Best posts made by Testament

This is not an Arx Cat. This is my cat. I had asked @Crawfish if she would do a painting of my cat who had passed away on Dec 3rd a few months ago. I could go for hours talking about him. What he meant to me, what he meant to others. The kind of presence he carried or brought into a room. How he was a cat who simply wanted to love and be loved.

Who had gone through so many moves with me, who travelled with me through about six different states over sixteen years. More than a couple relationships, he was the only constant. When my life was shit(and it often was), he was there.

I miss him more than I can to describe in words, and the reality is, as shoddy as my RPing is, so is the quality of writing I wouldn't be able to do him justice.

So thank you to Crawfish for doing this for me, she got his personality down. A old friend, who almost always looked grumpy or annoyed, but never was, that was just, well, his face.

But if he was an Arx character, I like to think he would've been some old Northener. An old scout in the Halfshav line, countless wars and conflicts, who lived to see finally retirement and old age. At least, that's the canon I have in my head.

Thank you again, Crawfish. Truly.

Finally. After working to try and prove myself for two years, I was offered the promotion I was trying to get. The one I had gotten a year prior was nice but it was never the one I truly wanted.

I almost started sobbing in front of the supervisor when she offered me the position.

Im so fucking happy.

So, I finally proposed to my girlfriend of three years two weeks ago. I couldn't think of any other way to do, so I just dropped it on her when she got off her flight at the airport. Was going to do this DnD one-shot with a proposal at the end, but I realized the timing to get our group together would be a herculean task with how the summer has gone. And really, she didn't care how I did it, so long as she was surprised.

Fast forward to this week, she's been looking over venues for the reception. Me personally, I'm much more low key about these kind of things but this is something she wants to do, and well...I'm not getting in the way of that. Anyways, she finds this whiskey distillery that's pretty inexpensive to rent out for functions. It's small, but that's fine because we planned on having a very small wedding anyways.

Originally, we were going to go this Friday. Get a tour, probably taste some whiskey, and likely have a good time. The owner asked if we could do Saturday instead. When my fiance asked me this, I hesitated.

I prooooobably shouldn't point out to her that my game's metaplot event is kicking off on Saturday at noon and that it's probably a better idea to just push the event back from 1pm to late afternoon/early evening, should I.

Thankfully, while the game has a small playerbase, pretty much everyone is like, "Why is this even a question."

I really appreciate the players there.

I think I can count on one hand the number of times I've been allowed or asked to really impact someone's RP in a seriously meaningful way, and the outpouring of thanks I got from that had me taken aback.

Someone came to me in last couple of days, their character looking to ask mine for advice and possibly direction. I, who am not exactly used to playing a leadership character in any serious way, agreed but internally I was seriously worried about not being able to help. Or worse, my help wouldn't be all that helpful.

During the agreed upon scene, I ended up paging a few other people asking for my own advice and spitballing ways that would make future RP for the character that came to me meaningful and enriching. The idea I came up with was refined by the people I spoke and once I set down what I thought they should do, after the scene they said they were very thankful for it.

I don't get that feeling very often. That sense of reward and accomplishment in doing something beneficial. Or at least, I don't hear about it. I'm really happy I was able to foster character development and good RP for another player.

That is, to me, one of the few reasons I still stick around this hobby.

I have to go to a funeral tomorrow. For a co-worker.

His name was River. He was well loved by everyone at my job. He had that kind of energetic that was infectious, and he was just the sort of person that was everyone's friend, despite wherever you sat on one issue or another. I thought him to a be a generally good person.

He had just moved from my department to another next to ours. Next door even, so we still saw him plenty, but after 2.5 years in my department, he wanted to move on, do something else. He had just started in what he viewed as a dream role that he could grow his career into. I remember him being so damn excited for it.

Well, nobody had heard from him for a few days, so his mother(who also works for our company but in a different deparment that's more HR related)went to check on him. It's said that she found him dead in bed. I don't know what he died of, and really, it's none of my business. I just hope it was in his sleep.

He was 26 years old. Far too damn young. And his own mother found him.

He loved the Milwaukee Bucks like nobody else and was so hopeful how they'd play in the Finals.

He loved his dog.

He was a good person. And now I have to watch him be buried.

I'm getting too old for this. I've buried a lot of friends in my life. And it never ever gets easier. So I remember his name and drink to his memory. And I have a feeling tomorrow after the funeral, I will drink. A good deal. I'll miss you, River. You were one of the good ones.

Finally getting to the point in your game development that you're, after so many months of writing and stress and frustration. Finally, I (mostly)ready for a soft alpha for my game. At least for people that have stuck it out on the Discord server while people toiled away in theme writing.

Granted, it's not completely finished. But it's finished enough. For the moment until I fill everything else out.

I got a promotion yesterday at work. This may not seem like a huge thing to a lot of people, but I've been at this job for a year. The last time I was at a job and it lasted longer than a year was 2009. So, a really long time ago.

I've had to crawl out of a very deep hole to get here. I mean, I look at what I received yesterday, and while a $1.50/hr increase in pay is not, well, it's not going to solve all my money problems overnight as much as I wish it would, it's still something to be proud of. Never mind that I think I've finally found a workplace that I could stay at until I retire. I like the company, I like the people, and I(mostly)respect the leadership.

Getting off third shift hours will be the best part. Moving to second shift isn't great, but it's a step up when it comes to having a life outside of work. And maybe I'll be able to RP more. So there's perks to the whole thing.

@Selira So when it comes to new cats, I'm going to join you on that. Recently, I've been doing some thinking on my current cat, who's getting up there in years and basically is entering the twilight of his life. I'm aware he doesn't have many more years with me, and I'd like him as happy as he can be. But I also work a lot, and we don't get nearly as much together as I'd like. At the same time, I hate the idea of him being alone so much. And while I know that cats are fine being solitary creatures, he's always been the friendly sort who seemed to like having other cats around. So I decided it was time to get another cat.

Hence, enter Prospero(or as a friend calls him, Prospurro). Partly because the name sounds good, and partly because The Tempest is my favorite of Shakespear plays.

So, Prospero's story is one of woe once I heard it. Thusly, he was raised in a good home with an elderly man, Prospero's only desires was to lay in this older gentleman's lap and be pet. Sadly, his owner passed away in November and there was no to care for Prospero. So he went to a shelter where he languished. Until he was rescued by a local city project designed to work with local pet stores and animal shelters to find homes for. Prospero was in a shelter for three months until I came along and decided, after speaking with project members, I learned he had the traits I was looking for. He was older(five years), low energy, not territorial, and got along well with other cats. It was everything I wanted in a cat that could get along with older cat who likely doesn't have the energy these days to keep up with another cat younger, never mind a kitten. And besides, he was cheap. People don't like adopting adult cats, they want a kitten. Me? I had zero issue at all.

So I brought him home, making sure to keep him separate from my other cat. So he's been living in the bathroom for the last day, and initially, he made behind the toilet his home. I was able to put a blanket down to make him more comfortable.

And that was more or less how last night went. I hadn't seen him eat, or drink, or even use the litter box, so I wasn't sure what to expect. I was afraid he migh pee all over the bathroom. Thankfully that's not the case. Because when I woke up, he had used it and looked like he had eaten, though a little bit. However, he has become more friendly and more affectionate and has switched from behind the toilet to make top of the washer/dryer I have in the bathroom his new home. Suppose it's now is new perch.

Either way, it's gone on pretty well. The meetings with my other cat have gone well. No hissing or swiping, just a lot of unsure smelling. I have hopes they'll be decent friends, or that's my goal. Prospero has a lot of getting used to before he's comfortable, I think. It's all very new to him still, and I can understand him being stressed about it. Still. he's adorable and I love his fluffy tail.

Was at Target last night, because I needed coffee creamer. A cart was left directly against the driver's side door of my car.

It made me think of this.

Uploading with the permission of Eirene's player. She thinks it's the best thing ever.

Been working on importing theme files from so many various GDocs into my game's wiki.

There's still things left to do, and left to write.

But it's finally starting to take shape. And feel real. Like it's a thing that may actually happen.

I've had the last couple of days off from work because I wanted to be home for my SO's birthday. They thought they were going to have today off as well. Turns out they had to go into work as they're a senior member of the team they're on. So I have the day to myself, which was unexpected. I mean, this really just means I have a free day of playing Breath of the Wild.

However, my step dad, who has been a construction worker his entire life(and yes, he does carry a lot of the stereotypical traits that one imagines with a person of that trade), so while he and I have not always agreed on a number of things, we generally tend to get along well.

To that end, one of the few things I ever expect from him is to show something that might be regarded as actual emotion, so he must've been in a rare mood when he called my SO at work and did some silly singing rendition of happy birthday over the phone.

If that wasn't odd enough, the context to this is the fact that my SO grew up without a father, what I know of him, he was a drunk and an abuser to my SO's mother and vanished when she was 3 or so never to be heard from again. Told me this morning that it was the first time in her life that she could imagine what it felt like to have a father.

I realized then, and as I write this as this news is all over a half hour old, that I have no idea what that might be like. The SO doesn't talk about it much, but said they cried at work. I don't think my step dad really knows the impact he just made.

I'll have to call him tonight. Because it's wasn't something I expected at all out of him. Always knew he was a decent man, underneath the layers of unyielding work ethic and blunt pragmatism.

Life.
Today I love life.
Why? Because in this moment, this morning, I'm thankful to be alive.

A little backstory as to why I feel like that, as opposed to my usual strive to be positive, but yet ultimately nihilistic self. For the past two days, my car had been acting odd. Nothing drastic, just takes my engine about a second or two longer to turn over before it starts. Which I had noted, but decided to keep an eye on til it got worse.

Well, today it was worse. For a good six seconds, the car just turned and turned until it turned over. At which point I realized, okay I better get this looked at before my car doesn't start at all. I'm think electrical wiring. I'm thinking spark plugs. I'm thinking fuel pump. Some cheap, so very very expensive. None of which I really want to pay for. But I can't miss work, especially if I want the promotion I'm looking to get.

So I drive down to my mom's, because I know she has a family friend who's good with cars, gives good prices and doesn't screw people over. I talk to him, ask him to look at my car, and he has enough time in the morning to sneak mine in. As I'm getting ready to head over to his garage, I'm picking up the trash in my passenger side and I notice I start smelling gas. I search everywhere, fine nothing. No wet spots on the ground. It's not until I'm waiting for my mom, that I see the small puddle right next to my driver's side rear tire. A slow, drip drip. Sure enough it's gas.

Now that has me mildly paranoid, but I figure I just drove half an hour from work, I should be okay and that garage is only five miles away. Drop the car off, ride back, sit down to have a coffee and catch up with mom.

Twenty minutes pass. Phone rings, she answers, it's the guy at the garage. It wasn't anything electrical, apart of the fuel line had rusted and rotted into a gaping hole, that was causing the drip. What I didn't know just how bad that drip was while the engine was running. Makes sense when I thinking of it now, fuel pressure being what it is.

He tells my mom, who then tells me that I'm lucky to be alive because I was driving a literal bomb all the way from work to my mom's and then to his garage. Because the fuel line was so close to the exhaust pipe, all it would've taken was one random spark, or enough heat from the exhaust to ignite it.

And I had driven my car like that for about 40 minutes overall this morning

So. Today I love life. Because I am obscenely lucky to be alive. It hasn't really set in just yet. I'm in that kind of 'haha what' phase.

Because I could've been blown up in my car. Not the way I'd like to go out, but at least it would've been interesting. Still, it's a good day when I can lay in bed and simply be glad that I'm doing so.

ETA: I forgot to mention I had just filled my tank on Monday. Soooo....that would've been around ten gallons of gasoline. So. Yeah.

My SO recently got a meditation pillow.

Bubba has now claimed it as his. That adorable fucker.

I've had to go into work every day, so I suppose this sensation isn't something I'm able to really comprehend, labeled as an essential worker as I am. But working in a lab surrounded by Covid samples probably hasn't been too great for my mental health or stress.

What I have discovered is how truly alone I feel. Certainly I go into work, converse with my co-workers but something is missing. I go home and there's just...nothing. My cats, my significant other, certainly, but the friends I had before last year? Gone. Taking care of their own matters, their own lives. It's disheartening when you've tried to contact or reach out and told often that 'maybe later, let me call you'. And then you never hear anything. Despite how many times you try, and eventually, you stop trying.

And I've suddenly found that trying to connect with people, despite being around them through this entire over year long affair, there's less of a real connection anymore. People are too fearful of getting connected. Or maybe I am, I'm not sure. Could be it's just become so much harder than it used to be.

But what has hit me hardest is that I don't have any real connections anymore. Not in regards to real life connections. My online ones(the very few that I have)are different. You can only do so much. Mush with the ones that are into it. Or generally talk. But there's that lack of connection. Of being able to go out and do things together. Or just spend time together.

This solitude eventually starts to drain, starts to pull and tug and tear. Every day is exactly the same. You start finding yourself feeling strongly about stupid little things, because it's an excuse to feel something. It's hard to remember last week, because the week before that was exactly like the one that came after it, all blurring together. That's left me...I don't know, angrier. Getting annoyed about some process at work where it occupies more space in your head than it should and all you want to do is tell the Director that it's and stupid and you're making other suffer for it.. Or getting hurt by the fact that someone misconstrued something you said on a game as criticism when it was really just trying sympathize.

Maybe it's trying to put meaning to something, instead of looking down the barrel of one day after the next, repeating itself over and over. You try to occupy those empty spaces with hobbies, in an attempt to create something fulfilling for yourself. And maybe it's fulfilling for yourself, but it would just be nice a some point if it was noticed. Not even for being good, but the fact that you're trying. I daydream about that, thinking it could develop something more solid. Trying and failing to reach out to make some kind of connection and hoping something sticks.

I just feel very alone. And it's disturbing to consider the idea that this might be all I have to look forward to for the foreseeable future. And no amount of pills or talking to my therapist seems to make it better. It worries me.

Also presented without context, but for those who understand the meaning I hope will enjoy it.

I think it's perfect.

I don't play on this game, but I just want to point out that this is probably the most positive-related thread I've read on this site in awhile.

So good on you guys.

We adopted a third cat recently. We like having three cats in particular and there has been a hole in me since losing my old man baby.

So we adopted another old man. I've thought that it's easier for kittens to get adopted than adult cats, and harder for senior cats. This old man is 14, but a big lump of love. He's so damn sweet. Obviously there's going to be some separation with the others while we introduce them to each other, but he's great.

Don't have a name for him yet. Those come organically.