@shangexile Dude. Seriously. No bullshit here.
You were a good friend for a long while. I get that you're going through some shit. No, I don't wish that on you. I wouldn't wish that on you even if the entire time I've known you, you acted like you have been lately, to be blunt.
I know that shit sucks.
I know you've come to me in the past for help. I have tried to help. I know I have not always -- or maybe even often or ever -- succeeded, but I have tried.
I am sorry that I let you down. No bullshit. I really wish I could have helped. I actually hate seeing the person I knew as the person I'm seeing over the past few months.
The blunt truth is that I am not in a position to help anyone right now, and have not been for some time. I do, actually, hate that. I have too much of my own shit right now that needs unfucking to be useful to anyone as emotional support or meaningful guidance on a personal RL shit level.
That doesn't, actually, make any goddamn difference from your end, in that your experience is the same regardless: I definitely let you down this time.
I know that. I understand that. I do, actually, feel bad about that bit.
Do I regret posting? No.
Because you crossed a line. Shit, man. (Here's where the popcorn assholes get their fill.)
Impersonating the ex? No, man. You know I left there over his bullshit and constant paranoid accusations and never really came back, even if I have a login to talk to people OOC from the out of the way of a rented room now, years later. So, yeah. I'm not ashamed to admit that caused a panic attack when it kicked off. Dude was able to unleash some serious hell and that that guy who used to flood my RL email with a hundred messages of 'slut' and 'whore' for hugging someone in the square one day IC, well. Pretty sure you can see why that guy being furious, believing I had him banned (I've never had anyone banned on Shang)? My RL was about to become harassment hell, from where I was sitting, until I grabbed the panicky reflex long enough to figure out you were 'cold reading' the whole thing and could calm the fuck down.
Would I have taken it down if asked? Yeah, actually.
I don't know if you're the dude I woke up to find a shit-ton of creepy 'I am outside your window, touching myself, watching you, I know what you did' pages from or not, but fuck, man. You do know where I live. You do know about my RL stalker ex who tried to straight up murder me and would pound down my fucking door screaming until the neighbors would call the fucking cops, as it was still going on back then when we spoke much more often, a zillion years ago. I really want to believe that wasn't also you, even with all this shit.
The shit you're doing is not OK. You know it isn't OK, and you know you need to stop, and need help finding a way to stop. I am not trying to condescend to you; I am saying that I recognized later that even the trolling crap back then was a cry for help in the form of lashing out.
I do want things to get better for you.
I can't be that help. I am sorry for that. I do hope you find it, though, no bullshit or snark. I am just in no position to offer it now.
I would, actually, be happy to mend fences with you or something some day. The dude I remember was a pretty awesome motherfucker, after all. Right now, though, man? We both need help, and the shit we need help with, I think it's fair to say, makes us really toxic to each other right now.
I haven't, btw, reported you here for anything so far as I can ever recall. I certainly haven't in any of the shit over the past few days anyway, even with all the shit flying around and people asking why I haven't. I have no desire to chase you off. I'm not willing to put up with jerky crap from you, but I'm not going to go so far as to say 'you are an ugly-hearted person and GTFO of my hobby/off my forum'. That's shitty to see aimed at you; I've seen enough of it lately aimed my way to not want to say that to you or anybody else. (There's literally two people I feel that way about: Spider and Rex/Sovereign.)
There's some other shit I would say, but is more personal than I feel would be appropriate to say in the open, for the same reason the private communication was not shared. (And it pertains to something in that, so.)
Regardless: I hope shit gets better for you. For real.