Best posts made by mietze

Sometimes when people push the boundaries of people keeping their mouths shut in the face of immense sanctimonious hypocrisy, eventually they get what they are in fact asking for.

When someone tells you that you are unwelcome in one space to the point you are forcibly removed from it, it really is never a good idea to try to get around that by utilizing another platform to try to continue to engage with them. If you unwisely attempt to engage with them elsewhere, rather than expecting them to be polite "in public" and not disclose why they didn't want contact with you, you should probably expect that they may feel creeped out and they may react with public disclosure and ask you to leave them alone there as well.

If you are banned, leave the people who banned you alone.

And if anyone is receiving unwelcome messages from someone that they've asked to leave them alone here, please let any moderator know. And to anyone who thinks it's a good idea to argue with someone privately here after they have asked you to not contact them personally, if you do that you're probably going to get banned here too.

I decided to not renew my contract for next year, and instead drop to subbing (I can still work 40 hours a week if I want to, realistically, because the short staff issue isn't going away anytime soon).

I feel guilty because it means we'll have to buy health insurance through the exchange instead of it just coming out of my paycheck. But I just couldn't do it. Too many things were falling through the cracks, and I am so burnt out (and there were some program changes coming next year that like 2 years ago I wouldn't have cared about but it's not 2 years ago right now).

I have destroyed my health in the last 2 years. I have let a lot of things go that I used to maintain a higher standard on. My family has suffered due to my exhaustion and burnout. I kind of wonder if I can ever recover health wise, and if I have any shot I have to have more time to do it.

I'm so tired, guys. It really sucks to have so many people at work say how great I do the job when in fact I know I'm well below my own standard. I can be awesome, which is why it's not total shitshow right now. But I can't keep on destroying myself to deal with the stress. I'm simultaneously relieved but also just feeling like a loser who couldn't hack it. And I know how very privileged I am to be able to consider dropping from full time scheduled hours to subbing.

I love what I do currently. It was my first professional field out of college. But to do it, you can't be a shell of yourself. It's not a hard job but it is high demand. And I've got a lot of other demands in my life that I need to take care of.

If I were a game runner I would be pretty leery of paying for a service like this. Or even participating in something more similar to groupon for games, after seeing how having an influx of clients that you didn't anticipate and could not accommodate at the pace that they expect can impact a business in RL.

I get how this might be an attractive business venture for the people arranging it, but there are just a lot of consequences for increasing volume that a lot of people do not think about.

The rush and influx of people who come in to create new bits and join a game even when it's just advertised here can be a game killer, especially after the 6-8 weeks for the new shiny to wear off and people wander away or get mad that they aren't being entertained as much as they think they should be, especially if staff was excitedly running a lot of stuff at first but then quickly burnt out by needs and wants of a population that was double or more what they planned for. Or people get super excited and run a bunch of stuff until the novelty wears off and then disappear, which can make others feel like the game is suddenly "dying" when in fact it's just that the super active RP/scenerunners burned out quickly and there was a mistaken impression of the /base/ activity level of the game.

I just do not think you'll have enough buy in from game runners in order to monetize this. (Note, I'm not saying it's wrong to monetize your work or your coordination.) I think maybe if one wants to expand access to MUing then the focus should be less at first on finding players and more supporting and empowering game creators/runners, to expand the number and diversity of offerings first, because otherwise you're likely to decrease the quality of the experience if you stuff 3x more people into the same games.

To that end I think stuff like Ares that puts the ability to run a game into more diverse hands in a plug and play format does much more to help sustain MUing than advertisements on social media.

Today at work:

In morning carline, one of my students happily told me, "Hey, Miss Mietze, are you ready for the new virus? IT'S COMING FOR US ALL." (said in a very chipper tone) When asked if it was like a computer virus, illness causing virus, or what, he just told me "you'll see!"

During morning work time, two of the kids got in a shouting argument about whether Elsa (from Frozen) was from Guatemala or not. I have no idea where even Guatemala entered this. I thought she was from Arindelle or something like that. When I asked why they thought she lived in Guatemala, they both turned to me and said "what is Guatemala anyway?" and I was like "you tell me, you're the ones arguing about it," and they looked at ME like I was nuts.

Then at circle time we were talking about living/non living things, their characteristics, ect, and went around the circle where everyone got to name a living thing. Then we went around the circle and the kids named a non lving thing. "Paint!" "Carpet!", "the wall!", and finally one of my most sweet faced girls yells out (extremely happily) "DEAD PEOPLE!"

We had a really long recess time today. It wasn't the weirdest day I've had this year, but. At least it is pretty fun.

And if you as a GM really do not give a shit about any player triggers or whatever, no matter what, fair enough. But it really doesn't harm anything for you to say "if you come to one of my scenes you get what you get and I don't care to hear if its something you find you don't want to play out or be notified of any discomfort, it won't change anything anyway."

While I don't have a "fuck you and any sensibilities you might have, keep them to yourself" disclaimer, I have absolutely told people that the scene will go on even if there's a dropout (usually around idling times), there will be graphic violence (i don't do graphic sensual themes unless the players are known anymore), ect. And then I follow through.

I find the vast majority of people will self select out if they have an issue with my parameters, and if someone throws a fit, then they are just removed. Having the policy of removal rather than stoppage and realistic disclosure has allowed me to have pretty no holds barred storytelling (there's really only one subject that is a no go for me, but its usually a non issue on any mush I care to play) when I've wanted to do an intense or graphic story. (Which isn't all the time.)

But I guess that's easier for me since I do tend to note other folks' prefs/remember discussions about what they like/don't and there are certain people i will not include in intense scenes even if they had said its okay, because its not worth the risk imo. I would say thats impossible to expect or do for strangers or people without much interaction to know. Its just not a realistic expectation to have that people who do not know you are going to deduce what you don't want, or that you can read people accurately most of the time.

To me its all about the risk I'm willing to take on as a storyteller for aggravation or ooc drama or hurt. I tend to save the intensity until I know that its less likely to cause upset, because even if I don't particularly care for that person, it is an energy suck that is not fun if i guess wrong.

Shittalking people off game (discord, here, whatever other social platforms the kids are using these days).

Purposeful targeted exclusion can be super hard to spot (or prove, or defend oneself from the accusation).

Sometimes ooc commentary too. I mean there is a degree at which yes, most of the time people will feel like a line has been crossed, but there are some times when constant soft negativity or 'I'm not good enough/my sheet sucks/ect' doesn't cross the line overtly but can still be an enthusiasm killer (and honestly, almost everyone has episodes of that at least at some point).

I wonder sometimes if stating "i feel like I'm behind/missing out" is knowingly or even unconsciously said because it is safer than saying "I'm worried that no one will want to RP with me/think I'm worth playing with now/if I'm not around, including people I like a lot."

I have recently realized (now that I have some RL breathing space am no longer constantly in crisis stress mode RL) that even though I thought absence making my play irrelevant is what I thought i was worried about, really what I most feared was that people I enjoyed RPing with really did not like my RP/thought i was boring/didn't want to talk to me anymore.

The fact that virtually everyone i know has less time for similar reasons that I did (stress, RL, not logging in because they dont want to be a downer) seemed to feed into the irrational "we haven't played/they haven't gotten back to me because I must have done something wrong or offended them or bored them" cycle. I wonder how many people thought the same of me over the last year in particular. even knowing that intellectually i am still struggling stupidly with the "am I still liked/wanted" feels.

So I think sometimes expressions of FOMO can be a more socially acceptable way of expressing fear that they're worth play/story. Which means that I'm not sure you can really truly eliminate that through policies. And while ideally I think it would be great to have an environment where someone could ask for reassurance without fear of weirdness, im not sure that is feasible or fair either. Hell i find it hard to ask that of people that I know like me! Especially when I'm feeling uncertain of my 'place'. But maybe people reaching out to tell other people esp new or less frequent fliers about how they really enjoyed having them along (if they did) helps ease that a bit.

@arkandel yes, I think perhaps we should encourage people to get over themselves in that regard.

If people want to be in public they will be. If you eliminate idling people just won't log in, and then the people complaining about idlers wi complain hardly anyone is on.

If it wasn't for my oopsie I'd be an empty nestee in the fall.

It's not always about the mortgage and work being why people are less available. Some of us have been slowly learning that it is okay to be more choosy and to not be as tolerant of shitty stuff as we might have been 20 years ago.

I think I will still be mushing as an old lady but ill accept less bullshit than I do now. And I accept far less than I did in my mid 20s.

I try to make each scene fun for people regardless of who is there (except for large info dump scenes which tend to give me anxiety).

I think for the most part I succeed and have been told so by a variety of people not just those that are my friends, but I find that if I get too tired to issue invites or chase folks it is rarely reciprocated, which can lead to a spiral of worry (are people just saying they like my rp but they're relieved when they don't have to). Then I worry that maybe there are people who worry the same thing about me.

I really do think that make your own fun is very dependent on the fun that you like. If it's a game that is highly staff dependent, then that is out of your control. If you love being able to participate in a st scene that's not you STing and nobody is willing to reciprocate bc of time/intimidation/ect (i don't think it makes people bad) then no matter how much you put into it you are unlikely to get the thing you most want. And then you have to deal with people getting upset over your fun (how many times here have I read people shitting on people who never come out of private rooms or who "only" like social play instead of being all up in the metaplot and srs bsns like "real" gamers are.. , the answer is a lot)

Nobody is likely to care about people who keep their sandwiches to themselves in their own corner, in my observation, unless they a) become rude to people. You know, like if a newbie says "wow it's kind of hard to break in here" and then the sandwich club sniffs and says "well just work harder, and be better, I mean we don't ever have a problem socializing so you must just be shit" or unfortunately b) an organizer decides that sandwiches are bad so why can't this group that isn't really taking any casseroles have casseroles like everyone else, and decides to rub their casserole all over the sandwich platter, making a huge gross mess that nobody involved likes and also the bad energy from that kind of ruins the mood for everyone else too.

I am so unbelievably exhausted.

@il-volpe said in The Desired Experience:

Also, my experience with this is that it really looks as if the people who can "only bring four" are bringing four to a group where three out of the four, if not all of them, are doing the same, and they are having a feast. If it really would and truly just ruin your fun to make sliders instead of foot-longs from time to time, welll.

So here's the thing. It very well may be that the extra time and equipment required to make a party platter of sliders instead of just throwing together some footlongs WILL sap the energy and fun. (Please forgive me, y'all. I spent the vast majority of my formative years plus most of my older kids' early to elementary childhoods being on various hospitality committees for church/PTA/all that shit, so this analogy works very well for me. Not only because people assume a lot about how easy it is to convert a regular recipe to a potluck/funeral/open house size one, but also the unbelievable amount of like...feral, primal angst that is often floating around behind the scenes when someone does something different, unexpected, or "not the norm--i mean not how I think i would do it") In addition, imagine investing all that energy and then having a bunch of people say "oh. yucky, i don't like that. It's soggy/does it have mayo/it looks weird/i've never had that before/is it organic or freerange?". If you think the equivalent doesn't happen on game, then you're very lucky.

I think we all will get more of our desired experience if we remove expectations and resentments from strangers, or people we already know we dislike, and if we have people that we like/know and worry about, to be a little bolder and try to check in/ask them for things we need (as long as it's okay if they say no). But it's fucking hard, I know.

It is fruitless to try to break in when it's clear you aren't wanted. No amount of forcing whomever you perceive to share with you will make you feel wanted. It's a tough time right now especially because a lot of people now are burnt out and anxiety is whallopping many people who usually are able to keep an handle on it, so the feeling of being unwanted may not even be reality.

But in the case where truly only a small clique of staff friends gets attention and time, I mean...why on earth would you waste your time moping at the lukewarm, wilty pepperoncinis that are left amongst the crumbs for you, and why wouldn't you just GTFO.

That's why I say the most important part of my desired experience is less who gets what, and more...I don't know. Being around people who are nice to me. Who seem to enjoy interacting with me. Who aren't noticeably OOCly mean to people in front of me. If that's not present, then it really doesn't matter how technically awesome and populated the game is. It falls flat. But for others, it's exactly the opposite. That's okay, even if it's sad that a place that you want to like you just doesn't work out.

I had typed out something about this yesterday but it got et.

I have thought about why I was super uncomfortable with NPC sexual/romantic play with PCs in my earlier-to-mid MUSHing years but it really doesn't bother me at all now.

I think it is because back in my "growing up" years on games, because sexual RP was so (prevelent but) looked down upon and shamed, and because at least on my formative games at that time (oWoD and Shadowrun) you really didn't have people who weren't staff running plot or scenes, it was extremely hard for people to say no safely to staff. And especially once the risky play of sexual themes entered it was even harder to say no/let's do something else or do anything that would lead to exposure for engaging in that play. Particularly if you were female.

It took me many years even after I started playing on games where sexual RP was /not/ particularly shamed to not have that discomfort. Possibly because even today in the community, you do have the slut-shaming/OMG this worthless person who only TSes, ect stuff that goes on, though fortunately not to the same extent.

But now I simply don't play on games if I don't feel the staff is safe. This is a relatively new development in my MUSHing life. While by no means have I agreed with every staff decision on the main game I play on, and yes I have not infrequently been annoyed at times with the time/energy lavished on people who just seem to return that with rudeness and entitlement and just...obnoxiousness--the truth is that I feel very safe on that game from a The Staff I Interact With Have a Strong Baseline of Trust I'm Willing to Give Them standpoint. While having any NPC played more like a PC is not a decision I personally would have made, it doesn't bother me because of my high degree of trust. It is probable on another game it would, though I am not sure it would mean I'd walk out.

So I don't really care if they're having orgies with other people, because I see sexual and/or romantic RP as legitimate stories. To be honest, I would have more fun engaging in horribad unintentionally hilarious TS than I do in many meeting/large social scenes. Pillow talk is just as likely a funnel for gossip as is blabbing about stuff at a cafe or in sparring banter. There's room for all of it, IMO.

So I have never engaged in romantic/TS scenage on any NPC I have ever run, so this is purely conjecture on my part.

But if someone utilizes static (as in those npcs don't change 'ownership' between staff members) NPCs on a game, and there aren't restrictions on types of play/relationships to get involved in, I would guess that one of the reasons why someone might elect to RP out entire scenarios vs FTB (BIG ASSUMPTION HERE of player full and enthusiastic consent, ability to say no, ect) is because they're not there to just type "dirty words" at someone else.

It's part of the story, and it's a part of the story that both parties are okay with graphic content about.

So no, in that case, the staffer in question wouldn't just go TS someone willynilly because it's not describing sexual content that is the point--it's the interaction between those two characters.

THis is one of my frustrations sometimes with how we talk about TS in the community.

I have never engaged in graphic sexual content with any PC of mine JUST for the sake of itself. The characters involved weren't interchangable (For me anyway) with whoever had the time and was available right then. It was part of the story, and I (whether wise or not) decided that I didn't mind playing it out at that particular time. I presume that many people are the same way (and btw I think it's okay too if people DO just want to type erotica and their enjoyment has nothing to do with the relationship building between the two PCs, ect). That doesn't stop people from smearing others with the "ALL THEY WANT TO DO IS TS WHY DON'T THEY GO TO SHANG" crap. And I do get annoyed when people presume that if you do not have a problem with RPing out sexual content when appropriate that means you only want that sort of thing, or that it monopolizes your time. Because most of the time, even with people who do it a lot, it doesn't.

Compared to when I entered mushing in the mid-90s (and to be fair, it probably very VERY much depended on what genre), there are more normal not-staff-never-want-to-be-staff that I see running plots for people than ever. Like with very few exceptions most games rather depend on that, tbh.

I think though that a lot of problems people are having that I personally observe (or am told when I ask a person if they'd like to try running something) fall into a few categories:

*Nobody's running the types of things I want to play in, so I don't get to play in the types of things that I run for other people and I'm frustrated about that. (this sometimes morphs into the dreaded OMG this place is populated by people who don't take RP as seriously as I do, since they like different and less meaningful things, if one isn't careful.)

*If I run something publicaly, it tends to get cluttered up fast with players I don't like. (who don't engage and probably are going to come to MSB and bitch about how boring all PrPs on this mush are within 5 minutes of finishing the 3 hour scene that I had to pester them to pose/do their action/ect the entire time or who would wait for 40 minutes to give everyone a 1 liner pose that didn't react to anyone else's pose)

*I'm over here working my ass off, running a ton of stuff for people to help take stuff off staff's plate, but it looks like instead of inviting me or securing me a spot in stuff that other people or staff are running, they're just doing stuff with themselves/their usuals.

*The system rules/lore is confusing and I get anxiety just thinking about putting myself out there that way as a storyteller.

*As a player participant I see people do no-shows, act like entitled assholes OOCly, try to run over/backtalk the ST, bitch about how they never get to do anything fun on a public channel while participating in this STed scene, argue with the ST over rolls/mock or not shut up OOCly about rolls, ect ect--fuck that, I don't want to risk having to deal with people like that.

The rules lawyers and drifter-offters have always been a part of the hobby since I started, but I will say that in the last couple of years I've seen a decline in ooc courtesy towards STs that is many times extremely shocking to me. But I mean, I think that decline is society wide as people are just at the end of their rope in a lot of things. I don't blame people for not wanting to stick their neck out and spend the energy that they have far less of knowing that there's a medium amount of risk that their efforts are just not going to be good enough and people will make that very obvious in their discourtesy.

I also understand that everyone has their different peeves. For me it's not people talking about the good times they've had somewhere that tends to irritate me so much as the bashing that happens especially on a new game that opens. "OMG Everything's going to be So Much Better/Drama Free/Awesomer blah blah blah because this time we have eliminated this nasty person or that rule that everyone hated, ect. Oh, the people on X place are just horrible," and the like. I find that to be a different version of the same rose colored glasses, that for whatever reason is far more irritating/stressful to me personally than reminiscence. I guess this is just my crusty old lady musher showing, because as I've mentioned before, since largely it's the same damn people everywhere, I'm always irrationally irritated at other people's irritation a short time later that OMG I'm still not getting the RP I want/there are annoying people here/I can't do whatever I want/ect.

When I decide to play on a place, I'm throwing in my support for the staff there. Don't have to like them, don't have to agree with them always, I don't expect anything done for me personally. But if I choose to be part of that community, then I am going to respect the vision I see there, which means not bitching at staff and trying to change it unless there's someone asking for input. Most places I play I end up running things for folks, both those I know and those I don't, because I like doing that--it's one of the things I truly love about this "age of mushing", that it's no longer forbidden to run plot (within limitations) as a player. If I find that staff isn't responsive/is rude or the playerbase is rude/unresponsive, then I'll drift. I am pretty sure that's what most people do except for the people who like to make a big blowup.

RfK certainly had some glaring problems. It had roughly the same amount of irritations I've had elsewhere, personalities and slowness/ST problems wise. However, the single sphere vampire was a "new thing" (I know it's not, truly, just that the trend in the last few years has been for massively multisphere games), the 1 alt policy, very strong limits on staff PCs policy, the structure that rewarded non-lethal PvP, structure that made mortals and ghouls useful mechanically and not just socially, social skills not demonized or ignored but also made mechanically advantageous while still not turning it into the Rapepalooza people are always afraid of--for me this created a game environment that suited a lot of my personal tastes, and it'd been a very long time since I'd encountered something like that.

There were still dumb people doing dumb things, bitchy people doing bitchy things, cheaty people doing cheaty things (though staff seemed to be pretty good about catching/dealing with those or addressing things as they came up, at least that I saw), there was still some of the same "you only got that because you're staff pet" on both sides of any conflict, still weirdos, still staff calls that I did not agree with. There was, I would argue, the same staff neglect/falling down on plot that happens in almost every game I've ever played on. Maybe more since there were so very few active ST staff. It was not, IMO, Paradise and MUSH perfection.

However, it was the most rewarding time I've had on a mush in a long long while. And the first time in a long time that I actually felt like the headwiz actually truly did give a shit about me as a player, even when she said "no" or made rulings that I strongly disagreed with.

I wish more games were willing to enforce theme. I think most of the time people are afraid of being the Fun Police, ect...but here are my observations of people incapable or unwilling to play to theme:

• They are too lazy to read news/bbposts/the wealth of online resources for established RPG systems (such as WoD).

• They are behavior blind and do not pay attention to what other people are doing.

• Often, not always, this is a learned helplessness game, and while it's all well and good to deal with that now and then, it does wear and tear on staff and players over time.

• The tipping point to theme destruction comes quickly. The more you let those "nice" people simper about being new and not knowing anything tee hee on channel and in scenes, the more you train people (including those who should know better) to do the same. Most good folks if they fuck up will go oh damn, sorry about that, I will do better next time, what are my consequences?

• I agree with Surr that you should NEVER EVER give super special princess attention to the people that constantly fuck up. They live for it, they draw it out, and somehow they magically pipe down when it dries up. Someone fucks up again with major attitude and aggression towards the wrong vampire who can take them down? Torp them for a month. No drama, no fuss, but they can chill in time out, life moves on, when the sentence is up no drama/no lecture untorp, go away now and have fun, next time you get ashed. Ect. I am really tired of people getting lots of one on one attention and drama scenes for stupid behavior. They tend to not be very fun anyway, since the people who cause them, well--for the above reasons. Cannot give and take, only think about their own stuff, really just want an audience, not a scene.

I played on WoD places before I bought a single book. I have little patience for people who clutch their pearls and fan themselves about how oh I'm a noob so of course I didn't know gangbanging a bunch of hunters in Ely was /wrong/! I assumed a little too much about how powerful the old Changeling "leaders" were until I observed for awhile and played with people and got a sense of it. Also I read boards. When I played in small town settings I'd bother to look up the general area. I played on Battlestar games and I never watched the series because it's fucking boring except for the eye candy. And guess what, I did not need anyone to tell me that it was stupid for a marine to be sobbing constantly about people being shot in a war and gender roles in that universe were pretty moot (because OMFG I read the theme section of the wiki). Nobody knows everything about any theme, and there's no reason to become a dickswinging asshole about it. However, if you cannot even be bothered to take an extra day or two to READ the material available to you on a game you wish to play on, and you make it other people's problem, then honestly, the game doesn't need people like that.

I don't think that there needs to be super detailed rules about it. I wish staff would take back their power in that regard. Unless you're an idiot, you KNOW when someone's just made a logical but erroneous assumption vs. a TEEHEE blush Oh my Goodness Gracious You caught me!!! Where's my spanking?!? People. And if the person is aggressive "Nobody told me I had to obey my commanding officer/Not blab the secrets of our Secret Society to people who want to kill us/Not get to indiscriminately kill people in the street with no consequences, how dare you, UNFAIR UNFAIR UNFAIR I'm new!!!" can we all just agree it's okay to kick their ass out the door?