Posts made by mietze

There are some sects and smaller groups or individual churches in conservative evangelicalism (I was raised in one) and from what I understand also some people who are catholic as well who are taught/believe that motherhood is a woman's purpose and the number of children you have is a sign of how obedient you are to god's will ect.

Though I guess that it is also very much a part of certain aspects of wider culture and religion as well.

I think that teaching people that a woman's prime fulfillment in life is to be a biological mother (or any mother) is gross. Maybe even downright evil. So much suffering and damage has happened because of that way of power and control. But we have a long way to go in setting that aside.

There are so many reasons why this could be.

I see you.

To those like me who it's been a very painful "holiday" because of a strained or non-existant or acrimonious relationship with your own mother, be kind to yourself tomorrow.

I used to feel ill when looking at cards that I felt like I needed to make/purchase. There's no greeting cards (though in this era maybe there finally is now!) where it says "Sorry I was your biggest disappointment." or "Yeah, sometimes I hate you too, bitch." or "I know that nothing will ever be good enough, but now you can tell your friends you got a mother's day card too, so let's pretend it's a nice one and call it good."

I've been lucky to be able to have kids by choice (not because I felt I needed to, and my biology was cooperative, I realize that is fortune rather than anything else). It's nice to get a homemade thing or to go out to dinner, but I worry about all the kids pressured to do this shit at school who grew up like me, or who had an absent parent. So even then, it's always been a day that's uncomfortable. I don't think my kids should be grateful because I got knocked up or kept them alive. If they don't think about that at all then I'll consider that a success.

So today and tomorrow I'm trying to not to think too much about the person who I'll never be good enough for (they've told me as much for almost a half century now, haven't changed their minds and I assume will not in the future). But for all the people (regardless of gender)--lovers, friends, teachers, kind strangers, mentors--who have been there to help guide me and shape me in a positive way. Especially for those who have shown me that there isn't just one way to be feminine, a woman, or a parent and that I'm okay. Who did not take advantage of vulnerability and instead of attacking were nurturing. Who have definitely helped me learn how to give and receive grace better than I would have otherwise, something that has helped me not to rip up my children like I was ripped up. Some of you are even here, who helped with that and you don't even know it--maybe someday I'll have the courage to tell you.

You don't need a nice, kind, or nurturing mom to be worth a damn, and if yours couldn't see that precious in you, human to human, it was really them that was broken, not you. You are absolutely worthy. And if you've nurtured others, regardless of if it was as a parent, friend, partner, teacher, kind stranger, or mentor--thank you. Especially if you feel like that care and love goes into the void. Not that it doesn't suck if you don't see what happens as a result...but it's not wasted. Thank you.

@greenflashlight Why do you wonder this? Historically there have been many justifications that black people and brown people need white people to act as their moral guideposts because they're incapable of being anything other than crude heathens without them. It seems like a classic racist and colonialist argument that of course the ultimate arbiter of morality is going to reside with someone they view as white.

I am so mentally fatigued. Helped (along with others) a rl friend get out of a bad bad situation over the last couple of days. I'm glad that this time law enforcement was kind, compassionate, and helpful. Everyone is now safe and will remain so at least for a couple of days and I am very grateful. Still having a very hard time quieting mama bear even though things are as ok as they're going to be for awhile.

I still have not learned how to do the fancy insert image stuff, but two of my all time favorites are Ergo Proxy (kind of weird but I love it) and Last Exile. This probably ages me a bit, as I've not kept up so much with the anime watching habit as I did when my now-teens/young adults were little kid, and first got hooked on these when Netflix sent you DVDs (which is how I was introduced to them, though as an old fogey I too have them now on DVD.

To add on to the old people anime, I really liked Gankutsuou, which is a retelling of Count of Monte Cristo, but is done in an art style that while it takes a little getting used to is something I found quite beautiful when I did.

@ominous the anaconda. They are so magnificent and I love snakes. Followed up by the king cobra. I really enjoy reptiles but do not want the responsibility of their care at this point in my life so it's always fun to find folks on YouTube that are engaging and not ducks.

I'm in a similar state with birds (love em but im it would be irresponsible for me to have one, I thought about getting chickens but we have so many predators on our property like owls, weasels, bears, coyotes, bobcats, dogs and cats that neighbors let run free on a rotating basis as they get eaten by aforementioned wild predators that i don't have the time or extra funds to put in predator mitigation stuff) so I enjoy getting my parrot fix with BirdTricks.

@ominous OMG this guy is fecking adorable! I loved the mother's day episode about whether children make the best pets. Thanks for sharing his channel, I'm definitely hooked. My youngest started out just looking over my shoulder but he is so engaging that he watched several videos with me, and they're not short!

I wonder sometimes if stating "i feel like I'm behind/missing out" is knowingly or even unconsciously said because it is safer than saying "I'm worried that no one will want to RP with me/think I'm worth playing with now/if I'm not around, including people I like a lot."

I have recently realized (now that I have some RL breathing space am no longer constantly in crisis stress mode RL) that even though I thought absence making my play irrelevant is what I thought i was worried about, really what I most feared was that people I enjoyed RPing with really did not like my RP/thought i was boring/didn't want to talk to me anymore.

The fact that virtually everyone i know has less time for similar reasons that I did (stress, RL, not logging in because they dont want to be a downer) seemed to feed into the irrational "we haven't played/they haven't gotten back to me because I must have done something wrong or offended them or bored them" cycle. I wonder how many people thought the same of me over the last year in particular. even knowing that intellectually i am still struggling stupidly with the "am I still liked/wanted" feels.

So I think sometimes expressions of FOMO can be a more socially acceptable way of expressing fear that they're worth play/story. Which means that I'm not sure you can really truly eliminate that through policies. And while ideally I think it would be great to have an environment where someone could ask for reassurance without fear of weirdness, im not sure that is feasible or fair either. Hell i find it hard to ask that of people that I know like me! Especially when I'm feeling uncertain of my 'place'. But maybe people reaching out to tell other people esp new or less frequent fliers about how they really enjoyed having them along (if they did) helps ease that a bit.

The only thing I have truly seen work for most of the people (there are always outliers) is dynamic staff-run storytelling or responses that's accessible to pretty much everyone.

The main things I've seen to make that possible are severely curtailing the slots on a game (no alts or low alts, limited caps of players, ect), a lot of organization behind the scenes (plot boards where the storytellers note who participated/what happened/next steps if any), and having either enough staff willing to run stories or responses or someone who has a crazy amount of time on their hands and talent to pull it off. (I've seen both).

Shittalking people off game (discord, here, whatever other social platforms the kids are using these days).

Purposeful targeted exclusion can be super hard to spot (or prove, or defend oneself from the accusation).

Sometimes ooc commentary too. I mean there is a degree at which yes, most of the time people will feel like a line has been crossed, but there are some times when constant soft negativity or 'I'm not good enough/my sheet sucks/ect' doesn't cross the line overtly but can still be an enthusiasm killer (and honestly, almost everyone has episodes of that at least at some point).

@pyrephox It also relied heavily on staff intervention, mediation, and quality control. As soon as that was replaced by staff who were not as invested in ooc quality control as far as channeling players' learned and natural tendencies into more constructive pvp it devolved very quickly.

Day one of new job today blew me away.

I feel like someone who has been in freefall stress wise and mental health wise due to job related stress and have now just been gently caught and set on my feet again.

Like maybe after a year and a half I can have a life again and more importantly time with my kids/family.

It was a really, really good day.

I have worked for companies where managers were not allowed to provide personal letters of recommendation for a certain amount of time after the employee separated. (They could only confirm employment until that point). This seems a bit weird to me in your situation but if it is standard then presumably it shouldn't hurt your chances either since the other school would have this policy as well. Will the other job accept peer recommendations or personal references vs. supervisory?

ooops, wrong section!

I am getting my first dose of the Pfizer covid vaccine on Saturday evening (assuming they don't have a supply shortfall). I am happy about it but cannot stop bursting into tears every so often. Maybe I will stop dreaming of choking to death and being unable to breathe, a nightmare ive had since a work colleague died last March. And that has been intensifying over the last 3 months since my workplace has been making increasing shortcuts and risky practices because of corporate pressure to maximize children and minimize staff again to bring in the most $$$$$$$.

Also I have had 4 phone interviews and am going into an in person interview tomorrow with other jobs expressing interest so maybe I will get out of the stressful and dangerous (on a few levels not just covid) situation soon.

Thank goodness and Biden that for once ECE/licensed childcare is not left in the dust and is prioritized alongside k-12.

Bifocals are amazeballs and I wish I'd gotten them sooner!

As someone who had 2 false starts before really being able to find traction on a PC in Arx here's what I'd advise:

Look for a roster that is part of an active group. Skim the concepts wanted board and the events page/logs. Is there a group that you like the style of their RP?

I think it is easier to get integrated into the game as a noble. I would advise against an unattached commoner (not part of an active commoner family or an org) unless you are willing to really be dynamic yourself and expect to have to push pretty hard once the 2 week newbie period is up and people no longer seek you out as much for RP. It isn't personal that they don't, usually, your name just doesn't shine as bright on the rs list. There are commoner families that are really dynamic, and noble families often have commoners attached to them.

The key i think esp if you are a new player is finding a group that is supportive and welcoming. Having a good "home base" can give you the breathing space to navigate a pretty complex game code wise and RP wise, and having or not having that can be quite literally a game changer.

Man, I just got hit in the feels by realizing the last time I actively staffed (approving apps, staffed STing, adjudication conflicts, processing jobs--i have helped out places before but not in a full staff capacity) ended a few months after I had my surprise last baby...who turns 7 the weekend after this weekend! And I think it was this week I went on maternity leave and handed the M/M+ reins to Surreality.

Super kind folks that are tolerant and welcoming as I dip my rusty toes back into RP.

So far every work night this week has been me needing to come home and not be looked at/touched/spoken to for an hour or more so I can recuperate. At least tonight there wasn't crying involved on the way home.

I'd like to say that people who neglect an infant suck, but at least in this case they're sporadic being brought to a place they won't be so at least that is something. Doesn't make the heart hurt less though.