Best posts made by Catsmeow

Write a staff ethics policy and make sure your staff understands it. Also, make sure they understand what is expected of them AND what will not be tolerated from them. It is good to staff with people you like, but sometimes staffing with a friend hurts a friendship.

Don't do it all yourself. While important, you should be able to leave the game for a few days and trust it will be okay. You WILL need to step away from your own game from time to time. Like children, it's okay if you want to murderize your players. It's okay to take a 'parent' time out. It's okay.

You aren't going to get along with everyone. It's okay to ask a person to leave the game if they are not meshing with theme/players.

Please attempt to go for visibility in decisions, rulings, etc. If you start the cloak and dagger method of 'they don't need to know' it will be hard to come back from.

I know there was a health thread, but I don't feel like looking for it. So let's say you? Let's start a new one. I'll even go first.

waves a paw
Hello I'm Catsmeow. I hate cardio. So I decided to get my unhealthy butt in gear. How you ask? (I know you didn't ask) By deciding to walk/run 2017 miles this year. So that's approximately 5.5 miles a day with about a week of no miles. Yay.

Today, I went to the gym after (muttermuttermutter) not going. I got on the boring treadmill and walked. I was like I will walk 5.5 miles. I did not account for being out of shape or having an upper respiratory infection that makes breathing hard.

So... I walked 2 miles and called it. I actually consider this a success. So is anyone else trying to get healthier? Trying to eliminate debt? Trying to live on the cheap? Those are all my 2017 things. So if so, let's support each other.

If not, I got to talk about myself and you read it so. Win/Win?

So I'm doing WAY better now. This is good. I'm employed (if even part-time), I'm on track with my eating, I'm walking like 3+ miles a day and today --- I finally felt like me again. I woke up and did some things and really I felt like the happy person that I normally am. It occurs that this has been going on for a week or two. So it's like I'm almost back to normalcy.

The only bad thing is that I have a backwards look on my instability. My anxiety/depression makes it so I don't always see it and my MS brain issues added to it means I don't 'understand' when it's happening. We don't always see the problem when we are in the middle of it. You know?

I see people taking mental health breaks from the hobby and today, I realize I should have done that in like October - April. My life fell apart and I fell apart with it. I should not have been supplementing my havoc of a RL with an virtual one. It's what I was doing. I couldn't see it at the time, but in hindsight, totes what I was doing.

I have NEVER been asked to leave a game before. I'm usually super up to get involved and tend to try to get others involved as much as possible, etc. I was asked to leave a game. Which was horrible for them (I mean obviously if I was asked to leave) and for a bit, really horrible for me. Like really really bad. However, it also made me take a break from MUing on a regular basis to fix me. I mean sometimes you need a stranger to give a wake up call. I was just seething in questions and bitter. It was less at a game (and the people on it) and more with where my RL was.

Depression and anxiety are a hell of a bitch to deal with. It's hard on the person suffering and we've touched on that, but it's also hard to the people around them while they are in their 'off' period. There is moments of reassurance needed, blowing things up that normally they wouldn't, etc. That list goes on and people have to deal with it if they are around you. We don't always talk about that. We try to say they should be understanding, but really we don't understand ourselves - so how can they? Also, if a person has only known you in your 'blue' period -- you might look like you belong on the batshit crazy board and they are probably wondering why others are defending you.

Anyways - This is just my rambling musing because that's sort of what this board is about. Mental health and all that. So I want to check in and say I'm good and back to normal (haha). The other thing s that I owe an apology (not on the apology thread - or the sorry not sorry board) to @apos and @Kanye-Qwest. I was stupid unstable on their game as I joined it at rock bottom IRL. So while my feels were hurt for the 'maybe this isn't the best game for you', it was what I needed to be like daaaayum son, I'm a little further gone than I thought. So anyways -- apologies to you two and any that I was a bit off towards there.

Okay, now work calls. Thank you for letting me ramble.

To be fair, I spent a GREAT number of years in my life saying things like:
"That's okay."
"Sure, I guess."
"If it makes you happy, we can."

Now I'm closer to 40 and life is too short to live it for someone else. (Oh look I'm posting probably in the wrong thread, drinky drinky). I use to think that love/care meant self-sacrifice. I would put my wants and needs and feelings on the back burner. I still struggle with this because I'm probably a people pleaser. Then there comes a point where you look around and realize you are not be authentic. If you are not being authentic than you need to question if your friendships are. So I started saying no when it really wasn't okay. I stopped being resentful to people that didn't know they were overstepping because I never told them. You have to be honest to yourself and with yourself and then with others. Some people will leave and it will suck. Other people will stay and it will rock. Your life will be happier and such.

Okay, done hi-jacking the thread ... drink up... I hope @WTFE is still alive.

Sweetness,

This is getting to be like the pro-life/pro-choice debate up in here. I feel like everyone is making assumptions about the other side and not listening. They are trying to veil their snark or think it won't be seen, then jump at someone else for doing it on the other 'side'.

We are adults, we should be able to see the other person's opinion and be respectful of it. There is a reason there are games out there and not game out there. They don't all appeal to everyone. I'm not big on super space games because my brain is sometimes too literal to understand all the science that is RPed, etc. It doesn't mean I HATE space games and space gamers. It doesn't mean I'm anti-genre. It means it doesn't appeal to me and here's why. It's not a you shouldn't do this because I don't like it. We are starting to get to the mud-slinging of the discussion, let's tone back. Sarcasm to one is a deep insult to another.

Now, I am not anti-death and need to have complete control over my character. I would write a book that way. I like how another person influences the story that is going and the choices made. I like to use dice like a which-way story and pick if I go left or right sometimes. I like to go into things with death if I know it's coming. I may have even understood the game death concept. To me it came across as the dreaded telenuke and boom you are dead. Rocks Fall.

I have accepted 'stupid' death when it happened too. I played Metro back in the day and was playing a straight vanilla mortal. It took me FOREVER to get that character approved. A question here, no time there, staff too busy, etc. My second day on the grid there is a huge blizzard and staff was like if you aren't @desc'ed right things may happen. I made sure my char was in layers. They were stuck in a building with people I didn't know. It was all fine. Then those people decided it would be cool to show how much power they had and stripped the char and put her outside. My char died the first scene after weeks of waiting to get in. That was stupid. Incredibly stupid. I dealt.

I think people are more saying they want to make a story. While the story continues for others if the char dies, it doesn't for them. We have bitched and complained about how one feels about being the background to another person's story. I think is comes off as that. Now, there are people that love that and will do it. So I really think the take away is this:

TL;DR

Let's talk like respectful adults, not politicians trying to secure votes.
If you want to make randomized death, be up front.
If you make it, normally people will come play.
Make CG easy.

I got called to go into work early 'if I wanted' -- I did not want, I did not do. I'm part-time and normally pick up hours to help out or come in or whatever. I never complain about my schedule being in constant flux. I just am thankful to have one.

So I come in and my manger greets me and says I can clock in a bit early if I want. So I do and she's walking with me to clock in and says, "Oh.. and in two weeks by the way.. we've decided to give you the full time position. So we'll get together to figure out your set schedule."

Woohoo.. I beat out a lot of part-time peeps (it's retail, they like to have peeps at part-time) and got the full-time position. They didn't interview me or make me jump through hoops. I just had to put down I was willing to work it. So in two weeks a SET work schedule, full time (aka benefits), and I start school.

So while this move came with some HORRIBLE low points before it; it's pretty awesome since I got here. Thus, I'm just having a good RL day today and want to share.

Passive aggressive text messages. -- Just stop it.

If I'm at work, you can assume I am working. This means in with a client and without my cellphone. It is not okay to text me six times. It is not okay for the last text to read how you must not matter as I'm not responding.

This is Max. His breed is .... who knows. Seriously, anyone? Anyone know? He'll be 2 in April. I found him when he was abandoned by his 'family'. He was covered in oil and dirt and looked dark brown (so did my lap). I've had him for a little over a year.

I bumped up my 30 minutes of cardio by a whole speed step on the treadmill tonight. Also started easy strength training.

I really just wanted to cheer for me. Still a loooooong way to go, but faster than being on the couch.

Signed up to take some basic college classes starting in a few weeks. Nothing OMG awesome, but still something I've been meaning to do and put off for YEARS.

I found an archive that y'all might find useful. It's not WORA, but it's out there

http://www.gwen-morse.com/wiki/index.php/Gwen's_MUSHcode_Archive

Here's my thoughts and take it as you will.

Some genres/themes/etc IC are very restrictive and not politically correct. I think the point here was that admin were letting people know that this IS going to happen. So if it is your trigger, this is not your safe area. Just so you are protected by this knowledge. They are also saying that they are not anti-civil rights in their RL just in the game term. Also they don't want someone OOCly harassing a person that might drop a 'no bomb' or hate on a certain populace.

I understand that it might be uncomfortable for some to play that out. It's very 'taboo' to do so. People have actual struggles with it IRL. So I think it's more a disclaimer that this may or may not be the game for you. I love playing on pre-civil war western games. Or around civil war era. Just because they are calling women chattel and not letting them be doctors - doesn't mean that the game thinks that.

However, games with IC prejudices aren't for everyone. Just like games with certain brutality measures aren't for everyone. We just need to find our safe areas and it's good to be up front with what might not be one for someone.

Also --- I have never played the game, read the books or watched the show, but @Auspice why aren't you asking if anyone wants to be the woman in your life?! I was just about to make a char and everything. Sheesh.

Um...
Please note I haven't slept in over a day so I might make little sense or my comprehension might be off.

However, if it's a Kushiel game. I really think think it should be a Kushiel game. In the Kushiel world and in the Kushiel timeline, thus making it... I don't know, a Kushiel game?

The other ideas are great and all, but it's a bit away from those that are looking for a safe Kushiel place to play.

I believe that people tell you who they are if you just listen. Their actions are more representative than their words. So it is always a bit sad when someone disappoints me IRL. I'm always stuck between 'why didn't I see this coming' and 'fuck them'. THEN ... because I'm a sucker. I find myself still being like, well if you apologize...

Ugh. Sometimes I am the thing that annoys me in RL.

I think everyone has moments of an amusing lack of awareness. It's human nature to not see how we are being perceived against our intention.

@surreality

Hahaha.. I actually think part of my social anxiety comes from this IRL. I am an awesome friend. Seriously, everyone says (even non-shit talkers). However, I have witnessed my friends say things like:

"Ugh, that Becky. I don't want to hang out with her, but I feel obligated."
"Damn sometimes Tom just annoys the shit out of me."
"I'm pretty sure that Bobby can do better than Ken. I mean Ken is also hooking up with Barbie and Bobby has said..."

So then I'm like.. well fuck. If you talk about others, you obviously say things about me. Then it makes me all nervous to talk, etc.

Double post because I don't want to be like yay you -- so about me in the same post or anything like that. I'm sure y'all understand.

We have a hobby that has a large number of people with mental/physical/emotional issues. I think that most of us when confronted with this knowledge do the whole: "ahhh yeah that makes sense now" sort of moment. I also think that we adjust accordingly when we know.

It is one of those things that still make me sad. It makes me sad that we still worry that we are going to be judged unloved, unwanted or broken because of whatever disorder has hold of our lives. Talking about it and making it personal to someone we know I think is the only way to combat it.

My problems with MU* and my hobby aren't other people, they are my own body. I know that fear of stigma because you don't want to be known by your disability or your struggle. A few years ago (and out of the blue) I was diagnosed with MS. Now, this isn't a mental disorder exactly, but it sort of is. My immune system attacks my nervous system and creates lesions to make it that it doesn't function the same. I don't always know how it's happening or when it's happening. My hands will go numb. I will get so exhausted that I sleep all day (through scheduled events/promised RP/etc), my emotions don't always regulate, I forget things, cognitive functions don't work they right way, I forget words, and forgot how to do things.

I admit that I look like an asshole when I sleep through a scene and people are like where were you? Or if a huge scene is like a person, I might cancel it to go sleep. However, sometimes I know I'd rather look like an ass then a lot of other fear that comes with having a diagnosis of something that cannot be cured. I ask people overly bluntly if I"m being an issue, it's not because I'm needy - it's because I know I can't always self-regulate what's going on. I don't see it until it's pointed out to me. I get panic/anxiety if people won't talk it out with me or just say 'it just is an issue and I won't explain' because then I'm not sure what went wrong. Anxiety also causes relapses - as does when my core gets too warm. So my happiness over stupid cardio is because I can do it without relapse. Though sometimes walking 30 minutes on a treadmill makes me sleep for a day and half.

I think the jest of my post is that a lot of us are still grieving our diagnosis. We have to redefine our real lives and having to redefine our hobby as well, might be a bit too much to admit to. We aren't ready. You do have grief and all the steps when you get a diagnosis of mental health as well as terminal things. You have grief over the life you wanted. So when someone is being a douche or blowing us off or whatever and we are getting legitimately angry and hurt; maybe if we paused more and said 'Hey this is coming off as X is that how you meant it? Or hey you are blowing off a lot of scenes is there something I can do to assist' we might go a lot further as a community. A lot of people are out there struggling with things that others don't know about.

Anyways, I suppose I'm just rambling. Less than 3's to you all.

My RL peeve....

Dating

That is all.

All the tears. Why did I read that?

@Auspice