Posts made by mietze

Given the really weird questions that identical twins get asked about sharing girlfriends/boyfriends, ect. I would say that possibly this is a specific fetish for a lot of people (having sex with twins/clones, though I guess maybe not so much MZ twins having sex with each other, though I'm sure like every other thing there's plenty of fetish porn/stories about that too). I try to plug my ears and go la la la la la a lot though. But literally I have had people ask my boys that in front of me "Do you guys want to share a girlfriend?". It shouldn't have surprised me considering how many other weird/inappropriate things get asked about twins all the time but it totally did.

OMG I get to do RL roleplaying today! Just got done with my moulage for a mass casualty at city hall drill for some local CERT and EMS teams. I get to be someone combative and disoriented with a head injury who will wander around and fall a lot until restrained. My fake blood is oozy and minty fresh (and edible). Havent done this since high school when I was a volunteer for law enforcement and ems training!!

I was thinking too that as a whole I do think especially in mushland people do try really hard to not bring up an issue unless it really really bothers them and it's been going on for awhile as they've tried to ignore or avoid it. So it is more high stakes almost immediately for the person that is having their comfort zone pushed while the other person may feel blindsided (natural to act in defense!). It is tough because who wants to bring up every little thing immediately when it happens (and people are going to rightly find that pretty annoying too).

I do think that's why it's important to give some grace to folks on a game. Most of the time that's very well spent. And if someone freaks out every time or doesnt listen or goes 0-100 more than once, then you just do what you gotta do. Easier said than done though, I know I sure as hell am far from perfect in that regard, online or RL.

@surreality or even if they arent offended, sometimes people then go on an OMG I'm Stupid kick too. This has not happened to me as much in MUland (I think more people have a very defensive lashing out reaction more, even though feeling bad might be the same root cause!). But I have had to talk down many committee chairs or other people down from the ledge when they exploded into "I am forever unworthy" because they had to follow a new policy or adopt a new structure because of new or previously unaware best practices mandates passed down or similar.

It is draining enough to sit down with a cooperative soul to figure out how to renegotiate practices or boundaries. When you also have to deal with a lot of fragility expressed in either a need to spend the majority of the time comforting that person or warding off their defensive attacks it is absolutely exhausting. So I'm not surprised when people ghost or just decide the risk to opening one's mouth isn't worth it when you can just avoid it ever again on a mush.

Also, I do think the avoidance behavior can be an issue (not just about TS or posing style, but a lot of things). IME though like...a lot of people in general are like that except (well, maybe even if!) when they are FB keyboard warrioring or whatever.

Many people will /not/ speak up and ask for what they want. I understand this, because if they do they will have to worry about someone bitching about them being a snowflake, or having no IC/OOC boundaries, not being a hard core RPer, whatever. Many people will not check in or ask (or tell others that they enjoy feedback) for feedback or what the other person because they don't want to come across as suspicious or creepy or like they're too dumb to figure it out.

A lot of upset feelings that I have had to referee as a staff member or work out in groups has at its root that someone didn't get something that they needed/wanted, that they thought they'd dropped enough hints, and they are now hurt that they weren't picked up and run with--but they might well have gotten really angry at people for asking outright and putting them on the spot too.

This isn't some horrible awful OMG MUSHERS ARE THE WORST EVARRRRRRRR thing. I can say the same for the various conflicts I got to unravel and deal with when I was in PTA both at the program level and at the district/state level. HR people get to deal with this at workplaces large and small. Or any nonprofit too.

I don't know what it is about people (though also, the demographics of the groups I've personally worked with have SOME diversity as far as ex-pat/race/culture/personality/gender ect but they're all pretty much white American majority, so I would be super interested to know if it's significantly different say in orgs outside of that) but at least almost universally in RL and otherwise many folks find it super hard to ask for what they want out of a situation or proactively state boundaries. It's really fucking awkward sometimes even if you have a lot of practice. So honestly, I try to give a lot of grace, especially online with people I don't know. Everyone has their own thresholds of what's intolerable, though. It's easy for me personally to say "roll with it what's the big deal" about a lot of stuff, as I would imagine that others could say the same about my peeves.

Oh sorry, I thought we were talking about TS here primarily. When it comes to STed environmental things, I do not think that tends to ping people as boundary crossing. "When you hear the screams echo through the woods, they're accomanpied by a strange feeling that tingles at the spine, like there are a thousand eyes in the woods watching you," as a response to a "I'd like to make an awareness roll please" isn't really problematic (in the same way that saying "I would like to go investigate those noises" isn't really going to freak out most STs even though I suppose the strictest IC/OOC separation would be that you'd always say "<My character's name> is going to investigate those noises, what should I roll for them?"

In a more intimate scene, I do think by and large that many people are going to be made a little more worried when it shifts over to ":grabs your pussy."

I did see a lot more variety in -person posing back in the good old days (I think maybe because that tended to differ in board RP and all the other varieties beyond mu*dom). Because of that it doesn't really bother me to have people using different tenses in the same scene, even, it's not really that hard to figure out, and on my personal annoyance list it's low.

I seldom see people switching perspective posing like that between public and private TS scenes though. And I have noticed increasing intolerance for different -person perspectives as well (granted I also don't see mixed crowds as much either.

I think someone using "you" in a scene, especially a private one, is almost universally reviled the last time this discussion was had, as something that crossed boundaries even if it wasnt the intent.

Arx combat is kind of strange at times. The +combat system is heavily coded, but I personally have never seen it used outside of tournaments and sparring. I have seen combat several times outside of that, but that has always been in straight stat+skill rolls, which do allow for the ST to modify difficulty or risk on the fly to respond to stupidity OR changing environment--but on the other hand I kind of wonder how frustrating that must be for folks that have invested a ton into the many skills needed to do well in the system only to be matched by and frequently outperformed by someone who has not, just happens to have one high weapon skill. (And who has been able to keep up social and mental skills that can be useful too because they do not need to invest in the combat system skills). STs could definitely counteract this by having maybe raising the check number (or lowering it) based on how many of the other combat skills you do and dont have but I have never seen that done and given some of the pouty and kind of rude behavior I have seen from PCs even over how silly contests are done I'm very sympathetic to why a ST might not want to give out the same target number to everyone.

@Griatch they may be simple for you, but not everyone is wired the same way. Or has the same valuation of how they'd like to spend their time. For me, cognitively and energy wise, at this point in time, it would not be worth the investment, because I have no interest in applying it in the greater world. I am old. There are things that interest me less than coding for $$, but not many, though I like to hear about other people's exploits and am happy to have people talk shop around me (hubby is a software developer and MU* code-y person). I really appreciate things being made accessible, so that I can learn how to do most basic stuff for game, I super duper appreciate the web interface tools, which helps my mind organize it better. It's fun to experiment with even if I have no interest in developing skills beyond it. I'm okay if there are people out there who think that clearly any game I run/create that I didn't code from the bottom up really isn't "mine," though I do sort of wonder why anyone (except other coders) would give a shit about that. Is that kind of like the old "OMG if you use AOL you're not a real internet person" stuff?

I would look at coded systems next to see if theres anything that might be able to assist you in bringing your vision to life. I chose to work with Ares because I liked having wiki/game/webstuff integrated even if I'm having to rethink some of my RPG system (specific stat/skill/ect) so it will align with the ares system that's already coded. I have no background and not a terrible lot of interest in coding but I have been able to figure many things out with it because the documentation and support is there on a noob level.

I have been trying to integrate other set of things such as factions, powers, and organizations with the actual coded system in mind too. Possibly this wont work for everyone, but its helped me be slow and steady and deliberate in a way that I think will help maintain the ability to keep up with things long term when and if it's open. And it's been a good learning exercise in how to focus appropriately and pragmatically.

I am going to temporarily lock this topic until there's time to discuss with other admins. I agree that this does not fit with "constructive" part of the forum and it's also starting to involve RL information disclosed /about third parties/ as well. No names have been mentioned so I do not think it breaks any letter of the rules here, but I would really urge consideration of editing out that information (and it may happen anyway) by the original posters.

Looking for vegan recipes that arent attempting to be "replacements", unfortunately without tofu. (I love tofu and soybeans, but I need to minimize it). I have a pretty broad palate and I'm an experienced cook willing to try new things. I'm just kind of overwhelmed with a lot of medical stuff right now as I transition to trying to do as much as I can to not cause further damage to myself, so if you have a recipe that you love please post here and shoot it my way? I do a ton of Indian, Japanese, and Korean cooking, so something fun outside of that would be especially welcome!

I think I would take anyone's stories about other people's sex lives well salted. Maybe even other people's stories about their own sex lives too.

Got some results from a bunch of bloodwork, and almost bawled at the doctor because there is a little more hope (and confirmation) that a lot of the pain and extreme fatigue and muscle weakness I have been experiencing are not all in my head. Of course that means some more tests potentially in the future to eliminate or confirm some possibilities (that are scary) but at least there is a path forward now.

@surreality I think that it is not uncommon for responses like that to linger into adulthood, especially when there is trauma or family dynamics stuff involved.

@SG I agree in part, not because every monogamous ic relationship I've had was a dumpster fire (because by and large they havent been) but because it's the nature of many players including me to go in cycles of activity, people can and do drop away, ect. I think it's better to have some sort of plan for how to move forward if this happens. I have found for me that helps me be less worried and more tolerant, and preserves the goodwill if and when that person returns.

I do not really engage in mushing purely for the RP story though, one of my favorite things has been making friends and getting to story craft with them over years. So admittedly I tend to try to make decisions that preserve friendships over the long haul rather than get super attached to the current setup.

@silverfox that's really more the business of your friend to decide, you really cant control what they do, and if this other person is not bothering them as much it may be worth it to them to keep playing. You can, however tell the person bothering you that they are making you uncomfortable, you do not want any more contact asking about your friend, and if they persist you will consider it harassment.

You can tell your friend, but that is no guarantee they will solve the problem for you. I have cut loose from ic associations with people who had aggressive/obsessive oocly partners though. It is really simply not something I want to have to worry about dealing with.

I find that just making my own decision with no expectation that the other person is going to force someone else to stop/do something allows me to at least remain cordial with the person I actually enjoyed the company of, instead of resenting them or forcing them to choose. Once someone is at the point of keeping tabs on a play partner and then contacting others that they interact with to ask questions, frankly, I have not found anything great happens after that no matter what the person in between does or doesnt do.

I also think that it is normal/understandable to FEEL almost anything. It is okay to feel sad/jealous/worried/mad/whatever! It is a think that humans do, and emotions are different for everyone and can be extremely situational!!

The red flags/dealbreakers for me are how those things are expressed. I might very well have a situation where if a connected character leaves I would feel like my PC would become unplayable.

But IMO it would NEVER be appropriate to come at someone and demand that either they play a certain way or it's their fault that I would just never be able to play that PC again. That is way too guilt trippy (we all have irrational insta-dealbreakers, that is def one of mine). Sometimes it is most appropriate to keep some things to yourself. You only get to make the decisions for yourself, and it is in fact possible to end things and even leave a PC without that kind of thing.

@RDC I mean it does solve the issue of disappointment or expectation on one end, but the problem can be that people either lie about their comfort with things or you occasionally have to deal with others that they have upset either because of miscommunication, mismatched expectations, or lying. I do find that saying outright that you will not be making monogamous promises IC, nor do you wish the other person to, and that you will not (and do not want from them) exclusivity in RP play/time spent will kind of make you a hell of a lot less interesting to the most problematic people.

But I think a lot of folks are not wired that way or don't feel comfortable with more open things, which is fine and not at all wrong, but it can make the decision on whether the RP/story is worth the potential ooc headache a lot harder.

When it comes to on screen relationships, romantic or otherwise, I prefer to engage in the equivalent of defensive driving.

1. No matter how awesome the Rp and story is, if there starts to be ooc possessiveness involved, I am out. This includes wiki or alt stalking.

2. If someone complains to me oocly about other partners (ic ones or ooc ones) I am out. It makes me intensely uncomfortable unless I am actually friends with that person.

3. If I get angry pages or mails or rando shit from a third party pissed at me because my PC is involved with someone they are involved with, I let that person "win." Life is too short than to be forced to deal with someone that I do not play with's emotional ooc vomiting all over me.

4. If I get calm and respectful communication from someone who is suspecting that someone is lying ooc to both or engaging in impossible RP, it is likely that I will hook up/become involved in RP with that party and kick the wannabe harem builder to the curb.

I will always err on the "this pc does not want a significant or exclusive relationship with my pc, and the ooc player is not interested in an ooc negotiated story" unless I am told directly and explicitly otherwise. Sometimes this leads to kind of uncomfortable unknown limbo, but that is immensely preferable to me than blown up friendship or nice ooc relationship, and I would rather miss out than presume.

If someone engages in ic suicidal threats or claims that if I do not do what they want that the character will become unplayable I immediately end things and furthermore I will pretty much not wish to interact with that player again in any guise for quite some time. I guess everyone has their major dealbreakers and I guess that kind of explosion is one of mine.

I am open to talking to people oocly, I'm not even opposed to negotiation. I just am leery of asking for either, and I try to listen to anything my gut tells me.