Posts made by surreality

@kitteh Yes, there is. 'Ignore PMs' will also turn off notifications.

@kitteh said in Random Bitching:

@surreality said in Random Bitching:

Fuck you.

And she wonders at the lack of empathy for her high value victimization. Right then, moving on.

There you go. That's why you got a mention in that regard.

Your reading comprehension clearly still has not improved any. 'Fuck You' was the only takeaway you had from that post, apparently, and all the shit you're ranting about now has already been addressed. Granted, I addressed other shit you continued to bang on about like a glitching hard drive unable to process new or contradictory data, too, so I don't really expect that to make any difference.

If you want it dropped, like all the others who keep coming in here and slinging shit around the moment the dust starts to settle, then fucking drop it.

Also: The Drinking Game Players

...I suggest me, Gany, and WTFE, at least.

@Meg I totally blame the ADD for the verbosity. Straight line progression is like... nigh impossible, and forget concise. Everything's in 'this group of things is related' mental buckets, and often enough I just upend the bucket and hope people can see the commonality.

I nominate @Thenomain, @skew, and @Cobaltasaurus for the constructive bucket, too.

@shangexile Thank you.

I am really glad that wasn't you. I didn't want to think it was; sometimes it is cool to know that even when things are pretty shitty otherwise, it's worth giving someone the benefit of the doubt on something. And I'm glad the rest was essentially 'unlucky coincidence'.

The folks on the forum here who have been slinging stuff around are not fun to handle, including all of that, no, but y'all are not The Great Downfall. That's not on anybody here. The way someone we both knew on Shang used to put it, and I think it's an excellent way to put it, was 'being pecked to death by sparrows'. That's kinda the scale I think of re: any conflicts going on on the forum here, anyway. So, for what it's worth, please don't put that on yourself. The other people being jerks, well, maybe they'll be sad to know they aren't the big deal, either, maybe they'll be relieved, maybe they won't care, but they on the sparrow list here, too.

The actual shit going down is RL shit, most of it really bad luck that doesn't have someone to point any stabbity finger of blame at. I get accused enough of referencing anything bad going on RL as 'attention whoring for sympathy' and... no. So I rarely mention shit that isn't a trivial bitch about a shitty keyboard or a crappy telemarketer call or something else at this point, unless it's explicitly salient, as above. There is real shit with health, business, finances, family. It has been the kind of year where 'do I take a nap first or not' literally meant the difference between actual life and death, and that was when I could still count the days in 2017 on the fingers of one hand; 'pretty sure you're not going to die' didn't actually come until I could fill up both hands and had to start in on toes. (Several times since, I've regretted not choosing the nap, but I'm still here. As I mentioned elsethread at some point, that I'm still here to get in stupid arguments and make an ass of myself is a bigger and more meaningful victory than any I'd get in an argument here, or that somebody would get over me, particularly since I kinda feel that whole approach is pretty dumb, and perspective is a thing.) Ultimately, I'm not just thrashing around in a flail about meanie heads on the internet not loving me enough or something derpy along those lines. Most of it I don't bring up for the same reason I won't out somebody else's RL shit: privacy counts for something, and it's just not relevant around here (or ideally should not be).

When I knew shit was going sideways I stepped out of games because I was not going to risk blowing up at people on games, period. I don't want to shit on anybody's fun RP times that way and could not guarantee to my own satisfaction that I wouldn't potentially do that. I figured I'd work on a project off in the corner for a while and talk to folks here, and, well... everybody knows how that went, and I realized quickly it was not a time to tackle that project, either. It was, essentially, not time to be asking for input about something I care about if I didn't want things to go horribly wrong, which is pretty clear in hindsight. I still think the ideas are good and if I ever can get my groove back I'll pick it up again. Maybe people will trust me enough to come play, and maybe they won't, and I know that's ultimately on me no matter what anybody else may have said or done; if they don't, maybe the structure and setup will be useful to somebody else when it's done, and that would be pretty damn cool, too.

So, lots of empathy on shit getting worse. I am sorry to hear that because, damn, dude. Nobody deserves that. Even if I'm pissed as hell at somebody, I don't want their actual life to suck. I can say we're in the same boat there in a lot of ways.

Anyway, textwobble is kicking in hard. Going to STFU for a bit with stupid horror movies and knitting.

Be good to you, man. No bullshit. I'mma just say that you are often too hard on yourself and this is where a lot of stuff flows from. It is OK to be good to you. I hope, at least, somebody typing that out loud might help, even if just a little. I still think you deserve to be happy, for whatever it's worth.

^ This is somewhere. Not anybody in this conversation at the moment, but lord, it's somewhere on the board.

I think we'd all join 'Get off My Lawn'.

Betty White, holding Grumpy Cat Bond-villain style, is my spirit animal.

My gang...

@shangexile Dude. Seriously. No bullshit here.

You were a good friend for a long while. I get that you're going through some shit. No, I don't wish that on you. I wouldn't wish that on you even if the entire time I've known you, you acted like you have been lately, to be blunt.

I know that shit sucks.

I know you've come to me in the past for help. I have tried to help. I know I have not always -- or maybe even often or ever -- succeeded, but I have tried.

I am sorry that I let you down. No bullshit. I really wish I could have helped. I actually hate seeing the person I knew as the person I'm seeing over the past few months.

The blunt truth is that I am not in a position to help anyone right now, and have not been for some time. I do, actually, hate that. I have too much of my own shit right now that needs unfucking to be useful to anyone as emotional support or meaningful guidance on a personal RL shit level.

That doesn't, actually, make any goddamn difference from your end, in that your experience is the same regardless: I definitely let you down this time.

I know that. I understand that. I do, actually, feel bad about that bit.

Do I regret posting? No.

Because you crossed a line. Shit, man. (Here's where the popcorn assholes get their fill.)

Impersonating the ex? No, man. You know I left there over his bullshit and constant paranoid accusations and never really came back, even if I have a login to talk to people OOC from the out of the way of a rented room now, years later. So, yeah. I'm not ashamed to admit that caused a panic attack when it kicked off. Dude was able to unleash some serious hell and that that guy who used to flood my RL email with a hundred messages of 'slut' and 'whore' for hugging someone in the square one day IC, well. Pretty sure you can see why that guy being furious, believing I had him banned (I've never had anyone banned on Shang)? My RL was about to become harassment hell, from where I was sitting, until I grabbed the panicky reflex long enough to figure out you were 'cold reading' the whole thing and could calm the fuck down.

Would I have taken it down if asked? Yeah, actually.

I don't know if you're the dude I woke up to find a shit-ton of creepy 'I am outside your window, touching myself, watching you, I know what you did' pages from or not, but fuck, man. You do know where I live. You do know about my RL stalker ex who tried to straight up murder me and would pound down my fucking door screaming until the neighbors would call the fucking cops, as it was still going on back then when we spoke much more often, a zillion years ago. I really want to believe that wasn't also you, even with all this shit.

The shit you're doing is not OK. You know it isn't OK, and you know you need to stop, and need help finding a way to stop. I am not trying to condescend to you; I am saying that I recognized later that even the trolling crap back then was a cry for help in the form of lashing out.

I do want things to get better for you.

I can't be that help. I am sorry for that. I do hope you find it, though, no bullshit or snark. I am just in no position to offer it now.

I would, actually, be happy to mend fences with you or something some day. The dude I remember was a pretty awesome motherfucker, after all. Right now, though, man? We both need help, and the shit we need help with, I think it's fair to say, makes us really toxic to each other right now.

I haven't, btw, reported you here for anything so far as I can ever recall. I certainly haven't in any of the shit over the past few days anyway, even with all the shit flying around and people asking why I haven't. I have no desire to chase you off. I'm not willing to put up with jerky crap from you, but I'm not going to go so far as to say 'you are an ugly-hearted person and GTFO of my hobby/off my forum'. That's shitty to see aimed at you; I've seen enough of it lately aimed my way to not want to say that to you or anybody else. (There's literally two people I feel that way about: Spider and Rex/Sovereign.)

There's some other shit I would say, but is more personal than I feel would be appropriate to say in the open, for the same reason the private communication was not shared. (And it pertains to something in that, so.)

Regardless: I hope shit gets better for you. For real.

@Ganymede Oh. man, that's so weird. Like, I didn't even see that bit since I have his posts on ignore most of the time.

Flock of admirers? Dude.

Are you even reading this thread? o.O

It's a little closer to 'this season's generic villain', for reals.

@Meg said in RL Anger:

@shangexile No one said that people disagreeing with @surreality's behavior are trolls.

Pretty much that. Dude was called a troll because he was trolling, with the log of his trolling provided. The end. It's not complicated. He contacted me on the game and asked that later communication not be shared, and it has not been. It contains personal RL details, so, no, that's not cool to air regardless of request.

The entire point above was that it's ridiculous to agree or disagree with people. Ideas, yes. Anybody's, in fact. People? No. The person I agree with about something today I may disagree with about something else tomorrow. I agree with people I dislike, I disagree with people I like. Like or dislike doesn't make any damn difference.

The idea that I think anybody I disagree with is a troll is absurd. As to the 'look at the cheering section' thing, that initially came up months ago in regard to someone who insisted they were not being even the tiniest bit unpleasant, and... no, not so much. Hence, 'maybe take a look at the person who admittedly trolls people to harass them who is cheering you on right now and take a moment to think about how you might be coming across if being inoffensive is your intention'. (Person just insisted I was calling them the troll. Someone else making the same leap was corrected and explicitly told that poster wasn't a troll, even. Jesus.)

I suppose he wasn't around for the 4chan invasion to grasp that reference, but that's not my problem. The only people referred to as 4channers are the dudes who kept coming around months back making new accounts to troll the board by throwing the word 'fag' around everywhere and troll the chargen channel on that MCM and post about 'how awful I was treated' thereafter. I'm not the one who came up with that moniker for them, either.

Observe how many people disagreeing with me here I've called trolls and 4channers as an indicator of accuracy. Yep, that's right: one. With a link to a log of that person, trolling and engaging in harassment.

@WTFE I would offer you mine, but it's more like a rock garden, apparently.

It deserves more than a few bottles, though, jesus.

The 'faction' approach is causing more than a little ridiculousness here. After all, some of the folks convinced I'm just the worst person ever were upvoting the shit out of shangexile by rote just for popping up here -- not bothering to realize, "Oh, hey, maybe we shouldn't be cheering on and encouraging someone like this," until it was pointed out what's going on there.

By that logic, and logic slung around by @kitteh in the previous thread, if I see 'one of them' being harassed or forum stalked, I shouldn't be expected to give half a shit about abuse being done to them or call it out, but I really just don't roll that way -- there's no 'I don't like something you said to me, so I don't give a shit if people sling abuse at you, and I'll cheer them on as they do'. You wanna talk about an ugly mentality? Yeah. Because, wow. And awesome points to @saosmash for not being like that. It is noticed, it is appreciated, and it is hugely respected.

Rather than seeing, 'oh, hey, that answered the questions and didn't throw any insults around and tried to lay the groundwork for "it's going to be OK"' just got a snarky slap from @scar for saying anything at all. That the only exchange with @kk at at at that point was that post, and the two of us apologizing to each other and attempts to extend an olive branch from both sides from what I can see there, is apparently one of those unimportant details that gets lost, when that's actually pretty fucking relevant.

I don't think that was lost on @kk, and it wasn't lost on me. I appreciate what she said, and I meant what I said to her re: I didn't realize you thought I was putting words in your mouth, I had no intention to do that, and I'm sorry if you felt that way/if others thought I was trying to suggest that. I would have been pissed, too, if I was in her position, and thought someone was putting words in my mouth.

Attempting to characterize it as something else ignores the reality of 'peace apparently has been made or is on the way there and these people are trying to be decent humans at each other' in the name of just slinging and starting more shit. Because we totally need that, right? Yeah, no.

These things don't happen if people are actually reading, paying attention, and not just 'throwing in with a camp' and slinging garbage around at 'the other side'.

I'm not camping out with anybody here. (I'm definitely not glamping, because... jesus.) I agree with the content I agree with and disagree with the content I don't, and that's it. I actually bother to fucking read it first, though.

@Kanye-Qwest Would be a little more on point if the post after your 'plz stop nao' was nasty-ass.

It's not.

There is a point at which I'm pretty fucking tired of people being shitty to me and keeping silent and I've reached it over the past week or so.

I am no more obligated than anyone else to sit there and take shit -- not in the name of 'peace', not in the name of 'being the bigger person', and so on.

Not sorry for that, to be absolutely sure.

@Ghost

@Ganymede Eh... is still supposed to be game things to me but we can agree to disagree on that and I am tired like whoa and the text is too wiggly at this point to write much.

I am out of lollies, but I do have some kickass ice cream, and you're more than welcome to some. (Truly, I need to do a 'things I love' post about that stuff... )

@Admiral There's a certain point at which that's the ideal. Namely, "this is not worth any actual mental or emotional energy, have a snarky gif."

@Ghost This is really the only reply I have left for him at this point:

Not sure if it is snarky enough. Perhaps this:

@kk S'all good.

I also did not realize you thought I was attributing that statement to you as part of a group. Knowing how much I hate having words put in my mouth, that would have pissed me off, too, and I apologize if I gave anyone the impression that you were in any way responsible for saying the 'people must be offended' stuff; you absolutely did not do that (and it was appreciated that you didn't!). I absolutely understand why you'd be upset if you thought that's what I was saying.

I was kinda confused at first, myself, since we had seemed to end the convo over there on a fairly respectful note on both sides -- which I hope can continue.

@Ghost It really is sort of spectacularly funny when you think about it.

@saosmash No shit, right? Thank you, y'all.

(No, really. Much I would totally share all the ice cream we stockpiled for post-dental hell with y'all if I could.)

@Meg I'm sure the other two will be along shortly, it's only a matter of time. (This is not "martyrdom", this is rolling my eyes so hard I can actually see gray matter and, again, some days, there is just not enough pained sigh in the world.)

edit: He'll start upvoting you, too, whenever you post, just so you know he's paying attention and 'present' -- presumably in some sort of creepy intimidation attempt. I actually got to watch the number of upvotes flicker wildly for a bit so multiple notifications would be sent. Thankfully, 'block PMs from this person' also blocks notifications from them. Handy to know, sorry that actually had to be passed along as potentially useful advice.

For all the folks cheering @shangexile on, let's remember that he's the dude from this log.