Posts made by Macha

I desc my characters, but I also like having that picture around, because I am constantly worried my words will not give the full image.

@nessa And if people log onto a game if I ever run one, and don't understand people have RL that comes before RP, and decide the game isn't for them?

I wish them well, but I understand RL > RP. Sometimes when I'm having a shitty day and can't get out to see RL friends, online connectedness is a comfort to have.

By the end of today, I should be in my new home, and away from the BS of this one.

Pray for me, y'all.

ETA: I was wrong. So very, very wrong. Male roommate - who has been rushing the whole thing, threw a mantrum over the ratchet straps I had to hold the mattress atop my car. Refused to help me with the mattress if I tried to use it. (I am too smol to move the mattress alone)

So I went out and rented a Uhaul I couldn't really afford to rent at this point. He shoved all of my things in there, including food from the freezer in an insulated bag. ...and then decided he was too tired to continue, and went to lay down. The truck was supposed to be back last night, but he 'hurt too much' (Mind y'all, I've got an auto immune condition - my vertebrae are literally trying to become one solid bone. Pain is something I know). So I extended the rental with more money I couldn't afford, leaving me pennies in my bank account, but female roommate reimbursed me the extended cost, at least, because they quit on me, not the other way around.

Meanwhile, My mattress, my clothes, my INSULIN - its either in the truck, or in my car at the Uhaul place, or at the new place already. So I get female roommate to take me to my car, so I can at least get the necessities to sleep on their old bed that they will put in my old room as a guest room.

I had to ask him to get my frozen food out of the Uhaul, and put it back in the freezer. He got the bag out, and actually asked me if it needed to go back in the freezer right away, or if it could chill in the AC. ...I can't, y'all.

2 weeks ago, I requested a referral to go back to therapy. I didn't hear anything. So.. I called to follow up. They have nothing on file about my request.

GRR.

I log in while I'm working. I often page and set thing up for later in the day, or want to be reachable if someone wants to discuss something (not everyone has a discord).

I hurt already. There's still so much to do. If I can just get it all done by Saturday, I can spend Sunday blissfully high to stay out of pain and recover for work on Monday

It's actually happening. I started shifting things over. Much less anxiety, and more excitement

I pick up the keys today. Nervous and anxious and happy, all at once.

@ganymede I will now add this to my 'bar cart' wishlist ...not that I have a bar cart. Yet.

#Newplacegoals

@ganymede

I have not heard of this bourbon. I am intrigued.

ETA: I bought a new bourbon that I am waiting until we are all moved in to open and try, but gosh, it's hard not to open it.

@rinel I AM SO HAPPY FOR YOU.

Yes, all caps excited.

@sunny Apparently saying there's one small part that says that, and the other, more dominant one doesn't and that I myself have an addiction albeit not a deadly one... and adding I'd donate if moving wasn't eating every cent I had...

And then following up saying I don't understand that one tiny part of me that's dismissive, and knowing WHY it is likely there... is apparently not clear enough.

Jesus, fucking no tone with text over the fucking internet.

@solstice I would encourage you to read the whole of my statements. That the larger, more dominant part of my brain DOES empathize. And that the smaller, what you call judgey-judgey voice in my head, is of childhood bullshit heaped on me by shitty parenting.

I know, a little too well, how people can't quit things that are literally killing them. My father had COPD, and was in and out of the hospital the last 3 years of his life, and the fucker would still smoke if he could get the cigarettes. It made me angry. It STILL makes me angry. He missed out on what would have been his second grandson, and so many other things.

I am fortunate in that my addictions are not likely to kill me, being caffeine, with other far lesser things I can't stop.

But telling me to try to empathize, when I've already stated I do, and feel for people? Really? That horse of yours is pretty high.

Actor Ned Beatty, 83.

@wizz It's weird, because I don't think addicts deserve to suffer. But there's that small part of my brain, that has that... dismissive sort of thing? I think it's more because when I would ask for help with something as a kid, I got told I did it to myself...a lot.

@wizz I have a weird stance on this. Like there's part of me that wants to just roll my eyes and be like... did it to themselves.

And then there's the other (thankfully more dominant) part of me, that realizes some people can not break habits for a million reasons. I can't quit caffeine. I mean, I've been 'clean' for a couple of weeks, a couple of times, after hospital stints for surgery and things... but I always go back.

If I wasn't tapped out with moving, I would try to give something. I hope they get what they need, so no one is left crushed with medical debt.

Pro rated first month's rent, last month's rent, and security - paid.
Keys can be picked up on thursday.
I have already arranged the change of address.

I am trying desperately to just be happy, and not let the anxiety kill it.

@eye8urcake And here I was thinking my town of 140-150k is too small.

Finally found an apartment, and were approved, and I can start moving in next week!

@arkandel terrible, terrible dog parent. (I kid)

Today I taunted my dog about his morning out and treat routine, because he decided to spend all night out in the other room with my guest, instead of coming to snuggle with me at bedtime. Of course, she was awake all night, working, so he could get them sweet 4am belly rubs. So.. I get it.

Still gonna tell him he's cheating on his momma.