Autism and The MU* Community

Ganymede

Here’s the flip side.

As a boss, I like to know more about the people I work with. I want to know if someone wants to start a family because my firm tries to cater to that. I want to know if someone wants or needs accommodations because I want to put that into our budget. These things are important to know and plan for financially.

But I can’t ask.

The paranoia built into the law was created by people too afraid to reveal their own prejudices.

Ominous

@ganymede

Are you hiring? I ask for a friend. Maybe a few dozen friends.

Macha

Today my boss made fun of my ADHD, and my usual ability to multitask like a mofo. I was on hold for the stupid medical accommodation team, when he dropped still more work on me. And it all has to be done ASAP.

So I straight up asked him. "What order would you like me to prioritize this?"

"What, can't you just do all three things at once? You just told me the other day you could talk to me and review cases." ... yeah, because talking to you doesn't require SOFTWARE USE, dipshit. All I really want to tell him is "You know what would help? Have them send me a second monitor. Double my productivity."

But, I can't. So I won't. So I do shit at my own pace, and didn't work myself into that adrenaline-fueled afternoon of needing to hyperfocus. He likes to bitch about that, too, so... yeah. He can suck it.

Misadventure

@macha Fuck that guy.

Derp

@misadventure said in Autism and The MU* Community:

@macha Fuck that guy.

This

Grayson

@misadventure said in Autism and The MU* Community:

@macha Fuck that guy.

No, don't fuck that guy.

You really don't want to have to touch him, and you don't know where he's been.

Ganymede

@ominous said in Autism and The MU* Community:

Are you hiring? I ask for a friend. Maybe a few dozen friends.

Honestly, I wish I had the capacity. My firm's office is quite literally full.

Derp

@ganymede said in Autism and The MU* Community:

@ominous said in Autism and The MU* Community:

Are you hiring? I ask for a friend. Maybe a few dozen friends.

Honestly, I wish I had the capacity. My firm's office is quite literally full.

slides Gany a resume for future consideration

il-volpe

@macha I keep wanting a .gif of Peter Weller in Dexter saying, "They can go fuck the dog." For your boss.

il-volpe

@ganymede said in Autism and The MU* Community:

Here’s the flip side.

Yeah, I know. It's kinda hard to stomach, since from my PoV it boils down to, 'trying to avoid being harmed frustrates and annoys people who can harm me, including those who don't want to.'

You're a rational and ethical person of good will. And to me, you're also Schrödinger's Bigot.

There's kinda a lot of shit like that, on every scale. I'm supposed to know if somebody's genuinely over busy or doesn't want to see me, but the behaviors are the same.

Kaedric

Autism was merely something never discussed when I was a kid. I don't recall there ever being a stigma. As such, the signs that I was autistic never really got caught until I was in my twenties. Firstly a couple of people I knew had family on the Spectrum and mentioned that I showed several signs. Then a couple of years back my cousin, a psychologist who spent several years working closely with autistic adults said that in her opinion I was definitely autistic. I haven't been formally diagnosed, though I'm currently considering it.

I find my interactions online in general and MU's, in particular, are a mixed bag. I struggle with making connections with people but find when I do they're easier for me to maintain than IRL relationships.

GreenFlashlight

@kaedric said in Autism and The MU* Community:

Autism was merely something never discussed when I was a kid.

When I was a kid, you weren't autistic unless you had to wear a helmet at all times to keep you from bashing your brains against a wall when you were having a tantrum. You were just antisocial or a late bloomer or someone who has a good heart god bless you.

I didn't notice how much pent-up anger I had over it until I wrote that.

il-volpe

@greenflashlight Yep. As a kid my 'diagnosis' was "gifted, but emotionally disturbed." My parents' divorce was blamed, though I, five years old at the time, thought it was a damn good idea and was only concerned that I might be separated from the dog. Meanwhile, I am pretty sure most of my paternal relatives believed they split because I was such a difficult child.

I had a hilariously infuriating experience in which somebody told (say, NT-splained) me that autism intervention actually made me extra racist and misogynist 'cause it focuses on the white males that are disproportionately diagnosed. In reality the interventions for the "emotionally disturbed" where where all the kids of colour and all the angry girls got thrown. And the Deaf kid who was being tortured with SEE.

GreenFlashlight

Question for the autistic folks in the thread. How's your self-esteem? I've noticed that if someone disrespects me, then I automatically internalize it as being something I deserve (because if I didn't deserve it, why would they do it, right?), and I'm wondering if that sounds familiar to anyone's experience or if it's just me.

il-volpe

@greenflashlight No. But I have this idea that a bunch of people think they are chickens with a pecking order, and I'm not giving the right signals as a dominant or submissive chicken, I'm just minding my own damn business. And some people find this arrogant, aggressive and intimidating somehow, and either look to me to boss them about and think I'm really nice for not wanting to, or they try to pick a fight to put me in my place.

I had helpless giggles when the "men's rights" dumbasses came up with "sigma male" to describe this. I think more people are getting used to the idea of equality, or at least to the idea that they can live without knowing their rank and that of everyone around them. Or maybe I just escaped from the coop mostly.

Ganymede

@greenflashlight said in Autism and The MU* Community:

I've noticed that if someone disrespects me, then I automatically internalize it as being something I deserve (because if I didn't deserve it, why would they do it, right?), and I'm wondering if that sounds familiar to anyone's experience or if it's just me.

I'm not sure if it is just you. All I can tell you is that my daughter doesn't give a shit what anyone thinks, but don't you dare hurt her feelings because how dare you.

Carma

This post is deleted!

il-volpe

@ganymede You may discover later that she actually does give quite a large and golden shit about other people's feelings, but feels beat down about it and has adopted defensive faux indifference. I often feel quite deeply saddened and anxious when I hurt people's feelings, but also feel that the whole damn situation is unfuckingfair -- Seems like most people don't communicate these feelings in a way I can understand or even detect, but I get slapped for not being mindful of said feelings. Yet meanwhile, I communicate my own feelings and needs directly and the same people appear to simply ignore that communication or dismiss it. And yeah, I do get a "How fucking dare you," feel about it -- from my PoV I'm being punished for not reading minds and for other people's refusal to listen.

kk

I read the question are people with Autism more insecure? At least I think that is what I read, but I have autism!

So my first reaction to that is, sometimes, oftentimes, but certainly not always and maybe not even mostly.

I do think (although I could be wrong) that there is greater risk of low self esteem in people on the spectrum. But I also think that people on the spectrum are so varied and different from reach other, there is no generalization that really works either.

I have suffered with intense insecurity and low esteem that recently (While far from perfect) is much improved. There were two things that really helped it it improved.

One was working on a covid unit. Maybe sounds nutty, but in doing such I was like I am needed I am valuable to society and to other people. I have brave and strong too!
Another thing that helped my insecurity was accepting that not everyone likes me and that is okay and that people can dislike me without it being a big deal or without them having any ill will towards me. I learned that from Arx of all places!

I think there are few things that help with confidence in autism.

Is viewing autism as being different, but not being broken. I was taught as a child that I was a disappointment and broken. When i came to see myself as simply different, but not broken, things got better.
Accepting that one has autism, knowing one has autism and being able to talk about it also helps. That is why I think it is a mistake to hide an autism dx from children as some parents do. I knew since I was little I had autism, but some don't find out until later and I think that can be hard.
Money/finances/job/a place to live being okay. Some people on the spectrum are not in a place of being able to work and for them it is important they have support and have their basic needs taken care of. I am very capable of working, but not everyone autistic person is and some can work if given support, but that support needs to be given. My job is aware of my autism and supportive about such.
Excepting that not everyone is not going to like one and that such is okay. That people can even dislike you and wish you the best and etc. You cannot please everyone, but can nutty trying to.

Ganymede

@il-volpe said in Autism and The MU* Community:

You may discover later that she actually does give quite a large and golden shit about other people's feelings, but feels beat down about it and has adopted defensive faux indifference.

Her educators and therapists have come to a different conclusion. Part of her particular brand is the inability to empathize, even if she is attuned to her own emotions strongly.