The Dark Side of online Role-Playing

[Ganymede]

@Macha said in The Dark Side of online Role-Playing:

I was not trying to imply anyone was abusive. Just how privacy is important, etc, off what I had.

I don’t think anyone had any ill-intent by offering their thoughts. I am simply advising not to share them unless a parent asks for them, for the reasons stated by Rightmeow.

We could discuss why or why not until we are blue in the face, but none of that matters. Just don’t.

[Derp]

@Ganymede said in The Dark Side of online Role-Playing:

And I don’t recall buttercup asking for them.

To be fair -- (s)he posted something on MSB. If you're looking to keep a subject private and not have someone comment on it, that ain't the way to go about it. So -- I mean, yeah, that kind of is asking for feedback, and I think that trying to clamp down on that is a bit on the heavy-handed side.

The flip side of that, of course, is that there are lots of leaps here, and not all of the commentary is directed at Buttercup directly.

[Kanye Qwest]

@Carex said in The Dark Side of online Role-Playing:

@mietze said in The Dark Side of online Role-Playing:

I am going to be making a locked thread in the hogpit (for now) to move the personal attack posts

Feel free to just delete them. I was just trying to explain why I didn't just agree with what, on its surface, seems like a perfectly innocuous post.

I was trying to illustrate that maybe agreeing without putting any deeper thought into it was unwise.

Kinda like this: https://youtu.be/fYOA8gXpios

honestly how dare you drag Some More News into this. Those vids are mostly full of thoughtful and researched content, and failing that - funny. You are 0 for 3, sport.

[Ghost]

...jesus.

A parent posts that their autistic child was potentially groomed on the internet by an adult, and chose as a parent to report it to the authorities. Rather than care and concern for this person and their special needs child, some people are seriously instead directing this as an opportunity to critique how they choose to implement their duty as a parent to protect their children?

The fuck is wrong with you people?

I dont think it's ever been so clear to me that some people in this hobby are just probably safer being corralled into this text-based second life than they are trying to behave like real world human beings. Jesus wept.

[buttercup]

@RightMeow

The moment you have a child it quickly becomes utterly terrifying. The first fever. The first flu. Bullying. The first choking. The first almost drop and desperate catch. And of course worse and other myriads of things like the tendency to dart into traffic on a dime.

Being responsible for a child's wellbeing is intimidating and there is not a manual because all situations are so unique. Every parent and every child is different. It happens to everyone but no two experiences are the same.

So worth it though. (For me I get that journey isn't for everyone)

[Cobalt]

@Ghost It's honestly only the known troll that is Carex.

[Ominous]

Remember, internet trolls are like Palpatine. Engaging them just brings you closer to the dark side.

[Pandora]

As the parent of a kid very active in the Roblox/Discord roleplay scene, let me just say that if your kid isn't running into your room every 5 minutes to howl laughing as they share every even-remotely-scandalous thing so-n-so said or emoted or to fume angrily at every perceived injustice encountered... lucky you fostering open lines of communication and non-judgment can be much less stressful than trying to log everything ever, especially as reading back over what's happened isn't addressing issues in real-time.

[Rinel]

If my parents had attempted to log everything I did as a fifteen year old, it would have made me resentful and mistrusting. They did not like me talking to strangers, and by "did not like" I mean "were paranoid beyond reason about." But I did anyway--not in roleplay settings, but on various forums. I kept that hidden from them for a while. I'm glad I did. Some of my most meaningful relationships arose out of those forums, and I'd be much worse for not having those people in my life.

I'm also not autistic. My mother has worked in criminal defense since I was born. My parents were open and honest with me about why they didn't want me talking to strangers, and as a result I didn't do things that could endanger me, even though I violated their blanket prohibition.

Initial blanket prohibition, at least. At some point I explained what I was doing and why, and they mostly relaxed, though I still will get "is that a real friend you've met in person" questions from my father from time to time.

tosses in two cents; leaves

[Pandora]

@Rinel said in The Dark Side of online Role-Playing:

"is that a real friend you've met in person" questions from my father from time to time.

If this isn't the whole truth and nothing but the truth! I married my 'internet friend' and it's still my mother's favorite confusing story to tell.

[Sanguine]

@Pandora I'll be marrying mine as well. And I met him on a MUSH. My mother still hasn't a clue. It helped a little when I showed her what a MUSH was, but not much. She still worried about it from the time I said I was moving until I got there and after. (Okay, so moving 16 hours didn't help.) Now she's happy, but that may be because we're engaged and expecting and she loves nothing more than being Nannie.

I will say this though, if my parents knew half the stuff I got up to on the internet as a young teen, even with dialup, I'd never have made it to get married and procreate as they very well may have strangled me.

[Arkandel]

Which is silly, too, because people need to meet somewhere before they hook up/date.

There's a dark side to this hobby but it is a hobby, and people have been using common interests and activities to get to know each other since forever and a half.

[Roz]

Frankly, considering the age I started MU*ing at, I consider myself very lucky that I didn't end up victim to anything.

[Arkandel]

@Roz You did, you are on MSB.

[JinShei]

@Sanguine said in The Dark Side of online Role-Playing:

@Pandora I'll be marrying mine as well. And I met him on a MUSH.

Married mine, been together for 15 years. Met on a MUSH...

[boneghazi]

I also met my husband online. We met in early 2000 when I was only 14/15ish (he was 17) and we met and married 3 years later. It wasn't on a MU though, and I consider myself really lucky. Those were the days before webcams and voice chats were a real THING .

Next year we'll have been together for 20 years, married for 16.

I consider us very very lucky.

[Pandora]

Met mine on a MUD. His rl girlfriend's character bullied mine (broke both her arms actually) and his character took care of mine while she was in double-casts (yes it was as cute/ridiculous as it sounds).

We didn't get married until like 10 years after that incident, but it still counts.

[mietze]

It will be 19 years married for us this spring, together for 21. First met on Shadowrun Seattle about 25 years ago?

My kids still have online expectations and rules though, and we talk about safety and best practices frequently. I do not doubt they'll meet some of their partners online though. I see that more and more (almost as normal as meeting someone at a bar) amongst other moms I talk to (definitely was NOT the case 20 years ago!). Except for mostly I meet people at the PTA or other parent groups who met on MMOs and online dating apps rather than text based RPGs, they do not bat an eye at my story.

[JinShei]

@mietze said in The Dark Side of online Role-Playing:

My kids still have online expectations and rules though, and we talk about safety and best practices frequently.

The same here. My daughter may have grown up surrounded by Internet people, we have been clear about behaviours online.

I think respect, reasoning and discussions have been key for us...

[Meg]

I definitely had grown-ass adults take giant fucking steps over the line of acceptable ways to interact with a 15 year old online when I was 15 and on MUDs, even when they knew I was 15. Or especially when they knew that.

But none of them lived near and my mom was freaked out by internet people so it's not like I could ever meet up with them.