. I wasn't upset because you didn't want to talk to me on Skype, I was more frustrated at the fact that I didn't feel like I was doing a well enough job in a command position and instead of discussing it with you and figuring out a solution, I went balls out and made a fatal mistake in a scene that got my char killed. It wasn't suicide, but I let the chips fall where they may.

@Roz And you're right, it's not the first time I did that. I have a problem. I know this. I've been mysgonistic, I've been an asshole. I've not been the type of person that should be invited to sit at the gaming table. There are those on this thread that have made sure to add on - I can't apologize enough to everyone. I made a mistake. I've made several mistakes. I let what was going on in my head to crave attention and affection eat away at what I was doing and became a cretin and a creep. For that, I am truly sorry.

I am currently taking time to work on me. I have been seeing a counselor - which is what spawned this post in the first place. I have to admit to myself, God and others that I have a problem. I //have// a problem. And I'm going to take the time I need to work on myself and try to figure out how to straighten this - myself - out.

I did not come here to start a fight. I did not come here to defend myself - though I ended up doing so - that was a backslide on my part. I came here to ask for forgiveness. To admit that I was wrong. I did something terrible, horrible, and I cannot take back. I hurt people I truly did care about and because of the anomitity that the internet provides, I didn't consider the feelings on the other side of the screen. I am truly sorry, and humbled by the anger that I have created.

I do not know what the future is going to bring. I need time to figure that out. I've withdrawn from almost everywhere. I communicate with a few people that I am still close to. I let the want to be popular, to be wanted, take over what should have been common sense and a more open mind.

I owe a great many people apologies. This thread was going to be the start of that. Even @auspice - I know you may never forgive me, but I am sorry for putting you in the position I did, and that we came to such bitter words over it. I was wrong.

I hope someday, I can make it right - and be a useful person and a good citizen in the gaming community again. Until then, I apologize.

@mietze One of the people that I addressed, @faraday has already talked to me. The rest can or cannot. That's up to them. I'm doing what I need to to make a change and stepping away for a while. I need to work on me, because I did stuff wrong and I need to work on that. Whatever you think of that - well, that's on you and anyone else on this thread.

@auspice Uh. No. You were talking marriage and babies and shit, and I was uncomfortable with what was going on elseMU* (this was the same time as @tek for the record was doing all the weird shit with Clara/Randy, et al), so I made the move to put all my relationships to an end. I should have told you more on that, and I'm sorry. So, yes, I killed off the character, especially since it was a roster pull from a former character who informed me after I pulled the char that he wasn't supposed to be on roster, which made me feel worse. I made that decision. I'll own it.

@auspice Make sure you qualify that. Because it wasn't just two - I killed or removed other characters when the situation defined it. Perhaps I should have thought more on the effects on others as @loke said, but at the time, especially on BSGU, it fit the story in the situation - I only messed up on one death and pissed off @faraday because he was supposed to die on the deck instead of in a nuclear fire. The other one was because the player and I decided it was the best path. Was it careless at times? Yes.

@loke You're right. And I didn't think about that at the time. And I didn't for a while. That's one of the things that I'm working on coming to terms with.

@tek Wrong. I killed off Marcus because I was way over my head trying to be the platoon leader and felt I was making too many mistakes.

But @surreality is right. And I apologize. I'm sorry I made a mistake with you. I have made mistakes. I know this. And I'm trying to work it out. So.. I'm just going to stick to that. I'm sorry I got angry at you @tek. So. I'm glad things worked out, because that's not the impression I was left with. It did, so it's good.

@tek There was nothing manipulative about it. You demanded an apology, I tried to offer one at the same time that you want to get in your shots about me knowing my 'lines' and such. I was told by more than one player that there was issues, and I removed myself. Since you decided to post here - I went off what I was told via page and reacted to it. I'm sorry if it was the wrong reaction, but that's something for me to work on.

DownWithOPP 9 minutes ago
I'm not even sure where to begin with an apology with you. Because part of it would start with the question of - when all that shit was going down on BSO with Elena/Clara/Randy, I was being told on the side that you were emotionally blackmailing Randy and Clara to accept the relationship and it was entering skivvy ground, which fed into the reason I pulled Alastair away from that whole mess.

tek 9 minutes ago
My character was. I wasn't.
You need to learn where the lines are, dude.

DownWithOPP 6 minutes ago
It wasn't just the character, dude. I was being told you were paging about it as well. But whatever. I'm sorry that I got it confused somehow. And that's why I'm away now. I'm working on my lines. Sorry if you're going to be an ass about it.

tek 5 minutes ago
That's not an apology, and you're lying again.

I was being told clearly that you, as a player were having a hard time with Randy and Clara. I bailed. I'm sorry I left you in the lurch.

@surreality said in Reporting Roadblocks: Denial, Fear, Shame, Guilt, Embarrassment, etc.:

somebody potentially jumped your shit thinking you thought a target should be apologizing to the person targeting them

Yeah. No. Not doing that at all. I owed a few people apologies for being a complete ass. And there was no excuse for it no matter how down I was on myself at the time. I shit on their table and now I'm trying to clean it up. Thanks for the clarification though, I appreciated it.

@surreality No, I get what you're saying. I'm not looking to hijack your thread. I guess I could have done better with a simple upvote. I just hope it spurs some good conversation.

@surreality Considering the post I just wrote before seeing this, I think well.. sometimes, when you realize you fucked up, you just need time and space to figure out what went wrong. Sometimes, you look at the fragments and think 'well, I could have done this better'. And sometimes.. you just have to apologize and move along.

@faraday

I should have said this to you a long time ago, but I was angry and upset when it seemed at the time you had caved to player pressure on the game. But I apologize to you. When I was on your game, at your table, I was an asshole. I wanted to be part of the in-crowd so desperatedly, I thought maybe.. if I joined in with their little in-jokes and suggestive commentary, I'd be accepted. I was wrong. And I did take it too far. I tried to reign it in, and then eventually I'd find myself floating back beyond the boundry again.

What happened with Snowglass was unacceptable. If I made her uncomfortable, that was clearly on me, and between me and I. I apologized to her on numerous occassions, but we have drifted apart since then, and there's nothing I can do about that. I regret losing a friend. I regret more taking advantage of that friendship when I clearly did.

@cupcake. I know I was a complete asshole to you on BSO. I can never fix that. I was so jealous at the attention that you got and it appeared to me that you had a favored status - and I just resented that. So I took it out on the only flaw I percieved you had. And that was completely wrong of me. I really did try at first with Zachary to get things off the ground. But I couldn't get people to go on patrols. I didn't understand what it was that Dropkick was wanting me to do and when I was too prideful to ask for direction. Eventually, I just retreated, and did what I thought everyone else was doing - concentrating on personal RP. Did I hit on women - yes. I won't deny that. I won't deny that I was having a terrible time and wanted something to build my confidence and make me feel whole again. And I took it out on you. When we met again years later as Joachim and Lydia - I didn't even know it was you. I was just excited to RP with you again and terrified that if I revealed to you who I was, you'd hate me forever. With this post, I wouldn't blame you if you did feel betrayed. I should have told you who I was. I should have never accepted the invitation to BSO's reboot. I apologize for both of those. And worse, I apologize for not treating you with the respect you so richly deserve. You are a great person and someone I enjoyed talking to.

Back to @faraday. Thank you for the swift kick in the ass. Thank you for the talks afterwards. Thank you for holding your ground, no matter how pissed I got. I've had time to think and process it all. Maybe someday I'll be welcomed onto the next game you decide to set up when BSGU runs it's course. I promise I will try harder and heed your advice further.

To BSU, I'm sorry that you had to deal with me at my worse. I wanted to fit in. And I tried too hard, and when it went against me, instead of stepping back and reconsidering my actions, I doubled down because I was sure of the strife and feedback and honestly thought that by running and doing things would outweigh my abrasiveness. It didn't. I didn't fit in, and I tried too hard to be something I wasn't and I ended up resenting myself and the game - and it was inevitable I would be removed - and I blame noone for their complaints about it.

To BSO, I'm sorry I came back on your game, Dropkick. I should have stayed gone - but I wanted to try to make it right. I didn't, and when I realized I was starting to fall back into old habits, I left rather than trying to stay on board. Was I called out eventually? Yes. I had no plans to return to the game, I was too lost in the giant theme shift that had happened, and that things were all confusing with the whole relationship stuff. Which.. well, to Bennett/Clara, I'm sorry for getting in the middle of all that stuff with Randy and Clara and Elena, and that's why I sorta.. just wanted to pull away. I should have just said so more clearly instead of trying to make it work.

@sparks Yeah, William Daniels. Though Val Kilmer was the voice in the god-awful attempt at a reboot.

John Hillerman, Actor, 84 - Best known as Higgins on Magnum PI.

Valentino?

HOE HOE HOE

@ghost

....crawfish pie, file gumbo...