Best posts made by Kanye Qwest

@Ominous said in Depression Meals:

I do as well. However, the logic part of me forces me to get up and do certain things.....even if the emotional part of me

honestly gtfo out of here with this

my head canon is that these players are using staff as eHarmony. "I had sex with a werebat! ARE WE MEANT TO BE?"

"Yes, you should immediately add them to your Discord and harass them if they are in a room with someone else IC"

@faraday @gingerlily

This. Stimulants absolutely have differing effects on brains with ADHD. I mean, you don't have to believe it, but I got my testing and my info from Duke University Neuroscience center, and I feel like they probably have a lot more data than either of us.

@surreality for the record: it's cool, I don't care, water under the bridge. I just wish you were able to wait out your initial vicious responses to things and keep it slightly more chill. For your own good!

Trust me, I never say the first thing that comes to mind at people. I have a vicious mean streak inside me and I have to work to keep it under control.

@Rinel said in The ADD/ADHD Thread (cont'd from Peeves):

Double posting because I need to vent

@Kanye-Qwest said in The ADD/ADHD Thread (cont'd from Peeves):

It has helped me immensely to have a Neuroscience doctor tell me : You are not just lazy. Your brain is atypical.

I spent most of the afternoon of my diagnosis crying for this reason. It was just too much to process emotionally, especially given how many times I'd been told I was lazy by parents, teachers, and professors. I distinctly remember my Ancient Greek professor telling me "you aren't bad at learning vocabulary; that's just a narrative you've constructed for yourself."

That little joy was prompted by me coming to him and asking for advice on how to learn vocab because I was struggling with it (and always have, in every language I've studied. I have studied five languages).

Fuck you, Esposito.

I did the same thing. I just sat in my car and cried and I wasn't even sure why I started. All my life, it was "you're lazy" "you aren't living up to your potential" "why can't you just take care of it" and my favorite from my dad, "you're worthless". I think it's impossible not to internalize that stuff, and have it color all your feelings about YOURSELF. So I've been stuck in this decades long loop of :

1. I'm finally going to do it. I'm going to get my life together. I'm going to make a list, and I'm going to check things off it every day, and I'm NOT GOING TO PROCRASTINATE ANYMORE. Starting tomorrow, everything changes!
2. try to change everything tomorrow, fail, become overwhelmed
3. hate myself for being unable to just life my life like a normal person until I circle back to 1.

@biggles You're still on my shit list.

All this. Well, not ALL this, I don't have Rejection Sensitivity but I have always had ADHD that makes it next to impossible for me to:

1. schedule things coherently. I have no concept of time. None. Zero. If it happened more than a week ago, it could have been 2 weeks ago, 1 year, or 7 years. If you want to know what I will be doing next tuesday, I will never, ever be able to tell you. I don't know how long it takes me to accomplish any task. I started recording common tasks for a journal and then stopped before I got through the list, because...

2. Follow through. See, ADHD means no time regulation + low dopamine, so the idea of delayed gratification is just a ???. I can't motivate myself by saying 'sure this is tedious but you have to do it and when it's done you'll feel proud you accomplished it'. Like, that's a lie. I can't believe it. So instead I come up! with Ideas! and plans! and get dopamine hits off THOSE. Or play games, that have constant, quick and engaging things to achieve!

3. Rest. I'm lazy and worthless and always procrastinating. I have feelings of DOOM near constantly. Am I forgetting something? I'm definitely forgetting something. I definitely did/said/didn't do/forgot something and now I am I N T R O U B L E

Always exhausted, because the second guessing and berating about my brain is a full time job! On top of my full time job. For me, ADHD meds make it so I can get out of bed, and feel awake and relaxed enough to actually start my day. Just. Pick a task and dive in. I can work on something and make conversation with the people around me without stressing or completely losing my progress.

And that lasts for 3-4 hours and then I get a headache and the exhaustion comes back. But it is far, far better than nothing.

So thanks for the idea of this thread, but we get goodfeedback talking to players directly and aren't really getting the kind of suggestions we'd hope for. If you have feedback, take it through the official channels in game or on github, we are abandoning this MSB-staff-interfacing to focus on what we think is important, and fun.

Back to your regularly scheduled posting.

You are not lazy. You have executive dysfunction, and you get overwhelmed more easily than neurotypical people because you have issues with prioritizing and time management.

I worked all night at an extremely undemanding job, in front of a PC, and I was bored. A friend was like "I stay up all night playiing this text game, come try it" and I was like "sounds fake but ok".

Ever read an article about executive dysfunction vs 'laziness' and just start crying? Cancer season, get OUT OF HERE

@thenomain said in Spirit Lake: An Original Modern Fantasy Game:

My use of terms like “weasel” maybe qualifies it for the Pit, but I was and still am pissed off at any staff group that has hidden rules for what constitutes what kind of response they will accept to a lecture.

Dude, seriously. I have no idea what was said between the time you bowed out of the public questions channel and the day plus in between then and now, but I saw what happened ON it and you are being disingenuous af. You were told basically one billion times to just cg a character you wanted to play NOW, and not worry about specific mechanics that won't be relevant for half a rl year at best,and had it very clearly explained several times that they didn't want to support in depth mechanics supposition, and that some things were not planned and other things were not permitted ad infinitum - and you were an obstinate pain in the ass about it.

If you actually got lectured, you asked for it. I'd say maybe you don't realize how frustrating you are, but you admit to it? So I guess just : if you want people to try and read you, learn to read other people and maybe step back and have a coke and a smile when you are not communicating well with them.

*edited to remove an errant 't' from 'pain'

Yes I think often about fleeing into the forest.

Apos' suggestion works. I knew no one in the community where I met him, actually, but I wanted to be part of it. So I devised a character that had a reason to focus on everyone around her. In a fantasy world, she was writing a 'travel guide' and so she traveled around, interviewing anyone she met that would let her.

I made her gregarious and friendly, and would ask people questions from a list until the rp got us to a point where the questions came organically. I got SO MANY comments ooc about how delightful it was that an interview made people think about their chars and flesh them out in ways they never had before.

In another game, I took a fortune teller and would set up in a main thoroughfare and tell fortunes. Admittedly in that game I had the advantage of a secret power that would sometimes let me glimpse snippets of a character's secrets.

@derp said in The ADD/ADHD Thread (cont'd from Peeves):

@kanye-qwest said in The ADD/ADHD Thread (cont'd from Peeves):

Engineers are all about making things work in practice. I think you got something swapped mentally.

Think we're hanging out with different groups of engineers, then.

lol I am an engineer.

@Thenomain said in Difference between an NPC and a Staff PC?:

Or maybe you're just getting emotional

wow
WOW

@Tyche
Feel free to stop paying attention to the discussion. Everyone understands your position. We've already played "spot the MRA".

@Thenomain That was extremely uncool of you. If you don't know why, please step back and think about your choices.

Also, you are all missing the point. This isn't a guy who just showed up like "Hey I remembered how cool you were and looked you up, let's hang out!"

That's so far from what Mietze described it's not even relevant.

If a guy randomly tried to book you to show off a Kirby vacuum at his apartment and then, when you canceled, showed up and only THEN admitted he'd been in love with you and your perfect white skin since high school and stalked you and tried to trick you into meeting him without admitting the prior acquaintance first, THEN your reaction to him showing up would be relevant.

It's got nothing to do with 'being able to take care of yourself' and everything to do with "creepy people are creepy and, more importantly, unpredictable". Can't nobody 'take care of themselves' your way out of chloroform or a slow campaign of terror in which a totally nice person who doesn't understand why you won't take their love systematically turns your life into a nightmare.

@Ghost said in Gray Harbor Discussion:

" However, I know way too many military realism dorks that be like: "* Ennnhhhhh, I'm not racist but if this is supposed to be a military realism game it's weird that a Samuel L. Jackson PB is an officer.*"

i mean honestly this sounds like a personal problem and you should probably purge your friendslists.