Best posts made by mietze

TFW you are masked so the customer cannot see that your sudden violent fit of coughing and gasping is because you accidentally are choking on your own drool you swallowed the wrong way, not a sudden outbreak of the zombie plague. Even though they were in the drive up window, and my retractable drawer thing was closed the driver practically jumped from driver to passenger seat.

I'm sure this poor person is who is going to get the survey. though when I explained what happened they busted a gut chortling.

I think the most pervasive troublesome thing when it comes to sexuality and gender identification on MUSHes remain the folks who are very centered on wish gratification and fetishization especially when those are deeply enmeshed. I mean you have the often misogynistic creepy dudes playing lesbians issue that seemed to be all the rage to the point of being a pretty good assumption in the 90s, but there have been other instances (ooc female yaoi fans dominating portrayals of gay pcs, some uncomfortable encounters I have had with people portraying non-binary or trans PCs when it was clear that there was some ulterior stuff going on, ect.)

There is often denial or accusations of people being too sensitive when something seems off, though I guess no worse than other parts of the internet.

I do not know that it is better or worse in mushing. My kids (16-almost 18, who are all rpers but do not have interest in mushes because of the real time factor) and I have frequent chats about this and they report a lot of the same behavior to be honest, even though their places are filled with peers or close to it!

@GreenFlashlight No, I don't think so. This is a natural transition, and I think as a parent you have to be really careful to NOT burden your adult children with too much. (Some of this comes from being the only kid of a very needy and unable to let go mentally ill parent I'm sure). I didn't cry in front of them when my kids were all in school full time that first day (a major life transition because I'd been a stay at home mom for so long) either. Maybe when he's a little older (like at college graduation) and we've had more time together as closer-to-peers. Right now we're both very much in parent/child mode, and I don't want to add to HIS "oh shit, I'm a little closer to being on my own now" with "OMG I need to take care of mom too."

I think what turns me off more when I see someone RPing something that they probably have no life-experience in, is not so much any mistakes they might make in how they go about doing it, but the weird entitlement that sometimes players get, as if because they have done so much research or whatnot, that somehow that means they are now the expert and can speak with OOC authority about the experience in RL that someone in that group would have. Often times not realizing or even taking into consideration that perhaps the player that they're talking down to on the OOC channel, even though the belittled player has a white male PC, for example, the player is actually a black woman. (I have seen that particular scenario happen. I have seen trans players get told what is and isn't acceptable behavior by cis players playing trans PCs. I have been told by someone who claimed to be a white woman that I was portraying my biracial-and-raised-totally-in-the-dominant-heritage-with-no-connection-to-the-minority-hertigate PC wrong--because she had read an article that different from how I was portraying things and it was different than how she was RPing her PCs experience. I'm a biracial adoptee who grew up in a white family and whose background was hidden because of the bigotry in my extended family).

That's more the transgression that bothers me personally the most. I think people should never assume they know what the player is behind the PC, nor presume that because they have done some research or know a guy that they have some clout OOCly in being experts on the experience. That just come across as...gross.

@Arkandel "it only affects me" was the argument against mandating car seat belt use and child car seats. (I'm old enough to remember it and how many people pouted and were extremely concerned about their freedom and ability to do with their families how they wished also). But it doesn't just affect that person. Bodies ping ponging around in a crashing/rolling vehicle kill others who might be wearing their restraints. In certain circumstances even in a painful sudden stop, the driver not being ejected means that they may be able to retain enough control of their vehicle longer or after to lessen the impact to others. First responders still have to pick up the pieces of adults and children even if they died free, that has an impact. Lessening injuries and deaths for lower speed impacts has an effect too.

I wish people were more cognizant that when it comes to safety issues and public health issues there's very few things that "just affect me."

It is possible to impose in character consequences for in character behavior without forcing anyone to scene about it. People forced into those situations really usually arent looking forward to the scene even if they have the upper end of the power differential.

That is a separate issue from a player expecting no consequences at all, on screen or off, from their actions.

You can bar a PC from certain missions (or all in extreme cases), demote, remove, ect, all via message or off screen action. I really cannot think of any action serious to fluff that necessitates that people have to have an on camera scene if they do not want to, that's more of a policy thing, and in the case of an unpleasant situation that may become unpleasant oocly, that's what off screen resolution is for.

It doesn't mean that people will be /happy/ about what happens/is enacted off screen, but that's a separate issue.

The kiddo i have agonized the most over as far as worrying about a last minute oh shit rally as far as school goes not being enough...just got accepted into the university he was most interested in as well as one other. He was pretty depressed thinking he didn't (his brother got accepted like within days of application all the schools brother applied to and he thought because that didn't happen for /him/ it meant a rejection.)

While my teens at home have been doing okayish during this year, honestly they too are fatigued/on edge/fighting off depression and stress, so having this boost and peace of mind has been very dramatic for him.

Don't love the fact that we will be getting 3 college bills next year, but I am happy for my older three and for my seniors who each have several options now.

I was thinking too that as a whole I do think especially in mushland people do try really hard to not bring up an issue unless it really really bothers them and it's been going on for awhile as they've tried to ignore or avoid it. So it is more high stakes almost immediately for the person that is having their comfort zone pushed while the other person may feel blindsided (natural to act in defense!). It is tough because who wants to bring up every little thing immediately when it happens (and people are going to rightly find that pretty annoying too).

I do think that's why it's important to give some grace to folks on a game. Most of the time that's very well spent. And if someone freaks out every time or doesnt listen or goes 0-100 more than once, then you just do what you gotta do. Easier said than done though, I know I sure as hell am far from perfect in that regard, online or RL.

There are some sects and smaller groups or individual churches in conservative evangelicalism (I was raised in one) and from what I understand also some people who are catholic as well who are taught/believe that motherhood is a woman's purpose and the number of children you have is a sign of how obedient you are to god's will ect.

Though I guess that it is also very much a part of certain aspects of wider culture and religion as well.

I think that teaching people that a woman's prime fulfillment in life is to be a biological mother (or any mother) is gross. Maybe even downright evil. So much suffering and damage has happened because of that way of power and control. But we have a long way to go in setting that aside.

There is only so much you can do about privacy/safety if you want to actually get out and do and participate in things.

Being aware of that is great. Imply that people who do not have everything in lockdown and most secure mode are stupid is... I guess kind of what a recluse would say as an excuse as to why they do not participate in anything beyond their own home?

I do think it's good that people understand that it is possible for things to be logged/shared even remotely if that is what the game runner chooses to do now or in the future. No matter what they say in the shit you do not read before typing I Agree.

Playing on a game does involve some risk. Including, yes, that you may encounter people who are gross enough to try and extrapolate your location or put together pieces of various conversations in order to engage in harassment of you by calling CPS, tracking down and harassing spouses, looking up cell phone numbers for further off game harassment/pressure (I have had this happen to close online and RL friends over the years!). Will it happen to everyone, no. Will everyone see this happen, no. Is it enough for some people to never play a mush? Yes, and I respect that.

I also think that sometimes people forget how small the degrees of separation in who you know in the mush community are. So even if you only share personal info with a handful of people in your entire mushing experience chances are a much wider circle of people than you expect knows things like your name, where you live, your family structure, ect. Even people you loathe and wouldnt tell a thing.

But I personally think that is a risk in any social activity. My RL stalker located me on a professional license registry that I am required by law to be on as long as I was licensed by the state and used me to track down and show up at my business. He used the transparency and public disclosure requirements of my state to find out about my volunteer service in a local political party (as an elected official and board member of the party) and then showed up at a meeting. I guess we should say if you do not want a stalker to show up to get he face to face interaction they want from you, you shouldn't have decided to be a professional with a license, nor should you serve in any kind of publicly disclosed organization (like a non profit board either--i found out later he showed up at a PTA event that I was chairing the committee of too). I did quit 2 of the 3 things because it was terrifying to have that happen. And I'm sure there are some people who think that because I put myself out there in that way that of course I cant complain about that happening as it's all my fault for not locking down.

I just do not think that's a reasonable viewpoint for how most people live their lives.

I view mushing as I do any other social hobby. There is a risk that you are going to meet some not very nice people. And even some deeply disturbed or malicious ones. You have to decide your own boundaries, and you also have to understand how they can be breached beyond your control (like a mutual friend chatting about you, or you venting to someone about a third party not realizing that person is that third party's long term friend, ect) as far as things "getting out."

Most of the privacy breaches I've seen that cause significant damage are less about staff secretly recording or wanking off by being a peeping tom (super gross) and enjoying knowing that would freak people out if they knew/when they disclosed it, but people using information (true or false in malicious ways). I do not think a privacy policy will prevent that for the people who like doing that. Maybe it can set some behavioral best practices for everyone else though.

Mostly, I deal with this stuff by trying to only play on games where I feel that I can trust staff enough that I can talk to them about behavior that makes me uncomfortable or worried, and that whether or not I agree with or see the response I can trust that it will be noted in case there are other incidents.

I would rather see a "behavior breach response" policy than a list of promises that arent always in the control of the person making them.

I fucking hate flare ups while simultaneously being grateful that mine are very mild and (so far) not progressive. Like everyone I know with this has it far worse than me. But low grade nausea/pain just really sucks when you do not know when its going to end. So I am super grumpy.

Part of that discussion by necessity should include not only ideals but common (and uncommon) things that are likely to happen to fall short.

And IMO permission for people to also have varying degrees of risk adversity be able to discuss their concerns without it turning into either "whaddya expect, it's the wild west and anything goes" or "if you participate in any game at all that isn't secured and there's the possibility of people chatting about other than game stuff then you are stupid." There's a huge middle ground there, and I personally think there is a lot of room for different standards on different games too. Both in what they promise "wont happen" and in how they respond when things do happen.

My anti vax (she's a hipster antivaxxer well before it was cool, so that isn't a covid thing per se) and Anti-Mask for FreeDumb!!! cousin and her family are now all very ill with covid (parents plus 4 kids including a 1 week old baby who is now in PICU being ravaged by it). Most of their kids were preemies and so 2 out if the 4 also have immune system issues.

I cried for the newborn and the kids. I feel nothing right now for cousin (who is seriously ill, apparently postpartum women are also extremely vulnerable?) and her husband. They did a homebirth not out of being homebirthy people but because they did not want to mask up and did not want to deal with the hospital covid protocols (so they've had a shitload of their crazy church people and other covid denying family members in and out of their house.)

But honestly its on the other side of the country, I can do nothing, and I guess they're getting what they wanted. I hope none of the kids die or get long term effects. And even if they did, they still wouldn't change their minds. Pretty sure my aunt and uncle are being Grade A Assholes to the medical staff as they are conspiracy people too.

I dont feel anything but I do just want to go to sleep and not get up for a long time.

I really really really really really prefer people who run games to actually WANT to run games.

Why would I want someone who doesnt want the job to take that role? Why would reluctance to do the job qualify someone to take on that role?

Why should someone excited and enthusiastic about running or helping to run a game be looked at with suspicion? In my experience the worst people to do any job are the ones that feel like they are a martyr or that "nobody else could do it."

Nobody is going to love all aspects of any job all of the time most likely. It's really dismaying to me when people devalue both skill and willingness to undertake something because they think only people who do not want to can do it well. That's been many the downfall of a volunteer organization or team almost certainly mushes, imo.

The noob is out of PICU. Unfortunately my cousins husband is on a ventilator and not looking good (he probably should have been in hospital earlier but they tried to treat at home with pepsid instead). My cousin is also bedridden and my guess she will be going to the hospital soon. (Their little boy called 911 for his dad, he was transported by ambulence). My aunt caught it as well though since she has chronic leukemia and other issues she qualified for the infusion treatment and is now doing better. Right now the 10 year old is mostly caring for siblings and mom with drop ins by my uncle (my aunt is still too sick to go be with them). Other family members are turning up ill but they're just in a lot of pain and miserable, not hospital bound, yet.

I dont know what to feel. Other than all the Jesus saves just pray, stay strong against the vax bullshit that is spewed in the comments is too much for me to deal with, so I am muting them and asked one of my other cousins to ping me if they actually needed something or if there was a significant update.

I feel like a bitch for just not having more emotion to give but, I guess that's just where I am at.

I like that it normalizes (without shaming) seeking help from staff when the parties can't resolve a dispute to their satisfaction on their own. While I would never want to go back to timestop objects and 100 percent staff arbitration, sometimes I wish there wasn't quite as much stigma attached to calling in someone. +judge was pretty nice in many ways.

@arkandel I don't think there's one mastermind, but there's a lot of people making $$$ from anti-vax, don't trust the government/science, here try this crazy ass shit instead of real medicine, and religious fervor. I think maybe the mundane people are seeing this out in full force because of the pandemic, but there's been grooming towards this for a very very very long time now. I feel sad that the people it is affecting the most are the least equipped to be able to handle it.

I can thank mushing for making me a very aware parent when it comes to online stuff, and going to conventions from 12+ for making me aware of con safety as well.

I used to find it pretty hard to have discussions with other parents to get them to take it seriously, but thankfully that really seems to be changing in the past few years.

Harassment and grooming happens a lot in support chats/boards too. While my kids have done a really good job being savvy in regards to roleplaying and gaming (they do not mush, but it's not like some of the same issues don't come up in alternative formats), one of my kids got majorly harassed privately from a person in a support group that he thought was for trans teens (and most of the people were probably genuine). Death and rape threats, ect. Luckily he involved us almost immediately, but unfortunately you can't really unsee when you've been subjected to that kind of thing.

Honestly, I also think that people can keep this kind of thing in mind when they look down their noses at people who get caught up in harassment and threats and sexual pressure from people they meet on MUSHing too. I know that some of those same threats (I'll post our conversations to your FB page/all over discord if you don't send me pictures) are leveled against people and it's very scary, even if they are pretty sure it's a bluff.

Sending your child to a school where you don't know or control what other families are doing or not doing always entails some risk. Especially a child of an age where they cannot be vaccinated. My youngest is too young for the vaccine, and has asthma that lands him in the ER usually several times when he contracts an upper respiratory infection (except for last year, which means honestly I'm considering having him mask up for flu season even when they're no longer required in my area). I know people who have gotten covid even though they're vaxed, who have children the same age as my youngest.

And so we did sit down and weigh our options when it came time for sending him to in person school. Ultimately we decided that it was better for him educationally and for mental health reasons for him to go to in person school, masked, with covid-19 protocols practiced by the kids. We absolutely believe there are people who will send their infected kids to school (it's already happened a few times in the district, because the parents didn't want to be discriminated against for their kid having covid). We believe it's very likely that there will be asymptomatic kids in his classroom (or he may be one at some point). The only way to control the situation is to have him be home with me quitting my job and forbidding our college age kids from being in the house with us. Maybe if we were caring for an elder relative on immunosuppresive therapy, we would do that, or if there was some other situation. I think there are some families that would choose to do that in our situation and think we are horrible people for not.

It's just a part of life. Whenever we go get medical care now, we're weighing the risk of exposure. Going to an outdoor gathering or not. Going into the store if I forget to order our stuff for curbside pickup.

We shouldn't be putting yet another burden on medical staff than they already have. Do I think it's fair my fat, middle aged ass in a triage situation probably would be put behind the 25 year old healthy fit mom with 3 little kids but who also is a rabid covid anti-vaxxer and anti-mask activist, if there was only 1 ventilator between us? No, but I accept that's the reality.

It might, but personally I think the coded tool sends a message that staff supports it and will take things seriously when they need to be.

A policy is easy to write. Many times these policies are written (often unintentionally but not always) in a way that implies that if you go to staff it is because you've failed at adulting and if the MUST involved themselves in your inability to be big boys and girls then here is how that will roll out. Or frankly, staff gives that impression.

That could happen with a coded tool too. But there was effort expended up front to make it available, which sends a stronger message.

Or maybe it wouldn't. Will have to see how it plays out in places willing to give it a try. Though I suspect on a game where staff is friendly to the notion that sometimes they will need to sort out something like this, and will do do without begrudging it that the people who abuse it either way will not stay around because they'll be caught out and it's not a friendly environment for them.