Best posts made by Macha

@derp It's weird. I don't know you. I'm neck deep in my own bullshit. But I seriously want to drag your mother out of the house by her ear, and kick her ass.

Today, I woke up, and washed down a caffeine pill with some Diet Dr Pepper. And about a half hour later, drank a Monster ultra sunrise.

Holy shit. I got all my work for the DAY done, plus some new work I begged out of my boss, in less than 3 hours.

I never want to hear his ass complain about my time management again.

I might be getting better at cutting people out of my life who don't care for/respect me half as much as I do them.

Might be. I'm hoping I am.

@l-b-heuschkel I had a doctor tell me that fibro isn't real too... and then I switched PCPs, and that new one flipped shit when I told him that.

Yeah. I refuse to put up with doctor's shit, anymore.

Thank you for this.

As a very small child in school, I didn't have a mom (Bio mom died before I was 4). Then dad remarried, and well, the first time I still wouldn't make her anything. The first stepmom wasn't anything but hot garbage.

Then when I was in like 3rd grade, dad remarried again. At this point, I was a child desperate for maternal love. I made her all the things. As soon as she was married to my dad, I was calling her mom (with her permission). I thought she was the shiz.

Then she had her own when I was 12, and yeah. I ceased to exist other than a scapegoat. Still I tried, and doubled down on the fucking holiday.

This has been ongoing ever since. Then my dad died, and after a short period of spilling her guts to me often, well, she pretty much ignores me unless she needs something. I haven't spoken to her at all since her mother's funeral in October. I've tried. I've called, sent her a card, and called some more. She ignored thanksgiving, Christmas, etc.

I should know better, but I don't. I still called her yesterday. Yesterday being her birthday. If she had called me back, I would have run out and gotten her a card and flowers and driven the hour to bring them to her.

Instead, I got ME some flowers. Because I deserve them too. Fuck it.

@mietze said in RL things I love:

And yes, I am a total asshole/bitch/whatever.

No, no you are so NOT. those assholes deserve to be laughed out of EVERYWHERE

@cobalt SO MUCH THIS. And it would be nice, if after you applied, they got back to you to tell you if they chose someone else.

Or if they listed what floor shit was on, etc etc.
(I may have spent a chunk of my weekend looking at apartments. )

I just ordered silly, fruity cheap ass wines to be delivered to my house. during my work shift.

I'm lazy and I'm going to be stupid later and drink cold wine outside in the heat, and love every second of it

My father often told me how when I was a baby, he thought I was 'slow'. I didn't speak until I was about 2, was slow to get up and walk, etc etc. My mother had been put on an alcohol IV to prevent an early birth, so.. they had reason to worry.

Then it all turned around. I went from not speaking in words, to full sentences, just got up and walked, and before I was 4, I was reading some of my older brother's books.

But now? Yeah. My former therapist suspects I am on the spectrum, especially now that ADHD and autism are known to overlap. I can be overwhelmed with noise and just.. emotionally erupt, things like that.

Sadly, that therapist left the practice and I was never diagnosed, and now I'm fighting on just getting ADHD meds.

Shoes have to be laced firmly, enough to feel the shoe close around my foot (I hate flats, because they just.. slide off my heel, and it make me crazy.

I hate skinny jeans. I need bootcut/flare, as a rule. But I love leggings.

I am somewhat busty, so I tend to size up my shirts. No one else in my world seems to understand why I want to be in something that can double as a nightshirt.

@derp My boy turned 10 yesterday, and he's got about the same life span your breed has. I have become paranoid, watching for signs of things going wrong. Is he slower to get up, does he struggled to jump up on the bed.. things like that.

I feel you, and I would hug you so hard, right now.

@cobalt I appreciate, but thank the gods and knock on wood, Logan still seems to be rolling along. I'm just terrified of the day he won't be. And if mom can't fix it.

He's laying in the sun right now, content as a cat. It's just the idea of him NOT being there that makes me so scared.

@derp But dat faaaaaaaace

And as I am reading this (And admiring Andi's pretty pretty eyes!), Logan came and put his head in my lap for rubs.

@arkandel Dogs appreciate all the simple pleasures, all the time. I wish I could be more like my dog.

@greenflashlight I too, did something similar in high school. I took BS from this one group of boys every morning for 2 months. One fine day in November, they started their BS in Physics lab. I remember moving my chair back.

The next thing I remember is being pulled back by my physics teacher, and he was having a hard time doing so. (He was a big mountain of a dude, too, and I was barely skimming 5ft. back then, she says, from her lofty height of 5'3" ).

I had picked up the ringleader out of his chair, threw him on the floor, and went after him. This guy was the lacrosse star, football star, senior class prez, etc etc. And I handed him his ass, and he was looking up at me in shock and terror. The teacher, who had known about their BS, told the dude he had it coming. Refused to send me to the principal to be punished.

I couldn't decide if though should go in RL Anger, but..

Work just dumped thousands of cases on me to review - for a department that is not one I work in, and I have not been cross trained to work in. This after I got more of my usual cases despite the tech issues with the software they insist I use (I couldn't log in at all to use it) because other people are 'doing other things'.

This is not my job, and I'm struggling with the tech crap as it is. I'm already depressed, and this is just pushing me to literal tears. I'm just so tired.

I have been pushed to interviewing for other jobs - I have an interview tomorrow for a job I would love, it pays more, it's more in line with things I'm interested in. If any of y'all have a thought to spare me tomorrow, please do. I'm desperate.

I've been seeing a therapist, but.. I have to find a nice way to tell him this isn't working for me. He's a very nice guy. But he's not... he's not helping me? Sure, he's sending me to get ADHD meds, which is huge, but... he just tells me 'it'll get better' when I'm telling him how depressed I am. There's no real feedback, no getting into underlying crap, which is what I need.

Sorry. Rambled.

It is 20% - at least. Which means it's never less than at least 5 bucks.

And Charlie actually had met the boyfriend at the time, whose name was Matt. So.. yeah. Man was on point.

EKG looks good, we'll see about the bloodwork. One step closer to ADD meds!