Posts made by Auspice

@Aria
SCA shit I'm assuming?

I've heard.... a lot of weird/gross racist and sexist stuff in the past year that has had me thinking 'I am glad I never got into SCA despite it seeming up my alley because this would be All Too Much'

https://www.squishable.com/

everything is on sale today.
everyone needs cute squishie things.

https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2013/04/adhd-is-different-for-women/381158/

"In “The Secret Lives of Girls with ADHD,” published in the December 2012 issue of Attention, Dr. Littman investigates the emotional cost of high-IQ girls with ADHD, particularly for those undiagnosed. Confused and ashamed by their struggles, girls will internalize their inability to meet social expectations. Sari Solden, a therapist and author of Women and Attention Deficit Disorder, says, “For a long time, these girls see their trouble prioritizing, organizing, coordinating, and paying attention as character flaws. No one told them it's neurobiological.”"

For a lot of us, much of our anxiety, depression, etc. can be attributed to the ADHD. Because I can sympathize with a lot of that, @RightMeow. I'm sure others can, too. I was smart, but I didn't apply myself. I was lazy. I was disrespectful. I was acting out. I was...

As an adult, I've had these structures. Lists. Reminders. Alarms. This constant effort to hold everything together. But when one piece fails, the whole structure falls apart. Like I'm sick right now. I can't keep up with cleaning my apartment. And all it's doing is making me feel like a massive failure. I know I'm not, I mean, a) it's still not that much of a mess all things considered (if I went to a friend's house and it looked like mine does rn, I wouldn't bat an eye), b) I'm sick, it's to be expected that I can only handle minor things.

But this is... what ADHD is for women. Because everything we (at least those of us born before 2000 roughly) know about it is based on white boys under the age of 10.

Sometimes I forget to log onto a game for a month because I just space and then I have the hard thought of 'Do I log back in and try to explain that I really did just forget or do I disappear for good?'

Or you wanna reach out to a friend and see how they're doing but messenger logs show it's been 8 months and you wonder if they even remember you anymore even though you'd have sworn it hasn't been that long so you talk yourself out of it because you don't wanna be weird.

Time is hard.

@buttercup

I understand the desire to be involved, to do things with family both.

But the health aspect shouldn't be ignored at all, IMO.

My state (and thus city) was one of the early ones to force itself open. And over the past couple of days, I've gotten sick. With that big tell-tale sign of loss of taste/smell. I'm putting in a request to be tested. I'm frustrated at the mere idea I may have it because I'm still not going out much, I'm still wearing a mask, but no one around me is and during my last visit to the store a bit over a week ago, people were even more up in my personal space than even before the pandemic.

And since studies are showing a lot of people are asymptomatic and don't even know they had it / were contagious: big crowds are even more a risk factor.

https://bleedingcool.com/comics/mile-high-comics-launches-dc-sucks-50-off-sale/

The sale isn't the peeve.
The reasons they're doing it is.

@SinCerely said in RL things I love:

So asking for a friend.

How many cats do you need to have before you can have the 'cat lady' title?

Like I have things I need to have engraved. I want to know when it's official.

Seriously. For a friend.

Cat lady is a state of mind.

@Sunny said in Health and Wealth and GrownUp Stuff:

This is so weird but an ad for this just came across my FB feed and I think there might be folks who appreciate it, they're bras that are engineered for DD+ sizes and the commentary seemed like people really liked wearing them:

https://trueandco.com/collections/full-cup-bras

I'd have tagged y'all but that is even weirder. I FOUND STUFF FOR YOUR BOOBS.

Unfortunately their DD+ seems to mean... DDD from looking it over.

I appreciate the share! But I'm annoyed at THEM (not you!) for saying DD+ when they mean... a single cup size above DD.

I've been eyeballing all these new bra brands coming out that are getting rave reviews like 'please, please make your bras bigger than a D or DD pleeeeeeeeeeeease' and so far no such luck but someday. Maybe.

@Ganymede said in RL things I love:

To be fair, a gay friend of mine objected to this because he said that coming out is probably one of the most difficult things to do, and should be on a person’s own time and in their own way.

But then he agreed that, fuck this bootheel, he gets what he gets.

That's sort of where I am.

Like, if he didn't have agendas and policies that actively hurt the LGBT community then I'd be in the camp of 'hey, leave the guy be' buuuuuuuut. He's done shit to hurt the community.

Cause, I dunno. I just don't believe in the old 'they lashed out because they are gay and didn't know how to handle it' thing. It took me a long time to come to terms with being bi and I never once thought 'yknow what I'm gonna treat LGBT people like shit' and sure people are different but bullying is never okay

So, I've hit a spike lately of depression and stress. Like, the 'don't get out of bed until 4pm' kind. And while I take those small steps to do what I can manage to tend to myself, I thought I'd share what's worked for me and maybe others can provide things that work for them. Because I know I'm far from the only person in this spot right now.

This isn't the 'justgirlythings' Tumblr of 'go out shopping!' self care. It's the kind that's intended to keep you healthy, make sure you're taking care of yourself, but at the speed you can manage.

One of the things that happens when I'm depressed is I stop eating. But, in the interests of productive self-care: I prep food for when I can eat. Today, for example, I've made caramelized onions (that will have a variety of uses) and cooked a pot of rice (that I could eat alone, make fried rice, make rice pudding, etc). It was easy, got me moving around, was productive... but didn't force me to eat food I couldn't stomach.

When I can't manage showering (we've all been there), I sometimes just stand in the shower. It's at least something and the hot water is soothing. Usually by the end of it, I find myself washing my hair. I don't always comb it later, but I can at least say I washed it.

So those are the two I can provide: prepping easy foods for when I can eat and at least getting in the shower.

@SuperiorHuron said in The ADD/ADHD Thread (cont'd from Peeves):

@Auspice I get pinterest crazy. I will go through picture after picture of things that hold my interest. For hours. I should show you. Im not even embarrassed. Books...When I told my boss about my ADHD diagnoses, she wasn't surprised. What I learned about myself during this pandemic is that I very much need routine. It lacked and I wasn't in a very good place mentally. I'm also very social. I had a great deal ripped away and I didn't handle anything well, so..I think when you learn more about YOU, the more you can work out an outlet that makes you happy.

Yeah, I need routines.

I had, at first, hoped that I would get stuff done. Write? Finish some projects?

Instead as time has gone on, I've slipped further into depression and just.... lack of doing anything. It's gotten really bad the past week.

I don't do Pinterest much. Mostly because I can't find an organizational method I'm happy with. I use it to FIND stuff, but I don't do my own boards much.

So, story time.

This is one I've kept 'under the hat' for a long time because it... it's a hard one? But watching that relationships video reminded me of it. Especially the part about partners getting upset when your attention 'drifts.' My ex-husband was constantly -- constantly -- convinced I was cheating or preparing to leave or- or- or- because I was focused on other things. I might be working on writing or knitting or just playing a game and he wanted me focused on him because yesterday I was focused on him and why am I not focused on him today do I hate him now???? and it was so stressful to try to convince someone yes I do love you how do I convince you of this other than forcing myself to sit here and watch you play a video game while doing nothing else as my brain claws at itself-

I mean eventually I did hate him for that and a multitude of other reasons.

But it reminded me of... part of why I was convinced I didn't have ADHD for so long actually goes back to when he and I were dating. In my early 20s there was not only a lot of drinking and weed, but also casual drug use. And one very very early example was at a party with him and some other people, someone had... ritalin. And was like ha ha let's take it for fun.

I got super into a conversation. Like, hyperactively insanely into talking about... I don't remember what the topic was. But I was SO into it. Whereas he and the other person were just chill and whatever but the topic they got me onto, I was SO INTO I was talking a mile a minute and it was all I cared about.

And later that night he was like 'Well, we know YOU don't have ADD. You got way too hyper.' And that thread continued our entire marriage. Any time I ever felt like I had ADHD, or got stressed out, or someone said they felt like I did- he'd be there (because he was so good at detaching me from everyone around me, at gaslighting, at controlling my life) insisting no, no you don't, remember that time that-

But now that I've done more research, learned more, I've found that my reaction to a random ritalin (esp. one I don't know the dose of) is actually more indicative that I do have ADHD than don't by a long shot. Getting hyper-focused into a topic I'm passionate about?

I really, really need a job again. And insurance again. And the spare money to afford the testing my state requires for adult diagnosis before you can get treatment.

@HelloProject said in Diversity Representation in MU*ing:

@Auspice I haven't, though I do think your concerns are warranted. I've met quite a few white writers who asked for my opinions on what they were writing, but what they were writing was such a tapestry of bad shit I could barely unravel it, or they got defensive about certain things. I could take a read of one of these Peter Grant books some time if I find the premise interesting though.

I love the books (tho not in the 'I feel like I'm a good person for liking books with a diverse cast' way but because I like the world and the stories). I think everyone should read them. But I don't feel I can accurately say 'they are a good representation of POC in writing' because I'm white. I think they are, but I can't say it for certain. It's why I'd like to get the thoughts from those who would be able to more accurately speak to that.

ETA: and part of why I'd like it if they are is because it's an urban supernatural series (in a similar vein to the Dresden Files) with a lot of non-white characters (the primary protagonist is a black man!) and that is really rare. Most books, shows, etc. that deal in magic, fantasy creatures, etc etc. in a modern setting are predominantly white. It'd be great to have a series I can point people to (and I DO point people to it because I love the stories) that isn't.

Actually, a question for our black and any middle eastern players we have: have any of you read the Peter Grant books by Ben Aaronovitch?

Many of his characters are non-white and the protagonist is black. Another main character is Muslim. The author himself is a white man, but he reaches out to his readers often to ask questions, make sure he's getting things right, etc.

And I feel like a lot of it is well-portrayed. But that's just coming from a white girl who grew up in a diverse city. My friends may have come from all over the world, but my experience was still white.

@Ninjakitten said in The ADD/ADHD Thread (cont'd from Peeves):

@Auspice Wait, you mean you're somehow not late to the things you do want to do?

It's like 50/50.
If it's something I wanna do and I'm driving myself: yes. I am there early! Sometimes too early! You invite me over to, say, a party and I'm excited? I AM THE FIRST PERSON THERE. I do not understand the meaning of 'it's okay to show up 15 minutes late to a casual gathering.' We will awkwardly stand around for the first hour until everyone shows up.

If it's something I wanna do and someone else is driving: I am ready an hour early. Then I sit around bored. Then I get distracted and find something to do. Then my ride shows up and I'm in the middle of what I did to distract myself 'why aren't you ready' WELL I WAS READY.......an hour ago.

@Rinel said in The ADD/ADHD Thread (cont'd from Peeves):

You need the anxiety of an impending deadline to kickstart your executive function

aka lay in bed all morning until it's 15 minutes until you have to be at the place that's 10 minutes away and you can totally make it except it takes 20 minutes to even get out the door and why am I always late to things except the things I want to do

oh right

@Rinel said in Diversity Representation in MU*ing:

All of this talk about people getting involved in drama about sex makes me think I put off really unapproachable vibes. I've had that happen precisely once, and it wasn't stemming out of organic RP. A friend and I decided to try something and a third party got upset.

Now I just have to figure out whether my unapproachable vibes are of the awesome variety or of the not awesome variety. Am I an imposing tiger or am I stinky cheese

It seems to be like, 50/50 for me.
Some characters get hit on all the time, some don't.
Teagan never gets hit on. Ever. I began thinking it was something about me. And then I made Ephrath and she gets hit on a fair bit (and she usually has a bit of an 'oh no what do I do now' internal panic over it because she's hella shy).

I could not tell you what it is that causes a character to be hit on or not.

Except redheads.
If you play a redhead it is the milkshake that brings all the boys to the yard.

@SilentHills said in Diversity Representation in MU*ing:

As a sidenote, my female Arx character largely prefers the company of other women and is attracted to few men. She got described as boy crazy once, so I must hide the fact very very well. (It helps that she's married to a man. He's the exception.)

I keep telling you commoner marriages are just a suggestion and she should go be a Whisper and pour the best tea.
She will have a 6 in Tea Ceremony.
It's not even a skill but it will be for her.

The grumpy bear fractal told me so.

@Ganymede said in Diversity Representation in MU*ing:

@Auspice said in Diversity Representation in MU*ing:

I just want EVERYONE. All the time. Actual compatibility, attraction, etc. doesn't matter. Being bi just means I wanna sleep with everything that moves. SORRY.

I guess I'm bi, then.

Or -- OR --

D&D TikTok is one of the things getting me by lately and:
https://www.tiktok.com/@oneshotquesters/video/6792260993637534981?lang=hi

@Tinuviel said in Diversity Representation in MU*ing:

@Derp said in Diversity Representation in MU*ing:

@JinShei

The only bi married people are swingers. It is known. sagenod

Or they're cheating on their partner, because bi people are greedy and can't help it.

I just want EVERYONE. All the time. Actual compatibility, attraction, etc. doesn't matter. Being bi just means I wanna sleep with everything that moves. SORRY.