I don't know if this has already been covered in this thread, I didn't read through the entire thing, but I find what's more rare than an honest apology from someone owning up to what they've done, is the idea of forgiveness for someone fucking up on a game to someone else.
This was bred out of a conversation I recently had with someone on a game. And it got me thinking. For all the bile and angst and rage that MUs seem to generate at times, we hear so few of the times that players who have had beef in the past being able to move forward, forgive the other person(or even admit their own fault to where the anger came in some cases)and move forward.
There have been a certain number couple of times where I've heard someone say "Oh, I can't believe that X and Y are friends again. Especially after what X did/said/done to/about Y." And I sometimes ponder to myself how unfortunate it is that it's so rare that we hear about it. Or least, from my perspective anyways. Made me wonder why this this.
If it's just a symptom of it being the internet, that anonymity allows grudges to fester, sometimes for years. It's true that this isn't exclusive to MUing. Far from it, but I suppose this is my best example since this is where I see it most often. I guess, I try to look at from the standpoint of, "holy shit aren't we supposed to be adults about this?". Which yeah, is easier said than done(and we say this so much I notice), notably if you're one of the injured parties involved. It's easier to be mad and resentful than it is to look at it from the other perspective.
And maybe there are just some truly shitty people in the world. Not saying everyone is a saint either. We fuck up, we make mistakes, we lie. I know I have and have lost people that I valued as a RP partner in the process of that, and I do regret that. But the number of times I look at myself and consider how many people I've forgiven versus the number of people that I haven't and that number is eschewed heavily to one side that I can't say I'm all that proud of. So maybe it is easier to just be mad and hold some animosity for some stupid shit that one person did months or even years ago, when realistically, I can't think of a reason why I'm still mad. Only that I am. Especially when that reason seems more and more petty. Maybe it seemed relevant at the time, less so now. The whole concept of the Hatfields and the McCoys, they keep fighting a war they no longer know why they're fighting anymore.
Maybe you're angry because you feel slighted. That you didn't do anything wrong, and yet get your name dragged through the proverbial MU mud. Because once your name is tarnished, it's so hard to get back. And it doesn't even matter whether or not what you did is even true. Because easier to avoid that person on chans, leave scenes the other person is in, and just be petty.
Or maybe you're angry because someone was honestly shitty to you. They lied to you, screwed you over for some kind of IC advantage or magic macguffin. Or lied to you OOC, saying one thing and doing another. Or they hurt a friend of yours in a IC or OOC way. The list is pretty long for reasons why.
You could do nothing and let the anger fester because you don't want to cause some kind of confrontation that could spiral out of control. Which happens in a lot of cases. On the flip side you can also be a dick and antagonistic(though depending where you play, it might just get you banned) instead of just asking, 'so yeah, i'm pissed at you, but I want to hear your side of it. I want to know why you did/said X'. Maybe they'll apologize, maybe they won't, maybe they'll lie to your damn face, but maybe the fact that you considered long enough to actually broach the topic says more than than anything else. Some might appreciate it, some might not care, but I feel like what matters is that you tried.
Though what I think is the most insidious of all this is the word of mouth. You hear from one person that X did/said this about Y and you, someone who had nothing to do with the situation decides, well shit, they're an assclown, fuck them and the horse they rode in on. Holy damn, that is something I was horrible with for a long time. Come to my shock that, wait hold on, Y isn't even that bad, why the hell was I even mad at them?
It might mean nothing in the end. At the very end of the day, most people, beyond the ones you talk to on a heavy OOC basis where you share Skype handles and phone numbers, don't mean much. They're lives will never intersect with yours beyond whatever method of online media you partake in(unless you stream Twitch and someone decides to be a dick and SWATs you). But the longer I've been in this hobby the more I think I should actually try forgiving people that I've fell out of touch with, especially if the fault was mine, or if I've deserved some measure of it in some kind situation where neither side came out looking pretty. And on the other hand, I should be willing to forgive when someone honestly comes to me and apologizes.
Or maybe I'm just getting older and more jaded and realizing that I'm indeed 'getting too old for this shit'. Could just be simply as not caring as much as I used and letting really old and dumb reasons for being angry go.
tl;dr Monogram matures a little