Posts made by Aria

So, I'm going to be frank here. This thread? This thread right here? Is a cause of my RL Anger right now. And it's not because of the fact that this subject makes me uncomfortable. As a woman, as a feminist, and as someone who has been assaulted more than once -- and really, it's telling that I divide my most serious experiences into 'assault' and write off things that are very much assault, like the number of times I have been unwillingly groped at a concert as 'not even worth discussing' -- this arguments and these points that everyone is making are a simple fact of my daily life.

Yeah. Yeah, read that again. My daily life, because there are literally aspects of my everyday routine that pretty much revolve around the idea of "Don't wanna get raped today! Today's not gonna be that day (again)."

This thread makes me angry because I have had to have this argument over, and over, and over, and fucking over. It is frustrating. It is exhausting. And it is like beating your head into a brick wall and wondering why your head is bleeding and the bricks are perfectly fucking fine.

And thanks to so much of our national -- nay, global -- discourse at the moment (don't worry, Ark, I'm not going to get specific enough for it delve into full blown politics) means that I have see this shit come up everywhere, from almost everyone, and I would like to have at least one teeny, tiny sliver of my life, even just one of my hobbies, where I don't have to listen to a heated debated about some useless cockstain that can't won't keep his goddamn hands and his dick to himself.

I am so over this argument.

And yet I don't get to be. Because again, this is my daily life.

So here's where it's at, kids.

As far as I am concerned, a woman should be able to dance the conga naked down Broadway and not have anyone lay a finger on her without her consent. But in no way, shape, or form do I believe that a woman can dance the conga naked down Broadway without anyone laying a finger on her, because we live in a world that -- if we stop dressing it up in bullshit niceties meant to make this conversation easier on the people who already get to dodge every consequence of their actions -- get to treat women as things rather than people, as commodities to consumed and nothing more. I'm not that naive, and I never possibly can be again.

But you know who I'm not going to blame? Even if she does it anyway? Her. I'm not going to blame her. Not once. Not ever. Or him, if it just so happens to be a naked conga-dancing him. I'm going to blame the rapist, because he (or yes, she! legitimate point, but also get fucked #notallmen and "it can happen to men" to because yes, it can, and yes, it does, but you're not trying to help them so much as trying to derail the argument and be willingly obtuse) is the bad actor. They are the one at fault. Hands down. No questions asked. Period. The fucking end.

I was raped once in college. I was drunk. I had flirted with him. I had made a poor selection of friends. Could I have prevented if I'd been sober? Probably. Would he have done if I hadn't "encouraged" him? I don't know. Should I have been a better judge of character? Hell yes, especially in regards to my two male roommates who watched him follow me up to my room several minutes after I stumbled upstairs, but "didn't want to interfere" even though they thought it was a little odd.

I was also assaulted once in high school. When I was stone cold sober. Wearing a baggie hoodie and jeans. Watching a movie with a 'friend' while his parents and younger siblings were home. By someone I trusted, because everyone I knew -- even my dad -- insisted Matt was "such a great guy" and I should really just be nicer too him given how big his crush on me was. About the only thing I could've done to prevent it there? I'd guess "not be female outside the very close supervision of several adult members of my family", but hey. Even after I told my dad what happened, he said that guys are just like that and I should've been firmer in my refusals, so who fucking knows?

Yeah. Yeah, I think women should take as many precautions as they can -- because they have to. Because this world is so messed up, and this bullshit is tolerated and excused by so many people at so many levels, they don't have any other choice.

But if you're one of the people who think the 'problem' is that they aren't careful enough instead of the fact that they get away with it almost every time, in no small part because you feel the need to expound upon all the ways they should've tried harder not to be raped as the preferred solution over teaching society it's not okay to be a rapist?

Then I have two words for you:

FUCK. YOU.

And if this post just so happens to make you feel attacked? Yeah. I'm probably talking to you. Maybe you should spend some time thinking about that.

We are finally taking Miss Kitty to the shelter she was adopted from, so they can do a medical check on her and the animal control department can officially open an animal abandonment investigation on her owners, which they need to do so she's legally transferred back into the ownership of the shelter.

We've offered to foster her, but they're making us apply even though we've been caring for her for about a month now. Wish us luck.

@kanye-qwest said in Real World Peeves, Disgruntlement, and Irks.:

i think my battery is dying. I have a pushbutton starter that just kind of lags or doesn't turn on when I'm trying to start the car.

I have money to get a new battery. I don't have TIME. I work until 7pm and can't really take time off right now through the end of the year. So. That's fun.

Costco. They're open until 9PM and give you $$$ for recycling your old battery core or something. I also buy my tires there.

@aerianyx If it's any consolation, the dude I who I mentioned having stalked me across multiple games for several years used one particular actor for the character I dealt with the most, the longest, and had the hardest time avoiding.

Despite the fact that this actor is reasonably talented and has never once in his life even been in the vague vicinity of me, let alone done something to me, I become irrationally angry every time I see his stupid fucking face. It makes no sense, I know, and I've never yet been able to determine if it's exacerbated by the fact that he tends to play jerks or if that just makes my reaction more tolerable in the moment, since it doesn't really contradict the plot of whatever he's in. Either way, the minute he's on screen, I'm pretty much in eye-narrowing "Man, fuck that guy" mode.

For some reason, I thought that third season of Last Kingdom dropped on Netflix today.

No. It drops next Monday.

I am unreasonably upset by this. Like, might actually start crying upset, despite being keenly aware that I am being unreasonable. I think this is the point of 'sick + sinus meds' where the only smart thing to do is put my toddler-tantrum ass down for a nap. But I can't.

Why did I say I was going to work from home today?

@surreality said in RL Anger:

(ETA: Proof that we all have super powers -- most of them are just spectacularly ridiculous.)

Now I want a listing of everyone's super power.

Mine is taming animals that their owners insist "aren't friendly", to the point that I've gotten used to hearing people comment "Oh my gosh, I've never seen her react to anyone like that!" or something similar. Even @insomniac7809's mom, who doesn't particularly like dogs, has noted my ability to reduce an unfamiliar doggo to a wriggling mass of tail wagging puppy that is losing its little doggie mind that I am petting it. This also works on stray cats that bite the fuck out of everyone else, yet will somehow just crawl out of hiding and prance over just because I said "Hi, kitty-kitty!" and start rubbing on my legs.

I inherited it from my dad, who also has the same effect. It's kind of absurd. I think we might secretly be the world's laziest were-people or something.

@mietze said in Forgiveness in Mushing:

People are people everywhere. Mush people I think tend to be much more on the social/wanting to connect side of things than normal. It is an asset. But does it lead sometimes to hissing and spitting, yes.

I shouldn't be laughing at this. I really shouldn't. But given the number of cats we've fostered or TNRed or rescued or rehomed, and the fact that our Pasha unfailingly reacts to any other cat entering his home with a hissing bitch-fit that has now invariably become a joke in our house....

I am now imagining poor @Apos doing what @insomniac7809 has to do with our foster cats: carrying the latest player around the game in his arms for very limited 'supervised introductions' for a few weeks until we're pretty sure that the hissing and spitting isn't going to turn into fur flying and a trip to the emergency vet because a bit of claw embedded into someone's cheek got infected.

This is not a reasonable expectation in any possible way, but I cannot stop laughing at the idea of some poor staffer having to carry the equivalent of Fedora Man around a room full of nerds being like, "Now, now. He's just being a defensive jerk because he's new....."

Use the soothing voice, you guys. The soothing voice is the important part.

@faraday said in Forgiveness in Mushing:

I think Ark hit it on the head for why the hobby is kind of messed up, socially-speaking. A tabletop RPG crew may get overly invested in their characters. A tabletop wargame crew may get overly competitive. But those people still have to look each other in the eyes week after week and (generally) get to know each other pretty well. Internet gaming doesn't have that very important social filter.

^ Pretty much this. A lot of MUSHers behave as though they're sitting down at their weekly TT group, with the antics they engage in, the way they talk to people, the stuff they pull. But here's the thing about that: in your TT group, those people already know you. You have some kind of existing relationship beyond a scene or three in passing. They can see your expressions. They can hear your tone of voice. And because you're operating as a group (hopefully) working towards a common goal, all of these things combined are more likely to make you try to understand what someone is doing and why, or at least give them a pass if you don't.

On a game, you have none of those things. Moreover, on a particularly large game, it's very easy -- after one unpleasant interaction -- to simply never interact with that person again, or interact with them so infrequently that there's no reason to consider anything besides your initial impression. It's a disposable interaction, and the person behind it becomes disposable, too, with little recognition they're a person at all.

As for forgiveness? Yes, actually. Even recently, I've had people I dislike become friends. In fact, I now talk pretty regularly to... one of two people I've reported as a potential issue to staff? And made a point of informing Apostate of that fact when it happened months later. Every now and then there's a moment I presume they think is funny that still makes me cringe or grind my teeth, but the truth of the matter is.... well... sooner or later, I have that reaction to everybody. Including myself. People are annoying.

There are people I've done something to upset them (most often without realizing it) and they seem rather unwilling to let it go. There are people I'm too embarrassed to apologize to. There are people I've tried to hash things out with, only to be met in one instance with a statement that I'd apparently been upsetting them for months, that they hadn't told me why, that they had no intention of telling me why for the sake of keeping the peace (???), but that I should think about what I did that might have them so upset. There's another that seemed deeply offended by me quitting a PC despite their assurances to the contrary, my attempts to keep friendly communication open failed, and by the time I decided to pick up someone else that they had vague ties to and asked them if they'd be okay with that because I wanted to respect their feelings was accused of laying down some kind of conversational trap so I could report them to staff.

All of them pretty much go in the "avoid" pile for one reason or another -- sometimes to keep the peace, sometimes to preserve my sanity, sometimes because it's just not worth it. Would I call it forgiven? Ehhh, I dunno. Maybe? I don't bear them any ill will. I also don't really want to deal with them, though with some of those people, I honestly don't think there's anything wrong with that.

Then there are the people I will not forgive and do very much bear ill will towards. They're a very small category people. Most of them have done so much damage to various aspects of the gaming community that I presume it's malice. It might not be. Regardless of whether they're 'socially inept' or not, they're so toxic that I honestly don't care. They display deeply abusive patterns over the long-term and hurt people again. And again. And again. VASpider. DownwithOPP. Juerg. That guy Ryan that I mentioned in "Lies People Have Told About You." This woman Cat who I consider a horrid infection on the L5R community after watching her behavior poison four different games. At that point, no, I won't forgive them and I won't even consider it, because doing so doesn't do anyone any good. It only enables them to continue hurting other people, and my response to cries of "second chance" and "be the bigger person" effectively boil down to a very firm "No."

Albeit with more swearing, because it's me.

@derp said in Buying Shit:

@aria said in Buying Shit:

The Skullcandy headphones arrive tonight. We shall see. WE SHALL SEE.

Treating you well?

I used them today! With the exception of finding it a bit uncomfortable to wear them and my computer glasses together for very long, I was quite pleased.

The "cold" that I have had since last Wednesday got so bad today that my teeth started to ache every time I sniffled. So I went to urgent care.

Turns out, I have a sinus infection!

@arkandel said in Real World Peeves, Disgruntlement, and Irks.:

@aria Yeah, that guy is a bloody moron.

... I'll let myself out, I'm very sorry.

@aerianyx I have no defense. I just do this to our cats every few years, even though they hate it. The year I put a Santa hat and a beard on Pasha, he made this yowling sound I've never heard before or since. He tolerated the Yoda ears hat only slightly better.

But Nikolai. Bless poor little Nikolai. Even with his ears pressed flat against his fur and a giant deer-shaped snood on his head, he was still purring at us. Completely freaked out, but also purring.

I don't know whose brilliant idea it was to make white the default color option for multipacks of women's underpants, but it was probably a dude. And that dude is a fucking moron.

I am a horrible monster who loves to torture my pets. I also have no regrets.

@paris said in RL Anger:

@aria Dinosaur kale is ok, especially younger leaves. I absolutely hate kale but I grew lacinato for salads before it was something you could buy in grocery stores; you can tear it up and add it raw as part of a mixed green salad, or cooked as a decent green, especially with garlic, bacon, etc.

The rest of the stuff is just sulfury tough crap.

squints

This sounds like a trap being laid to convince me kale is edible. Like the green juice with a bit of fruit mixed in to make me think that it might be palatable,and that I should try to do a healthy. But no, that still tasted like rancid, sulfuric cardboard and apparently I don't get credit from the nutritionist for 'trying it like a super responsible and mature grown-up should' and only making it through half the bottle.

The Skullcandy headphones arrive tonight. We shall see. WE SHALL SEE.

@surreality said in RL Anger:

I am so glad I love the hell out of spinach, so I can more or less dodge kale.

I love spinach. And was also the weird kid that actually liked broccoli when I was little, and thought the cheese sauce was gross.

But, man. Fuck kale. If all of the world's kale caught fire tomorrow, I'd be fine with that.

@mietze said in RL Anger:

Weird. In our area at this point we're using votebuilder to target our calls/texts specifically to people who have not returned ballots. (we are a 100 percent mail-in state) It really helps with preventing volunteer burnout.

My state doesn't have any sort of early voting because my state government is largely made of garbage piles and human feces.

By which I mean I live in Pennsylvania, the most gerrymandered state in the country. Like, I literally have to fill in all nine numbers of my ZIP code on 'contact your House Representative!' forms because my neighborhood is divided block by fucking block. Our state legislature maintains their stranglehold on Harrisburg by cherry-picking their voters.

Y'know, if they can't just keep them from voting at all.

I, personally, try to make them laugh.

"Hi, it's Jenessa with PA Dems. Do you have a plan for voting tomorrow?"
"Don't you worry, Jenessa. The only thing that could keep me from my polling place tomorrow is if it's LITERALLY on fire."
"That's great! And don't forget to encourage your friends and family to vote. They can find their polling place at <link>, and every vote counts!"
"Yeah, I know. And my parents are crazy old racists, so I think I'm just going to not mention it and see if they can figure it out themselves. Y'know, like their new Comcast remote."

Same conversation five times so far today, with Melissa, Mitchell, Meek, and an unnamed text bot.

"Bohemian Rhapsody" is amazing. Go see it.