Posts made by mietze

I have reached a breaking point at work. I love my team. Especially my Little Boss. I love everything else about the job except for the cross selling. But of course, this is what is being hammered every day. While quotas have not been instituted yet, the pressure is real, and I know it's not really coming from my manager per se but the tippy top down.

If I was the only person that would get dinged when I refused to push credit cards to people I know are barely keeping afloat or ruining themselves financially to make payroll or helping their adult children/extended family during this shitshow of reality we have going on right now, then I wouldn't care. But not making the numbers means the whole team suffers and while pretty much NOBODY is doing that (the pushing) right now, I just can't take it anymore.

In addition, after curriculum night this week at my youngest's school I burst into tears. This is the first time in 14 years of having k-12 aged kids that I have felt so fucking depressed looking at the plans and schedule rather than jazzed that I really can't describe my feelings as anything other than despair. There is no flexbility. We were promised as parents at least 1 asynchronous day (no live zoom meetings)--the high schoolers have that but there is NONE for elementary. On the one hand I get it but my husband must work and he needs time for meetings during business hours so that we can buy food and help put kids through college and live. I must work outside the home so that we have healthcare. Because of that doing 3-4 live zoom meetings of 30-60 minutes each during the hours of 9-3:30 is...unsustainable. I can't move my schedule to anything that can even be helpful (in addition to the work stress above)

So this past week I sent out 8 resumes. I was invited to do a prerecorded video interview on friday and have 2 telephone interviews this week. Hopefully they will give me a chance. Hopefully me actually WANTING evenings/weekends helps get my foot in the door. I'm only applying to benefitted positions.

I just cannot keep doing what I'm doing, it's gonna break me. Some of my stress has lessened just putting real apps in, at least. I've experienced some stuff in the last few months that make me worried that I've already really damaged my health, but at least this is a step towards claiming it back.

Having lost someone to pancreatic cancer I am getting choked up thinking about how much fucking pain she was probably going through while still holding shit together like the badass she was.

Do people really think Mitch won't ram a justice through in a lame duck session? Lol. I wish.

A mentor and friend of mine passed away a little earlier than expected last night (she had just entered home hospice care (thank god she got to leave the hospital) and was planning some goodbye calls in the next few days, including with me tonight) after a real knock down drag out fight with cancer that came back.

Between that, the continued severe depression I am doing my best to try and keep to a functional level, and a couple of demoralizing things online that shouldn't be that big of a deal but are hitting me hard because...well it's just fucking 2020 I'm going to maybe try to cut down on online time for a couple of days. Not fit company for anyone and nobody needs to see that.

coming out of a cult like group and/or trying to be there for when a loved one comes out is a very hard situation.

I know with my family members still in as well as seeing some friends being sucked into a conspiracy cult I have to be very careful about compartmentalizing and planning for what i will and will not respond to and how because otherwise it is easy to become distraught and also it can trigger trauma from my time in an abusive religious organization.

Right now i think it is most important to try to prioritize your own mental health and put distance where necessary. It can leave to feelings of guilt, but i also am trying to take the long view that if any of those folks I live says "I'm scared and I don't want to be part of this anymore" I can be ready to immediately take action to help them. For me there is an extra layer of fear because several of my family members have been posting things over the last six months to a year that lead me to believe they could become a real threat to their minor children or the community (up to and including ststements threatening or glorifying familicide to save their children or hunting down people for revenge if their candidate loses the election) and knowing that in the latter case they are in possession of the tools to do that as well as the skills.

Sometimes it is necessary to turn it off for awhile. Yes, there are many people who criticize and look down on that as a dereliction of civic duty, and mock needing to do that and more power to them,but when you have done all you can for the moment, it is also okay to stop arguing or trying to reach out proactively to someone who is deep in their personal beliefs and stop stressing both them and you out.

These days I just reach out with an occasional I love you, i miss you, if you ever feel like you need a break let me know and I will do whatever I can to make that happen for you.

It doesn't feel like enough. Sometimes it has to be. I'm so sorry for everyone having to deal with this right now. It sucks.

Hearing my 6 year old's sweet little voice asking me if the reason why the air is so foggy and orangey-yellow is because it got "the virus" too. As well as catching that slight wheeze in his breathing from the particulates (we are fortunately not dealing with even half of what people are dealing with closer to the fires, and can keep his asthma under control as a result).

My mil/sis in law/bro in law had to mandatory evacuate in Oregon. Doesn't look good. They had time to load up the animals (includinh horses) and gtfo.

@faraday I agree that a free-form note is probably the most useful, though sometimes there seems to be resistance to having to write/read one which is not really understandable to me personally, but it is what it is.

I might suggest a much shorter timespan for "live", which implies players actively engaging in the scene at that moment. While there's a lot of wiggle room (5 minutes to like an hour, based on what I've seen in on-grid scenes over the years), I think terming a "live" scene live if people can go 23 hours between poses is like...I dunno make the people who are looking for "people dedicated to posing in this scene continuously right at this moment" go a little bonkers and get extremely frustrated.

Sad/happy. Snappy? But it really hit me that I just have two more weekends until Eldest leaves for college. Excited for him but I'm going to miss him a lot (and have already decided I will limit myself to me-initiated text once a week unless he specifically asks for more!)

Been getting a lot of "let's take a moment to all be so grateful we have jobs" shit in the morning huddle at work as more and more cross selling pressure is being put on to increase the amount of consumer credit/debt offered to "help" our clients at the same time. No irony there at all. They scrapped all bonuses for last year, it seems unlikely that when the second-ish wave hits we will get hazard pay, and now for every writeup they changed the contract where they can dock a huge percentage of your pay. Some of us think they don't want to (or can't perhaps, depending on what aid they may or may not be getting from the feds) lay off people honestly, and are just trying to get people to quit.

Finally I had to tell my (brand new) manager privately that the phrasing was making me pretty uncomfortable, as it was taking on almost a spiritual overtone. There's even awkward moments of silence after he asks us to reflect in gratitude. I told him that honestly, I'm an asset to his team, though I was aware that I could be replaced quickly to have a warm body in there but the knowledge drain and actual help that they rely on would take more time to replace. That there is a reason that I am here rather than overseeing my kids' online learning, (which I would prefer to do rather because for one of my kids it's a shitshow, and they need more support right now) but most importantly I was an intelligent adult who was more than capable of understanding and choosing what was best for my family and so long as I was employed there he could be assured that not only was I choosing to be there giving no less than my best work, but that I was there to get my contracted benefits that were what appealed to me in the first place, if there were any issues with my teamwork or how much I stepped up in the office then I am always open to personal feedback, in addition to going over our numbers as a team daily (totally appropriate).

He actually took it really well, acknowledge this hokey ass shit was stuff kind of being soft-pushed by one of the regional people and was off script from the official organization stuff, and has not done it since.

But I have seen a LOT (and heard a lot) of customer-facing people being shoveled this "YOU SHOULD BE GRATEFUL" shit. Rings kinda hollow when you're at the stage most of us are having worked right out there in the community this whole time while the people pushing it (and making their poor managers feed this line of bullshit to their tired staff) are working from home.

It's been a really long time that the vast majority of my RP, when I could get it, has been largely the kind where I feel am largely a speed bump for someone else to get a nice little bit of air to break up their zooming off to a more interesting agenda item, or like I might as well not been there at all, since my presence while marginally required, wasn't really desired and would not have been missed if I wasn't. I mean everyone has scenes like that once in awhile, but it's been kind of a morale killing constant for me for quite some time now. At least until the last week or two, when I've had a number of scenes now that were low pressure even though there might have been IC tension in the scene, delightful regardless of the core of the emotion/happenings in the scene, and most importantly people seemed interested in actually RPing with me rather than /at/ me. I think I've mentioned to the folks involved how wonderful I found playing with them to be. I wish I could say it over and over again without being weird. And it probaby would be weird since a lot of them are people that honestly I have not really RPed with much before, or who I hadn't at all, in addition to folks that I know well. It is nice to have more times when MUSHing gets to be a fun escape/immersing myself into another world with a scene partner(s) who really seemed to enjoy my company too. When mushing hits that sweet spot, there's really nothing like it.

You might be using too specialized jargon, tbh.

I have been enjoying the hobby now since the early 90s, and if someone asked me if I wanted to play an awesome text-base roleplaying thing where you "enter commands like a dos prompt" I too would lose interest immediately. Probably because I've never been a programmer, never had any interest in it at all (not knocking programmers, I've been married to one for like 18 years now, they're awesome, highly recommend).

When i have described it to people I've just said "instead of talking to people in person like you would at a tabletop game, you write out what your PC is doing/saying, like you're writing a story with other people, and you all take turns doing that for your PC and their interactions with others." I guess you could say that instead of clicking your mouse, or pushing buttons, you just type the direction you want to move, ect.

But again, usually if I'm geeking out over mushing, it's not with programmers or folks like that but has been most often other moms/wives I meet who were into RPGs once upon a time, now in various walks of life/professions, mostly not tech people.

I also think its good to keep in mind the 4-8 week activity hit that most new games seem to hit after they open, when the new shiny wears off. I think usually at the 3 month mark is where you get a more solid look at the realistic population of the game.

I have seen the ooh shiny surge kill games that weren't prepared for it. Or where there was worry something was wrong at the natural drop off and then scrambling to try to retain folks instead of concentrating on what it most interesting to the runners and the stable core. So while its good to take a look and be willing to retool (something every game should do once in awhile and that first threshold is a good time!) I wouldn't take attrition as a sign something is wrong.

And i would advise also reaching out to those still there to ask what unique things keep them coming back and if there's any suggestions for enhancing/strengthening that! As well as any things that impede your goals that you may not have seen on first pass.

@SinCerely We are preparing to muddle through as best we can. Our college freshman will do fine. My twins are seniors in high school this year, one will do fine the other struggles with distance learning and I am very worried. The youngest is going into 1st grade, and can read/do math above his grade level but is completely uncivilized at this point, but if we even make it into a school building this year, which I have my doubts that will happen, he won't be the only one.

I lose sleep over the non-great distance learner and am prepared to seek a new job if necessary so that I can be available. He really wants to go to college now so maybe that will help, but.

There is little to no support or flexibility for families where all parents in the household must work during the morning hours. None. No flexible check ins. We will have mu college student until late September to help out with the 6 year old but after that...I'm not sure.

@SilentHills there is good RP on WoD places.

But yes. You are supposed to be a special snowflake. Also um...the source books and supplements for most of the spheres can be quite rapey and hypersexual compared to many other rpgs. Most games will tap that down quite a bit but it can cause issues with people who do not read game rules/policies if staff isn't on top of things.

Yeah, sith warrior rocks. If you don't mind hilarious spoilers, I highly suggest looking up the My Sith Is a Jerk videos on youtube. Don't say thank you or anything.

Defunct website link, indeed does not appear to be a real game. Locking this thread, if you guys want to continue discussing it though you're welcome to create a hog pit post and I will move the discussion into there.

Chet, consider this a warning. If you want to troll people there are other avenues to do it. Don't use the advertising section to do it. If you actually are trying to start this game, and your bad link was in error, please contact Arkandel, Ganymede, or myself.

Honestly I could listen to the hurdy gurdy and hammered dulcimer all day. Separately or together!

BTW, don't use Negro/Negroid in your description/skin tone label either. It was one of the final straws for me on another game, even though he was made to remove it, and frankly I will never look at that player the same way again. And no, it was not a historical era game. Maybe I'm just noticing it more but I see more and more boundary pushing stuff like that now than in the past. It really makes me feel sad, and mad.

I am really glad to see people not accepting the nonsense but I guess we will always have folks who want to see how teeheeUnPC they're allowed to be.