Best posts made by mietze

And yes, I am aware that it's not fair for people who do not recognize social cues and who have a tendency towards behaviors that make others uncomfortable do not get allowances for that on many games. If things were fair there would be mitigations perhaps that would give some people allowances for these types of behavior if they are something that they can't control, or perhaps there might be ways that that behavior could be totally muted so it doesn't affect anyone else but they could still play ICly.

There's not a lot of places though that are going to do that, or where it's possible to do that, though some staff and games are more able to do a lot of trellising and handholding than others in that regard.

There's not an easy answer. You could that the strategy of limiting your use of anything that gets you into trouble. (Public channel, OOC communication, ect) Unfortunately that's difficult to do on a lot of places but you could try that. If you can find someone who is willing to help set boundaries and be willing to work with you so that you can double check with them or they have your permission to page you with a "you're going too far/being inappropriate", then that might work, but that also is a tall order. But I think particularly now with the stress levels of everyone so high, there's less of that to go around.

But learning to choose to respect staff or a player telling you "stop with X behavior" can really help. It is easier said than done if it's something you struggle with, but it also isn't something you can force other people to help you with.

It really does not make you a bad person if you need to back away for a bit (though certainly they might think so!) I have a lot of people that I love/care for, that are good people at heart (I tend to think most people are) but who are currently or have engaged in behaviors either in my presence or directed towards me that meant I needed to step away or disengage or put up boundaries that meant they needed to go find other people to rely on. Nobody needs to be "bad" for that happening, just relationships and how much you can put into them change over time.

I keep getting stuff like Corgi and Pomeranian. Apparently, I am a very cute little bitch!

I have a great deal of tolerance for age appropriate behaviors (I am not going to give a mom a dirty look when she has to carry her toddler kicking and screaming out of Target and leave her shopping cart behind), but as much as I try to not speak ill of other parents (because every single "Well I will NEVER X" thing I said has come back to bite me in the ass during parenthood), I'm a pretty grumpy old lady about stuff like that.

You know, if I could still manage to return both my shopping carts to the cart return thing while juggling noob twins and a year and a half year old, fuck you lady, you don't need to leave your cart in the middle of two parking spaces with one smiling, happy child.

I'm wincing about what I'm in store for now that my olders are edging into their teen years. I said a lot of "well I never would" statements about teens when I was an all knowing mom of sweet under-5s. It's fun to get zOMG WTF looks from first-timers when I'm out with the baby now though. He is often in mismatched socks, rarely wears a hat, and I have indeed picked up his teether that he threw on the ground and handed it right back to him.

I wonder if people who invest primarily in combat skills would claim their character concept and agency was destroyed if the social character rolled well enough to weasel-convince the combatant maybe they shouldn’t kill the pc they were going to.

That opens the combatant up for consequences they may not want, after all. They don’t get to decide to take care of the problem exactly as they wished. They should just get to roll their dice to eliminate the other pc.

I guess I fail to see why somehow the person rolling the social dice is somehow more taking away agency than someone who can just roll combat rolls without needing to take into account the valid potentially mitigating factors of social skills.

My cousin and her family lived in Dehli for about 14 years, they moved last year to Kathmandu. They've worn face masks when outside (when they went outside) pretty much that entire time, her kids have grown up using them, ect, though it's very rare for people to wear them there until the last several years. I know she felt extremely weird about wearing them for awhile.

A few years ago, WA state had the worst air quality that I've ever experienced here thanks to massive wildfires and puger sound's weird and frequent inversion zones. Regular ashfalls, tasting the smog and wildfire ash as soon as you stepped outside, haze, ect. Even walking from my house to my car was triggering chest pains and wheezing. I tried a box of those disposable filtration masks which helped, my my cousin ordered and sent me the type of mask her family wears (not flimsy, comfortable, cute pattern) and while I got plenty of weird looks I could breathe and resume my delivery work without feeling like I was going to suffocate.

Pollution is no joke. I wish more people got air pollution masks, at least for their kids, in areas where it's frequent. And that they were subsidized too (but yeah right) especially in cities that are extremely dangerous (plenty of those in the US too!)

I don't think there's anything wrong with twinks. It's like the same people who come up with spreadsheets of how many things to craft and sell on the auction house on an MMO to make the maxiumum gold. Not my deal, and I will listen politely and nod when they fondle their spreadsheets and want to show me and I'll be supportive or whatever.

I don't think having a presence of 1 and RPing yourself as a social god is twinking--I think that's cheating. It's why I like social dice, not to open that can of worms. There are people with twinkilicious +sheets who RP very well their chance die pool in every social grace, or being fumblefingered at other things. Not the same thing, IMO.

I mercilessly tease my twinky friends (Kiiiiiish-oooo! Gesundheit!) and then bribe them to tell me how to maximize my XP. I may or may not follow all of their recommendations, but they're handy to have around at times.

My boy cat, Kage, likes to be held like a stuffed animal while he sleeps at night (he gets under the covers, stretches out long, and will try to nestle between your body and your arm until you cradle him) I wake up sweating a lot of nights because he will do this after I am asleep and he is a little powerful heat generator! At least he is a very slender little thing so he does not put your arm to sleep.

His sister Sombra is a big boned and fluffy girl who likes to flop on legs and put them to sleep because she is one heavy ass cat.

I think it is kind of a dominating thing, because she is def alpha/queen of the house and is very territorial.

During the day when they cannot go sleep with a person, Sombra curls into a fuzzy shrimp or cat loaf posture usually on the cat tree or on a box or the air vent. Kage just...flops on the floor somewhere. While mashing his face into the floor. Usually he likes to find someone somewhere to cuddle though. While the teens are at school its floor face mashing though. And yes, the teens often play computer games or console games with this sleeping boneless silly cat in their arms, dead asleep. He is the weirdest cat I've ever had. And he's a little dumb. But very pretty and sweet!

I am pretty open to whatever. Discussing/not/planning/not, happy to go along with whatever the other player needs to feel comfortable.

My hard line in the sand nope: anyone who claims to be married or partnered who then spends time bitching sexually about their spouse/partner. I'm not talking about occasional grumpy stuff, look I've been married/partnered to the same guy for like 20 years, every one gets on each other's nerves sometimes. But constant complaining or worse, /denigrating/ one's partner? Yikes. I have met people that were so ugly and mean about their SO that I did not feel comfortable interacting with them again. On any level.

Another hard note for me is someone who is constantly complaining about their other RP partners. Especially if its accompanied by "you are the nicest and the only one who understsnds." Yeeeeeaaaaaaahhhhhhhh.

OMFG!!!!!!!1111!1eleventyone!!1! when you have been trying to think of a very specific word for 3 days and now you cant remember why the fuck you were trying to think of it in the first place

I dunno. But it seems to me the biggest problem people are always complaining about their RP partners to their other ones. It's pretty fun when the "spokes" of the wheel finally talk and realize what a shit the "hub" is being. I've made some of the best mush friends that way.

But just today at work I had 4 customers in tears. One because she found out both of her parents tested presumptive positive and now they are in lockdown (they're in their 90s). Two business owners who came in to say it would probably be the last cash deposit for awhile because they are having to temporarily close because they arent getting enough business and it makes more economic sense to close for a bit. A server who brings in her tips after each shift who has had her hours reduced to the point she is worried about keeping her apartment.

I have a favorite customer who I had not seen in a couple of weeks, they are hospitalized and fighting for their life. I cried with their adult daughter who came in for them.

And we are weeks away from the true ramp up and hospitals are hitting the current capacity.

What is going on in my community is not something I would wish on anyone. And we ain't seen nothing yet and are more prepared than many other areas of the country are going to be.

The Expanse! The TV series is pretty neat, but the books are making me crave SF dirty space mushing again.

Was able to get my sick kiddo tested, luckily he thought the suit with respirator thingy the tester was wearing in the tent (drive thru testing site to keep people isolated and out of the building). Now just a 3 day wait. and I had to fight like hell for that test.

If you get sick, I highly recommend using whatever alternate means that allows you to connect to a doctor or provider that can order testing. (A lot if medical groups now have virtual or text appointments) rather than the nurse line, you'll wait for hours on hold and they can only direct you to go to the ER if you are seriously ill. I messaged his pediatrician to appeal, got contacted on the weekend by her nurse who sent me a link to the texting service run by the HMO, spent only about 45 minutes waiting there and finally got an order for the test because I could explain the situation more broadly than just his symptoms.

But I am sure it wont be long until that avenue might be very slow too. Please stay safe. It has been pretty hectic and anxiety ridden at our house since friday.

@seraphim73

I don't understand why there tends to be so much resistance (I've seen this a lot) to the idea of "discuss" when it comes to social skills. Granted, this works a lot better one on one rather than in one vs. many (like a speech to a crowded room).

I really enjoy using the doors/other systems where dice can be used "against" me when someone is using their social skills, but I get to be involved in tailoring it for my PC (which is what those skills often represent, finding an opening/weakness/some kind of indicator they can move in on and get on with the con or whatever). It creates much more enjoyable RP for me the victim than for some person (no matter how well they pose) making a guess bout what would move my PC or what opening they could make and then be so off it's hard to play along with the roll.

It lets me really think about my PC and possibly go in a different direction than what I had envisioned, because the other player is making me think as we work towards a resolution to achieve the goal and their dice roll. I feel like someone gets to know MY character a little more. (Usually because this is fun, I also then have the opportunities to be intrigued/ask questions ICly so I get to know that PC a little more too, which means that player gets to feel like someone else not their OOC friend gives a shit about their character.

It can be really really fun to resolve conflict that way. And it definitely CAN be done. But you have to set the expectation from the start, staff may need to handhold or set good examples or whatever. But I find using dice to open the conversation about resolving conflicting goals has been really satisifying when it's done well, and I think people who totally close themselves off to any possibility whatsoever that their PC can be influenced by another in any way that cedes even a minor degree of control over the outcome are missing out.

jesus christ sometimes people are fucking exhausting.

The lack of STs and referees is why I'd advocate for players using tools to negotiate for themselves. But that too is objected to? It seems like the less all or nothing approach on a game where you are allowed to have social skills that are impactful towards PCs. If there is an opportunity for hard opt out for specific squicks or uncomfortable things, I really cannot understand why it's so objectionable to work with another person to either learn how to frame things to move them a pace or two in either direction if the roll is significant enough (and so that the other player doesn't have their fun ruined by their PC having to go in a direction that would break or harm enjoyment, assuming and giving the benefit of the doubt that the player does not term "anything that I don't decide for myself and retain total control over" ruins their enjoyment of their character on a non-consent game with other people around).

It really seems there is nothing good enough for the people who just simply seem to want there to be no social skills at all that can be used in PC interaction. Which is ok? But if you're looking to build something that allows both for the use of social skills AND preserving as much player agency as possible in regards to the internal workings of their PC, then you do need to look at SOME way to get the discussion started, because it's not going to happen on its own, unless you're playing with your BFF who apped in with you and thus knows a lot of the development of your PC.

Maybe it's a cultural divide. I enjoy getting to know other PCs through RP and partnership and plots. I enjoy other players getting to know mine through the same, even if the IC goals conflict (and therefore social dice are pulled out). If someone doesn't enjoy that or is open to it, and is more about their own personal development as a PC steered by them, without other people being able to affect or know much except for in very specific circumstances, then clearly there's going to be a discomfort factor there too.

We have talked about seeing to the comfort of people who don't want to engage in discussion. But I think the people who are open to that and are shamed for using skills/dice that lead to that (because I'm sorry, it totally does happen, all the time. For every time someone has been called a cheater for not wanting to let a single dice roll give someone carte blanche to dictate the reaction, there is someone who is called a might-as-well-be-OOC-rapist for asking how to resolve a situation where dice will be rolled to influence a social situation. I have seen and experienced people throwing the fact that so and so forced them into TS by using manipulation, and so me using the same skill to try to get them to go along with this one aspect of a plan or try my PC's idea first is the same sort of thing and I'm a horrible bad person who should feel bad. On multiple occasions. Even though those dice were legal in game, and I started the conversation with the idea that I wanted to influence not dictate, and wanted to be sure that it was fun for them also.

At some point we are going to have to remove the extremists on either side (Because you will never rid yourself of people who refuse to play well with others via systems and polices for using social dice--it's the staffers' job to boot those folks IMO) when taking into consideration on how to build a way to use this stuff, if at all.

Today was a bad day. Too many people in tears on the phone needing help that we cannot give them yet because the feds have not come up with the guidelines or system yet while promoting it. Not hearing from my sweet elderly client who hasn't called for 2 days and sounded scratchy voice the last time she did. A client in tears at the drive thru. Just a lot of little things hitting and tugging at me, like the birthday party box of favors and decorations from the canceled party for the 6 year old, the senior trying to not show he is bummed about no graduation, no prom, no senior party, maybe even no moving into the dorms this fall.

Every morning hearing the daily report on closures and colleagues out sick. Knowing a colleague in my office has been very sick the last 2 days and is fighting for testing. being a bit of an extrovert and getting choked up how long it's been since I got to hug any of my friends. Seeing the teens put on a brave face while being nervous. Learning about more deaths of clients/their family members. Feeling my chest tighten and feeling fear until the allergy med and the inhaler makes it go completely away (stupid fucking trees).

I dunno. It's been a very bad day with a lot of things snowballing and I will be fine tomorrow, but I am just super fatigued.

I think for "hard" historical settings (based on RL, no supernatural or fantasy elements, ect.) you'd need to take a very close look at the scope of the game. I think for most people looking for strict historical being able to change history would be not great (plus that introduces the alt- or fantasy elements IMO); so it might be best to eliminate that from the scope of the game and focus on a fictional town that while all sorts of unusual things and people might happen/gather, they're NOT going to have a world-changing impact.

I would say anyone who really feels the need to have that kind of thing available probably /isn't/ going to be truly happy on a hard historical setting game. They're looking more for a potential alternative world game, which while there's nothing wrong with that, isn't the type of game you've outlined.

So that's one thing that you'd need to take a hard look at. What DO you want in the scope of your game? Then be honest about it.

I think you also need to have a plan in place for dealing with the inevitable problem of some (very small, but sometimes super vocal/noticeable) players who either "don't understand" (because they choose to not, they choose to use that as an excuse, or there's something with them that makes them incapable) the setting, or choose to make themselves the exception. There will be people like this, since there's this variety of oopsie-on-purpose theme flouting asshole on any game with a strong theme, eventually. There is no wrong way to deal with this, really, but instead of thinking that if only you write enough newsfiles, have the greatest wiki, provide lots of historical links, provide great documentation, if only you do those things you'll never have to deal with someone like this--be realistic and think about what you're actually going to do WHEN this person appears or grows into something like that over time.

How much theme drift will you allow?
How will you deal with PCs whose players aren't disruptive in the classic sense of the word (not ooc nastiness), but who are moving towards a theme clash? This would be via drift or bait and switch, not first approval. So how will you deal with players already IN GAME.

I also think it is very important to have focused things for the PCs to /do/. While historical stuff is super enjoyable, if you are not introducing fantasy or alt- elements I actually think it's even more important to have storyline goals/things for the PCs to work towards and participate in that help get/keep them excited about the theme. So whether that is battles, minigames/crises involving historically accurate-ish elements, ect--I think that ideally there should be a plan in place. Putting in a strict no-fantasy no-alt setting and then just leaving everyone to BaRP for the most part seems to be askingfor frustration and drift, IMO.

On Friday, I spent the evening in the ER with probably the worst kind of chest pain I have experienced in my life (I actually was 90 percent sure that I was a goner). I did not have a heart attack or stroke, nor does it look like I had anything minor previously, and do not have the markers for a potential upcoming one, nor did I have an aortic dissection (what they were actually worried about) So that's good, ruled out all the Actual Emergency stuff. I do have a follow up appointment with cardiology though, and there were some other bloodwork results that were off that my primary care doctor wants to revisit (one of those things that could be an indicator of Bad Things or nothing) soon, especially since I have had such a pretty life-changing problem with severe fatigue over the last few months that I had thought was more psychological in origin (and it very well may be, though if that was a panic attack it's unlike any other I've experienced, I'm open to the idea that's all it was). It feels weird and fucked up to visit the hospital period right now, and even worse to take up time when what I experienced was not an emergency emergency, but I'm also kind of not looking forward to further visits in the hospital complex. Not that I would have enjoyed them BEFORE the age of Covid19, but. Also, I really wish that more people would listen to "Hey, I know I'm a bad stick, you might need to get your best vein-whisperer in here and/or the ultrasound attachment that lets you find/place IVs" before they'd ripped up both my arms. It's been 3 days and they're only now not aching.

But mostly I wish that this stupid ass fatigue would go away. I can be okay and then within 10 minutes once whatever that invisible limit is reached I literally feel like I have mere minutes to crawl into bed before I am out cold for awhile. It hasn't yet happened dangerously (at work, during driving where I'm more than 15 minutes from home, though it's started in both before). It's aggravating, I'm sad and worried about it of course, but I at least have Real Doctor visits set up now to find out more instead of just assuming it's just a part of stress I have to deal with.