Posts made by mietze

@GreenFlashlight No, I don't think so. This is a natural transition, and I think as a parent you have to be really careful to NOT burden your adult children with too much. (Some of this comes from being the only kid of a very needy and unable to let go mentally ill parent I'm sure). I didn't cry in front of them when my kids were all in school full time that first day (a major life transition because I'd been a stay at home mom for so long) either. Maybe when he's a little older (like at college graduation) and we've had more time together as closer-to-peers. Right now we're both very much in parent/child mode, and I don't want to add to HIS "oh shit, I'm a little closer to being on my own now" with "OMG I need to take care of mom too."

Six weeks until Eldest leaves for college. He is super excited and a little nervous. He's been slowly packing things away into the boxes to take with and the boxes to store (a lot of times with assistance in sorting on request but he's doing a great job). I'm super excited for him. There is a part of me that is very fretful (the school closed the residence hall dorms and put everyone needing housing in the campus apartments, which is pretty swank) because of the worry of violence. Even though I know this campus is like...probably the safest campus in the universe for a trans person, the apartment with 5 unknown roommates is very nerve wracking for momma but I am staying out of it and keeping my frets to myself! In any case he knows how to advocate for himself, we are only a couple of hours away and he will have local emergency contacts too <3.

When he gets to college all the roommate groups will be quarantined for 2 weeks. No big freshman minglers but its clear they are thinking outside of the box to help the first year folks transition into college life despite the weird circumstances. I'm happy for him. We are having a good time doing lots of stuff together and he's spending a lot of time with little brother (who is 6) who they have a very special bond.

But yeah, I think in addition to the struggles with covid mental health effects, I'm definitely going to be riding the roller coaster of Oh Shit My Kid Is Actually Leaving For College and Truly Starting Their Own Life Now. Hopefully I can keep my shit together and not be a blubberer until I'm in the car driving home after getting him settled!!

I do feel kind of old though that my first thought in seeing that would be of the "gay friendly" days and non-discrimination in the parks (well aware that record has not been spotless either). My culty church of my childhood used to protest the parks on "Gay Days" and boycotted it the rest of the year and it was a very big Bad Thing That Will Ruin Our Country because Disney wouldn't denounce or discriminate against the people coming in.

I'm kind of glad that someone else's first thought might be to roll their eyes and assume that the person getting the tattoo was ignorant to Disney's problematic at best decisions for their films and franchises and the objection is to it being a media conglomerate. Totally not denying that's a problem. But to me that is kind of progress, where of course it is not unique for LGBTQ+ folks to feel welcome and wanted at any amusement park or vacation chain, so why would that be even thought of.

But by the same token? Maybe it's just a stupid tattoo, totally could be. I've totally seen stupider (to me) ones, but I'm sure their wearer must have liked them just fine.

Hard to say. Disney started holding LGBTQ friendly events at their parks, in the early 90s, long before most other corporations jumped on the bandwagon. For a long time it was one of the few employers in FL to recognize "domestic partners" (marriage was illegal at the times) and allow people to have their partners on their insurance. They've had a non discrimination policy on hiring workers in their parks and hotels long before non profits gave out scorecards. I know a handful of folks that started working for disney in the early 90s for that reason, and they're pretty rabid fans in many ways, even though I would not call Disney an unblemished employer for MANY other reasons. I think if you're of a certain generation and lived in FL in particular, I could see why someone might have a soft spot enough to get a tattoo like that, but I dunno, maybe the person is just combining stuff that he likes, too.

TFW you are masked so the customer cannot see that your sudden violent fit of coughing and gasping is because you accidentally are choking on your own drool you swallowed the wrong way, not a sudden outbreak of the zombie plague. Even though they were in the drive up window, and my retractable drawer thing was closed the driver practically jumped from driver to passenger seat.

I'm sure this poor person is who is going to get the survey. though when I explained what happened they busted a gut chortling.

@L-B-Heuschkel I went very low contact (and remain that way for the most part) after my mother's latest abusive rampage 6 years ago. It was a tough decision bevause I am their only child and therefore feel a moral obligation to the parents that raised me. But it was the right decision.

I did break explicitly with her (in other circumstances I would have just not contacted her further and blocked number) because of her actions at that time which she could not present away like her verbal abuse that didn't happen in front of witnesses. Since she did not want to be embarrassed by people asking questions she kept our break on the down low.

Thats a fortunate experience though. I know how hard it is to go no contact when it means your parent will try to rile the family against you. So I am so sorry you are in this place, and especially if you have complicit family to deal with.

I do think though that when you know it's time, its time. And its not that it isn't painful in some ways but I think at least for me it has been what I needed and I do not regret anything. If you decide to break contact I hope you'll find the same.

I guess what I would say is maybe instead of assuming, when you are on a web based or mixed scene it's probably easier to come to agreement at the start, post that in the scene or explicitly tag it, update as necessary. Probably easier and quicker than the alternative. It should be OK to ask instead of guess.

And yes for many people the timeliness is a draw, it is for me too sometimes. With people whom I really enjoy rping with i don't really care if it's slow. There are some folks out there that like to rp with me when I can't be fast too, and I'm very grateful that as long as things are disclosed I can in part not feel 100 percent like a collosal waste of their time and annoy them with the need for reassurance (it still happens).

For a lot of people ooc masque and discovery were huge draws. Now even in genres where that used to be the norm, it's not. Did some people quit mushing over it? I'm sure they did. Did other people stick around longer when they wouldn't have with strict masque? Yes.

There will always be people who never darken slow scenes, and that should be okay. There are people for whom mushing will again be accessible because of them too, though. That also should be okay.

But getting in the habit of communicating what you're looking for on pacing is a good thing, imo, even if its uncomfortable at first.

@Derp I agree. I remember how people fussed about wikis over a decade ago as they became more and more popular, ect but now its almost essential for wide swaths of the community. Getting away from the assumptive norm of live action is what I will predict happening in the next decade.

@faraday yeah I figured it was more complicated than non coder me could fathom. But having an average posting time or last 5 timestamp thing seems complicated even to me.

Mostly I think its on players to get in the habit of making an ooc note that can be updated periodically to disclose pacing. No assumptions.

And pretty much everyone seems to agree that it is courteous to disclose pacing.

I think it is probably a little foolish to assume pacing slow or fast on web based scenes (I've been part of both and surprised a few times, so I learned to ask before engagement), so it would be kind of cool if there were pace tags for scenes that could be updated since they do shift sometimes! Or a time stamp visible on scenes in progress, ect. So that people can make decisions prior to hopping in before they wait for hours or get run over thinking its a slower scene.

But on a web based scene there really isn't a should that i have seen. But there are better ways to signal what the realistic expectations for that scene are. I found playing ares games that utilize all functions meant I needed to not be quite as attached to pacing and people in the room conventions as I was used to and while I like it in most ways it was a little weirder than I thought it would be especially at first.

I have only played on a couple of ares games, but it was all over the map. I tend to gravitate towards real time for scenes with people I don't know or first time scenes. Beyond that I find that if all things are usual I like to at least have a couple of poses a day. But for awhile when I am at the worst trough in my depression I have been grateful for people willing to deal even slower or who wanted slower, because it allowed me to enjoy what I love even if my energy is super low.

The one thing I find worrying is when a slow scene seems like it might be fading, but there's no clear indication and the poses seem to hint otherwise but it just stops. I worry that the other person is bored of my play or doesn't like the scene but doesn't want to be the one to wrap. But i think ending a scene can sometimes be challenging even in real time, so its not surprising that it does this in slower ones.

I do find that I do not hold concurrent time overlap well (for some reason significant time differences, like flashbacks into older history, ect, are perfectly fine and easy for me to keep in my head). So if a slower scene is now eclipsed by the actual mush events moving forward to make it obsolete i find it exceptionally difficult to stay engaged.

That seems to happen more on Ares games than elsewhere in my limited observation, because of the ease and medium lending itself to people engaging in multiple paces of scenes taking place in the same time period, and for whatever reason my brain can't cope.

Well, if I was on the fence as to whether my job was creating the majority of bad stress issues that I've been having, I guess I have my answer today. No panic attacks or anything like it for the last 11 days I've off, no palpitations, no needing to stagger off and go lay down for a bit as soon as I can after dealing with stressful shit. But today it's back in spades. And hell, the $600/week unemployment supplement just got cut, so I know it will be a couple of weeks before we start getting the terrible phone calls again, there's a reprieve! I feel so weak and fucking stupid, but it is what it is. My job isn't even hard. And yet I am right back to where I was stresswise. And it makes me just want to run away from everything, even though I know that I won't. (At least not until I find another job with comparable health benefits.)

There are and have been historical games set in horrific time periods, though usually they have some degree of sanitizing or go alt-history to avoid some misunderstandings of what is desired on the game.

I think a game like this would appeal to a very limited player base, but there would be people out there that might go for it. You would have to be very clear about what kind of show you'd be running though. In my experience on military -esque games you need to get clear boundaries of what to expect as far as ic structure, any handwaving of RL culture that is probably going to happen, if its going to be heavily personal story based vs battle scenes and mini strategy game, ect. Because a mix of very different expectations in that regard blows up real quick due to the people it attracts.

@Pyrephox very much agree with setting boundaries in particular. I have seen it (rarely) done well, and it was amazing the difference it made in the behavior of /everyone/ on the game and how they treated each other--even if they'd played together for years on other games. And how quickly things really devolved into the usual when boundaries started to slip as far as their reinforcement.

It's very hard and taxing work though, especially over the long haul. People often mistake being a hardass for being good at boundary enforcement. ("I'll kick people who do that off my game if they show signs of tantruming/being weird or mean on channel!" while they ignore the people they know or excuse them having a "Bad day" on a consistent basis.) Holding respectful boundaries in any org, online or otherwise is a lot more work than a lot of people give credit for!

I think it's better long term for staff/runners to determine what sort of environment they enjoy moderating, and then let players sort themselves out as to who wants to play in that environment, rather than trying to think a system and rules is going to somehow make everyone comfortable with progression. It's just not going to happen. IMO.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a person who wants big dice and optimized chance at one shotting whatever obstacle comes in their way. There's absolutely nothing wrong with being a person who neglects spending points at all because it crosses their mind so infrequently, or who like to build a sheet not with a specific roll in mind but to reflect what they've been doing in RP, even if they'll never use most of those skills. IMO neither is better, and I've met plenty of amazing AND horrific RPers that fit into either category and everywhere inbetween.

If you want a game with big dice, then you're going to have to deal with the older players complaining about expanded XP awards to bring incoming people up to speed. If you want slow progression then you may still have to do that if you keep adding people to the game; or you may need to put level caps on periodically until most people catch up. If you want diceless, then you're going to have to deal with the fact that some people will determine that people will always be out to get them and never let them do anything because icky poo consent. And you're going to have to deal with abusers of that system who are the reasons for some people feeling that way!

How you handle player disappointment (both of your older players who feel threatened or resentful of encroachers, as well as newer folks integrating into an established game) is a really crucial thing that I don't think has enough time spent on it usually. You will make some people happy by throwing points at them to "progress", especially if they really enjoy sheet building and numbers, but I don't think that really solves issues of resentment/feeling of investment in the game itself.

I think I understand a little more than I did before how some people are captivated by/instantly have tons of PC possibilities spin up in their heads after they see a picture of a "PB." It's not a good time to think about launching a new PC right now, but I am gobsmacked (and taking notes).

@Arkandel yes, but I'm speaking of the aftereffect on other mushes that those folks play on later, where there isn't an arms race.

The fear/obsession that not being The Best means you are Worthless in any kind of rolled scene is something that dies really hard, in my observation.

I think there is often expectation inflation if people spent a lot of time on high XP/lots of maxed out skills on a sheet games. People won't do ANYTHING that they don't know that they will almost always succeed at, they aren't satisfied without mega dice and anything else than the huge ass rolls they got used to on high XP WoD games makes them feel like they "aren't good at anything so why even bother".

Sometimes it takes awhile for people to realize that yes, they still get to take down the baddie along with everyone else even if they're not the top of the pack skill wise (and maybe it's kind of nice to not have people one shot everything), they can still do most of what they want (unless it's beat every other pc in the scene even if it's not PVP). Sometimes it also means when they do they're more willing to take other risks as well (thinking outside of the box/trying something creative rather than throwing up their hands and oocly saying that they can't contribute at all because none of the scene revolves around their two highest skills).

I do think there are def. people who always like to be on either side of the spectrum. And there's always some very naturally competitive people who can't help wanting to be "better than" everyone else in a scene.

I do think there's very often a great hunger for "specialness" on any game. I can only think of a few people I know out of years of gaming who don't crave that at least to SOME degree. I also think that's often the most lacking thing on most MUSHes, so people will go to the numbers because at least that can provide some of the feelings and it's within more of the player's control than waiting for someone to really notice them and incorporate them into story beyond what that player does themselves. So I don't think you can really blame people for seeking that avenue either, really.

I have been non-ethical vegan now for about 3 months and feeling pretty good.

And I am working on my resume and seeking a job that's going to allow me to support the kids in their schooling since the district is going 100 percent remote in the fall but with no flexibility or accommodation for parents that must work during weekday mornings. I feel sad because I love my coworkers and 90 percent of the job, but the stress level from being forced into cold calling and now cross sales pressure rising means that I can't deal with it anymore on top of the brick wall of emotional burnout plus understaffing. I love crisis work and I thrive it it but apparently not constant sales goals crisis. Looking is helping me get through things. I'm pretty sure if I can get an interview I have a good shot at getting a new job.

But I am unbelievably tired and fraying at the seams right now. I am hoping having a week and a half off (starting the middle of next week) will help me put one foot in front of the other for the next while.

One of my mom friends knows that I am really struggling right now so she sends me at least one pic a day of their new bunny. He is a Flemish giant cross, still a baby and HUGE. He is so freaking cute that I scream like a little girl inside every time I get a new picture. He has the most ridiculously long and perky ears.