Making the nice young man (who looked like half my age) behind the counter blush when I asked if you could buy only chocolate starfish (at the Godiva store).
Only way it could have gotten better is if I had been actually meaning to be embarrassing! (Or if my teenagers were behind me).
I think there is often expectation inflation if people spent a lot of time on high XP/lots of maxed out skills on a sheet games. People won't do ANYTHING that they don't know that they will almost always succeed at, they aren't satisfied without mega dice and anything else than the huge ass rolls they got used to on high XP WoD games makes them feel like they "aren't good at anything so why even bother".
Sometimes it takes awhile for people to realize that yes, they still get to take down the baddie along with everyone else even if they're not the top of the pack skill wise (and maybe it's kind of nice to not have people one shot everything), they can still do most of what they want (unless it's beat every other pc in the scene even if it's not PVP). Sometimes it also means when they do they're more willing to take other risks as well (thinking outside of the box/trying something creative rather than throwing up their hands and oocly saying that they can't contribute at all because none of the scene revolves around their two highest skills).
I do think there are def. people who always like to be on either side of the spectrum. And there's always some very naturally competitive people who can't help wanting to be "better than" everyone else in a scene.
I do think there's very often a great hunger for "specialness" on any game. I can only think of a few people I know out of years of gaming who don't crave that at least to SOME degree. I also think that's often the most lacking thing on most MUSHes, so people will go to the numbers because at least that can provide some of the feelings and it's within more of the player's control than waiting for someone to really notice them and incorporate them into story beyond what that player does themselves. So I don't think you can really blame people for seeking that avenue either, really.
Sorry to break it to you, but Trump is by no means the most hateful person we've had as president in the USA.
In addition, this hate isn't anything new. Or even surprising. The only people pearlclutching about the "new"
racial and gender bigotry are...well...pretty much spoiled-ass white people.
Look. I work with refugee resettlement and almost all of my professional career except for when I had my massage business has been working with people with some super horrifying and scary problems.
It is possible to know and understand that there are big and scary things to deal with in the world AND to be annoyed as fuck about what some asshole says on the interwebs.
It's like, kind of the usual state of being for most people, being able to be annoyed/sad/worried about multiple levels of things! Instead of only about The Worst Thing.
My very worst day working for CPS involved having to forcibly carry a four year old child who had been regularly raped by her father away from him with her screaming and clawing at me and crying for her daddy. It was pretty obliterating as a green observer who was just about to graduate college. But you know, when I got home, and discovered that my asshole roommate had eaten my good leftovers that were marked, I still was annoyed. Even though really in the scheme of horribleness maybe I "shouldn't" have been annoyed at that at all.
I think I understand a little more than I did before how some people are captivated by/instantly have tons of PC possibilities spin up in their heads after they see a picture of a "PB." It's not a good time to think about launching a new PC right now, but I am gobsmacked (and taking notes).
There isn't, but I wish there was, a grumpy old lady gang that I could be part of.
I think it's better long term for staff/runners to determine what sort of environment they enjoy moderating, and then let players sort themselves out as to who wants to play in that environment, rather than trying to think a system and rules is going to somehow make everyone comfortable with progression. It's just not going to happen. IMO.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a person who wants big dice and optimized chance at one shotting whatever obstacle comes in their way. There's absolutely nothing wrong with being a person who neglects spending points at all because it crosses their mind so infrequently, or who like to build a sheet not with a specific roll in mind but to reflect what they've been doing in RP, even if they'll never use most of those skills. IMO neither is better, and I've met plenty of amazing AND horrific RPers that fit into either category and everywhere inbetween.
If you want a game with big dice, then you're going to have to deal with the older players complaining about expanded XP awards to bring incoming people up to speed. If you want slow progression then you may still have to do that if you keep adding people to the game; or you may need to put level caps on periodically until most people catch up. If you want diceless, then you're going to have to deal with the fact that some people will determine that people will always be out to get them and never let them do anything because icky poo consent. And you're going to have to deal with abusers of that system who are the reasons for some people feeling that way!
How you handle player disappointment (both of your older players who feel threatened or resentful of encroachers, as well as newer folks integrating into an established game) is a really crucial thing that I don't think has enough time spent on it usually. You will make some people happy by throwing points at them to "progress", especially if they really enjoy sheet building and numbers, but I don't think that really solves issues of resentment/feeling of investment in the game itself.
@Pyrephox very much agree with setting boundaries in particular. I have seen it (rarely) done well, and it was amazing the difference it made in the behavior of /everyone/ on the game and how they treated each other--even if they'd played together for years on other games. And how quickly things really devolved into the usual when boundaries started to slip as far as their reinforcement.
It's very hard and taxing work though, especially over the long haul. People often mistake being a hardass for being good at boundary enforcement. ("I'll kick people who do that off my game if they show signs of tantruming/being weird or mean on channel!" while they ignore the people they know or excuse them having a "Bad day" on a consistent basis.) Holding respectful boundaries in any org, online or otherwise is a lot more work than a lot of people give credit for!
The only thing I have truly seen work for most of the people (there are always outliers) is dynamic staff-run storytelling or responses that's accessible to pretty much everyone.
The main things I've seen to make that possible are severely curtailing the slots on a game (no alts or low alts, limited caps of players, ect), a lot of organization behind the scenes (plot boards where the storytellers note who participated/what happened/next steps if any), and having either enough staff willing to run stories or responses or someone who has a crazy amount of time on their hands and talent to pull it off. (I've seen both).
I have experienced far more actial rp during combat in full system plug and play (like fs3). The combat was also quicker and so people were not dropping like flies before aftermath or important stuff because it took 6 hours to get through a single round and people deciding what to do/having to look up special rules, ect.
I do sometimes wish that more games would have very specific "you can expect x experience" plastered everywhere.
But you know, the more I think about that, the more difficult I understand it to be to write that sort of thing.
I have come to loathe stuff like "you get out what you put into it" because that's certainly never been true in my experience--while people who get a lot do tend to put a lot in, lots of people also put in a lot and get...crickets. Doubly so if there's no real guideline or clear way showing the right kind of work to put in to get results--but there's always folks who are targets of a certain degree of snobbery (their writing style doesn't fit in, they're unknown, ect) or timezone mismatch, things that aren't really anyone's fault per se.
I guess ultimately what I don't understand is why you'd want to play with people that don't want to play with you, and how you think that forcing people to do so will improve your experience.
I can see trying to incentivize subgroups and cliques to interact (ive seen that done in interesting ways) as well as trying to make things friendly for newer folks but.
I can think of little that is more repulsive to me than feeling like I must stay at a scene/place where people are actively resenting my presence. I just could not.
I think when I really honestly feel unwanted/unwelcome, it's a sure sign that I am very burnt out and spent. This is a fairly new revelation for me. Sometimes it's true that people may not want me around, and not everyone likes me in the best of circumstances anyway--but the reality is that's usually not the case (most people don't give a shit or have positive feelings about my play)--it's just that I am feeling frazzled/overwhelmed/worried because my ability to give and be dynamic is less than usual because I am exhausted from RL or game happenings (current or previous).
I do think there are certain types of people who use statements like that--especially inappropriately publicly--as a weapon, but I think they're a minority. I'm fortunate in that I do have a few friends who are very good at pulling my head out of my ass (in a way that I can hear/accept because I trust them), and a few that are happy to just love on me and provide safe shelter until I've got my energy back, with some overlap between the two.
Next time react in your pose as if they'd had a visible orgasm in front of you. 
The issue with RPing as if someone else is avoiding/abandoning you without having that permission is that it widens the circle of potential complications and kind of forces other PCs to get their own RP complicated OOCly, perhaps without their knowledge that it's an OOC problem.
It's why I would probably oocly let people know that the person hasn't been available and then RP noncommittal stuff in regards to that and steer RP away from discussions about it, but if it was seeming to impact me a great deal to do that, I'd probably get in touch with staff for guidance as to what I can and cannot work out for myself if the other player cannot or will not communicate with me.
Perhaps my point of view is influenced because I've been in a situation where someone's IC partner/tie in dropped off the face of the earth for a bit, and she really really played up the Poor Me aspect. She didn't really tell anyone that she wasn't in contact with him OOC, so we assumed that he was in agreement with some of the zanier things that she would say as to why he wasn't around. None of us asked, but this was like all she wanted to RP about, all of it revolving about how horrible she was taking this abandonment. Our reactions/actions went along as ICly appropriate. When he returned, unexpectedly, she was happy to act as if none of that had happened, and would get really angry about any references to previous RP surrounding her "IC" feelings of abandonment, ect. It was just an awkward situation all around.
I'm reluctant to spread the potential awkward/retcon beyond what it really needs to be, to be honest. So I think noncommittal if you have no contact, and then adherance to the game policy if there is one/checking in with staff if it's important, or being willing to fudge a little that YOUR pc decides to dump his/her sorry ass if you want to move on is preferable to getting a bunch of other people involved ICly.
I guess my thinking is that if what you really want to do is /kill or destroy/ a PC and NPCs aren't enough for you or good enough for you, then honestly you too should have to risk your PC.
It is a delicate balance.
IME vague public comments (the generic Some People wizzen bbposts that would probably be better as a direct and private communication) tend to go over the head of the problem people and make conscientious people worry unnecessarily.
If you read websites like this for a long time you realize very much how experiences of the same event differ wildly. (It's a good check of ones own personal behavior as well as realizing that just because someone gossips about another person/situation doesn't mean you shouldn't take it with a giant block of salt, even if it's a friend.)
What I have appreciated this time around is more community discussion. Even on hog pit. That did happen in other ideations but I think it was the minority over very very personal insult and smear fests. Here I've seen far more community standards/behavior/ethics/ect discussions (even in threads that go in and out of name calling) than ever before, and you are more likely to see others defending/devil's advocating or calling for more moderate behavior than existed elsewhere.
If you want to make a plot that revolves solely around your PC for your pc's development as its primary purpose, keep it strictly to your friends/explicitly notified people that your PC will be the hub and star, and they will be primarily there to support your development and hopefully get some of their own but you will be the focus. To that end, it will have /no impact/ on metaplot or world changing events. It will be like social rp which can and does lead to massive character development, if it's good.
Do not ever sell a plot to general invites as a thing that they get to affect, and then spring it on people that they will instead be pretty much reactors in your personal development story. If you have a very specific outcome in mind (the child that is kidnapped will be killed/permanently gone, your arm will be irrevocably be severed, no matter how well people roll with their medical powers or intercepting the combat, ect.). They deserve to know your intent. It is not wrong to run these things it it absolutely is wrong to not disclose so that you can use others as an audience/group rp when they are expecting plot that they will have a chance at affecting. Yes, railroading happens even when an st's PC is not involved but when they are, and worse, are the centerpiece, it is my experience that fair or intended or whatever or not--resentment goes into hyperdrive.
Disclose. Over disclose rather than under.
I think the responsibility of a man behaving like Creepy McAssface resides with that man, not the women in bikinis he may have watched beforehand.
I try to match my length to what's around me, as well as being respectful of intent of the scene. If it's an info dump scene someone is trying to get through, I am not going to give them and everyone else multiple screens of my textual masturbation when what they WANT in is the relevant information. I do have several people I can totally vomit purple prose with--in small/private scenes. It's fun, I enjoy it, but it's rude in many circumstances.
I detest snarky meta. As well as people who constantly have to babble in ooc during a scene if it's in a group. I dislike people who are rude to the ST, and people who can't be assed to even bother to read the basics of others' poses.
But I will RP with anyone at least once, and often multiple times. I do not have to like them as a person to enjoy RP, and there are many people who I don't like their RP that I adore oocly.
But for me, courtesy is tops. If I see someone being discourteous to others habitually (even if it's not me) then I'm not inclined to invest in them in the future.
Except for no one has said those games shouldn't be allowed--but there has been lots of ZOMG IF U DON'T LIKE DEATH AT ANY MOMENT THEN U HATE RISK!
I don't really care about PC death being a probability, even. I don't like full consent games and avoid them; I have none of the hang ups many other players have (I'd be fine with a PC raping/seducing mine via dice effects, though if they were boring or a dick I might choose to FTB).
But when a game or player makes a big deal of how they're Edgelords 'N' Ladies or Edgy by Night because PKilling and PC death...just in my experience it's like truck balls. Usually there's a little overcompensation for something kind of lackluster going on.
Most of the excellent non-consent games I've been on didn't have to sell themselves as PK/PC death havens.