Best posts made by mietze

I have some cognitive deficits that aren't super noticeable in on the fly RP (I don't think) but can be amplified in STed scenes (which tend to be time-limited/have more moving parts such as needing to figure out actions/rolls/ect not just RP).

Therefore I really appreciate when GMs lay out their expectations at the start, rather than assume that I will figure out what they expect while we're doing it. Sometimes I can, but it might come slowly and that's just frustrating to everyone (and I don't like annoying people).

I really super appreciate time limits, especially those that are announced in advance, because it helps me know if/how long I need to set a timer for. It's also helpful if they give clear and concise directions (Page me your actions now, you have Y minutes to do so. Hold poses until you see X. Now we are in free play/now we aren't.) That type of thing. My cognitive issues are not helped by stress, so knowing what's expected helps me just do better in general. And knowing timing up front means that I can employ tools like setting timers and the like that help it be so that people in the scene/hopefully the GM too just don't notice it at all.

When I GM for people I try to be up front with all those things too. I do set time limits for responses. I do move on after my set time limit. I try to put a hard time block around a scene and let people know. Sometimes people have become upset with me (Especially the first time that they're passed over for their action because they weren't responding to me in time, or if we start on time and I'd not heard from them so I didn't hold the scene start). But I find when I don't have clear boundaries and follow them that more people don't have a good time because it becomes too long/by the time we get to resolution it's too late for people to pay attention/people get annoyed and bored waiting on stragglers, ect.)

But in the sense of the more general expectations (personal tailoring, ect), that's often so dependent on the individual scene/chemistry of the people involved that I usually don't feel comfortable laying that out like a law. Instead I often put out my goals for the scene (First/Last step to resolve a specific crisis; bringing a group of specific PCs together to help them mesh for a story development, exploration, honoring a specific person's request, ect) out there before people sign up so that we're on the general same page. And I always say my time limits and preferred procedure up front (and expect to do some reminders for the first part of things).

My deck feeder "pets" are bringing more friends, but they do occasionally fight with each other. I thought I had primarily one Stellar's jay and one douglas squirrel, but I started to suspect that there were two individuals of each, and finally I saw them all together (in a four way very loud thumpy frisky squabble) recently. They're all still very shy if I go out to the deck, but now the jays will peck the railing of our crappy old deck extremely loudly and hop up and down to get my attention if they see me at my computer and there aren't peanuts in the shell available, and the squirrels will come right up to the door (it's a glass paneled French door) and do the laser pew pew pew call at me to put out more too. If they don't see me at the dining room table (where I use my laptop), they'll hop/fly/scamper all around the windows in the upstairs living room looking for someone to scream at. They are super fun and relaxing to watch (even when they're making a racket), along with all of the fat little finches and chickadees and juncos.

We can't have bird feeders on the ground, because we have bears. So I didn't put out any kind of wild bird/squirrel feeding stuff for a long time, but I'm really enjoying it this year. I'm sure all my neighbors are wondering where the fuck all the peanuts/peanut shells are coming from if they do yard maintenance though.

So intellectually and pragmatically I understand this concern. "I don't want to police Discord and ban someone over their behavior there when it's not on my game."

But I'll be honest. When I think on how many times I've had to take disciplinary action against someone either as a staff or in filing something against them as a player--while indeed sometimes there has been stuff outside of the game (not discord yet, but all the other crap we used in the dark ages), it NEVER, EVER didn't have an on game component either.

So I'm not sure that's actually a worry. If someone is an abusive shitbag on discord, they're not NOT going to be an abusive shitbag on the game, eventually.

This reminds me of when a few of the Cirque performers came to my Y (while they were in town). Sweet guys, super friendly--who also stopped traffic in the hallways (the weight room has windows that open up into the corridor) especially when the little old ladies got out of water aerobics class.

I used to do a lot of tabata, but instead of looking interesting I was fighting the urge to dry heave into the trashcan depending on what we were doing. Kinda of how like TRX in theory should look really hot, but thanks to my hypermobile joints amongst other issues I end up looking/feeling like I'm one step away from a sideshow (and not a flattering one) if I'm not careful.

I like going to the gym too, but I have serious issues with the whole "all you need to do to lose weight is to eat less and move more." I mean, that is true in the purest sense. But having lost over 125 lbs almost 5 years ago and until pregnancy last year maintained that loss within 15 lbs (and even now I've still maintained most of it)...it's just a little more complicated than that for some people. I wish that I only had to tackle the physical act of losing. To me that's the easy part. Maintenance was harder, and dealing with OtherStuff was harder too.

If someone wants to run in front of a fan or isn't ready to sign up for a triathlon when they first start to move more, that's okay with me. It may not be the most efficient or correct way. But still, even the little old ladies who go to the gym every day and yet never lose weight or whatever--it's still getting them active in ways that they weren't before, and that still does have a benefit. I have done a tri (that and running half-marathons seem to be The Thing women of My Certain Age like to do). But if some had told me that I should the first time I tiptoed into the gym and felt so gross and ashamed, I probably would have run for the hills. Or if they told me I needed to hurt and suffer for it to go anywhere.

I started out just drinking more water and following a silly C25K podcast and doing Zumba (the big fad at the time). It was fun, it got me in the habit of Doing Things In Front Of Other People. Gradually the other stuff like good nutrition and resistance training and maybe I can do cool athletic things too started to come in when I was ready for them.

@derp All of the times discord based discussions have been referenced, that I can remember, there has always been an on game component. Along with a lot of shouting down and distraction based on the fact that there was any off game connection at all.

I also think it is apt and also telling that in the mcdonald's example, the person with the history of being abused is "yelling" and acting crazy (instead of just turning around and leaving, which is the much more likely response on a game) while the person who is stated to be the abuser is "chill". How many times do we see that play out on games, where the "chill" dude just is so awesome, these crazy jealous chicks are always trying to get him in trouble. I'm sure you didn't mean it that way, but there's a cultural thing here that I think makes it super difficult for people to report abusive behavior (on or off site) that we all kind of struggle with.

So I think how these things are handled and talked about really matters a lot. If there is shaming about off game contact that can set up a situation where it makes it hard for people to report in game stuff. Sometimes unintentionally that may be the message that people get with how things are framed.

@HelloProject it's understandable! It may kind of make things disorienting (that's not the right word really but it's what comes to mind) for awhile when you have had unwelcome and unsolicited contact like that from someone who has already crossed boundaries before. For me at least there were several cycles of emotion before I could really process, but everyone is different. I am really glad you found support here too.

I think the living room example only really makes sense in its intent to certain types of people.

It makes sense to me bc pre covid I hosted a ton of game nights and other gatherings in my home. It wasn't infrequent for friends of my friends to be invited if boardgames were their jam or they were visitors from out of town. I've hosted many gatherings of just acquaintances too in my house, for church, for moms group, for other interests. I grew up in a household that was expected to do a lot of entertaining in the home formally and otherwise so it's comfortable to me (though I wouldn't call what i do entertaining per se)

However I would say that a soft majority of my friends and loved ones would never host anyone outside of a close personal friends. There's nothing wrong with that, but of course that's going to change the feeling of "in my living room".

I have been non-ethical vegan now for about 3 months and feeling pretty good.

And I am working on my resume and seeking a job that's going to allow me to support the kids in their schooling since the district is going 100 percent remote in the fall but with no flexibility or accommodation for parents that must work during weekday mornings. I feel sad because I love my coworkers and 90 percent of the job, but the stress level from being forced into cold calling and now cross sales pressure rising means that I can't deal with it anymore on top of the brick wall of emotional burnout plus understaffing. I love crisis work and I thrive it it but apparently not constant sales goals crisis. Looking is helping me get through things. I'm pretty sure if I can get an interview I have a good shot at getting a new job.

But I am unbelievably tired and fraying at the seams right now. I am hoping having a week and a half off (starting the middle of next week) will help me put one foot in front of the other for the next while.

I think that a conversation about steps/ways to verbalize how one handles each stages of problematic behavior or warnings of past problematic behavior is within bounds. That is something that many runners need to wrestle with (and the practical applications can also be different from what they might champion in general too especially when it comes to longstanding current player without issues vs new unknown player).

But I think it would be good to pull back on the insults, please.

Hard to say. Disney started holding LGBTQ friendly events at their parks, in the early 90s, long before most other corporations jumped on the bandwagon. For a long time it was one of the few employers in FL to recognize "domestic partners" (marriage was illegal at the times) and allow people to have their partners on their insurance. They've had a non discrimination policy on hiring workers in their parks and hotels long before non profits gave out scorecards. I know a handful of folks that started working for disney in the early 90s for that reason, and they're pretty rabid fans in many ways, even though I would not call Disney an unblemished employer for MANY other reasons. I think if you're of a certain generation and lived in FL in particular, I could see why someone might have a soft spot enough to get a tattoo like that, but I dunno, maybe the person is just combining stuff that he likes, too.

Yes, I can't wait to see what folks come up with. I just really don't think "be the systematic change on an existing place you wish to see" is very appropriate on a existing MUSH. RP and PrP stuff, sure. But more than that I think is pretty disrespectful (unless it's with invitation) of the staff that is hosting you--and I do know that people who have asked about political/downtime/influence changes elsewhere have been met with hostility. (granted, they could have asked in a very snotty way too)

But if I decide to play on a place, as a player I feel that to be be a good guest and asset to the game, it's important that I try to support/learn/understand the vision of the staff that are running it, and to respect that. If I can't, then I should not be wasting both our time, if that makes sense.

Been getting a lot of "let's take a moment to all be so grateful we have jobs" shit in the morning huddle at work as more and more cross selling pressure is being put on to increase the amount of consumer credit/debt offered to "help" our clients at the same time. No irony there at all. They scrapped all bonuses for last year, it seems unlikely that when the second-ish wave hits we will get hazard pay, and now for every writeup they changed the contract where they can dock a huge percentage of your pay. Some of us think they don't want to (or can't perhaps, depending on what aid they may or may not be getting from the feds) lay off people honestly, and are just trying to get people to quit.

Finally I had to tell my (brand new) manager privately that the phrasing was making me pretty uncomfortable, as it was taking on almost a spiritual overtone. There's even awkward moments of silence after he asks us to reflect in gratitude. I told him that honestly, I'm an asset to his team, though I was aware that I could be replaced quickly to have a warm body in there but the knowledge drain and actual help that they rely on would take more time to replace. That there is a reason that I am here rather than overseeing my kids' online learning, (which I would prefer to do rather because for one of my kids it's a shitshow, and they need more support right now) but most importantly I was an intelligent adult who was more than capable of understanding and choosing what was best for my family and so long as I was employed there he could be assured that not only was I choosing to be there giving no less than my best work, but that I was there to get my contracted benefits that were what appealed to me in the first place, if there were any issues with my teamwork or how much I stepped up in the office then I am always open to personal feedback, in addition to going over our numbers as a team daily (totally appropriate).

He actually took it really well, acknowledge this hokey ass shit was stuff kind of being soft-pushed by one of the regional people and was off script from the official organization stuff, and has not done it since.

But I have seen a LOT (and heard a lot) of customer-facing people being shoveled this "YOU SHOULD BE GRATEFUL" shit. Rings kinda hollow when you're at the stage most of us are having worked right out there in the community this whole time while the people pushing it (and making their poor managers feed this line of bullshit to their tired staff) are working from home.

I believe there have been pay to play MUSHes. @Shayd, IIRC weren't you involved in a project that was kind of close, or am I misremembering? For some reason I thought I'd read you discussing something like that maybe on the old WORA?

I will say that as someone who's been heavily involved in several non-profits...this has a number of complications. Yes, even the nonprofit is not directly tied to the organization that puts on the MUSH (and if someone were to do this, one would hope they'd have the brains to at least set up some kind of separation between their business of the MUSH and personal finances). The general mismanagement and inability to do even the baseline level of competance of volunteer management and boundary setting that I have witnessed on most MUSHes is forgivable for a free service run by someone for fun. Turn that into a business and my god that catapults most people into the stratosphere of stupid. Not because they're a dumbass but most people just don't know their elbows from their ass on how to run a biz OR a non-profit, it does take some training, there are free resources, but sadly many people don't take advantage of them.

I own my own business. It's not complicated, but the reason why I am still in business 2 years and running now is not because I'm so smart, but because I got training largely from being involved in those non-profits organizations as an executive--PTA and a local educational program itself--and took advantage of the free or low-cost training involved. As an aside, if you think you might want to be an entrepreneur or similar someday, get involved in your PTA if you have kids. Even if it's just to go to their law courses and the convention courses. It was better, more thorough, and dirt cheap compared to the small business classes I had to take in trade school. Just sayin'.

Just because someone is a brilliant storyteller/world builder does not mean they're competent to run a business. And if someone thinks they're going to take other people's money "for charity" and not run it like a biz or get it set up like a biz? Probably they're not very competent. Some things are intuitive, some aren't. And talent doesn't mean jack shit if you don't know how to manage the finances and service. (This is also why I'm still in business 2+ years and still going--I am not the most talented massage therapist by a long shot, I went to school with people who I think had more talent than me, though I do believe I'm professional and very good at what I do--but unfortunately talent and knowing how to manage the books and build the biz and deal with clients, don't always go hand in hand, and to be successful running your own thing you need the whole deal.)

coming out of a cult like group and/or trying to be there for when a loved one comes out is a very hard situation.

I know with my family members still in as well as seeing some friends being sucked into a conspiracy cult I have to be very careful about compartmentalizing and planning for what i will and will not respond to and how because otherwise it is easy to become distraught and also it can trigger trauma from my time in an abusive religious organization.

Right now i think it is most important to try to prioritize your own mental health and put distance where necessary. It can leave to feelings of guilt, but i also am trying to take the long view that if any of those folks I live says "I'm scared and I don't want to be part of this anymore" I can be ready to immediately take action to help them. For me there is an extra layer of fear because several of my family members have been posting things over the last six months to a year that lead me to believe they could become a real threat to their minor children or the community (up to and including ststements threatening or glorifying familicide to save their children or hunting down people for revenge if their candidate loses the election) and knowing that in the latter case they are in possession of the tools to do that as well as the skills.

Sometimes it is necessary to turn it off for awhile. Yes, there are many people who criticize and look down on that as a dereliction of civic duty, and mock needing to do that and more power to them,but when you have done all you can for the moment, it is also okay to stop arguing or trying to reach out proactively to someone who is deep in their personal beliefs and stop stressing both them and you out.

These days I just reach out with an occasional I love you, i miss you, if you ever feel like you need a break let me know and I will do whatever I can to make that happen for you.

It doesn't feel like enough. Sometimes it has to be. I'm so sorry for everyone having to deal with this right now. It sucks.

It's not where the $$$ goes that changes it, but the fact that there is money changing hands period.

I may be changing jobs again. I hoped that the schedule change would be enough to take significant stress off of the family, but it's still not enough to deal with the realities of distance schooling and my district's inflexibility that is driving us crazy along with the primary level teachers I am certain.

I'm so tired. I'm trying to be a good mom, I'm trying to safeguard my kids' education, I'm trying to not drop complete out of the workforce and lose the meager gains I've been able to make in the last 7 years after being a stay at home parent for so long.

But you know, I'm just fucked. Fuck 2020. Fuck fucking covid.

This may sound "defeatist" but I think rather it is pragmatic.

No, you cannot expect that adults will act "grown up." You cannot expect that in any other collection of people (ask and teacher, school organization member, retail/service worker, any kind of situation where people have to work collaboratively with another human being). Why in the hell does anyone expect the MUSHing community, with the semi-anonymous veil of the Internet, to be more mature and even keeled than people who have to work with and deal with each other in the flesh, where if you are going to say your bitchy thing it has to come from your mouth and you will see the impact in another's face and body immediately?

This is why I'm a huge advocate for clear, enforced rules of ooc and IC behavior. Having that framework helps immensely. Being loosey goosey just do whatever until we decide it's too much I think hinders the ability of any organization or community to be able to create an environment of freedom and creativity, oddly enough.

This year is the first time in 15 years that I'm not feeding people/hosting friendsgiving. It is too risky for others since eldest will be home from college (I'm more worried about him tbh since his school is phenomenal at keeping everyone safe, but he's still someone who traveled from out of area) and now that I work in child care I'm probably the most risky person for people to be around.

We got a nice turkey, I do have a big household, so I will be able to cook but I can't really think about it for too long or else I get really deeply depressed and teary. Sometimes being an extrovert sucks. We might get to do a turkey dinner porch delivery or two though. In the large scheme of things I know this is a shitty thing to feel so sad about, but.

I love rituals/cults. I know a handful of others who do as well so when we've been able to coordinate schedules (which doesn't happen often) it's fantastic rp. I actually have many notebooks and regular books collected over the years for inspiration for writing/development! Even 1 on 1 those are awesome engaging scenes.

I love IC nemeses. I have been one and had one quite a few times. What I have sadly learned though is that while I find I rarely have to vet the person I'm going to be frenemies with, since the people who are serious (vs. the Victimize Me! teeheehee People) are almost always awesome...I do now know it's good to know who their friends are. If they hang with ooc white knights it's not going to be worth the ooc drama and headache.

I take medication that helps me stay alive since honestly I am still dealing with the psychological fallout from last april/March where I lost so many clients and then dealing with the aftermath of having to field a ton of suicidal and other distressed people through the end of the PPP applications.

I cope by putting one foot in front of the other to not put a burden on my children. I quit my high stress job for one that pays the insurance bills but has virtually no stress associated with it. It is in an industry that is just below nursing homes and health care as far as covid outbreaks associated with employment, where no one gets PTO or sick leave, but I'll be honest and say after working this whole time and having lost count of the potential exposures in that time period I guess I'm not super scared of getting it and biting it, if it happens it happens, I do go out of my way to protect others from exposure to me though.

I watch bits and pieces of documentaries, i play with babies and under 18 month olds at work, I try to RP now and then if I think people actually want to be around me, I sleep a lot. I take vitamins. I send my college kid care packages and harass my twin high school seniors to get them through graduation and college admission. When its hard to deal with the pain from my newly diagnosed inflammatory disease I take a dropper of my cbd/thc tincture and thank the voters that I live in a state that's legal (I have declined the medications for my disease as they're immunosuppressive).

But mostly it is just putting one foot in front of the other, not subjecting other people to me unless I know that it's wanted, and watching stupid and/or funny you tube and other videos (thanks to Carytid's funny suggestion at the beginning of this fucking thing I am now super addicted to Karen videos since I no longer have to deal with them at work). And boring thc/cbd tinctures since I hate any feeling of high.