@Ghost said in Real World Peeves, Disgruntlement, and Irks.:
Sigh. Moms, yanno?
Actual phone conversation I just had with my mom.
Mom: I just had a holy shit moment.
Me: Oh? What happened?
(Brain read everything my mom says from this point forward in a conspiratorial whisper voice)
Mom: I just went into the bedroom and you wont believe what I saw.
Me: (Strung along) Oh? What?
Mom: Your father was in there on the bed alone...
Me: (PleaseDontSayHeWasJerkingIt) Oh? Is everything okay?
Mom: He was on the bed and when I went in there he immediately hid something under the sheets.
Me: (Still...please god no) Oh? I mean, is everything okay?
Mom: He had a boxcutter that he was hiding from me. When I went in there he really quickly hid it so I couldn't see.
Me: (New version of OhGodNoWhat? because alone+boxcutter) Uhm...thats not good. Is everything okay? Do I need to step away from my desk.
Mom: He was...CUTTING UP A CARDBOARD BOX ON TOP OF MY EXPENSIVE EGYPTIAN SHEETS AND BEDCOVER. HE RUINED MY EXPENSIVE BEDROOM SET AND NOW I HAVE TO REPLACE IT BECAUSE HE CUT THROUGH TO THE MATTRESS.
God damn it, Mom.
Whew. Sigh of relief. I love my mom forever but god damn it her storytelling style freaks me out like this at least once every other month. She doesn't do this on purpose for fun, either. It'll be like:
Mom: Oh. My. God. The craziest thing happened you'll never guess...
Me: Hit me. What happened?
Mom: So I turn down this aisle and I'm all alone, and I see this big guy with tattoos and this pretty girl ALL ALONE IN THE AISLE...
Me: Oh no, what were they doing?
Mom: ...it was BOB AND JEAN'S SON, BARRY. HE'S BACK FROM SERVING OVERSEAS. HE'S COVERED IN TATTOOS, HAS A BEAUTIFUL GIRLFRIEND, AND THEY INVITED US ALL TO A BARBECUE NEXT WEEK.
AAAAAAAAUGHFJEOEI3U38...
I'll trade you yours with her weird Christopher Walken-esque story pauses for mine with her regular text messages about some sad or tragic thing that should be making me miserable today.
Like, every year on March 14th she texts me to remind me how many years it's been since my grandfather died.
I need to know, in detail, about the tragic medical circumstances of her neighbors that I don't particularly like.
Do I want to hear, at great length, the latest sad story coming out of the dog rescue she works with? Of course I do.
If there is a sad/bad/tragic thing happening in the world, she will find it. And then she will contact me to tell me all about it, even if it's about people I don't know. Or she doesn't know. But it's vaguely local and there's possibly some very tenuous thread of connection between it and anything she is remotely connected to in any way whatsoever, and therefore I'm connected to it, and so it needs to just be a part of my day now.
WTF, Mom?