Posts made by Kestrel

Learning the Corona brand is losing money because of fears surrounding the Coronavirus has both made and ruined my day.

@mietze said in A bit of trouble on Firefly:

Sadly stalking isn't a big deal to a lot of people. When I explained some stalking and harassment that happened to me and was scaring me at my business, I was told to "adult more" if I wanted to be a business owner and btw was I sure I wasnt just being too sensitive? Wouldnt want to besmirch that person's reputation if I'd just misinterpreted his actions. That really shocked and hurt me but it should not have really given what we have historically tolerated in behavior on games.

This is why I really have very little trust in our community's willingness to really deal with problems until a game runner proves otherwise, and I operate on the expectation that they will always err on the side of people who harass or have that history until it is too bad to ignore.

On nearly every game I've played, this has been the case. I have been labelled the psycho bitch making trouble for men. I've been forum/channel banned on HavenRPG for calling out the arseholes repeatedly stalking and harassing female players on that game. (Hi, Thrace/Issac/Dusk/MisterE/Prometheus & Azazello/Cullen, if you're reading this, fuck you both.)

On TSS, this is not the case, and my trust in @Seraphim73 & @GirlCalledBlu is a big part of why I play their game(s).

@Scissors said in A bit of trouble on Firefly:

It's morbidly fascinating to read about this sort of behavior. The fact that when this guy's loudly blaming people for not having "adult conversations" with him, there is a complete and utter lack of self-awareness of the irony. I mean, even a dog will recognize its own reflection after looking into a mirror enough times.

Can people really be this blind to their own faults? Sometimes I think it is by choice.

I don't think this person lacks self-awareness. I don't think he's blind to his own faults.

I think he knows exactly what he's doing and is being purposefully manipulative by accusing others of faults he knows they might care about, but that he personally doesn't. He's playing gotcha. Can't accuse people of being immature if you can't conduct yourself maturely, now can you? Don't lose face. Stay dignified. Be tolerant. Even as I behave in a manner that is undignified, intolerant and inconsiderate towards you. Gotta prove you're better than me! Otherwise we're the same, you and I; don't stoop to my level.

It's just another variation of the ol' 'so much for the tolerant left'.

@Sunny said in A bit of trouble on Firefly:

@Pyrephox

I realized the other day I have been out longer than I was in, finally -- I've lingering trauma (who doesn't in their life?!) but I'm mostly OK. Things like this make me twitch a little though, because the MOs are similar. I imagine if I had to actually deal with it on a game, I'd probably end up triggered really bad. But I don't staff any more, and this type of thing is literally why I will only play on games where I know I will be safe, and why I bail so freaking quick on a game if I don't.

Yeah, as I said to someone else about this situation in private, what bugged me most about it wasn't this guy specifically. This guy wasn't a blip on my radar.

What got under my skin was how grossly familiar it all felt. I was like, I know this guy. No, not this guy specifically. I mean This Guy. This Guy that exists everywhere in the world. This Guy.

Also why I didn't respond to his pages once he started spinning because good lord have I been down that icky road before. The only way to win those kinds of mind-games is not to play.

RE: a post in RL peeves also, thank you for sharing your experiences. I am slowly but surely learning to better trust my gut.

@krmbm said in A bit of trouble on Firefly:

The question becomes, Which is the easier path past this. letting faraday sort through bugs that aren't really bugs.. And then seeing that the issue remains.. Or trying to fix it through other means.

@krmbm said in A bit of trouble on Firefly:

Honestly, Had you two done that last night rather than simply throwing away the blacklist and banning me. I wouldn't have near the issues I do with you and your game.

@bear_necessities said in A bit of trouble on Firefly:

So, Do you want to talk or do we keep up this little game?

@bear_necessities said in A bit of trouble on Firefly:

Oh I will be, After I have my fun and see about some old friends starting their own. All I wanted to do was talk Bear.

Yup, this tell right here. Randomly capitalises words mid-sentence.

I'm sure there are other people who do this for all sorts of reasons they can't control, and that alone isn't a tip-off. But for future reference, in connection with other snippets of evidence, if you notice similar behaviour patterns from trolls and this particular grammatical quirk, it should help you suss him out in future.

EDIT: Also, double ellipses .. instead of triple ... is another tell I've noticed.

If anyone's curious also about the scene that gave me the creeps with him, it was a gym scene, he showed up on a 6'7" guy and posed about how tough and srsface he was in front of a punching bag, rolled brawn to break the bag, made OOC jokes about wanting to fight the women and use the slightly shorter/leaner guy in his workout somehow, and ICly escalated very quickly to comments about wanting to take the female characters over his knee to spank them before making thinly veiled creepy/domineering threats at my character. At which point I lied about having RL things to take care of and noped out.

In isolation none of these things would have bothered me, but as a combination of factors it gave me bad vibes. It could've just been called cringey yet harmless, but I think regardless of the possibility that I was being oversensitive about it (which I'm now glad to know based on this thread that no, it wasn't in my head), at the point where I indicated it had made me uncomfortable enough to draw boundaries, the sane thing to do would've been to either apologise or just shrug and move on. Instead ... yeah.

@TiredEwok said in A bit of trouble on Firefly:

@Kestrel

I know I was one of those people in the log. I am sorry I sided with him before knowing the full story. I think I was the one who said that I wouldn't avoid anyone where RP goes, but, in hindsight, that was awful of me if that was me and I apologize profusely for that. You were fully in your right to ask that RP because of how discomforted he made you feel and I should have held my textual tongue.

Thank you, I really appreciate that. And like I said (and partly why I edited the names) I don't hold you or anyone else in that log accountable for the kneejerk protective instinct, I'm just grossed out by the guy who manipulated that reaction. But it means a lot that you would apologise and does make me feel a lot more at ease about the community there because I was kind of worried about being a pariah after this. (Which I wasn't even trying to do to him until the penny dropped when someone pointed me at this thread.)

On the Savage Skies he's Aksel & Parrish. He used pretty much the same character description as he did for Erland on Gray Harbour.

Here's the kind of manipulative BS he pulled with me:

<RP Requests> Sophia (@Kestrel) says, "Hi everyone. If anyone's in the mood for some RP I'm in a flexible mood today."
<RP Requests> Sophia (@Kestrel) nudges three prospective alts onto the table.
<RP Requests> Aksel if you give me a few to wake up..

<PM> (to Aksel) Rosa (Romeo) says, "Hey. I wasn't sure how to approach this the other day but truthfully I wasn't comfortable with the last scene I had with you and don't think we would mesh. Your character seems very macho/aggressive and sexually forward. I'm not really into that and would prefer to avoid in future."

<PM> (to Rosa) Aksel blinks slowly, "Um, Okay. I will go ahead and leave you alone and avoid any scenes that you have signed up for in that case. My apologies for Aksel trying to be playful back with Pippin and the like after the joke that had been made. Or will find another game so you are comfortable.

<RP Requests> Bilbo says, "Aragorn and I have a slow-moving open infirmary scene if anyone's interested. Bilbo just brought coffee for everyone who got banged up."
<RP Requests> Aksel says, "Never mind Sophia."
<RP Requests> Bilbo says, "All are welcome, Aksel. :)"
<RP Requests> Aksel says, "Apparently not."
<RP Requests> Sam says, "wha...? What did I miss?"
<RP Requests> Boromir says, "I must have missed something! Anyway, I'm going to change all y'all's bandages, so if you have owies, bring your ass."
<RP Requests> Frodo raps his knuckles on an edge and then holds hand out to Boromir. :3
<RP Requests> Aragorn says, "I think I missed something too? o_O Boromir, come stop me from escaping. >_>"
<RP Requests> Boromir straps
<RP Requests> Boromir says, "Frodo can come sit his spider on your head."
<RP Requests> Aragorn O_____O
<RP Requests> Aksel would come to rp but has been informed that his character is essentially just a muscle bound asshole who makes people feel uncomfortable and that my rp style is just shit. So...
<RP Requests> Merry says, "... whu?"
<RP Requests> Boromir says, "??"
<RP Requests> Frodo says, "Whoa whoa whoa."
<RP Requests> Merry says, "Wow."
<RP Requests> Boromir says, "Well, whoever told him that is probably the actual asshole, so."
<RP Requests> Bilbo says, "Well. That got awkward. Ahem."
<RP Requests> Boromir says, "Be less asshole folks, gawh. Awkward."
<RP Requests> Boromir says, "ANYWAY, anyone else is welcome."
<RP Requests> Frodo says, "How about we don't assign the term 'asshole' to anyone without knowing who they are or what happened at all?"
<RP Requests> Sam says, "Whoever told him that, nice going, he logged. That was completely no bueno."
<RP Requests> Frodo says, "I think that's the best way to handle it."
<RP Requests> Frodo says, "Instead of starting to flame someone randomly based on some dramatic comments."
<RP Requests> Sam says, "it was still no bueno"
<RP Requests> Frodo says, "So it calling people assholes without even knowing who you're talking about."
<RP Requests> Frodo says, "So."
<RP Requests> Boromir says, "Sorry, I just expect a little better from people in general."
<RP Requests> Boromir says, "My bad."
<RP Requests> Frodo says, "You have no idea what happened though so you don't know what 'better' would entail."
<RP Requests> Frodo says, "Let's not assume. That's all I'm saying."
<RP Requests> Sam says, "From what he told me, he got a page--didn't say from who--denigrating his character, his RP style, and generally being very unpleasant."
<RP Requests> Sophia (@Kestrel) says, "Umm. I didn't want this public but OK? I told that person I was uncomfortable with sexual innuendo in a scene I had with him and don't wish to RP with him. I felt I was pretty polite, but firm in saying it. I also did it privately, not publicly, and didn't really want drama over it. But for the curious, that's what happened, and if anyone wishes to avoid me because I'm comfortable setting personal boundaries, that's OK too."

<PM> (to Rosa) Parrish says, "Rosa, You based the entire view of a character and of me as a player off a single interaction and that alts response to a joke YOU and another player had made. That is how it read on my end with your choice of words."

<RP Requests> Merry won't avoid RPing with anyone.
<RP Requests> Frodo says, "Let's at the very LEAST take this off the RP Requests channel, please."
<RP Requests> Sam says, "won't avoid RP'ing with you. But hopefully this can be resolved between both sides involved. You're all really awesome people and I hate seeing things like this happen."

<Chat> Sam says, "Okay, so. drags it down to the chat channel"
<Chat> Merry just hides under an umbrella.
<Chat> Rosa (@Kestrel) says, "It is resolved on my end."
<Chat> Bilbo says, "All is well, and all is well, and all manner of thing shall be well. Let's all enjoy our Saturday. Who's doing fun stuff?"
<Chat> Frodo nosetaps, points at Bilbo.
<Chat> Parrish's debating on leaving the game if that counts as stuff.

I've edited every name in this log except for Parrish, Aksel, me and my alts. To clarify there are no characters called Bilbo/Frodo/Sam/Merry/Pippin/Aragorn/Boromir on this game. (Or if there are, they weren't in this log.)

I don't hold any of them accountable for taking his side because I know they were coming from a good place of protective instinct without being aware of the context for Aksel's protestations. But I'm sharing this because two of the people who drew my attention to this thread and made me realise this was the same person indicated he's highly manipulative, so here's at least one instance of him responding to polite, private rejection with public drama to try and paint himself as the victim and the person rejecting him as the aggressor.

Ah, yes. It is the exact same player who harassed me. Thanks @bear_necessities.

0/2 on that one, but does he tend to capitalise random words mid-sentence? (Like, a lot. Every pose.)

Hi, so I don't play on Firefly but heard about this situation through the grapevine, and a few red flags started popping up because some of the behaviour being described sounded familiar.

Could anyone who has personally interacted with and/or RPed with him reach out via message to help me corroborate some details? If it's the same person I've had a bad experience with, I'd like to know.

Alternatively, if you could publicly list some of his more obvious tells, for example his writing style (common grammar/spelling mistakes that help distinguish him?), the kinds of characters he likes to make and favoured manipulation tactics, that way I don't need to risk accidentally putting someone on blast who might be (relatively) innocent just to confirm.

Tragedy in the life of someone I dislike or who's wronged me.

There's a very strange layer of discomfort there because I don't normally have positive vibes for them, and I'm not terribly comfortable reaching out to offer well wishes, yet at the same time I would never in a million years want anyone to go through what they're going through right now.

It almost feels like a 'be careful what you wish for' scenario? Almost like I caused this for them even though rationally, I know that's silly. Like maybe I wished bad things for them on some level and now way more horrible, disproportionate punishment is actually happening to them. I don't believe in karma because I feel like there's no justice in the universe but this kind of experience is making me realise that even if there was, that wouldn't be the best thing either.

@HelloProject I'm not brave enough to share mine on MSB, but I took it on an iPhone, which has the live photo feature. As a result it perfectly captures a very discernible drunken sway, drooping eyelids, twitchy eyebrows and a stupid smirk.

In my defence, it was taken on Bourbon Street.

Discovering godawful drunk selfies on my phone months after I took them and laughing at my own cringe-worthiness.

I've been thinking lately about the value of escapism, and hear me out — I think it's a good thing.

I know a lot of people look down on this aspect of RP and feel ashamed of it. But I think that sometimes if I spend too much time in my head, I'm prone to suffering from all kinds of anxieties, becoming self-absorbed, and that this is a perfectly normal, unhealthy aspect of being human. I'm only thinking about my own problems and becoming increasingly stressed by them because I just can't escape them.

When I RP, it doesn't feel like I'm in my own head. It feels instead like I'm in someone else's head & shoes. I gain distance from myself, from my petty real life problems, and often consequently, I gain perspective.

Honestly I had a shitty day. The why does not matter. If I spelled it out here I'd probably get laughed at because the thing that ruined my day was so unbelievably stupid. I rationally know I shouldn't be as upset about it as I am, but feels are a different story.

But then I logged on, RPed a bit, took measures to extricate myself from the real life situation that bothered me, and now I feel better. Not having to think about it, or about me, just for a bit — a little break from myself — helped. I can now go back to that thing and see it clearly for the irrational nonsense that it was.

Sometimes short doses of escapism can be good for mental health.

Trust issues suck.

I met a nice person who has done literally nothing wrong, but I can't shake the feeling they might be an axe-murderer and hyperanalysing everything they say/do for clues to confirm this.

On the one hand, maybe I should trust my gut.

On the other hand, my gut is verifiably nuts, so maybe I shouldn't.

Having heightened instincts yet not being able to trust them is not a nice feeling.

@Aria said in RL things I love:

(remind me to tell you guys the story about me having to explain to my college roommate that no, he would not be able "tell" if his girlfriend had cheated on him the next time they had sex)

Oh my god. I have heard this one. I think?

Queefing is a sign that a woman has air trapped in her vagina caused by having had sex with another man.

Allegedly.

I heard this amazing fact told by a married man.

@Ganymede said in RL things I love:

As far as I can tell, being filthy and horny is great and the sort of thing that a hippie like Jesus'd enjoy.

Why were he and his mother both virgins, then?

(Allegedly.)

@Tinuviel said in Getting into Writing:

@Kestrel said in Getting into Writing:

For example, @Pyrephox thinks if you want to write properly you shouldn't also MU*.

I would definitely say, though, that if you want to write properly don't try to "write properly" on a MU*. Writing a novel and RPing are totally different animals. The fact that they're different-but-similar enough is probably why it's helpful as a creativity unblocker. You can be creative without it feeling like "still writing your novel."

I mean. Are they, though?

Various RP communities I've been in have encouraged things like short stories and character vignettes, which I think can make for good practice.

A while ago I wrote around 10,000 words worth of backstory lore for a player org I'd created. It contained chapter headings etc. And I have huge respect for the amount of work involved in creating an original setting for a game/campaign run for other people to participate in, complete with a detailed website and documentation.

Tools I use to create characters for RP settings are the same tools I use to design characters in my story; I keep notes not entirely dissimilar to a "character sheet" for them to reference in the prose. While the prose might not reveal their entire backstory, knowing it in my head is important to me. I've created a fake language lexicon for use in RP, and I've done the same for use in a book.

I definitely view RP and MU*ing as a literary exercise, though I also agree with the comparison to acting improv. I think there are different ways to approach the hobby and if the desire is there, it can certainly be used as a tool/exercise for improving your professional writing. For me, the key differences between writing for publication and writing to RP are:

• On a MU*, I have immediate feedback for my writing as opposed to needing to wait until after professional publication to know whether or not I've fucked up. Even if no one says anything, you can still get a general sense of whether or not your partner feels engaged in the story you're telling, though of course there are other factors here like whether or not you're demonstrating engagement in theirs, too. But I'm sure everyone has had at least one positive experience of a stranger letting them know, 'hi, I really liked that thing you did with your character, they're fun and that was super duper cool'. Or conversely, heard some soul-destroying gossip in a similar vein.
• Stakes for succeeding at RP are comparatively very low, so I don't have to worry so much about whether or not I'm fucking up, and I'm free to experiment.

I have no interest in writing erotica professionally but surely even things like TS offer the benefit of getting better at writing sex scenes over time. I've shit-talked professional writers for their shitty sex scenes, and praised others for being good at it. (Call me, Patrick Rothfuss.) Maybe if GRRM had some experience in that department and spent some time trawling MSB, he wouldn't be so rubbish at it?

@mietze said in RL things I love:

tampons are seen as virginity stealers or the gateway to whoredom

Thank you, I'm stealing this plot concept for a horror screenplay.

I just need help coming up with a title. Revenge of the Tampon? The Cotton Menace?

Men's imaginations make for a wonderful source of inspiration.

@Three-Eyed-Crow said in Getting into Writing:

I think there are a lot of aspects of writing that are both skill-based and habitual, like most other things, and you can teach and nurture those. I 'got into' writing in third grade when our teacher made us journal for like 15 minutes as part of class every day and I certainly got better at it in more structured environments where I was forced to stretch into different aspects of it. IDK, I've worked in journalism and technical writing and I feel like I use different muscles for those than when I try to write creatively (largely for myself), but they've made me a better writer all around.

I definitely think you can get better at writing over time. Like with anything, practice makes perfect.

Many years ago I watched a televised interview of JK Rowling in which she described a writing technique of hers that I still employ to this day: when plotting her books, she creates a table of her characters and the overall plot, marking what each character needs to be doing in each chapter in order to progress their independent narratives. This is a technique I'd never considered until then, and her advice has proved invaluable to me. Furthermore learning terms like "plotter" vs. "pantser" and better knowing myself and my needs in this regard has also helped. (Obviously, I'm a plotter.) I follow publishing blogs which provide all kinds of useful tips.

I don't think this taught me creativity, though, it's just helped me streamline my writing process. Over time I've gotten much more methodological, and I'm more mindful of various pitfalls for I might consider "bad writing". My style, grammar, punctuation, sentence-structure etc. have all improved with education and practice. But these are tools, not the essence of the work itself. There are things I do that spark my creativity, like going to different physical locations with my laptop/notebook to write, but I think these are things that work for me personally because of who I am as a human being, rather than things that could work for everyone. I've read about different writer routines which to me seem absolutely insane as I know they could never work for me.

For example, @Pyrephox thinks if you want to write properly you shouldn't also MU*. For me, this doesn't work. If I try to concentrate on only one writing project at a time, I develop writer's block. I need multiple projects to work on and bounce back and forth between to keep my creativity flowing. When I'm blocked on my novel, putting it down for a bit and MU*ing instead works like a charm to reinvigorate myself. But I know myself, and I think knowing yourself is critical to any endeavour. One size does not fit all.

@L-B-Heuschkel said in Getting into Writing:

I think the important thing to remember there is that we're at different places in our learning process and we want different things. What's an intense, emotional scene of great beauty to me may be eighty lines of purple prose to you and can we get on with the murderhoboing already. A romance writer has trouble enough communicating with a crime novelist -- now add different play styles to the picture and it's no wonder the arguments go on.

I wish I could upvote your post 100 times, but I’m just going to respond to this part.

So much misery could be avoided between incompatible RPers if we would just be more accepting of this sentiment: that not everyone likes or wants the same things and that that is OK.

I have talented, highly intelligent friends whom I adore and respect, yet whom I fundamentally disagree with on matters of taste. Friends with whom I share a love of Terry Pratchett, yet have heated disagreements with about Neil Gaiman.

I have sensitive, insecure friends in this hobby who’ve felt utterly destroyed by attacks on their style and choices. I have been that friend. I’ve loved scenes they’ve GMed that others hated, and been unendingly frustrated when as a result of criticism they received, they decided to stop running a story that they loved running and I loved participating in.

Just because someone doesn’t like a thing you did/wrote doesn’t mean it’s bad. It might mean that the two of you are incompatible scene partners who like different things, and that is perfectly OK.

I think game runners and staff can become particularly vulnerable to this and it’s always disheartening to see.