It kind of grates on me, this type of argument. It's the same thing that's used in multitude of ways of, well we're not doing anything about /this/ thing, so should we be doing something about this other thing?
We shouldn't take refugees into our country until all of our vets have homes. Sexism is a lot worse in other countries and we're not doing anything about /that/. etc etc.
That's all I want to say.
I'll still love you until the next page though, @Ghost.
man, I have never heard of that game. I am saddened that I missed the chance to try it.
I do think there are certain personalities that will always want things given to them; not entitlement, but just hesitant, unwilling, etc for all kinds of different reasons. Some people will always need to be handheld, regardless of anything else. A good portion, I'd even say.
Then there are people that will always make their own fun, push their own plots, etc etc. Because that's just the way they approach the hobby. (And man, how many times will they have to get accused of shit like staff favoritism or being figuratively glared at and bitched about by people not making their own stories?)
And there will be people in between. I don't actually see this as a problem of the hobby. It comes down to human nature.
Is it bad that what I think is even worse is that this student couldn't take two seconds and google it before asking you? Learn to fend for yourself, youngling! Find your own answers!
Every time I think of dangerous careers, I think of my uncle who worked on a farm. He fell into a grain silo and drowned as his kid watched. Silos, man.
Then I willingly admit that I would have been in the wrong in your great aunt's case. I will definitely change how I approach these situations in the future to more positively engage with the couple (in a way that doesn't even have to be about their relationship since no one even said that). But I still think and will die on the hill that good people shouldn't do nothing. Understandable, yes. I am not saying @Arkandel is a bad person. But doing nothing is not good.
Edit to emphasize: I do think you are a good person, Ark, and respect you a lot.
I did make my suggestion. If I thought that she was expressing disapproval for their relationship, I would have asked politely, calmly 'Is there a problem, ma'am?'
I have actually come around to thinking that @Catsmeow actually has a better answer of talking to the couple directly and engaging them without engaging the other person.
Do you think it would have been rude to ask your great aunt 'Is there a problem, ma'am?'
I know people with tics. My sister has cerebral palsy that gives her muscle spasms. I'm not saying this is the case with everyone, but I can't imagine my sister's mental health would be worse off for being asked if there was a problem. (And I would hope if she did have a problem that wasn't related to the couple, she would speak up and say something!) Or she might have been confused at the question and said no.
But even that little gesture does something.
Let's ask this another way. As a woman, I face microaggressions daily from men. If a man is staring at my chest, do I say nothing? Do I just accept it because I am a part of this world and I am the stupid one for getting offended and upset and putting me in a place where I feel threatened or uncomfortable? I mean, he might legitimately have zoned out and just started staring at my chest without realizing it. Should I do nothing?
But no one in this thread suggested at any point lighting into someone. Like, at all. But there is a big difference between that and doing nothing.
@ThatGuyThere said in RL Anger:
why is his mental health any less valuable then the couples.
If you truly don't understand why speaking up (even without DIRECTLY SPEAKING TO THE MAN) because their mental health in /this exact situation/ is /yes more FRAGILE not VALUABLE/ then-- I sincerely can't add anything else to this conversation.
@ThatGuyThere said in RL Anger:
@Meg
I disagree, if the dude actually says or does something, then yes light into him with extreme prejudice.
What are described was : well, it's hard to say what he was doing, which was my dilemma. He was smirking for most of the trip - but that could have just been his face.
As someone who has gotten shit many times in rl for "having a scowl on my face" when that is the honest resting form of my face I don't really condone the starting of shit for a look on the face unless it is known it is being done intentionally. Now if you have seen the dude before and his face is not like that normally then yes say some shit, but if you have not you are starting a random witch hunt because you don't like the way his face looks, you know the exact opposite of progress.
That may be true, but you have to acknowledge that being able to 'do nothing' is coming from a place of privilege. You aren't part of that couple that are actively enduring that microaggression. (Or may not be a microaggression, but does it matter in terms of their mental health if it /looks/ exactly like every other microaggression? Does the intent matter to the impact?) That is all I am saying.
No, the answer to do nothing is a place of privileged response. I know it doesn't seem like much, but shit like this does happen to gays and lesbians every day, all the time. Microaggressions over and over and over. Literally, the answer to do nothing is the worst. @Catsmeow has a good answer that supports the couple without blaming/accusing the man in case of any of what you said.
But I will say, point blank, I think doing nothing is a bad call. Understandable? Yes. But as they say, when good people do nothing--.
Without knowing if he was actually expressing disapproval or not (and I have been in those situations where I didn't know), I usually give them a chance to prove themselves dicks or not. I usually speak up and ask calmly but firmly, 'Is there a problem, sir?'
He will either say no, and look at me funny, maybe, but the couple could have some relief that the guy was thinking about something else maybe or just didn't realize how he was coming off. Or he's lying and either way, now he's been called out and might get the hint.
Or, he will say yes, in which case, well. I tend to go off on people like that, verbally.
Either way, the couple has someone to speak up for them, which is the good thing. Same with @Ganymede's answer.
ha. At least it is a pretty harmless lesson that he can carry with him through later years. (Totes reply to your kid: you did kind of fail, son. That is an appropriate response, right? Always take my parenting advice; i know everything based on never being around kids.)
I think it really comes down to the idea if someone should reasonably want to be in that place. If it's 2 AM and you are sitting in a deserted park on a swing, it's pretty reasonable that you are not going to be taking up a spot smoking that anyone else will want to occupy that they can't otherwise. I don't disagree that it's asshole-ish to demand someone to leave.
Actually, even if it's noon and you are sitting on a swing and smoking a cigarette, it's still probably /asshole-ish/ to demand you leave. But if there are a bunch of families and kids around that are just looking over at you because they'd like to swing but they don't want to be next to your smoke-- You are probably also being an asshole.
uhm, literally no. It's illegal to smoke marijuana in public in Colorado. Edit to add: In Washington too. Must be done on private property, out of the view and smell of general public. Edit edit to add: You cannot smoke weed in public in Nevada or California, either. You can possess it but not smoke/consume it on public property.
And agree to disagree about public spaces. If you're in a place where there is going to be a lot of expected traffic and you're smoking, you are the asshole in that situation.
Also agree about elevators. Don't fart in elevators, guys.
eh. Not so simple, man. Not so simple. If a guy is alone in a park, smoking some weed, and I want to bring my hypothetical kids to play there, telling him to leave doesn't make me the cunt. (Especially since I don't know anywhere in the United States where it is legal to smoke weed outside of private residences.)
I'd say the same with even regular cigarettes. If you're alone, sitting on a kid's swing and smoking a cigarette-- Someone telling you to GTFO if they have a reason to be there doesn't make them the cunt. It makes you the cunt for being there in the first place.
There's an onus on the smoker to also be aware of where they are and why people might want to be in that space. At a concert, at a park, etc. And to realize that their /stench/ isn't the only thing affecting others. Asthma, allergies, etc. There are actual health issues involved. So it's easy to say 'go find your own space' but when you're say-- at a concert with a billion people smoking in various ways, man, there's no way to find your own space away from the smoke floating everywhere.
If you are in a place where no one needs to be in, where there are plenty of other similar places they could occupy that you are not in, then yes, the onus is on them or me or whoever in this case to take a step however many feet away and find their/my/god's own place.
Yeah, people really dgaf about vaping wherever. My co-workers vape in our office. It's weird and just kind of questionable. I have to say, I don't care where people vape, but even as a smoker, I would care if someone was smoking in my office. Beyond the smell, it's the amount of smoke that gets to you from across a room.
That's also why I hate pot. The smell is rank, yes, but the amount of smoke that gets to you when they have a joint or a pipe is outrageous. It doesn't dissipate as easily. (Hotboxing, anyone.)
Can we all agree that anyone who smokes marijuana in public should be shot on sight? (Just in like, the foot.) I don't care if that shit is legal, man, it's really really hard to get away from your smoke.
i am also allergic to pot smoke and I live in Colorado. going to concerts and shit is horrible.
