I dunno. But it seems to me the biggest problem people are always complaining about their RP partners to their other ones. It's pretty fun when the "spokes" of the wheel finally talk and realize what a shit the "hub" is being. I've made some of the best mush friends that way. 
I am pretty open to whatever. Discussing/not/planning/not, happy to go along with whatever the other player needs to feel comfortable.
My hard line in the sand nope: anyone who claims to be married or partnered who then spends time bitching sexually about their spouse/partner. I'm not talking about occasional grumpy stuff, look I've been married/partnered to the same guy for like 20 years, every one gets on each other's nerves sometimes. But constant complaining or worse, /denigrating/ one's partner? Yikes. I have met people that were so ugly and mean about their SO that I did not feel comfortable interacting with them again. On any level.
Another hard note for me is someone who is constantly complaining about their other RP partners. Especially if its accompanied by "you are the nicest and the only one who understsnds." Yeeeeeaaaaaaahhhhhhhh.
I think gaming behavior can be very different than generic online behavior.
I have been surprised to see the âimpersonalâ antics of people I know when theyâre somewhat anonymous on a forum with largely strangers or in what they think are closed door discussions.
But in my experience people behave /in community/, which I believe a game to be, mostly how they are in RL. Including the ability to mask their mean-spirited, manipulative, and/or very ill behavior for a time only to have it come pouring out once certain stressors/situations/temptations show up.
Can vouch for @Ganymede on this one. If she is present in a group or with a tie to my PC I never worry about who she brings with her, even if itâs someone Iâve seen behave badly in the past. I know I just do not ever have to worry at all about ooc drama spillover, so itâs fine to relax and just enjoy play with whoever.
Also fuck all the giant apartment complexes that donât light the building letters.
Itâs pretty interesting who gives directions and who doesnât on confusing places. Probably the most fun place I delivered was a nighttime delivery to this literal shack with a bunch of rusted out cars parked in the lawn/driveway (no real driveway just ruts across the field behind the house that was in front of it/on the actual road. Creaky sagging porch, boarded up lower windows, a ton of already delivered packages...it looked like a redneck serial killerâs house.
The note on the delivery app was hilariousâit said it was really real and ok to drive on the field ruts, and donât worry itâs the right place even though itâs abandoned, and not to be scared.
I sooooo want to make an attended/signed delivery there but something tells me the dude/dudess doesnât ever have signed delivery. 
Oh my fucking god. If you want a pre-dawn huge ass delivery of groceries, at least leave the ducking porch light on so your number can be seen. Or make sure that if itâs not youâre not blocking the view of it.
If you live in an secured apt, for fucks sake leave the door code or order the delivery for when you a) know the rental office is open or b) you will be home. Iâm a nicer driver than most, and will call you several times (since I know that a lot of people donât answer phones) and/or request that customer service try you 1 or 2 times, but I canât wait longer than 5-10 mins. 
Iâm not protective. I havenât talked with people to the degree that I used to say even 10 years ago, but itâs not out of fear so much as being boring (in the throes of parenting, business, politics,ect). I do not have any illusions about people being able to find out stuff about me, as many people here know I had the recent experience of a man I met at summer camp when I was a teenager that I had not contacted in 30 years show up at one of my public political meetings to âcatch upâ with me, after stalking me at my business. He found me through two name changes (three if you count first name changes).
I have met over 50 mush folks in my years in gaming. :). I am always up for meeting more. Iâve opened up my home as crash space/temporary living for mush friends (rather than acquaintances) or people vouched for many times and taken up many peopleâs offers of hospitality. I find the larger mush community far physically safer than say the state meeting of any volunteer or professional organization.
But. I donât want to be contacted by game administrators just because, I donât really want people contacting me outside without my welcome/permission/sharing with them that I would like that, and I donât want to be spammed. So any game/admin/person that engages in personally uninvited communication (or continues after Iâve made it known Iâd like it to cease) will quickly be dumped by me.
I have no idea where they get their size from. Neither their dad nor I are tall people. His parents arenât either, and while I donât know a ton about my bio family supposedly my mom was 5â0â and my dad 5â3â.
Eldest was 5â5â at 10, now topped out at 5â8â. Twins were both 5â9â at 14and just now starting to sprout up. So basically, the only child shorter than me (or hubby) is the 3 year old. Who turns 4 in a couple days eeeeeeeeeeeek!
Itâs a good thing I love to cook, because on my lazy nights when I make breakfast dinner, with feeding 3 growing teens and a preschooler tonight we went through:
*A gallon of milk
*8 eggs plus 1/2 cup milk, scrambled
*A bag of grapes, and a large carton each of strawberries and blueberries
*A double batch of pancakes
*1.5 lbs of bacon
*5# of potatoes hashed
This took less than 45 minutes to consume, even with lively conversation.
Maybe once the older three areto college/trade school/entry level jobs in 3 years I can get work as a cook for farmhands. 
@faraday so in other words, yes you think your right to physical action on your pc supersedes any other mitigating factor besides armor or dodge. Any attempt to use mitigating factors (rolling for lying, persuasion, begging for oneâs life) cannot and should not be allowed by anyone but the combat character.
I mean every roll of a dice takes away your agency. Your crappy roll might take away certain actions available to you to take. In some systems you donât really get to decide how youâre injured (say it is prescribed if you are hit in head/gut/butt/foot, vs a generic amount of damage that you can rp anyway you like so that all avenues of playing your character as you wish are limited.)
Iâm just saying I do not understand why loss of agency is not decried in the case of combatâbut any attempt to use social skills to mitigate things (not reverse or dictate per de) is treated as if that means someoneâs character is being puppetted.
I wonder if people who invest primarily in combat skills would claim their character concept and agency was destroyed if the social character rolled well enough to weasel-convince the combatant maybe they shouldnât kill the pc they were going to.
That opens the combatant up for consequences they may not want, after all. They donât get to decide to take care of the problem exactly as they wished. They should just get to roll their dice to eliminate the other pc.
I guess I fail to see why somehow the person rolling the social dice is somehow more taking away agency than someone who can just roll combat rolls without needing to take into account the valid potentially mitigating factors of social skills.
@tinuviel the former...I think. I didnât ask! Maybe I should have been flattered at the attempt!
Considering how many paragraphs of orgasm descriptions and poor-to-pretty-decent smut I had to read and/or skim during my tenure as app staff with two spheres on TR, just sayinâ...
If youâre anyone important wouldnât you just do it in your yacht or something? I could see people really getting into the setting though. All of the I Was A White Slave In The Exotic Veiled Market backgrounds that some poor bastard is going to have to read as app staffer....
I keep getting stuff like Corgi and Pomeranian. Apparently, I am a very cute little bitch!
I have seen destructive and bad actors on one game do just fine on another. Iâve seen that a lot in fact, prior to people finding out whoâs who and looking for things then. There are even people who would have made the Forever Unwelcome list 15 years ago who have integrated just fine back into the community.
So much of peopleâs behavior can be very influenced by the culture, stress level, and expectations on a place. If staff is constantly shittalking and badmouthing people on what they think are semi-private channels, then honestly theyâre really not going to notice a problem player doing it. If there is a culture with a certain person or group of people being able to make âjust kiddingâ mean comments, or snapping at people oocly, or harassing people non-sexually about rp events, then itâs not going to stick out when more people try it. Itâs been amazing to me personally to see how differently many people behave when there are differing standards. They may have RP tells and the same ooc stories that youâve heard before, but somewhere where problematic behavior is not dismissed or coddled, and they test it and find it to be true, most people will contain themselves.
Yes, there are a (very) few people who genuinely cannot control their toxicity. But theyâre few and far between, and what does a game in is seldom one person, but a culture that allows piss poor behavior too often until some event breaks the camelâs back.
I think in our hobby we obsess too much about rooting out The Bad Actors. I think more problems would be solved by addressing problem behaviors immediately, no matter who is doing them or why theyâre happening. But that is a super big ask, and weâve seldom been great at it.
@arkandel you offer benefits without friends? 
We do really ask a lot of non-staff scene and/or plot runners.
*if they donât want to be overwhelmed with a large scene that rapidly turns into an observational rather that active one, we ask them to have to say no to people who want to join in, and have to deal with belligerence.
*we ask them to mediate for players that may be inattentive/belligerent towards them or other people in the scene.
*theyâre often at the mercy of staff attention/involvement for any physical/monetary reward for the participants.
*many times they donât have access to a job like thing to keep tabs on whoâs done what/asked for what/at-a-glance info showing whatâs been said to each participant in a way that allows them to keep individual responses blind to other members of the group.
*there are often very few runners, so they donât have the same opportunity to play their pc, and theyâre competing against the rest of the mush for signups that they might want to participate in.
*rarely have I seen thanks given publicly or any kind of specific positive feedback given (I really liked x about the story. Boy, y sure was a twist I didnât see coming? I felt like my pc really got to use their strengths/things I rarely get to use but have always wanted to, I really appreciated that! Wow, thanks for keeping everyone organized and enforcing timeliness, I know itâs extra work on your part but I felt like my time was really respected. Etc.)
I honestly think that the last one, player to runner and runner to player can make a huge impression. I try to do both (unless I am the runner of a huge impersonal scene) feedback wise and itâs been well received. I know that I always felt a little glow if a ST noted to me privately something they appreciated as a player, so I try to do the same for others.
I donât think proactively making a coder put bells and whistles into a thing will make it more utilized if itâs not already busting at the seams of being used.
+event code doesnât really create (or IMO even reliably indicate) activity. It might even suppress it a little! Think of all the no shows in signups (including scene runners). I think sometimes itâs more of a show off tool.
It is super nice to have if itâs how your brain is organized (I love it, I love the reminders, I love being able to check at a glance in one place for event time conflicts) but thatâs just because Iâm me. It flusters others, and a lot of folks donât bother to check to see if theyâre scheduling major events on top of each other.
If an events organizer wasnât being adequately used by a majority of people then I wouldnât sink resources into it either as staff, no matter how much I personally benefit from them!
@seraphim73
Iâll be really honest with you. My experience with your game was being excited about CG/researching/looking at what was on the wiki/chatting with some PCs in the same field also going through CG, etc. I had ideas for hooks and proactive ways to get involved.
I got rapidly approved, which meant the history and hooks were approved. And then when I asked a question about ic setup, I was treated pretty dismissively and rudely, and kind of given not so subtle hints that what Iâd made as a pc wasnât welcome and didnât fit. Honestly I logged out after that exchange a little in shock (Iâd never been made to feel by staff that a pc didnât belong like within an hour of CG approval where absolutely no concerns were raised) that I just didnât log back in.
I hope that isnât a regular occurance but honestly in a historical game, people may need a bit more coaching as to how they get involved. Or if what theyâve researched (as I did) doesnât fit specifics of whatâs wanted.
Putting tidbits on a wiki without much guidance about how to utilize them without annoying the staff might be asking for trouble. If youâre looking for people to run things proactively which is great, but when they approach staff for more details and they get the brush off then that might be discouraging too.
I think proactivity is more dynamic give and take between staffers, runners, and PCs than any group gives it credit for.