@TiredEwok said in RL Anger:
Recently I had to have my oldest admitted to a... mental facility, for the lack of a better way to put it. I am conflicted by what I had to do. On one hand, he is finally getting the help he needs and this is going to help get the ball rolling with getting him on SSI-D, insured, etc. But, on the other hand, I miss him, I want him home, I am scared shitless that he'll be angry at me for doing this to him, scared about the medication... so many fears, still.
I know that I'm late to this, but I'm more intimately aware of this process (family member, committed, etc) than I'd care to expound upon, but I have some information that might be vital. Lessons learned are still bumpy, but this advice might save you some surprises.
- Ultimately, if this is a minor, you will have control in terms of SSI, services, etc. If this is an adult or a minor about to transition to an adult, be prepared for a few things.
ONE: SMI will assign case workers who may or may not be good at returning calls. This could end up in SMI benefits (housing, rides, food stamps), but these things also require upkeep (you have to regularly re-apply for food stamps, for example). Be prepared for an overwhelmed person not being good at keeping on top of their own SSI benefits. Do what you can to be signed on as someone with authorization to call these people, or at the very least get and keep their numbers to assist with calling them if needed.
TWO: It may be difficult, but if you don't have legal authority to make decisions, ultimately whether or not an adult programs on SSI is either a matter of their willingness or Power of Attorney. Depending on the level of mental illness you may want to consider whether or not this is a power of attorney situation.
- Regarding therapy...
Basically, at this point you gotta shake off the shock and awe of having to commit someone. At this point, psych are going to start talking program. Good questions to ask the psych are "What can I do as a parent to aid in the therapy?" and "What signs should I look for before seeking more help?". Most states have on-call crisis programs. Save those numbers, too. If the kiddo is aggressive, violent, or depressed, simply listening and not challenging what they say (regardless of how ridiculous it may be) is more valuable than trying to fix the problem. Psych/counseling working alongside asking psych/counseling how you can support whatever program they're on will be more valuable than actual parenting.
- Maintaining sanity...
It sucks. It's scary. It's depressing. If you or any spouse in the situation are struggling, there are support groups for parents of kids with emotional problems. These can be wonderful, because they're adults just like you (and myself) who have this whole realm of "So what happened last week?" that you don't want to share with friends and coworkers. They can be a good support network. Crisis/therapy hospital will have information on these groups. You may also find them online.
Like anything, this stuff is one day at a time. You can only do as much as you can, and like a lot of parenting things, sometimes their safety is more important than them thinking you're an asshole. You just have to keep explaining that you do what you do out of love and are willing to listen. These things take time, and your job right now is to do everything you can to make sure you support making sure that kiddo gets the time they need to get through this.
I empathize. My last trip to one of these places was 3 weeks ago. If you want more advice, feel free to PM me. I've had to walk someone through the SMI/disability process, programs for housing, food stamps, etc (at least in the USA). At the very least I'm someone who wont judge.
