Best posts made by mietze

I think my biggest issue with RP/involvement is that I almost always feel very isolated.

I think that many people who have spent time with me on games might be surprised by that, since I do have a very outgoing personality and I try to utilize that in my RP. But it's not always an easy thing to do, and I think a lot of times it's kind of dismissed as easy and not valued or seen as superficial.

I find I am rarely invited by others to participate in things without having to shoehorn my way in or taking on a coordinator/arranging role, possibly because they assume that if I wanted to be part of things I'd ask OR that I have a ton of other meaningful stuff going on. As a result I try to be as inclusive as possible with stuff I do, but to be honest that also often results in non-reciprocation or being downplayed as easy-for-me because of similar assumptions. That used to burn me out pretty quick. I'm better about deciding (after yes, being hurt for a little while) to just set it aside and not take it personally (because I don't think it is usually personal). But sometimes the anxiety does still get to me. I might be able to push through it on the quicker end of the spectrum, though.

I think in regards to this I'm trying more to be more accepting and realistic in my expectations. It's very difficult to try to stuff the impulse to freak out and want to pester someone to find out if they're mad at me/think I suck/if I upset them in some way, but I have found things are a lot calmer when I don't do that. I'll walk away from the screen a bit. I have gotten better about not hitting send impulsively on an OOC communication. I have a bunch of silly 2-5 minute guided meditations on my phone that I will make myself do so that I can't give in to that impulse and make things awkward. I remind myself that it's okay to feel sad/isolated sometimes, and probably like EVERYONE even the people I assume are having a blast 100 percent of the time probably are dealing with the same shit now and then too. I have been forcing myself TO do available game methods of staff involvement and to try to stuff the feeling of guilt/like I shouldn't be bothering them when they have so many more important things/PCs/Players to attend to. Maybe they do, maybe they don't, but I can still work on and submit those things anyway. It has helped some.

I'm not sure that feeling of "of course you're not good enough/your RP sucks/ everyone thinks your characters are trite and stupid" ever will go away, because it's really NEVER about the mush or the people on it, and it's something I know I'll always struggle with in RL too. I just have been trying to apply some of the tools I paid a lot of fucking money for (therapy) in RL to mushing as well. It works a fair amount of the time.

My stress level is such that after finally remembering a few minutes ago that oh shit I guess we better hang up the graduation gowns so they can get the creases out without me having to iron them, they're both apparently 2 inches off (too short) from the suggested height. Cue crying after midnight (me, not my boys).

I really can't wait until this hellhole school year is just finally over.

In order for me to "make a living" off of a game, I would need to bring in around 75k in my area, which thankfully would still allow the kids to be on state health insurance (if it didnt, probably need to add an extra 10 grand.) This is largely because our house has way more equity than we owe (for emergency purposes), we have retirement and some college savings (plus my college kids will have access to need based $$$)

Assuming that I could deal with 200 PCs now entitled to a full service game, would they be willing to pay me $360/year, per PC, just to make a living myself? I would realistically need to hire staff. Depending on how many, I would need to alter my business license, and be subject to additional fees/collected funds. Luckily setting up an LLC is easy and cheap, in my case I already have one but it's a PLLC so I think I'd get another one.

I mean, it is a lot more work and things to consider than just the fantasy. Would people be willing to subscribe for $30/mo and probably plus if there was staff involved which there would need to be for folks believing themselves to be purchasing a paid game services? I'm sure there are a few but probably not many.

Now, if you were aiming to charge for just a little money on the side, or solely to recoup the costs of hosting? That's more reasonable.

Sigh. When my kids run down the aerosol in the fun squirty whipped cream can spending too much time trying to shoot it in to their mouths. No super artificially fluffy stuff for me.

@Arkandel that is just the thing though. It is more widespread both in access and content.

Why would you assume that mushing would expand at the same rate?

People are finding it that enjoy it for what it is, text based usually real time roleplaying without graphics or sound, that can run on any machine/device just about that can sustain an internet connection.

That is super niche. It doesn't surprise me that people who find that lacking will lean more into other stuff. Or that people who do enjoy it also enjoy other things and will divide their time further because there's more options for pastimes.

I think the folks who seem to think that there is some magical marketing technique or some interface that will radically make it so that mushing is hot amongst those 20 something that are interested in online RP--i think that's engaging in some denial right there.

One of my coworkers and I realized today that we actually first met at my first job when I first moved to the Seattle area and got a job as a toddler/preschool teacher. She was in one of the classes (though I don't think she was in my specific class, there was a lot of crossover)--as a student! Mind blown. Though now I regret the fact that I'm pretty sure I got rid of my first job scrapbook/mementos because it would be really awesome to be able see if my coworker is in any of the pics so I could text her them and freak us both out.

@Bananerz so make one! It will take you awhile to get the hang of it if you arent a code, or you might get some interested helpers. Maybe even some of those horrible WoD liking people. I am sure if you invest the time and effort that people will come play.

I think it depends a little on your personality.

I find that I personally feel more motivated and have more fun with a very specific training goal in mind. I suspect that some of the total CF freaks may be motivated by the internal and external competition. (That doesn't motivate me, but I do understand the appeal--I have just never been high enough of a level to really compete to be honest, if I was that it is totally possible I'd feel differently!

For me accountability helps, in addition to having a specific, time sensitive goal. That's why I like the group personal training a little bit better than something like crossfit (though in a small place I could see some of that same accountability there, but I personally did not experience that at the place I went).

I never have been and never will be a hop on the treadmill/stationary bike/crosstrainer for 40 minutes 3x a week person. I can make myself do it in a pinch but it won't last. I suppose the rest of my life is so fucking routine oriented, when that is not my personality at all, that I rebel against that and so it's super easy for me to just go on my merry way slipped out of my routine. But. If I have the deadline of a tri or other event on my calendar, with a specific time goal or completion goal in mind, it makes me have more motivation. On the off season I often struggle to keep up my running routine if I don't have an event even though I like running and it's my chill out/zone out time.

Right now I'm dealing with some health issues plus the complication of toddler again (I really got into shape and very fit before I had my oopsie baby, when my other kids were older elementary and my time was not curtailed by many complications. Now it is once more a production to get out the door and settled and back, so having that layer of "I paid extra for this group/there are 3 other women and they'll notice if I'm not there/I will enjoy hanging out with them and have fun once I get there" does help.

I wish I was someone who did not need to play these games with myself to get things done, but...I do. I just need goals, simple, time sensitive, and measurable to be motivated. It's like that in fitness, housewife/work stuff, as well as immensely helpful in my business.

Now that I think about it, I'm kind of happier with that in MUSHdom too. Maybe thats why I /like/ aspirations and things like beatsheets. Bleah, that must be annoying.

@Ghost Minor quibble, when I have seen people go full out card carrying member of The White Knights of Whatever, it's rarely been in pages--because that wouldn't show off their knowledge and research and how they totally are doing it right and should get to dictate how others should play things. It's always channel conversations. Pub or the equivalent usually. Does this happen in pages or skype or whatever, I'm sure. I don't join off site game groups for that reason, while I am happy to be there for friends, I have enough on my plate RL and otherwise than to have to deal with a circling the toilet bowl of negativity parade that those 'venting spaces' tend to devolve into.

I am not sure why MSB does not trigger the same kind of depression (though certainly it has and does, /especially/ some of the harder discussions we have had as a group about blindness to sexism/racism/homophobia) as a real time or coming into a group with 100s of messages. I can't even personally keep up with just general chatty positive discord or skype channels, except for my family one, so I just don't do 'em. I'm a little in awe of people who can maintain/keep up.

ETA: Nah, I don't have a problem on a game when someone is being an asshole to someone on chan, with asking them to stop behaving that way. I always appreciate it when others do the same as well. I usually do that before sending in a complaint, if it's bad enough, asking staff to please take a look at X channel around Y time, because this player is being very aggressively assholish and not really seeming to be willing or able to look at why people are getting upset. I don't think it's fair to send in a complaint without asking someone to stop, unless it's a safety thing or like--instant-nuke levels of egregious (in which case I think one should just take it to staff without trying to get involved in back and forth with that person).

I cannot aid anyone in this situation, tbh. Even if I was closer geographically I'm not part of their religion, even worse a walkaway. I keep in cordial social media communication primarily for the kids esp the teens and near teens in case they want to leave or come out and need a safe place.

The kids are culturally very used to childcare and housework (my cousin pushes the line in having her sons help out with that too). So stepping in to help when people are sick/mom is having her latest baby, ect isn't unusual. Not ideal and not what I would choose for my kids, but the reality is that it's not unusual for them.

However having to call 911 to possibly save your dad's life in a family that woukld rather guzzle essential oils and go see a chiropractor for anything other than like an amputation or whatever rather than see a real doctor must be an extra level of trauma to what is already experienced in having to do that anyway.

I find for the types of stories I usually want to tell an intermediate range works best, in that I don't really want God like power to deal with, but OTOH I want people to have somewhat well rounded PCs if they want, which is arguably hard in a beginner level (or maybe at extremely low powered everyone is well rounded in a sense so it depends on how you look at it.)

I prefer slow gain xp, but only if rewards can be provided in other ways. (Personalized storytelling and attention, mainly). I think if you really can't provide that it's good to provide some way for people to feel like their activity is rewarded by the game. But on the other hand, I also think it is futile to try and reward all types of players in a single game in a way that gets everyone's needs met--i would rather just be honest but not shaming about it.

Instead of "be an adult and don't bitch at staff if you aren't able to create your own fun", maybe say "we will only provide limited staff run opportunities for character development, so to be involved with a lot of character development/storylines it is going to require that you hook up with a group that does active storytelling for its members or consider being a storyteller or be willing to be proactive in meeting people ic or oocly, otherwise you may feel isolated even though you will still get the passive xp gain/can do activities to get xp." Or instead of "be a role player not a roll player/twink/min-maxer" more like "XP may be a lot slower than you are accustomed to/you may feel a little weird about having such "bad dice"/low numbers on your sheet, and if you primarily feel motivated by mechanical character advancement then the pace may be frustrating to you. We have chosen to focus on having staff driven storylines that concentrate on developing character /stories/ individually and as a group, and your sheets/power levels are taken into account as we tell those stories." Or whatever.

People are motivated by many different things. Just because someone needs the hope of maxing out their sheet doesn't make them a lesser musher than me even if I personally don't care if I ever get to top tier, or vice versa. It is okay to want to "win" a game however you define it too, as long as the game is set up for that.

It is when someone needs something that the game cannot realistically provide, or if something changes and it can no longer provide, that I think a lot of resentment problems arise, and I wish we had better ways of communicating staff intention/interest than implied shame on players. And I wish more staff felt more equipped/empowered to remove people who it's clearly not working for without needing to think that player is "bad".

So I guess I don't think there is a universal ideal. Just some forethought in what kind of stories, progression, and support will be available and disclosure of that will help set the tools you will use to achieve that.

Just because someone is a wannabe rural redneck/tough gal/has researched having a cow and chickens for their apocalypse farm (but doesn't even have the emotional wherewithal to stay home for two weeks and shelter in place without throwing tantrums at people) doesn't mean they're familiar with livestock dewormer.

Farmers aren't taking it. People following their preacher/talkie host/chiropractor/you tube doctor are (buy it through my affiliated link, y'all!!) And most of them had never even heard of ivermectin before this im pretty sure.

What is interesting to me is seeing how people who clearly know that the advice to take it is crank but who also feel spiritually and socially bound to nod along deal with the cognitive dissonance. But also scary because that makes people lash out at "othered" people even more.

I wonder how much the top tier people at doterra and young living are making over the last little while. I see lots of people working hard to sell their cure/prevention which is doubly sad since none of the people now will make money off of it themselves as they annoy and maybe even facilitate killing off some of their neighbors and friends "working their business." Wonder if amway was a take too or shaklee/all the other "nutrition" mlms got a little boost for their top tiers also.

The MLMs tend to prey on these communities too.

Do we not assume that PCs are not average dumpy joe? I mean, yes, there are plenty of middle aged people who are talentless/not the top tiers of their professions, but frankly, most 18-25 year olds aren't at the pinnacle of their careers either. I admit, I'm not edgy enough to want to play average joe PCs, so I guess I kind of assumed that PCs were going to be exceptional regardless of age.

Also, can I giggle a bit at 40 being considered old and grizzled? 4 months before I turned 40, I gave birth to child #4, and had run 5k every other day through the first trimester of pregnancy, and worked as a massage therapist (on my feet, doing deep tissue bodywork) until 2 weeks before I had my C-section. Hell, all the marathon runners and iron man qualifiers I personally know didn't even start that shit until their late thirties (though again, these people I know ARE pretty badass and would probably qualify as PCs.

But if you're not going to "stupid, inexperienced kid" handicap PCs, I really think you shouldn't turn mid-life PCs into elderly people. But I do agree that I am kind of meh at the idea of huge reward to older PCs UNLESS you have a compelling story reason to want a lot of older people in the game (which honestly I can't think of many, but I'm sure someone more creative can). People RPing like their 35 year old PC is elderly AND people who want a Doogie PC with 2 PhDs and who is a star athlete at 18 kind of annoy me about the same amount.

And that still doesn't solve the differential problem either, it just gives some people a little bit of a head start to reach their max potential.

I think that you have to also look at the lifespan you expect from the game as well. If you have slow but steady XP gain, you could tailor it to the idea that the game has a finite lifespan (I'd put it at 2-4 years). You could have a policy of PCs riding off into the sunset (or going for a long walk during a blizzard once they reach a certain age/capacity) at a certain power level, but if you pace it right it's exceedingly unlikely that anyone would have to do that before the game comes to its end. Maybe honestly HAVING an end in mind (though that will cull some of your playerbase since a lot of people have trouble with the idea that they have a fininte length of time to play their pcs, even if they KNOW that's the case, it's worse if they go in with people acknowledging it. I don't share that dislike, but I accept that there are plenty of people who do, so it's a factor in considering what audience you want.).

Or if you want to run a high powered game, I think it's awesome to just embrace it. I've enjoyed seeing some creative CGs were people were allowed to borrow their entire lifetime maximum XP in cg if they wanted to (though usually the respects were severely limited, like 1 time ever, ir that). So people COULD make a god right away if that's the level they wanted to play, or if they wanted to RP out talents unfolding and the like they could too. I would imagine you'd have to have storytellers willing to take on lots of different levels though. Or make the game a sandbox so that burden isn't on staff.

I think there are stories that can be enjoyable and fun at any level. It's just a matter of what stories have the most support on the game (and how that evolves over time). I am not sure that everyone has to be overly concerned with catching people up necessarily (unless it's important or desirable for runners to get new blood in). And I think eliminating XP rollover between PCs probably would do a lot to ensure that there was either a stable population of pcs at the same level OR there were many people at the lower end of power/level as well. I don't always think the attachment to previously earned XP on an old PC or allowing people to earn XP on a series of throwaway PCs that they the reap it from to pour into another PC is very healthy for a game a lot of the time. But I understand why people would be reluctant to not have it, since that can be pretty standard in some subcommunities, and it's often one of the few ways that any player can feel some continuity of "ownership" as a player on the game.

@arkandel sounds like the equivalent of the folks I know who like to instagram/post about their perfect lives with their picture perfect families and how they grow everything from scratch/are the best homemaker ever/perfect kids, ect.

It annoyed me more before, now I think it's pretty funny, especially when I know how their house really looks/the struggles with their kids/how they buy lysol and cleaning shit in the stores rather than making everything with vinegar, essential oils, and angel poop or whatever.

Maybe the difference is "really wanting to participate" (which I now read as "happy to be entertained and to be involved") vs. "wanting/capable to put in the work to keep things dynamic and active." They're two very different things. I think most people really want to participate. The number of people willing to put in the real work involved are very few.

These days I'm always happy to participate but leery of joining up with a group where there is not at least 1 other person who's willing to put in the work OOCly.

The ability to have conversation that is clear and is paying attention to what the other person is saying, as well as theability to ask clarifying questions is often very much a learned skill.

It is something that has to be worked at and its never perfected. It isn't easy. Some people have more difficulty in learning than others.

I have an adult child who worked his ass
off to improve his skills in this regard because of the field he wishes to go into. He is also on the spectrum.

It is often helpful to learn to stop devaluing or dismissing as "easy" skills that others may be better at than you right now. But even learning how to speak to people in a clear way that has a good chance of them being able to receive what you're trying to convey is a difficult skill to master regardless.

I can see why he has no contact orders.

That is straight up creeper stalker ass writing right there, I actually feel really kinda ill just seeing jt.

Blue did he send you this in a PM here?

Smoking cessation programs often are at least partially covered by insurance. Rarely are weight loss programs. Not even nutritional counseling.

Most likely people who smoke are treated like shit by their doctors I would imagine, but they probably aren't given a pamphlet at every visit trying to drum up business for the associated hospital's program (not covered by insurance usually) where the doctor surgically removes the person who is struggling to quit smoking's hands so that its more difficult for them to keep smoking.

Fat people and smokers though are probably regularly denied competent medical care on a regular basis at every level because the physicians and staff much of the time in their 5 minutes per patient doesn't have time for background information and it's more satisfying to treat the person like they do not know they are fat/a smokers.

I lost over 100 pounds once and kept all of it off for almost 5 years until I got unexpectedly knocked up and them my life situation changed in unexpected ways (some related to that, most not). What worked for me for that long term was no longer sustainable once I could no longer afford to pay out of pocket for very specific therapy and eating disorder treatment. And an injury took me out of continuing to participate in triathlon events and training (still the most fun I've had, loved training). As is very common for huge weight loss, I also developed a secondary eating disorder as a result that also had a major impact on my muscle and bone health.

I can assure you that almost every doctor including those that I went to specifically in the hopes that they could advise me on best practices in my new reality was unwilling to let me get a word in edgewise because what they wanted to do was talk about the bariatric surgery program at the affiliated hospital. I do not qualify for bariatric surgery, even if i could afford it. Due to medical reasons that are right in my chart and I certainly will never qualify for an insurance company's standards even if that wasn't the case because I'm not fat enough!

Now not every fat person has an eating disorder but there are more than most people think. In addition while there tends to be some understanding and acknowledgement of trauma as a background in addictions, very rarely does anyone acknowledge that in weight loss or in the process of long term maintenance.

Many people who have lost significant weight always picture themselves as fat. Body dyphoria is a real thing for many people and it is a huge mind fuck at times. Many long termers I personally know (whether or not they still have maintained) developed related eating disorders as a result. I'm sure there are people who drop 20 lbs and feel great and have no issues (or more). But some people react like a drunk that's gotten sober but moves on to other addictions to cope.

When I first stared regaining I was suicidal. Pretty sure only not wanting to do that to my kids is the only reason I'm alive. To a certain degree I had to decide what mental health and emotion expenditures and finances I had to pick.

I would argue that the time needed the most support from physicians and friends is maintenance. Yet that is when everyone assumes its over because "you look great" (even though many people don't think they look great) and "you're done!"

Stopping any behavior especially when there are issues of changed physiology and also potential mental health or behavior modification issues, along with rather large inequities in quality health care access, ect...it is complicated. Dealing the intricacies and entanglements of an eating disorder has been so damned hard in my own life that I really cannot imagine what it is like to have to deal with similar issues on top of a substance addiction.

So I don't know. Maybe we could not treat people like they're stupid or just need merely the power of positive thinking.

@A-B conversations here often turn in to this sort of thing, whether there's name calling or not. People like to get into theory, semantics, different focuses, ect. It isn't bad per se, and probably good to try to not take it personally if things start to wander a bit.

While I do put a tip on the app, I also give the driver $10 in cash on top of it (more if its a large order). I shopped/delivered for instacart in the early days and after their tip theft and hiding tips so they could use that factored in to their offer of pay per job (when the customer has 3 days to zero out the tip!) I just do not trust gig companies to pay their delivery drivers or shoppers and prefer that they get the $$ directly from me so I know the company isn't stealing.

That being said though I usually just do store pickup for groceries now. Instacart executives are scum of the earth so I avoid grocery delivery if at all possible.