Tinuviel, you and Ghost are blocked for good reason. I can see that you put forward a reply, but I can't read it and have no desire to do so.
This is not the pit, and so I will ask that no one try to stir drama by quoting it so it gets thrown in my face. People have considered these antics a way of trying to stir the pot before, and it is not appreciated.
@Caryatid Oh, they definitely went after me before with a lot of completely fabricated nonsense.
Presently, the only contact I have with them that isn't public for all to see was to tell them they were right about something I wish I had listened about (which I had discounted along with the rest for obvious reasons), and to send links to things I know they like that I'd spotted here or there without spamming up the forum with them, since things had seemingly become 'can at least engage publicly as decent humans'.
I really do like to think people can change. I had really hoped that was true.
I tended to react publicly based on whisper info, that's very true. You are completely correct about that. I am stupidly easy to sucker into a 'for great justice on the evildoer, charge!' (I don't half-ass it in private, I whole-ass it in public. At least people always know what they're getting, I guess.)
I think a lot of people here have that issue at times, which is profoundly sad to me, as it's someone's better nature to be protective of someone who has been wronged or out someone who is seeking to do harm to others that the whisperer is taking advantage of with this kind of rumor/lie/etc.
It took a while to recognize that and fully process it, because everyone who does this -- me included -- sincerely believe they are on the side of the angels. I have been trying to take a much more cautious stance now. Do I always succeed? No, but the effort is there.
These days, I don't listen to the rumor mill from anyone and take a 'talk to the hand' approach if someone starts. I can't say anyone has started up passing info to me once told 'nope, don't', which is something I appreciate. This is the best way I can think of to do right by others since then: see no evil, hear no evil, repeat no evil.
I haven't listened to, repeated, or reacted to anything of the kind since those days. I was absolutely a target then, and with all the talk of personal reform on the other party's part, had hoped I would no longer be a target of the same behavior now. Unfortunately, that isn't the case. I certainly have not trusted the individual with personal anything since.
I really don't have anyone in my life to pass such things along to behind the scenes, which was the case then as well. (I know about five people tops, and none of them have time or patience for that crap; I'd be hilariously bad at it even if I wanted to do such a thing. It'd get as far as: "Hey, did you hear-" Listener: "OMG Shut up!" and end there, which makes me laugh a little to think about it.) In a lot of ways, I'm grateful for this, because it could have been much worse otherwise.
There's not really anyone I can mea culpa to here so far as I know (hence asking if anyone recalls anything I don't, so I can do this).
All I can think of is to say, 'if you hear something, feel free to ask me about it, I'll tell you the truth to the best of my ability, even if the truth is that I was an asshole'.
@Wretched We are so worried for our remaining flouf. She is the sister of the Rica, above. They're identical -- except that Rica is shorthair, and Tesla is a longhair. Even their markings are in the same place.
Tesla is in excellent health, despite the girls being quite advanced in years. We got them in the early 00s, and they were somewhere between 2-5 years old at the time. (Neither the vet nor the rescue knew for sure, and they couldn't pin it down closer than that.) Tesla is a skittish, but very lovey girl, and I'm extra glad I work from home to be able to be here for her.
Cleaning the house is at least good for depression, so we're likely to get on that soon.
Also just adding this:
I am a pretty straightforward person.
If I give you a compliment, I'm not punking you.
If I criticize something, it's because I think there's an issue and I care enough to say something rather than let you fumble.
If I sling an insult at your behavior or whatever, yep, I probably meant it. If this upsets you and you think I'm a jerk because of it, I own that. Hate me forever if you want.
If I say something that offends you (that is not using some ridiculously over the top obvious insult), please tell me so because I probably did not intend to offend you and I will do what I can to make it right. I don't enjoy actually hurting people, especially when I have zero intention of hurting them in the first place.
I don't think bullying behavior is a fun sport, or funny, and there's no 'cute, harmless' way to engage in it.
I have a very hard time lying about anything, ever, due to severe and persistent childhood trauma bullshit that I'm not going to go into here. It is more comfortable for me to accept consequences for a shitty thing I did than tell a lie to avoid them. (Also, this means: please don't ever ask me to lie for you.)
I have memory as imperfect as everyone else's. That's why I am asking people to disclose anything that falls under the above, because I recognize this flaw in myself and if there is something and I have forgotten it, I want to know about it so I can do whatever I can to make it right. It's rare this happens when I'm making a conscious effort to never do a thing, but saying 'I don't recall it ever happening when I'm making a conscious effort to not do a thing' is still subject to memory being what it is, and while I believe it to be true as I write it now, there may be something I don't recall -- and I want to know what it is if it is out there.
I think the above -- or most of it, at least -- applies to most users on the forum. This may be naive of me, but it is what I believe to be true. It's the exceptions that are one hell of a thing.
@Meg Thank you, Meg. That is a relief to hear on some fronts. It's what I've been trying.
In one case I've been trying limit all communications to positive and cool to one of the folks involved, which is why this is beyond baffling to me on some level, 'cause... benefit of the doubt and I am a human being last I checked.
I don't have the time, energy, or attention span to maintain two faces. I'm not interested in taking oblique, paranoia-inspiring jabs at people and have been working hard to say what I mean directly rather than via insinuation. (That only seems to escalate conflict, and while that may be rubbernecker popcorn fodder, it's not healthy IMO.)
It is the last 12 hours for one of our kitties. We have to take her in to the vet in the morning for her final trip out.
She is in pain, and she is unhappy. We know this is for the best.
It still sucks a whole lot.
"I AM HELPING Cat", in her younger days. 
So here's a thing.
I've been supportive of someone turning over a new leaf, only to find out they're engaging in the same toxic behaviors they always have, and are still making up ugly shit about me to spread around. (Spoiler alert: If they think I'm doing the same? Nope, not me, haven't said a word about anyone in forever now that isn't on public view.)
They are now apparently making a sport of trying to find ways to label me a bigot to get other people piling on. (Spoiler alert 2: Nope.)
When I am going through a brutally tough time in RL and mention this (Spoiler alert 3: was not talking about anyone on the board at the time or anything related to the board), this person takes an inappropriate jab and recruits...
...a person I thought of as a friend who has apparently completely lost their shit and/or any touch with reality to join in. I hear all manner of accusations from them that they insist are true and they use some threatening language in doing so. (Again, no, the things they're claiming I'm doing are not happening.)
Since I've been subject to a campaign of whisper-game character assassination by one of these people before, and the other has clearly become unhinged, I'm start to actually worry about my actual safety, because the accepted level of toxic behavior from these people is very high.
I have spoken to one of the mods about the situation. I am not sure what else to do here. While I'm pretty sure posting this will open me up to more attacks from these people and their buddies, I am asking for suggestions from the forum about what to do in this situation and have refrained from naming these individuals intentionally.
Further, I will ask this:
If I have privately shit-talked anyone's personal life to you in the past year, please disclose this here. There will be no anger or snarl factor from me if you do so. I'm actually deadly serious: please do it.
If I have disclosed any private details about anyone's personal life to you over the past year (other than 'X cannot be at the event, they are traveling for work and asked me to pass this information along') please disclose this here. Same conditions.
Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence. Since I know I'm not doing the above, I'm waiting for the evidence that 'proves their case' that they believe justifies their behavior. If the toxic crap being slung at me is based on this justification, and I cannot for the life of me recall doing any of the above, I am hopeful the behavior will stop.
Anyone who has any further constructive advice, it would be welcome. This is in the constructive section for a reason and I am hoping the mods will mod to keep it here by squelching the predictable 'kill yourself' and 'get out of the hobby'.
Watching cognitive dissonance hit 'brain-rending infrasound' levels of actual dissonance.
If cognitive dissonance was infrasound, a lot more of the world would make sense.
Unfortunately...
@Meg I would adopt you for it if I could. <hug> I'm sorry.
Watching people who have zero compunction or remorse about hurting others or causing harm (intentionally and otherwise, but mostly intentionally and often for sport) cry about how someone hurt their feelings would be far less grating to my soul if it didn't get followed by a swarm of people (who know the above about the 'wounded' party) offering support. Where are they for the people that person hurts? Usually, nowhere to be found, or joining them in their sport.
People who only pretend to be good people in public. (True character is what you do in the dark, when no one's watching.)
Being that sucker that believes in giving people second(/third/fourth/fifth... ) chances. Being that fool that believes people when they say they're trying to change for the better, and dumb enough to be surprised when they prove they haven't.
Thinking people I think of as friends care about me and my feelings a fraction as much as I care about them and theirs.
Coming to the realization that I'm close to losing my voice. Not the physical one, but the more abstract, larger concept of such. This is especially painful because after years of theater and silly accents and even being asked regularly about voice acting work, my speaking voice was one of my last remaining things to be proud of, and the dental surgery has completely devastated my speaking voice to the extent that I cannot speak with any volume whatsoever and typically have to repeat myself several times. This is not 'retrain and it will be fine', it's structural and permanent.
One of the last few folks I considered a good friend going completely off the rails into attacks that were inappropriately personal over stupid shit on a game. This would be bad enough if they were accurate and just required reflection to accept; this was not the case. Trying to forcefully shove them down my throat as elements of universal truth has likely ended that friendship. I will certainly never trust that person again the way I once did.
Dodging stupid or random potential death on a daily basis since the 18th, from narrowly avoiding neurotoxin lung paralysis by toxic cone snail sting to various traffic accidents to the luckiest bannister-rail catch in recorded history as I was about to go face-first down the full flight of stairs into a running fan. This is not a sequel to Final Destination, universe. Knock this shit off.
'There could be something better' is something we find out by trying things and finding out they don't work as well as they could.
If that better thing does not exist yet, non-damaging methods that currently exist that provide some assistance are still of benefit.
This is not difficult to understand.
Generally: I'm probably not going to share much personal info in this thread going forward for a number of reasons related to privacy and protecting myself, which has become necessary for my well-being. (Speculate at will, I know plenty of people will come to the ugliest conclusions they can conjure up.)
Will still be around to offer support when I can.
@Rinel It's one of those things that proves that bit of wisdom: "The world is not only stranger than we know, but stranger than we can know."
@Rinel Jill is a very unique login to get. She logs in as a guest, and never has any intention of making a character. She will then try to strike up conversations with various players -- usually with female-seeming names -- at which point she'll segue into discussion of how things go with high school sports physicals and the coaches or examiners touching her extensively where her bathing suit covers.
In detail.
She's appeared on various games for over a decade doing precisely this. If you say, "Hi, Jill!" she usually logs out and vanishes again.
@Griatch Friends of my husband's still have a pile of Amigas running. The part names were, iirc, amazing.
@Rinel Not only do I not get this, I can't bring myself to care enough to try.
@Auspice The dev for MUDRammer has poked their head in here from time to time. It is not a flawless app, but it has worked great for me whenever I travel, and the dev is around and listening, which is a pretty huge thing.
@mietze Oh, were there ever.
One of the things that is quite heartening now is the level of involvement common with the parents and any therapists, counselors, or psychiatrists working with the kids in question.
This was not how it worked when I was younger, when it was more 'kid gets dropped off at professional's office to have the problems the parents descibe fixed'.
...the problems with the old way are incredibly obvious, and yet.
I eventually lucked out. The psychologist I was seeing had seen my mother for years. As a result, she knew she wasn't getting the whole story from my parents. It made such a world of difference; I probably wouldn't have survived though high school without her. No one else had ever even considered -- in almost ten years -- that my folks might have serious issues they were not disclosing because in their minds, I was the problem for not conforming to their world view.
Will cheerfully join in the touchscreen keyboard hate. That a system-independent horror.
