@Sunny said in The Apology Thread:
Which, when you have a situation like that, is a blanket, non-targetted public post really the appropriate fucking way to handle it? Really?
Context.
...isn't that all Random Bitching is? Blanket, non-targeted public posts?
@Arkandel said in Shadows Over Reno:
@Auspice Speaking of which, and since I've never played Hunter on MU*, does the sphere function in the absence of PrPs?
Since a player ( @Lisse24 I think, too lazy to scroll back
) stated they weren't as important as I think, I'm curious if they are actually critical for certain spheres but just not for all of them.
Hrm. I'm not really sure.
A lot of people who play Hunter seem to really enjoy the social, bar-RP (as evidenced by the gun-bunny-bar-owner in TFV)... But by and far, what you end up with is people in a conspiracy (or even just a cell) running PRPs for each other. That's what I'm doing. I've got 3 other folks, with a poss. 4th, who are all in the same conspiracy with me. I may be the only one running PRPs for us, but these are people I know will be involved, active, share the spotlight, etc., so I can enjoy myself even while running (I do have hopes I might get to have something run for me down the road, but I'm not worried about it yet).
Having other organizations also helps (Law, University, Hospital, etc.) as it allows Hunters to mix with the other Spheres and vice versa. Then you can still have a smaller 'group' to run for, without feeling that need to open something up to a huge crowd.
@Arkandel said in The Apology Thread:
Man, on MSB we can't even apologize without debating about it.
I take offense to this viewpoint. I am not discussing, I am educating. Geez, can't you ever get it straight?!
(Ok, let's see... I refuted the accusation of a debate with a counter-argument. I asserted my intellectual dominance. I tossed out a not-so-subtle insult. What am I missing...)
Oh, wait, I got it!
@Arkandel I'm sorry you thought we were debating.
<.<
This is part of why I prefer to play / ST in Hunter. You don't have the 'Oh look I min-maxed so that I have the magic Solution to your puzzle' of Mage. Nor do you have to worry as much about specific sorts of enemies/plots/puzzles. I feel a lot more freedom in what I can do.
A weird otherworldly being thieving peoples' eyes? Totally. Let's go for it. Do you shoot it or capture it? How do you handle the people after?
@Sunny said in The Apology Thread:
Then why apologize, if there was no wrongdoing?
That was largely directed to Miss-Demeanor and the implications, per her post, that everything Ghost did was wholly his fault. I'm saying there were situations in which there was fault on both ends (see post above, please: 'He didn't handle it perfectly after that point, no.') and that I never had an issue in communicating with him.
In the first instance, he didn't handle it perfectly for the reasons he defined in his apology. He didn't realize how much it affected the person involved and at the time, downplayed it/their reaction. It's not a 'I'm sorry you reacted that way.' It's 'I'm sorry I treated the figurative gushing wound as if it were just a skinned knee.'
So I've RP'd a few relationships with Ghost. I heavily communicate OOC and I never had any issues.
The two situations I saw with him and others... In one, the person said they were OK with something and then got hugely upset OOC over that very thing. He didn't handle it perfectly after that point, no. However, the other person was at fault in that she said 'OK' to something and then got upset when that thing happened. That's not on him.
In the other, the person never communicated anything- they just expected the IC flirting to evolve into a Twue Wuv Forever and when it didn't, got hugely upset.
With the latter situation, I'd seen her do similar on other games. She had a tendency to plot out her character's entire future, how it involved other people, and never tell those people... but get upset when they didn't fall in line. This one is more squarely on her. I tried mediating for her on a few MU*s before I had to fully wash my hands of her.
But, really, I have to vehemently disagree with the 'refuse to communicate OOCly' part.
I have adapted my ST style to those that need hand-holding vs those that are actively involved.
However, I mostly play and ST on smaller games, where it's easier to have a read on the majority of players. On games like Fallcoast and (now) Reno, that's a lot more difficult and a large part of why I run for friends.
Because on a smaller game / with friends, I know that group A tends to drag their feet getting started, so I have to start in media res or we'll be at it forever. I know group B mostly just wants to be entertained, so I craft it to be a story where they get to roll dice. etc.
I like the stories nWoD allows me to tell, but the games end up so massive that there are just so many different variations and moving pieces that it is literally impossible to run a scene that isn't going to leave someone frustrated (most often that person will be the ST).
In scenes with the former (the 'do all the things'), I end up just not... doing much of anything at all because I get tired of not even having the opportunity. There are people who just sort of need to be led by the hand, but then there's also those who give up because they realize that their poses are just going to be fluff and filler because Sue over there is jumping pose order, is complaining OOC or on channel whenever someone else does something, and the ST involved says nothing.
I've tried paging the ST before in these cases. To say 'Hey, I appreciate that you're running this... But because Sue keeps jumping pose order to do everything, no one else even has a chance. I haven't even had anything to pose except reactions to her and I'm starting to flag.'
Maybe we should encourage more players to be brave enough to speak up?
As an ST, one thing I've done to help spread the love, as it were... When I, say, ask for a Perception roll... I give everyone a different bit of information (if possible; sometimes it's not doable). That way, no matter who is posing or in what order, everyone has something to contribute. I also page them all separately... as I've had an ST page everyone who succeeded to say "OK, Auspice, you see Y and Bill, you see Z." and Bill poses seeing Y and Z.
There's a lot of psychology to it, sometimes. And you just have to learn that a larger number of players than you'd like need to be treated like children. You can't tell George to share the candy with his brothers and then just turn your back and expect him to do so. You've got to hand it to them each separately as George is probably going to run off, eat it all, and tell his brothers 'Oh, it was only given to me.'
Do you treat everyone that way? Hell no. But it's why 90% of what I run on nWoD is for my friends and 10% is for all comers. Because I can only handle the stress of people management on top of STing for so long.
I read it more as a 'I didn't see these reactions for what they really were and I'm sorry for that.'
I had that recently IRL. Sadly, there's too big a rift for me to comfortably reach out to the person, but I went through something that made me realize 'Oh. This was a much bigger deal for them than I ever truly realized and I downplayed their emotions / reactions because of that.'
So I think in this case: the other person reacted a certain way and Ghost didn't give it the respect/acknowledgement it deserved, so he's apologizing for that. It's not 'I'm sorry you took this that way,' it's 'You took this that way and I didn't realize just how big a deal it was to you.'
I don't think the STs could do much unless they're willing to call people out on the min-maxing and insisting on being able to twist things into their favor... and deal with the fallout that comes of doing so.
On FC, I dealt with so much of it. 'You cannot do what you want with those skills/powers.' 'BUT IF I DO THIS AND THAT THEN I CAN ROLL MY MASSIVE DICE POOL RIGHT?' 'No, you can't.' Player proceeds to run to another Staffer to beg them to try to get them to declare it OK.
Or the person who tries to take over the entire scene and do ALL THE THINGS and call ALL THE SHOTS and if anyone else gets even an iota of attention or Thing to Do (even if they have 9 of 10 things), they start complaining OOC about being bored / left out. (Saw this one often, tho primarily from the same person, on BitN).
I'll be honest... About 80% of why I'm on Reno is so I can run plots for people I know. So I can do my ST-ing without having to go through the headache of the types of people listed above (or worse: do all the legwork on a plot only to have someone bully me out of it so they can have it to themselves / their friends). I've all but given up on ever being able to enjoy myself in an 'open' PRP/plot scene on an nWoD game.
If you're only running for Vampire, that'd be why I'd not sign up. Hunter here.
I also kind of avoid the 'open to all' stuff on multi-sphere nWoD games because I'm so used to them turning into 'who has the biggest dick' contests.
I haven't signed up for any PrPs other than the Hunter intro one... because I've been traveling.
It's v. possible others are in a similar boat. It's holiday and finals season in the US.
@Zz said in Zz's Playlist:
@Auspice Hello! I am looking forward to getting our Taurons together.
Yasss.
Esp. as I'm sure Niemec will need some new tattoo work soon!
...I've actually hoped for jury duty and the only time I got it, the cases on the docket all got rescheduled or settled other ways. >.>
Some of my anxiety has been assuaged. The visit 'home' isn't bad so far, but it's not good either.
My mother very clearly missed me. She made me a 'care package' that was waiting in the room I was staying in (snack foods I'm fond of). Brought me tea this morning. Things are very good with her.
My father began things with a spiel about how glad he is that I'm wearing my hair properly for a woman (rather than short and dyed).
My brother is... already problematic. He has tried to get me to buy weed for 'us.' Non-stop getting in the door last night he wanted to talk about weed, kratom, or video games, no matter how many times I said "I'm exhausted, can we talk tomorrow instead?" until he finally went outside and loudly sobbed.
He's severely manic, but will not see a professional. He has himself convinced that he's treating it with weed. Thankfully, he will not be in Hilton Head with us next week, so I only have to deal with him for a couple days at the start and a couple days at the end.
I deal with mine very little. This will be the first I've seen them in over a year.
One of my brothers was very toxic and I have cut off contact with him as much as I can.
My parents have... improved. They aren't as bad as they once were, but it still arises from time to time. And it's those times that it's really hard. But I want to encourage the improvement, y'know? Like I'm seeing glimmers of being progressive in my mother as time goes on. My father isn't as bible-thumping fundie as he once was and I've heard him criticize the Republican party from time to time over the past few years.
I probably wouldn't be so anxious if I wasn't going to be in Hilton Head for one of the two weeks, without anywhere to 'flee.' The rest of the time, I already have it lined up to hang out or even stay with friends if need be.
Upvoted not for the content, but solidarity. 
My mother is the easier to deal with. Unfortunately, she is very very strongly caught up in the Irish Catholic / Southern Baptist parts of the family in that she has been the 'meek housewife who never speaks against her husband' for as long as I can remember. So while she might agree with you on something in private, she will turn on you if my dad does and she's there.
I hope it goes OK for you! If not, we're here and we understand.
@ThatGuyThere said in RL Anger:
@Auspice said in RL Anger:
The trick is to become immune to guilt trips, this is hard but possible.
Of course I think I had the advantage of my large Catholic family in this regard they over used guilt so much that by the time I was 18 it has ceased to work on me. granted my mom still tries now and then but I think she has realized that trying to guilt trip me leas to me ignoring her position all together.
I've been trying. One of the things my therapist and I have been working on is my tendency to take the blame for everything. So guilt trips work... too well on me. And it's so damnably hard not to revert to the shittiness when around a family that basically wallows in it.
I love my parents because they have the capacity to be good people. I get along with 2 of my 4 siblings. But the other 2 are just horrendous and my parents can slip into being just as bad.
While I'm almost entirely caught up on my stuff for school this month, I may play up the need to do assignments more - just so I have a ready excuse to dip away into another room.
I'm trying to be hopeful that it won't be too bad. Usually, during election years, my father is sending me a lot of articles, etc... this year there's been nothing.
If anything, my brother will be the problem. I already had to cut off any digital contact with him this past summer. Him, I can be more firm with without getting guilt-tripped. He also may not be on the 'spending Thanksgiving at a resort with family' part of the trip (he got himself banned from most family trips a handful of years ago).
