Jan 10, 2017, 9:15 PM

Mostly I'm writing this because it didn't really fit into @Catsmeow thread. That's more of the physical health. This more along the lines of mental well-being and how to take care of one's self. Although some of may be completely stable, normal human beings with few hangups and luckily enough have a decent and sensible head on their shoulders and some may have their own issues they struggle with every day and most simply don't know.

Speaking for myself, and this has been a very long time in coming(years, even), I've realized that I need to work on me, myself. And for the longest of time, again, years, I thought these were problems I could deal with on my own. That I didn't really need help, the belief that I had them completely under control. Turns out I don't, or maybe I never did. And I couldn't say what started it all. Come from a middle class(when we used to have a middle class)family, grew up in a rural area, so I like to think that it had nothing to do with my upbringing.

Even as I sit here and type this, at 34 years of age, I can feel myself starting to get angry at the belief that this should not be an issue. That I'm old enough that I shouldn't worry about this sort of thing. So why do I feel the way that I do about various things? Now, I'm not going to self-diagnose myself since I think we do too much of that(like staring at WebMD and believing you have cancer), but after talking to enough people, asking for honest opinions and the niggling prick at the back of my head I've had for years leads me to believe I've had a certain degree of depression my entire life. The constant self-doubt, the feelings of not being 'good enough' and the continual sense that I'm 'being a bother' or that I'm simply not living up to other people's expectations. Or that I'm simply not worth it. Doubt, self-esteem, things like that.

My fiance tells me this is something I should've been treated for ages ago(I also wish I had her ability to pick up and drop RPing and not care), and I guess she came to the opinion that I'll face it when I'm ready to do so. So that's where I'm at now, trying to move forward from there. And it has bled into my MU life more than I'd like to admit. That you want to be 'worth another RPers time' or have some kind of sense of belonging or trying not to have that feeling that you're just not good enough for you or your character to be interesting to others. And the more I focused on that, the worse I seemed to get. Always feel like having to say 'sorry' during pages because you feel like you've said too much or you're spamming someone or you're afraid they don't want to talk to you. The list goes on, really.

It all seems silly, reading this back to myself. That I should just be able to 'grow up' or not let it bother me or have fun for me and not anyone else. And I know that and I tell myself that all the time. I just don't know why I can't let myself do just that, and I want to. But I think that now that I've finally admitted these things to myself and to a greater audience at large, I can try to get better. Improve on not just myself from beyond the computer and the MUs, but be able to do so within them as well. I was willing to ignore a lot in the name of a lot of things, but I can't do that anymore.

And now that I've talked about myself enough for these things, there is another actual point to the thread. Being that what other people do help themselves when it comes to mental health. Whether it's seeking advice, council, even medication or things along those lines. Because at this point, I don't know if I could afford seeing a therapist or medication, so I've been doing what I can to read up on things to help myself. It's a far better than just ignoring it and thinking I'm fine. And maybe what worked for someone else will work for me.