@arkandel yes, I think perhaps we should encourage people to get over themselves in that regard.
If people want to be in public they will be. If you eliminate idling people just won't log in, and then the people complaining about idlers wi complain hardly anyone is on.
And yeah, definitely have been there with just not logging in very often when I heard people complaining about idleness.
To me, it feels super demanding to have someone criticize people for being idle off grid/in private areas. What does it matter? Maybe just do a +where if the game only supports people in public rooms and stop typing WHO. The thing is, especially these days, it's never not going to be awkward to be the one asking for play or sitting in public. Yes, it would be super nice if when you logged in you saw a selection of people in multiple places that you could choose between, wouldn't that be nice? But I think most game cultures by and large (Arx is an exception there but it's still no guarantee) don't have people sitting public most of the time anymore. So if you want to see people sitting in public you have to do it. Or you might have to be the weirdo to page people and say "Hey, wanna play? I have an idea and a place, if you're interested in meeting up." People will say no a lot, but I mean it's not like you're getting to RP if nobody is in public and asking either?
And yes, I'm aware, somebody has to do it. I just think it's good to keep in mind it can tend to be the same sombodies asking for RP or setting it up, and when that is unacknowledged/unreciprocated/if they don't initiate then there tends to be silence, while in most cases it's probably not personal (though sure some of the time it will be, nobody is everybody's cup of tea), it can still feel kind of lonely. So I think it helps if people do try to step out of their comfort zones just as much as they complain about nobody else doing so.
As far as staff action/encouragement, though--I really can't think of much except for staff STs running stories/plots/scenes. Most incentives get exploited for as long as they last, but I don't think that makes people stay out in public more after that fades (despite the noble intention). I think eliminating ooc areas/private areas just means people won't log in at all, which I guess would reduce annoyance factor for some people but still won't mean more RP is had by those that are there (especially if it requires initiative/people asking). I do think keeping numbers low enough for personal attention helps as well, but that's hard to manage long term especially on a public game. I think it's as much if not more important to have buy in from the players than direction by staff, esp. long term.
I think it's very helpful when people are polite and at least make an attempt to be reciprocal when it comes to the askers/open scene initiators, if they participate and enjoyed themselves.
It is possible for mush-extroverted players to feel burnt out on it after awhile, and sometimes it's not even easier for them to keep asking and asking and asking and showing up and showing up and showing up than it is for for anyone else. It can be kind of a depressing, lonely place--even if one understands and accepts that the reciprocity is never going to be strong.
So honestly, player to player encouragement when people are trying to initiate play is nice, even if the person isn't available to do it right then.
@chibichibi are they ignoring you when you ask them or are you trying to set up a situation where you do not have to ask because you want people in public readily accessible when you want to play?
I have two more high school graduates now in my family! And they wanted to impromptu invite their friends' circle who didn't want to/couldn't afford to go to the official grad night party over. (which is most of their friends' group). So now they're very noisily downstairs playing mario party and MTG (after letting my youngest hang out with them a bit--everyone at the house has known him since he was a newborn, and they could hear him cheering for them at the graduation even though people weren't supposed to cheer until the end). And I'm super happy but also getting a little teary eyed that this fall they'll all be scattered to the winds and I won't see them very often anymore, these sweet boys-now-young-men that have been part of our family life since they were all in 7th grade.
My stress level is such that after finally remembering a few minutes ago that oh shit I guess we better hang up the graduation gowns so they can get the creases out without me having to iron them, they're both apparently 2 inches off (too short) from the suggested height. Cue crying after midnight (me, not my boys).
I really can't wait until this hellhole school year is just finally over. 
@rinel we are, for a host of reasons a therapy friendly family, it's just like regular health care to us. So my kids have had access throughout their teen years in particular and we live in a state (and have taught/supported then in learning how) they can take charge and manage their care (as well as us helping out with transportation, ect). Most of the bigs have at least touched base with a therapist during this time. But we prioritize their care financially.
Unfortunately I do not believe what I am experiencing will be at all alleviated by talk therapy or medication, I think it is largely a matter of time. Thankfully due to previous work I know a lot of strategies for dealing with trauma issues, so those have been helpful in managing things this whole time. I'm glad that the unusual nature of this hasn't been personally triggering to me, having seen others suffer that because it is to them.
Sometimes things just are what they are though.
I am finding that I'm starting to feel more of the trauma experienced earlier in the pandemic. Luckily in my immediate area people are still by and large wearing masks and keeping distance even when they don't "have" to so that is not a source of stress. But it does feel very strange to see people taking vacations again, saying they feel more normal, and having some events pushed forward (like the school district giving us a month and a half notice for and in person 4 ticket a graduate graduation ceremony) . Lots of people are happy about that but my kids have mixed feelings and so do I. It is like i got used to a certain equilibrium of functionality and now its rapidly upended by policy reversals and guidance reversals. And I'm more tired and unlike at the start there's no adrenaline rush into survival mode at all. At least for me it is manifesting as a profound sense of detachment with spikes of anxiety/feeling worthless/anger/grief briefly and then back to feeling like a blank wall of utter nothingness.
I was worried my kids were acting much the same way but they've started perking up a lot more. So I think I will thaw out more too eventually.
So you may notice quicker bans when someone acts or shows tells of a previously banned user. Usually when that happens their posts may be moved to the circular file.
I always ask Gany to review posts/users i make an in the moment decision to ban, so I hope that's reassuring generally.
It probably depends on whether they are visual thinkers too. I run into this problem a lot. Can't deal with the imagery that gets stuck in my head if someone mentions Ben and Jerry's Chunky Monkey ice cream. I still giggle literally every time on a mush I go into a bar/establishment and see people posing sitting on a stool. Frequent fliers (mostly profanity) don't get stuck in my head but a lot of other things do. I haven't met too many people with this problem, but I'm sure they're out there!
I'm sorry you're dealing with this! I suspect you aren't alone, but I know that does not help the feelings. I hope that things are "good enough" that you can get this out from hanging over your head and keep moving forward with your plans.
Every time I go to the Arx wiki page, my eye immediately draws to the "latest news" section, I always misread Tehom's "Healing Tweak" post as "Healing Twerk" and it makes me grin really immaturely each time.
I am so exhausted. My job is fun and not stressful at all so I am having to deal with less RL stress other than trying to crack the whip to get two very checked out seniors across the finish line to HS graduation. But I find myself going to bed early/frequently napping after work, its hard for me to get super excited about anything. I do not feel /bad/ but I just do not feel good in my body anymore. Like I need to hibernate or something. I can even be doing something I very much want to do and all of a sudden I need to go lay down and sleep. I think it must be in my head because it does not happen during work hours. I miss people.
I could have escalated a weirdo for the poor retail staff and I would have felt really bad. And it was probably more like 3 or 4 people instead of six (everyone waiting in the back of our line near the door waiting to check out.) But it did feel good even if my eyes are stinging from laugh tears getting sunscreen into my eyes.
So I was in a store this morning and one of the anti-mask people walked in. I could tell thats what he was because of the way he kept looking at other people and doing the confrontational body language thing. When he locked eyes with me I could not help myself, I giggled and then had a laughing fit. It was contagious. I'm fully vaxed. I wear a mask to put other people at ease and because I still do not want to potentially get it even if I've got some protection against the worst illness and also for the comfort of others. I don't really care about wearing one.
This guy turned tail and stopped off with like six people laughing and setting each other off. My compassion fatigue is huge. And yes, I am a total asshole/bitch/whatever.
But man it feels good to not even care about grown ass people's toddler antics and taking that power away of how badass they are about claiming their freedumb and instead reacting to the ridiculousness that it is.
I'm still wiping away tears and my side hurts from the first gigglefit I've had in at least a year.
@silverfox Hey that is a computer literacy skill that is really good to learn before adulthood at least!
I think when one has an explosive kid, it rarely pays to escalate over email in the middle of the day. I've definitely worked with kids where when they were ramping up, I have verbally responded in a similar redirecting way. It can help to move the kid back on task than having an argument right then and there about language used.
Of course, I've also been the parent of a kid who told someone who was bothering them to fuck off at a much younger age (I found it interesting as did the person setting boundaries that had that said to them that they used it in the proper context but we did have a discussion later about not using words that are offensive or hurtful to many people.) And I have been cussed our quite a few times by foster kids in the 2-6 year old range as well as kids whose parents i really like and trust at a broader range than that.
That had to be jarring to see in writing though. And I imagine the administrative processes sucks too, so I'm super sorry that any teacher has to deal with that.
Because things that affect menstrual cycles and other issues are often overlooked in medical research, and because of some interesting things that have happened to me post 2nd shot (no regrets though, 1000 percent worth the mystery/kinda inconvenience), i'm glad to see that there are a couple of researchers collecting information about it since certainly the official text based info gathering didn't. I was told about this by a doc friend that I trust, she said it was legit. Regardless of whether or not your cycle has been impacted I think its good if they have lots of participants! It is not a medical study but a research project gathering experiences.