RL Sads
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Every time I assure people of interaction and RP the next day, the universe takes that wide open free time to remind me that my brain is always a little broken and being afraid of everything is time better spent.
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The greyhound adoption group I got Rock from sent me a condolence card. I got it yesterday.
I was doing okay, and then I just unraveled.
"If you stand for nothing Burr, what will you fall for?"
-- Hamilton: An American Musical -
@cupcake
I am so sorry. -
The glue in my book MELTED and pages just.... fell out. You would expect this if the book was old and well loved.
This is brand new and only been read once.
I've been reading outside. Paperbacks are suppose to be the ultimate summer kickback and relax tool!!
Also... I borrowed the book from my uncle and so now I am buying him a new copy. X.x
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@silverfox said in RL Sads:
The glue in my book MELTED and pages just.... fell out. You would expect this if the book was old and well loved.
This is brand new and only been read once.
I've been reading outside. Paperbacks are suppose to be the ultimate summer kickback and relax tool!!
Also... I borrowed the book from my uncle and so now I am buying him a new copy. X.x
Well, the benefit to your pain is that this book is now on my reading list from the small sample...
Racism isn't Tinkerbell. It doesn't need you to believe in it for it to exist.
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You can re-bind them pretty easily too if you wanted.
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It is pretty amazing ngl. Live Free or Die by John Ringo. Science fiction, seriously dry humor.
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Waking up from a very nice dream in which the worst day of your life still happened but everything somehow turned out to be okay, and immediately remembering that no, nothing about it was, is, or will ever be okay.
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I'm so sorry. That's the absolute worst. All of the hugs.
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All the good vibes sent your way.
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I have to go to a funeral tomorrow. For a co-worker.
His name was River. He was well loved by everyone at my job. He had that kind of energetic that was infectious, and he was just the sort of person that was everyone's friend, despite wherever you sat on one issue or another. I thought him to a be a generally good person.
He had just moved from my department to another next to ours. Next door even, so we still saw him plenty, but after 2.5 years in my department, he wanted to move on, do something else. He had just started in what he viewed as a dream role that he could grow his career into. I remember him being so damn excited for it.
Well, nobody had heard from him for a few days, so his mother(who also works for our company but in a different deparment that's more HR related)went to check on him. It's said that she found him dead in bed. I don't know what he died of, and really, it's none of my business. I just hope it was in his sleep.
He was 26 years old. Far too damn young. And his own mother found him.
He loved the Milwaukee Bucks like nobody else and was so hopeful how they'd play in the Finals.
He loved his dog.
He was a good person. And now I have to watch him be buried.
I'm getting too old for this. I've buried a lot of friends in my life. And it never ever gets easier. So I remember his name and drink to his memory. And I have a feeling tomorrow after the funeral, I will drink. A good deal. I'll miss you, River. You were one of the good ones.
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@testament said in RL Sads:
He loved the Milwaukee Bucks like nobody else and was so hopeful how they'd play in the Finals.
Just commenting to myself and for those who are not of the sportsball inclination that the Bucks won the finals in 6.
I like to think River would've lost his mind.
And for the record, it a good series. But I have a couple reasons to remember it.
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Yesterday my sister that I haven't heard from in about 10 years gets into contact with me. To tell me that my father died.
Someone found him on Thursday.
He disowned us 13+ years ago and he's basically a cat man hermit that lives in the Appalachian mountains. He owns a piece of land up there, practically a whole mountain. He, my grandparents, and uncle and his family bought it when I was a kid.
Grandparents died quite a while back so their place has been rented out or sold.
No one was able to give us any kind of information on him at all. So my sister begins to call around and do some hardcore investigative work.
First the funeral homes, then the morgue, then hospitals. Sheriff's office is closed until Monday. The Dept of Health and Human Resources. Everywhere. I can't help because I am on literally the other side of the globe.
But during this time she finds out that our uncle (dad's brother) has died (3 years ago) and his wife and kids moved across the country to Washington State and their house has been sold or rented out too. My dad had no one listed as next of kin because he was absolutely alone. That neighbor said they didn't even know he had any children or living relatives.
We had to have a discussion on what to do with his body and belongings, which is a strange conversation to have with a person you barely know about another person you haven't seen since 2008 - and before then, probably a decade prior.
None of the hospitals would give us any information at all... until she finds out he's not actually dead, he is in an ICU in a different part of the state. The hospital won't let us talk to him. Won't even tell us if he's conscious or not. Won't tell us why he's there.
All of the stress sent my diabetes into a tizz and I woke up this morning with a kidney infection. And a migraine because who the fuck wouldn't have a migraine right now. It's Sunday, so I have to wait til tomorrow to see a doctor. Tylenol do your best.
I don't know how to process all this. I couldn't cry. I mean, I couldn't cry for his physical death but I cried because I miss the man that loved me... But that man died a long time ago.
The only thing I know to do is to just grab some paper and let it all out and then burn it.
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@boneghazi That's a good strategy for processing your feelings, though.
I'm so sorry you're going through all this.
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Sudden pangs of existential sadness that return whenever I'm confident that I'm finally okay.
Just my brain reminding me of all of my failures and how much I've wasted the past few years and and and....
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@smile Brains suck that way. hug
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Every year just keeps getting worse. I'd like to go back to 2020 now, please. Maybe even 2019. Or maybe, really, I would just like people to stop dying. Please.
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My anti vax (she's a hipster antivaxxer well before it was cool, so that isn't a covid thing per se) and Anti-Mask for FreeDumb!!! cousin and her family are now all very ill with covid (parents plus 4 kids including a 1 week old baby who is now in PICU being ravaged by it). Most of their kids were preemies and so 2 out if the 4 also have immune system issues.
I cried for the newborn and the kids. I feel nothing right now for cousin (who is seriously ill, apparently postpartum women are also extremely vulnerable?) and her husband. They did a homebirth not out of being homebirthy people but because they did not want to mask up and did not want to deal with the hospital covid protocols (so they've had a shitload of their crazy church people and other covid denying family members in and out of their house.)
But honestly its on the other side of the country, I can do nothing, and I guess they're getting what they wanted. I hope none of the kids die or get long term effects. And even if they did, they still wouldn't change their minds. Pretty sure my aunt and uncle are being Grade A Assholes to the medical staff as they are conspiracy people too.
I dont feel anything but I do just want to go to sleep and not get up for a long time.
