RL Anger

Scorn

Staaaaahhhhp.

surreality

@Scorn I get it, hon. I know. But you actually do know me. Have I ever struck you as somebody who goes around saying 'omg how dare you guys talk about this forever when you people didn't talk this long about my poor sad feelsies!'? You're one of my best friends who does hear about that stuff privately when something goes down, and know I just kinda tend to get stupid quiet for days if there's some feelsy personal problem going on, y'know?

Kanye Qwest

Ganymede

@Derp said in RL Anger:

Me: Fine. Whatever.

Let me help you here.

Me: Why did you tell her that? I took a vacation day off to hang with you. I don't recall you being this inconsiderate in the past, but I'm going to hold you to your commitment. I'm going to come by in about 15 minutes. I don't care if she's there, or if she stays at your place, but I don't feel like hanging with her.

People who use "That's cool with you, right?" piss the fuck out of me. I don't have time for that shit. Friends don't blow friends off who take vacation days to hang with them, even if this girl can suck dick/east pussy/fuck/take it in the ass like a champ.

End of story.

surreality

Agreed with Gany on this one.

It's one of those questions you can't say no to without being the bad guy, and those suck.

Like, I get shit being derailed for actual emergencies, but that doesn't strike me as an emergency.

And, really, in an actual emergency, nobody's stopping to ask if anybody else is cool with dealing with it, because the need to deal with it is self-evident from the jump.

Ganymede

@surreality said in RL Anger:

It's one of those questions you can't say no to without being the bad guy, and those suck.

Like, I get shit being derailed for actual emergencies, but that doesn't strike me as an emergency.

This is absolutely, empirically, objectively not an emergency.

This is, without a doubt in my mind, a ploy for Him to get some action from Her.

See, this is how the conversation would have went with me, without a doubt.

Friend: Hey, a friend of mine is fighting with her boyfriend and she doesn't have a car. Can we give her a ride? It'll just be a quick detour.
Ganymede: I don't want no random bitch in my car, what's wrong with you?
Friend: She's not random! I've known her for a few months now.
Ganymede: She's random to me, dork. Are you trying to fuck her?
Friend: No.
Ganymede: Then, no.
Friend: That's really shitty of you.
Ganymede: No, that's really shitty of you. We planned this day a while back; I took a vacation day for it; and now you want to interrupt it to comfort this girl who's random to me when we planned this so we comfort each other by re-living our glory days. If I was sucking your dick on the regular, you wouldn't even think of doing this to me.
Friend: So, you're saying I should just blow off my friend because you say so?
Ganymede: No, I'm saying this because you're blowing me off.
Friend: I'm her only friend.
Ganymede: If she told you that, she's lying. Even if it isn't, you're still blowing me off.
Friend: This is an emergency.
Ganymede: No, it isn't, and you know it isn't, and if you want to blow me off to get some pussy, I can understand it but will remain super pissed at you for making me waste a vacation day.
Friend: You could hang with someone else.
Ganymede: And I may be doing that for the rest of our lives. Have fun being the wet shoulder for some emotionally-unstable train-wreck.

surreality

@Ganymede Yup, exactly. In the case of actual emergencies, it's so obvious there's zero need to ask. Like, 'I just got a call from my brother who needs to be taken to the ER' or some shit, there is zero need to ask.

Catsmeow

@Ganymede

Hahaha. I read that and was like -- Oh! He's just trying to get her to put out. I'm glad I wasn't the only one that went there.

As to the situation, if you are friends with people; you should be able to be honest with them.

I probably would have been less tactful. If the person asked with Sad Eyes Girl, I would probably have responded:

Dude, don't put me on the spot like that. It's not cool. You know that we had plans and you said driving her somewhere because she doesn't have a car was going to be a short errand. I mean I get you are friends and all, but I took off from work to hang with just us. So, no it's not really okay with me.

toes ground

This might be why I haven't made new friends.

surreality

@Catsmeow I admire that sort of honesty, personally.

Most folks wouldn't have the courage to say it, even if most of us would be thinking it.

Ganymede

@surreality said in RL Anger:

Most folks wouldn't have the courage to say it, even if most of us would be thinking it.

Most decent folks would have the fucking backbone to tell the sad-eyed girl: sorry babe I have plans today; dick later?

Catsmeow

To be fair, I spent a GREAT number of years in my life saying things like:
"That's okay."
"Sure, I guess."
"If it makes you happy, we can."

Now I'm closer to 40 and life is too short to live it for someone else. (Oh look I'm posting probably in the wrong thread, drinky drinky). I use to think that love/care meant self-sacrifice. I would put my wants and needs and feelings on the back burner. I still struggle with this because I'm probably a people pleaser. Then there comes a point where you look around and realize you are not be authentic. If you are not being authentic than you need to question if your friendships are. So I started saying no when it really wasn't okay. I stopped being resentful to people that didn't know they were overstepping because I never told them. You have to be honest to yourself and with yourself and then with others. Some people will leave and it will suck. Other people will stay and it will rock. Your life will be happier and such.

Okay, done hi-jacking the thread ... drink up... I hope @WTFE is still alive.

Ganymede

@Catsmeow said in RL Anger:

I use to think that love/care meant self-sacrifice.

I did too. And then I had children. My mindset changed very fast.

Loving another isn't about cutting all of the flesh from your bones for them. Loving another is showing them why you won't do so, or ask them to do the same.

Catsmeow

@Ganymede said in RL Anger:

I did too. And then I had children. My mindset changed very fast.

Loving another isn't about cutting all of the flesh from your bones for them. Loving another is showing them why you won't do so, or ask them to do the same.

THIS! So much this.

Coin

@Catsmeow said in RL Anger:

To be fair, I spent a GREAT number of years in my life saying things like:
"That's okay."
"Sure, I guess."
"If it makes you happy, we can."

Now I'm closer to 40 and life is too short to live it for someone else. (Oh look I'm posting probably in the wrong thread, drinky drinky). I use to think that love/care meant self-sacrifice. I would put my wants and needs and feelings on the back burner. I still struggle with this because I'm probably a people pleaser. Then there comes a point where you look around and realize you are not be authentic. If you are not being authentic than you need to question if your friendships are. So I started saying no when it really wasn't okay. I stopped being resentful to people that didn't know they were overstepping because I never told them. You have to be honest to yourself and with yourself and then with others. Some people will leave and it will suck. Other people will stay and it will rock. Your life will be happier and such.

Okay, done hi-jacking the thread ... drink up... I hope @WTFE is still alive.

I think this is on topic, and as the Resident Authority On What is Or Isn't On Topic (or RAOWIOIOT), I would know.

Also, I solved this particular type of dilemma a few years back when I made it my personal policy to only take vacation days for myself.

I will hang out with friends if they are free on my vacation days, sure--but I take them for me, when they are convenient for me, and when I know I will have the emotional energy to enjoy them for me.

Fuck my friends.

I mean, I don't fuck my friends--

---well, not all of them.

Look. You got the gist.

God dammit.

Meg

@Coin On this forum, anyone can declare themselves the authority on anything and get away with it, as long as no one calls them on it. * glance towards thread in which she just started making factions and people didn't argue that she had the authority to decide who was in what. *

Catsmeow

@Meg

I am a cat elitist and I do wish I was a princess -- So your um.. vague other forum post that we are not mentioning because .. vaguebook is all the rage. (Get it? Rage? Anger... you get it).

Also @Coin - I would have to meet your friends first. Or just drink too much.

Arkandel

@Meg said in RL Anger:

glance towards thread in which she just started making factions and people didn't argue that she had the authority to decide who was in what. *

There are no authorities around here unless someone really, really screws up. We're in a self-sustaining engine fuelled by whining, memes and kitty pics.

Also we seem to be more about cats than dogs. What's with that?

Ganymede

@Arkandel said in RL Anger:

Also we seem to be more about cats than dogs. What's with that?

If I wanted to be constantly accosted by whiny bitches I'd make another child or become staff somewhere again.

I like my pets like my ghouls: sultry, sexy, quiet, and very gay.

Arkandel

@Ganymede said in RL Anger:

or become staff somewhere again.

Just wait until I get a bit further with my project.

Tinuviel

@Ganymede So you'd be open to a Liberace-inspired ghoul, then?