Best posts made by mietze

Jesus christ. I thought hearing my boys say milady every other sentence when they were in jr high was bad, but now everything is "pog" and I am so fucking old that EVERY time I think to myself WTF are they talking about the juice for."

Pretty sure there have been some social changes between the 90s and now that have helped in that regard too. Perfect no but you're no longer the outlier or bad sport if you think you shouldnt have to accept stalking or harassment.

This looks pretty neat.

Helping the teens navigate through some boundary setting and scheduling issues at work so that they can have discussions (separately) with their various managers and also working out transportation plans is great (I am proud of them, they all had been working towards that anyway, but I think they are feeling less stressed now that they know we are in full support).

However it is highlighted how burned the fuck out I am at my work. I am currently the only branch employee available for the next two weeks, as one manager is on vacation, the other is out for the foreseeable future on emergency medical leave, and the other officer has called in sick, conveniently, until her vacation starts next week (this is her usual pattern).

I am burned the fuck out while simultaneously really enjoying the job. By the time I get home I pretty much go to sleep. I miss RP. I feel sad about not being on the game as much as I want to be. Luckily it's the best time for this to happen because of the slowdown so I know I am not "behind", but I miss my favorite steam-blowing/fun activity. But I am feeling pretty sad. I think the higher ups are scared I will quit because all of a sudden they are being very careful to keep me closer to my contracted hours than I have ever experienced, after months of it being hard to find subs they are pulling out all the stops to get coverage so I only have to stay an hour or less late, if at all, rather than relying on me to work full time.

I just wish I had my brain back, and energy back. I feel like I suck when I do get out to play (and am aware that probably I do not, I'm just very depleted mentally), I forget tasks I wanted to do/was excited about doing, and I am feeling like I am in a state of perpetual chaotic catchup at work and home and everywhere else.

I used to think that if I waited my turn patiently, complied as best I could with the stated rules, or was as generous as I could be with my time and sharing plot and other things with others that I would receive reciprocation or it would somehow come back to me in rewards or whatnot at some point.

It didn't/doesn't.

Then I believed that either there was something intrinsicly wrong with me or that I was boring/yucky/whatever OR the other people might just be kind of turdy people.

That's not true either. (though I know some people DO think I'm boring or yucky, it's not like I don't have people I feel that way about too, so that's fair--but in general, nobody cares! And certainly I have run into some turdy staffers/players in my time, but that's not the majority of people).

I think now that most games are just not set up for the individual attention or small group attention that a lot of us crave, and because online RP is this very interesting mix of internal/external (at least for me, I love thinking about my PCs' backstory and hopes for the future and I'm pretty sure I'm not unique in that regard though who the hell knows, maybe I am weird?) it's easy for me to have expectations that when they go unfilled it's easy to get discouraged/resentful.

I think while I am a lot less tolerant of overt time wasters (if there's a culture of people being truly openly mean on chan/public in a game that's ooc, I leave without fanfare. If it's very apparent that literally no one but a chose/connected few will receive answers/scenes/ect from staff or a fac head, and interaction with that is very important to me, then if I can't get enjoyment after setting that aside, I leave. Same thing if there's some kind of staff decision policy wise that I just can't deal with.)

But have learned/am still learning how to gracefully hold others with an open hand, enjoy the RP they do give me, try just to be okay with sharing what I want and will have fun in the moment sharing and expect that they'll just go back to ignoring or not choosing to interact with my PC after that, and I also try to speak up and be sure to tell people what I enjoyed about a scene or their PC when it comes up in my mind so that maybe they get a little unexpected positive feedback too.

I no longer really feel a drive to "fight" to "fix" something unless I'm asked to, either online or RL. It definitely cuts the stress level a lot, and I'm happier in the hobby, though it's not like I do not experience downs like most people do, I definitely do and struggle sometimes. But I guess I no longer try to make anyone or any system a scapegoat for that discomfort/hurt--I can see that it's more environmental and that makes it easier to just let things go no harm no foul than it used to be.

Hmmm. You know, I can totally see doctors being reluctant to tell a man that his health could be improved by losing weight.

I concur that anyone who thinks that women aren’t told/ignored due to doctors automatically assume all problems are fat related probably isn’t a woman who’s remotely overweight and tried to go in to the doctors office.

Our new teller starter on Monday! Which means that there is light at the end of the tunnel for me finally, my hours are finally closer to my contracted 20, rather than the 35+ plus that they've ended up being most of the time since April. I am still fucking exhausted because of dealing with that and all the running around that needs to happen for high schoolers and kindergarteners, but maybe I can start logging into the game I play more than once per week except for phone message and mail checking.

I already said that one cannot and should not assume that the PC reflects the player. When you launched into discussing about how I was assuming that someone didn't have experience, I thought it important to clarify that in my above examples, these were people who disclosed/identified themselves as NOT being part of the group they were portraying, but because of their research and sympathy they could now lecture others on how they were doing things wrong--without bothering to consider that perhaps the players they were lecturing OOCly were in fact members of this group that they were white knighting so hard for.

You just never know. I think most people are very forgiving and tolerant, as long as you're not an ass--I mean they might avoid you, but I have rarely seen people assume actual snidely whiplash levels of malicious intent.

There are always some people though, that need to make sure that everyone, and I mean EVERYONE knows that they are a myopic asshole. Not sure we can ever escape those folks.

I love the buffy universe on the games I played, and I thought the rulebook (actual paper copy or something) that I thumbed through was hilarious, campy, just fun and just right). I would play the hell out of a Buffy game!

But I fucking HATE the TV show. Battlestar just put me to sleep (another universe that I enjoy exploring through RP and /reading/ about on a wiki or whatever, but don't like the TV series, except for the Lorne Green stupid-ass crazy version of my childhood), but Buffy actually triggered dislike in me for some reason.

That's the thing I love about MUSHing. Come to think of it, I didn't enjoy Robert Jordan's books and I'm neutral on the old and next-oldest Star Wars shit (eps 1-6), but I LOVED those MUSHes, and I am like the only person I know who really enjoyed the WEG sourcebooks and rulebooks for Star Wars. I have super fond memories of TTing Star Wars.

Super fixated on "correctness" people will always find something to pick at. They'll fight about "correctness" even if you follow the rulebook (just ask anyone who's played a Fading Suns games about endless and tedious to all but themselves historical knowledge wang waving on chan with people arguing and criticizing one another about how they play their fictional "house" because their PhD in 6 million different kinds of RL ancient history tells them that's not how it would be at all!)

So I say, figure out the parameters of the lore/world that YOU as staff/gamerunners enjoy, make sure people know what they are and what will be within the "Scope of the game" (whether that's restrictions, alternative history, whatevs) and just let people who would whine self-select out and/or create their own place (and you stay away if what they create would make you whine!) or boot them if they're too disruptive!

Of course, the week that the head honcho of my husband's company (he telecommutes to the UK, we live in the US) decides to come to the US for the first time in...a really long time, so my hubby needs to actually meet up with this guy in order for some face to face stuff....my youngest comes down with hand, foot, and mouth disease and is now excluded from school for the rest of the week. Thank goodness my job has pretty generous sick leave benefits and nobody is already out for vacation (we are a semi-skeleton crew). Now hopefully hubby won't contaminate his boss in time for his trip back to the UK...:P

@faraday yep, that was something I've enjoyed a lot on battlestar games, the older skew. But it makes sense when there are harder limits in who can be what grade at what age, and the setting provides compelling reasons for even "retirees" to come back into action!

It takes a lot for me to cut someone off or out of my life. A pattern. Most often one that is repeated not just with me but a variety of people. Generally there are not magic words in that instance that repair things, but bravery in making an effort is always a good thing. Usually there's no real reason to gossip or whatever--that person has just shown that they neither value nor wish your company (except for convenience or whatever). So it's easy to detach.

There are very few folks I would refuse to be on a MUSH with or interact with. I'm not sure that the two I can think of offhand are even playing anymore; but were I to run across them there'd be no reason to raise an alarm, or even tell anyone about it unless they slipped into old behaviors I'd report anyway.

I haven't seen any more instance of toxic MUSH interactions or grudge holding than I have with PTAs and school groups, workplace environments, or even families. Honestly, I've seen far more people get over things and move on and interact on mushes, esp years down the road, because of the distance of online text environment vs. visceral reaction of a face to face negative interaction.

I think what makes something toxic is bystanders more than anything else. Are people eager to participate in the whisper campaign? Are they unwilling to tell their friends to pull their heads out of their asses? Are they afraid to call out bad behavior of a friend while also coddling that friends overreacting butt hurt over a minor offense, and willing to obey demands to isolate the disliked person? Is there a basic standard of behavior expected regardless of popularity and contributions to a game?

To me that by far influences how toxic a place or community is than what words people say in regards to "I'm sorry" or "I forgive you."

@hedgehog yep ACLU both national and local chapter have been contacted. We also have a great network of immigration activists who will also be getting involved. Word spreading rapidly locally (I misread my email, it happened friday evening/sat am not last night, I didnt check my email until this evening so was reading it raw). Will also be contacting city and county law enforcement (neither is supposed to be working with ICE and they should have a heads up this happened and to be aware). I'm just prepping for a lot of phone work tomorrow, I hate that but numbers speak loud. But I think I've done all the emails I can so tonight and there are lots of us doing that.

I have heard through the grapevine that the family has not been seen since (theres a day shelter elsewhere that many of the families move back and forth from). I know CCC keeps some records so I am hoping they'll be able to get in touch with them somehow. It's been really cold at night this weekend. I hope they found somewhere safe. I guess this is the reason why theres a list of all the small shelters in the local network.

I created a thread in the hog pit and will be moving the appropriate posts there. I think the real discussion actually is interesting and was at least for the most part constructive, and there are some interesting issues discussed that I can see why some folks might not want the whole thing moved to the hog pit.

If you want to rip into someone personally, please do it there. Further namecalling posts here after this post will just be moved to the locked circular file thread.

Topic drift is fine and expected. Personal attacks and just namecalling really aren't but if it is important to you to do so there's now an appropriate place to do so. Thanks.

@gasket I would just trust your friends' intellegence to get out if things get dicey...and I commend your willingness to allow them to have their own experience. I get on with quite a few "hated" people on games, and have appreciated the people who put aside their dislike of that person and not shit all over me for my interactions with them.

Almost all of my chosen family locally ate people I met because of mushing (though not necessarily because we played a lot together if at all). We have seen each other through some really ugly times RL. It is amazing to have people that you know absolutely will have your back RL through thick and thin, regardless of game stuff (where there have been the usual arguments and disagreements). I never would have met them if I had not been a musher and considering that some of my RL and online buddies have been in my life for over 20 years (can you believe it guys?) I am eternally grateful to the hobby.

I have met a ton more mushfolk from around the world. It is always fun regardless of whether I click with them (and it's always kind of surprising who I do click with face to face--sometimes it's with people where we annoy the fuck out of each other on game) however i always meet folks in public or they are invited to a group event at my place, with a few exceptions when I was younger, so that cuts down on creeper issues.

I prefer drawn art PBs rather than photographic/live ones, but I feel even worse about using someone's art without permission in a way that I strangely do not feel when using movie stills or photo editorial shots.

@saosmash I'm so excited, I'm def. going to try these!

That is creepy as fuck.

I always kind of expect people to be deep into the shit and fighting with each other this time of year in particular, just because it's the holiday season which can bring out a lot of horrible stuff for people. Still sucks that you are having to deal with with drama you dont wanna though.