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    Posts made by Kestrel

    • Getting into Writing

      Hi, MSB.

      I had a conversation with a writer friend IRL recently that gave me pause for thought, and made me interested in what other writer people might have to say on the topic.

      RP is writing, in my books, and what better place than to ask than on a writer forum?


      My RL friend told me the story of how he first got into writing at the age of 13. The story is not important. My gut reaction however was bafflement. You can get into writing? Honestly, I had no idea. I had assumed that, like me, everyone who's into writing has just instinctively known they were since the day they were born. That for as long as anyone can remember, those of us with the inclination have been telling stories, obsessing over stories, drawing pictures of stories in kindergarten and then folding up little pieces of paper to look like "books" with big, inelegant letters narrating one sentence tales. That we innately like the way that words sound and have always wanted to create our own collage of them.

      The friend in question also studied creative writing in university. This too is a fascinating concept to me, because while I've found the advice of other writers useful on occasion, I've never thought to study creative writing because I'm not totally convinced that this is something at its core that you can teach. I never attended creative writing clubs in school, for similar reasons. I just sat and wrote what I wanted/needed to.

      For those of you who either:

      a) studied creative writing
      or
      b) got into creative writing at a later age

      I am curious to hear your stories. How did it happen? And when studying creative writing, what methodologies did you learn that significantly improved your ability to create? Do you think creativity can be taught, or did it only refine your ability to execute that creativity?

      posted in Tastes Less Game'y
      Kestrel
      Kestrel
    • RE: Good or New Movies Review

      Birds of Prey was damn good.

      posted in Tastes Less Game'y
      Kestrel
      Kestrel
    • RE: Good or New Movies Review

      I don't care about the Oscars.

      I don't care about celebrity culture.

      But Joaquin Phoenix's speech is worth listening to and replaying 1000 times.

      Transcript.

      4 minute video.

      posted in Tastes Less Game'y
      Kestrel
      Kestrel
    • RE: Dating in the 2020's

      @Ominous said in Dating in the 2020's:

      Not really. Most of her message was basically a reply pointing out she is currently seeing someone and is only interested in friends. That's fantastic! A reply that says 'Thanks but no thanks' is unheard of, so it is greatly appreciated!

      The thing is she met this person after I messaged her. She says she has been seeing him for a year now. Yeah, you weren't interested only in friends when I sent the original message.

      alt text

      OK yikes that was rubbish and she is rubbish and I'm sorry you had to deal with that.

      posted in Tastes Less Game'y
      Kestrel
      Kestrel
    • RE: Dating in the 2020's

      @Ominous said in Dating in the 2020's:

      Funny anecdote about dating apps from today!

      I get a reply message out of the blue from a woman on OKCupid today. I don't recognize the woman. I read her reply and nothing is clicking. I read my original message and, while it sounds like something I would write, I don't remember writing it. After some thinking and looking over her profile, I realized that I sent the original message sometime around December 2017 to April 2018.

      I'm not sure whether to even reply or not. I'm not first choice, second choice, or even third choice. I am waaaaaaaaay down the list.

      For what a woman's perspective on this is worth, I think you should reply.

      I take regular breaks from online dating and if I care enough to reply to someone who sent a message ages ago, it's not necessarily because I put them on the backburner and am only just now circling back. If anything, it's a compliment that after all that time I still felt like they were worth reaching out to even at a slight disadvantage of knowing how bad it looks. It usually happens because after a couple weeks of having to slog through all the shit on these apps, I've lost my energy to reply to even the decent seeming people out there with how drained and jaded the experience makes me. By the time my tank's full again, I regret not having taken a chance on the more genuine people when they first expressed interest, but I just wasn't in a good place to. Shit gets tiring, but it's much easier after the initial (and significant) hurdle of moving things off the app.

      Most recently I disabled my account because I received threatening messages from someone who was mad I hadn't replied in a timely enough fashion ... to literally two sentences' worth of conversation. I took a long breather, vented to a few friends, denounced online dating "for good" and then decided, fuck it, a few arseholes don't get to ruin my ability to enjoy all the good that humanity still has to offer.

      Anyway! I have a date lined up!! I am pretty excited for it, the guy seems legit. We have exchanged 12515 words at this point (yeah I just put them through a counter). He sent me his first message at least 3 or 4 months before I sent my first reply. During this time I wasn't dating other people, I've just been focusing on me. He replied expressing some confusion as his first message was topical at the time and by then it wasn't, but then we moved onto new topics.

      Context matters though, if her message was courteous and at least mildly apologetic for the delay or not, or at least acknowledging it. Any number of things could've happened, like maybe she met someone IRL, maybe her cat died, maybe she joined on a whim after ending a big relationship and then realised she needed more time than she'd initially assumed she would to recover. (All things that have personally caused me to duck out situations where the other person was genuinely not at fault.) Also I mean, it's just a message on a dating profile, it's not like you hooked up, confessed deep feelings and then she bailed on you, right? Investment isn't owed or established yet.

      Worst case scenario after exchanging a couple messages you realise she really isn't that interested and all you wasted was the length of a single pose on a MUSH where you could've just as easily been hitting on some random Portman played-by.

      posted in Tastes Less Game'y
      Kestrel
      Kestrel
    • RE: Dating in the 2020's

      @RightMeow said in Dating in the 2020's:

      I should go and read while I eat. That never occurred to me. However, which of the three books that I'm currently reading seems the less scary?

      How to Unfuck your life
      Healing the Child Within
      The 4 Disciplines of Execution (which is a business book not a murder book)
      Or like one of my random fiction books on my bookcase that just sit there sad because I'm reading these sorts of books.

      I feel like maybe no to the book thing now.

      All of these sound awful. I recommend Sapiens: A Brief History of Humankind, or Art of War for a bit of light reading. Both of these will look good on your dating résumé. Avoid Dan Brown or Harry Potter.

      I also want to take this opportunity to thank @Jealousy for understanding the joke, presumably. Being British on the internet is hard, hard work. 🤙🏼

      posted in Tastes Less Game'y
      Kestrel
      Kestrel
    • RE: Dating in the 2020's

      @Ominous said in Dating in the 2020's:

      As for dining out alone, I do it all the time. I usually sit at the bar, since it's quicker service and it's not too weird to strike up a conversation with others at the bar, unlike talking to the table across from you.

      Apparently I've been RPing social interactions wrong my whole life. Shit.

      Is this why I'm single?

      posted in Tastes Less Game'y
      Kestrel
      Kestrel
    • RE: Bad TV

      @TheOnceler said in Bad TV:

      The Nevers.

      I mean, it's not even filming yet, but it's Whedon. It's gonna suck.

      Can MSB please get an angry react

      posted in Tastes Less Game'y
      Kestrel
      Kestrel
    • RE: Dating in the 2020's

      @saosmash said in Dating in the 2020's:

      I mean. No one HAS to date. I have deleted my OKC profile within a couple weeks of making one every time because yeah ... it sucks.

      Maybe one day I'll meet somebody but I'm 35 and haven't gotten around to it yet so I guess it just isn't that much of a priority for me.

      Least I got a kitty.

      Cats before prats fam.

      posted in Tastes Less Game'y
      Kestrel
      Kestrel
    • RE: Dating in the 2020's

      @Ominous said in Dating in the 2020's:

      @Kestrel said in Dating in the 2020's:

      Online people openly list things like their political views, their favourite TV shows, music etc., long before you would find these things out about them in person. Especially on OKCupid, with its question format, it's super easy for me to, for example, click right through to the disagreement section and eliminate anyone who doesn't answer "yes" to "are you a feminist". Because honestly it gets tiring for me to have to educate good looking arseholes on these issues IRL.

      OKCupid is dead, at least in my area. I went from having like 50-60 women in the 90 ratings in a 50 mile range in 2011-2015 to 5 today. Ever since they changed the messaging system, made it so that you can't rate lower than 50% with someone, got rid of the minimum 200 questions before being able to have a rating, and let people choose their own questions to answer (thus letting people avoid some of the nitty gritty questions that help you figure a person out), the population has plummeted. Bumble, Tinder, and Hinge somewhat are the only places that people seem to be on anymore, and those sites/apps are even more superficial than meeting someone in person and dating them out of lust.

      It's pretty active where I live (admittedly a densely populated big city), but I wonder if it also somewhat depends on what you're looking for?

      I don't think OKCupid is a good app to use for hookups etc., at least not if you're a straight guy. The gender imbalance is real and your chances of finding a quick shag are slim to nonexistent. It's plainly illogical for a woman to go through the effort of filling out a profile and answering a bunch of questions on there when the dicks are lined up like a firing squad on lower-investment apps like Tinder.

      But if your profile's meaty, unabashedly honest and demonstrates clear respect for the opposite gender, I think your chances are much higher. Especially if the messages you send reference the other person's profile rather than their looks (physical compliments are a dime a dozen), are flirty, witty, telegraph clear interest and ask good questions without making it feel like a job interview.

      N.B. I've joked with a friend that I want to start a seminar teaching men how to use online dating. Maybe go undercover as one and see how I do.

      posted in Tastes Less Game'y
      Kestrel
      Kestrel
    • RE: Dating in the 2020's

      @SinCerely said in Dating in the 2020's:

      All of my serious adult relationships started online. Met my first boyfriend in an IRC RP chat, that was 8 years of glorious fun and he's still one of my best friends. Met my husband on WoW, he was my GM and I traded soundbytes for enchant materials. Poly, so met another SO in an MU*. I don't know what to do with people I meet in real life other than to feed them and give them coffee. I'm too awkward to express attraction if it's not somewhere I can delete and correct before hitting enter. Dating sites give me the willies but I do like the social personals app Lex.app, because I can meet friends that way. Still poly but dating? I can't remember how to do that.

      One thing I appreciate about online dating culture is the feeling that it’s helped destigmatise polyamory.

      I myself am not poly, but I feel like a few of the people I dated in my youth were. If they’d been able to just say so early on without fear of social repercussions, a lot of heartache and frustration could’ve been avoided on both sides.

      Negotiating expectations and knowing yourself is hella important.

      posted in Tastes Less Game'y
      Kestrel
      Kestrel
    • RE: Real World Peeves, Disgruntlement, and Irks.

      @Sunny said in Real World Peeves, Disgruntlement, and Irks.:

      That part of me that gets mad when people are talking about their end of the world problems that seem petty and stupid to me in comparison to what is on my plate. It isn’t a competition. I win nothing by being the biggest failure/pain feeler. And yet it is so. Damn. Grating. to listen to. I am myself a huge proponent of ‘if the worst pain you have ever felt is a hangnail, that hangnail is TERRIBLE’ school of thought in my daily life, so my brain is just outright being an asshole.

      Iunno, my ability to gaf about someone's minor-seeming pain feels directly proportional to how empathetic they themselves seem to be towards others, or more specifically, me.

      I had a rich friend with a great family life once who would use me constantly as a shoulder to loudly cry on about the unfairness of her parents buying her brother an iPad when she can't even get a new laptop, and then show off the brand new car they bought her. She would call me up late at night to cry about her relationship with her parents, and then have the audacity to say to me, regarding my bisexuality, that she 'could never do that to her family' because they've done so much for her. (Specifically bragging about the lucrative bank account they'd set up for her.) She'd complain about the shitty relationships I repeatedly told her to exit, claim she'd never go back again, then go back and need someone to cry to again. Good lord that is drama I do not miss. She never once thought to ask me what was going on in my life, and if she had, she would have learned that I was going through a lot worse on every front. Listening to her whine about her comparatively minuscule problems so selfishly was infuriating.

      I have all the time in the world for comforting my friends during silly relationship/work drama when I know they actually care about mine, too.

      It's never good to belittle people's pain but also, why do you have that kneejerk reaction? Is it because they're being self-absorbed and making you do unchecked emotional labour without considering your current availability for it? Maybe that's also not so cool.

      posted in Tastes Less Game'y
      Kestrel
      Kestrel
    • RE: Depression Meals

      Depression meal today was an extremely spicy chilli ramen I then managed to splash directly into my eye.

      If there's a god, he's laughing at me.

      posted in Tastes Less Game'y
      Kestrel
      Kestrel
    • RE: MU Things I Love

      Reading old logs of my shitty RP from years ago and realising, with spades of pride and tremendous relief, just how much my writing has improved.

      posted in Mildly Constructive
      Kestrel
      Kestrel
    • RE: Dating in the 2020's

      @RightMeow I feel like my entire life has been side quests but it's all about the journey I guess.

      posted in Tastes Less Game'y
      Kestrel
      Kestrel
    • RE: Dating in the 2020's

      I hate online dating and yet I'm at the point where I wouldn't date any other way, probably.

      When I date people I've met in person I think the thing that lays the foundation for that relationship is lust. I like the look of them, they like the look of me, we get talking. But I know almost nothing about them at that point and it's so easy for them to hide who they really are by just dodging subjects etc., things I don't find out to be obstacles until way later. Some people worry about people online pretending to be someone they're not but it always amazes me that they ignore how much easier that is to do in person.

      Online people openly list things like their political views, their favourite TV shows, music etc., long before you would find these things out about them in person. Especially on OKCupid, with its question format, it's super easy for me to, for example, click right through to the disagreement section and eliminate anyone who doesn't answer "yes" to "are you a feminist". Because honestly it gets tiring for me to have to educate good looking arseholes on these issues IRL.

      The last time I agreed to a date with someone I met IRL I just got super skeeved out and cancelled last minute. I realised I didn't know anything about this person and for example if they were to chop me up and murder me, no one would know where I was because he could've given me a fake name, a fake job title, everything. If I meet someone from the internet I snap some details of that person's digital footprint and make sure my sister has all the details of where I'm going to be and what time to call to make sure I'm home and safe.

      It feels safer overall though knowing I have a 99% match with them on issues pertaining to how likely they are to respect my bodily autonomy, how entitled they feel to sex, etc.

      This is surely different if you meet someone via law school, or if the environment you grew up holds similar values to the ones you now hold as an adult. But if you wasted those years on a bad relationship or ended up having nothing in common as an adult with all your early school friends, online is a good place to find that special someone to suit a weird duck like you.

      tl;dr key difference: in person you meet someone and slowly get to know them, online you get to know someone first and then decide if to meet them.

      posted in Tastes Less Game'y
      Kestrel
      Kestrel
    • RE: Wildly Out of Context

      clitorial kimonos

      posted in Tastes Less Game'y
      Kestrel
      Kestrel
    • RE: Real World Peeves, Disgruntlement, and Irks.

      Garbage on Facebook about how x idiotic fad diet, 1 weird trick & 2 cups of chamomile tea a day or whatever cure anxiety.

      I shouldn't let it get to me, but it really does. I want to throw rocks at it.

      posted in Tastes Less Game'y
      Kestrel
      Kestrel
    • RE: MU Things I Love

      I thought about putting this in gripes but honestly I enjoy it way too much for it to qualify.

      The struggle between knowing exactly who someone is and wanting to let them have their fun thinking they’re being super slick, but also wanting to call them out on not being as sneaky as they think they are.

      It’s this whole ‘you know that I know that you know ...’ and honestly it’s super giggles.

      posted in Mildly Constructive
      Kestrel
      Kestrel
    • RE: Real World Peeves, Disgruntlement, and Irks.

      @Auspice said in Real World Peeves, Disgruntlement, and Irks.:

      @Kestrel said in Real World Peeves, Disgruntlement, and Irks.:

      Back to RL peeves, disgruntlements and irks.

      I just saw a fashion advert on Facebook for stylish anti-pollution air masks.

      If that's not peak capitalism I don't know what is.

      Yes/no.
      It's showing up because of that virus, but they've been a thing for a handful of years at least because of kids with severe asthma and allergies and such who need to wear them.

      And I'm pretty in favor of lettIng the kid with a health condition have a cool thing to help them feel better about it.

      I live in London which is a city with a toxic air pollution crisis. I'm pretty sure this is the only reason Facebook is targeting me with these ads.

      I follow a whole-food plant-based diet, have never smoked, rarely drink. A few years ago I had what felt like sinusitis except it lasted literally 2 years. I saw a few NHS doctors about it to try and figure out wtf was wrong with my nose and was told I had a "nasal polyp". (Non cancerous growth blocking my respiratory system and making it hard for me to breathe.)

      When I asked what that is and why I have it, considering the healthy lifestyle I lead, my doctor told me, 'Oh don't worry! Everyone in London has them.' At the time I was walking 10,000 steps a day, often through crowded, polluted streets. After that I stopped.

      Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk, this has been part 1 of why Kestrel campaigns with Extinction Rebellion and is so angry, all of the time.

      posted in Tastes Less Game'y
      Kestrel
      Kestrel
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