RL Sads
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Those people will fade away in a year. Your efforts have more persistence. Ignore them, the moderators understood your message and your history. They are the ones you are accountable to.
My opinion at least.
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The real kicker is that none of my supposed local friends also on that page never bothered to reach out. Oh, wait, one did, three hours after the fact, and after she'd screamed at me on the original post, in order to say that she thought that my apology was sincere, and that she was deeply hurt by the post.
This woman is the epitome of self-inserter, and only private messages you so that she can have something to screen-shot and pass around. When I asked why it took her three hours to bother checking in with me, she turned the whole thing around and made it about her personal, white ally hurt that she felt by my...post about freeing the slaves.
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Trying to decide whether to cut off contact with the parental unit after decades of verbal abuse. Straw that broke the camel's back was being told that fat people (like me) are shameful and disgusting and need to not go out in public so that normal people don't have to look at us.
My life isn't so great this week.
http://keys.aresmush.com -- Come to Chincoteague, we have ponies.
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@L-B-Heuschkel said in RL Sads:
Trying to decide whether to cut off contact with the parental unit after decades of verbal abuse.
Would you allow them to say this to their grandchildren?
The decision is clear to me.
The love of a child to their parent does not include quietly accepting abuse of any kind as an adult.
“It is better to live doing the things that you like. It is foolish to live within this dream of a world seeing unpleasantness and doing only things that you do not like.” -- Yamamoto Tsunetomo.
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@L-B-Heuschkel I'm sorry. I went through something similar, though it was a grandparent. Anyone else I would have gone nuclear on but it's so much harder with family, even if they make you miserable.
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@L-B-Heuschkel I'm sorry you are having to go through that. =/
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When I went through the same thing, what ultimately gave me the strength to go no contact with my birth mother and most of the assholes from that side of the divorce was when my psychiatrist 'gave me permission' to go on ahead and do it.
It wasn't so much that he permitted me, but that he asked 'what do you owe these people who have given you nothing but pain?' But having the exterior affirmation/confirmation that those people were actually assholes, and my pain was legitimate was empowering.
I give you permission to cut that cruel asshole out of your life. Ignore those interior voices that insist that you owe them anything. My son will never know his maternal grandmother, but that is entirely her own fault, and my stepmother is the best grandmother a kid could hope for, and I consider her my mother at this point.
It's still hard sometimes, and those echoe-y guilty feelings pop up every once in a while, but I am a much mentally healthy a person for having done it, even if I am on a bit of a downturn at the moment.
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@L-B-Heuschkel I went very low contact (and remain that way for the most part) after my mother's latest abusive rampage 6 years ago. It was a tough decision bevause I am their only child and therefore feel a moral obligation to the parents that raised me. But it was the right decision.
I did break explicitly with her (in other circumstances I would have just not contacted her further and blocked number) because of her actions at that time which she could not present away like her verbal abuse that didn't happen in front of witnesses. Since she did not want to be embarrassed by people asking questions she kept our break on the down low.
Thats a fortunate experience though. I know how hard it is to go no contact when it means your parent will try to rile the family against you. So I am so sorry you are in this place, and especially if you have complicit family to deal with.
I do think though that when you know it's time, its time. And its not that it isn't painful in some ways but I think at least for me it has been what I needed and I do not regret anything. If you decide to break contact I hope you'll find the same.
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My aunt is being put under hospice care. I've been told to come say my goodbyes. She's the matriarch, the one who remembers all the birthdays of /everyone/ (and with my cousins' broods, that's a LOT), the one who always has the sage advice but will also tell you to put on your big kid pants and deal with it.
When my mother died, her house was home, while my father tried to handle everything. She was safety and logic and the stories of my dad when he was young, and what my mother was really like. She taught my sisters and I all kinds of weird things, and always made us dance the jitterbug at parties.
I guess I needed to blurt it all out. If y'all could spare a little kind energy - she's a great lady, a tough as hell woman, and one of my heroes. This hurts.
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I'm really sorry for your loss, and that of your family. Thinking of you and yours today.
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@Sunny Thank you.
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@Macha I'm so sorry. These losses hurt.
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@Macha I am so sorry.
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My aunt is being put under hospice care. I've been told to come say my goodbyes. She's the matriarch, the one who remembers all the birthdays of /everyone/ (and with my cousins' broods, that's a LOT), the one who always has the sage advice but will also tell you to put on your big kid pants and deal with it.
When my mother died, her house was home, while my father tried to handle everything. She was safety and logic and the stories of my dad when he was young, and what my mother was really like. She taught my sisters and I all kinds of weird things, and always made us dance the jitterbug at parties.
I guess I needed to blurt it all out. If y'all could spare a little kind energy - she's a great lady, a tough as hell woman, and one of my heroes. This hurts.
This was basically my July. I am so, so sorry.
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@Macha I'm so very sorry. Prayers and well wishes, and good thoughts to you and your family.
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Keeping your aunt in my thoughts.
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@Macha I'm so sorry. I understand, and I'm thinking of you.
