Posts made by mietze

In my thirties it seems like it was the time to spend many many hours in chemo rooms and hospital rooms and at friends' houses while they battled breast cancer and lymphoma primarily. I was super lucky and only lost 2 friends.

In my 40s it seems like now I spend a lot of time trying to (very inadequately) support friends whose children have died ODing. 4 times in almost as many months, though I have not really known the adult kiddo in question until this morning.

I first met him when my now-teens were toddler/babies. My twins were 5 months old at the time and I was both desperate to have time where I was not covered in babies but also super freaked out about leaving them anywhere. My friend and her son were working the church nursery that week and I certainly trusted her so I got an hour reprieve. I came back to see this huge beefy football player 17 year old kid rocking in a rocking chair with one of my babies in each arm, talking to them as they gazed adoringly at him, enraptured by this big boy. It melted my heart. He was off to his own life and lots of troubles before I knew him well. Just the struggles his mom shared with me. But I think of that and it's hard to not cry to think of that vulnerable and complicated boy. He was in recovery and doing well and this morning was a surprise but I know that's so hard. Addiction sucks. Cancer sucks. It is hard to breathe. And I dont know how to support friends who have faced losses that I dont even have an inkling of, as I have only dealt with miscarriages, not the loss of a child that one had seen grow and loved and fought with and worried over for so long.

And of course, the big major work audit happens this morning, surprise, while we are understaffed. The cherry on top of a shit sundae day I guess.

@Sunny I'm so sorry. That is such a stressful place to be. Lots of love to you.

There is a kid at my boys' school that looks so much like my identical twins that until I called out one of my twins' names (this other boy has the same backpack as one of mine), I was shocked when he turned around and it was some other kid (though he did look a LOT like both my twins in the face too). His mannerisms, posture, and walk was very similar. But for all I know this other kid might well be genetically related as well!

My twins are also dead ringers for two of their biological cousins (one son from each of my half-brothers), and look exactly like their grandfather (my bio-dad) did at their age.

I shouldn't be more weirded out by the latter story than the first, but I totally am.

There were a lot of child PCs on many genres of mushes in the 90s. While I am sure that yes gross stuff did go on I am unconvinced that it was by volume worse than anything else that was acceptable then towards female PC.

I think the 18+ is a good move to be standardized. Though you know now that I examine it, given The Culture as a whole seems to be more supportive of staff banning/booting people for "just" violating a social policy standard, maybe it wouldnt be a bad time to allow for a HS aged place, with some very clear explanations/restrictions.

I played a HS freshman or sophomore on Mystick Krewe, and never felt pressure nor was even /asked/ (which is good) for any sort of graphic or involved sexual play. (It was probably more the people I hung out with, as I know there were some also super problematic folks there too so I dont doubt there were people who would have.)

I think it could be done. But you'd need staff willing and able to do some proactive policing probably

I thought there WAS a tribe place once upon a time. Am I misremembering?

Yes. At my company that is very easily a call to HR.

@Arkandel I am not even sure I have a length of projected run standard anymore. To some degree I wish I had more bandwidth to play more games so I could support the experiments and sure why the hell not let's have fun while it lasts stuff, that is the only thing that keeps me from trying out interesting stuff. I would love to have a short lived but intensely fun run than spending months and months and months trying to break into a more stable place for uncertain acceptance/inclusion. But I can see why someone else with the time limits that I have might gravitate towards more stable games instead (since in theory the time invested wouldnt go to waste if things come to an abrupt end!).

I think I am most attracted to games these days with staff that have and implement good boundaries as far as community behavior expectations, are not intimidated to remove problem players regardless of talent, or to say no to things that create theme drift away from what they the staff feel most energized and creative running/providing for. Including when people decide to close/wrap a game.

With that foundation I as a player feel more comfortable taking risks and exploring the theme/play available, rather than just keeping my head down.

I like to see experiments. I'm rarely disappointed even if they close because an energized and happy staff makes things enjoyable for me, usually, if that energy is a good fit.

I like all kinds of genres and I often enjoy games based on things I am meh about the original content (love battlestar games, but I am ugh about the "new" tv show for whatever reason, same thing with Buffy, those games were super fun but I actively loathe the TV show!). I find gamerunner enthusiasm to be by far the biggest predictor of my own happiness as a player on a game.

So I am totally in the camp of build what YOU are most excited for, not what you think will fill a "need" but you're not totally into it.

I have just completely cut off a whole branch of my extended family, and am now dealing with some of the rest of them trying to "explain" what was meant by the cut off people reposting shit about how America should be taken back for God by rounding up and putting to death all of the LGTBQ adults. My son is trans and turns 18 in less than six months. He is out, and I have made comments when they've posted less extreme stuff about "hey, you are talking about my family here" to which they always act shocked and how could I think they hated my kid/my family. This was the final straw, as it's been getting worse and worse. I am thinking my ability to tolerate that kind of just thoughtless cruelty and blindness is also crumbling, so I expect to be estranged from the vast majority of my extended family and perhaps even my parents by the end of the year.

I don't know why this makes me sad and angry, it's not like they're not being themselves. It's irritating how many people will say "good riddance" as if there's no mixed emotions in effectively kicking people that you love very much despite differences from your life. It's complicated, and depressing. But you know, I've spent the last 6 or 7 years answering their questions when asked, being loving, being patient, being very measured/calm in my reactions, providing resources to those that wanted them, ect...and now I think it's time to just throw in the towel. At least all of my cousins and their kids know we are a safe place to run to if one of them is lgbtq and they know how to contact us and get help.

I just can't stop thinking about how my favorite baby cousin, who I rocked and held and loved and who would always be the first of the pack to run up to me when I came for the summer, and the aunt and uncle that provided sanctuary for me when they knew about my mom's mental illness/abuse now so happily post about people like my child deserving death or imprisonment and how families like mine are a scourge on the earth. It is so fucking painful. But who knows, maybe they'll wake up someday. I just can't be around to SEE what's going on in the meantime.

And I'm not saying that to be mean to you Carex. I looked at the game and didn't really feel compelled to make a PC there (not anyone's fault or that it's a bad game or anything like that, I just didn't feel inspired). I have in the past forced myself to make a PC somewhere to play with friends, but I have rarely found that to work out long term because I drift (and then annoy my friends). I think it's good to listen to your gut when it comes to whether you want to invest time in a place. You can always come back in a few months and see if you're more inspired. I just think entering a game with a chip on your shoulder or starting off annoyed just doesn't usually work well, even if you're a super nice person playing on a game with good folks.

@Carex honestly, if a place looks boring to you (in addition to your concept not being allowed right now), then why not just be glad that you dodged the bullet of putting in extra work to make an app for a place you'd just fizzle out/be meh about within a few weeks?

Clearly some people really enjoy it, but that's irrelevant really. You can't make yourself like something, and if you're already feeling negatively about the place and wondering out loud why anyone would find it interesting, why not just dodge the bullet and find another place?

I think too as an ST you have to develop a thick skin about accusations of favoritism. I did have some people fuss about my requirements as far as timed response and that I wasn't being fair. Unless you are the ONLY person running events and stuff though, I'm not sure you should worry about doing something to fit everyone's style.

As a player I also try to keep that in mind. That it is okay for me to be disappointed and bummed out that I can't participate because something is too fast/too slow/too large/at a time I can't make it. And if you want to be STing for a while without burning out you need to know/set your limits and kind if learn to listen but then let go when people are upset if they're beyond that. There is such a bottomless pit of need vs available time for STs, you have to pace yourself. It would be nice if players were more aware but I am not sure how realistic that is, and you cant really stop people from venting their frustration to/at/around you.

And sadly, the last time I played on a game with non-social-only public st events, people would sign up like crazy and then not show up. So I like the waitlist. I will say that when I ruthlessly enforced my expectations as a ST people were much more prompt/polite/attentive/on time and I had less issues with checked out people. I even removed people midway through for non response. I just think if you really respect your players' time over time the players that fit your expectations gravitate more to you.

I have seen people only being allowed to sign up for public GMed scenes once in a certain time period, or that is the stated expectation but have rarely seen it enforced.

@Ghost I stated that when I wrote my post as part of it. Largely I enforce stated guidelines (and I communicate that up front). Usually if you do that people will be more aware the next time or they will never sign up for your stuff again. You cannot make anyone read or be time respectful but you can mitigate their impact, explain why, and hope that it sinks in.

I actually have a lot of tolerance for GM styles, as a player.

I really super appreciate scene and game runners though, who are communicative about their styles and up front.

What I mean by this:

• Not baiting and switching. If something is going to be a spectating scene vs participatory, disclose that. I think people are afraid that if everyone knows that it's participatory nobody will come, and it's true you will draw a different crowd, but it'll be people who are prepared to enjoy it for what it is (or people who can't be assed to read). But do not bill something as participatory when it's not going to be.

• Timing expectations. Is this a no limits time clock for poses (as in the person can start writing WHEN its their turn and spend however long (30 minutes? Hour? More?) they want to write it up? Or is it a timed countdown to pose/respond/roll or be skipped? I personally really love it when the expectations are stated up front because it helps me gauge whether or not I have the bandwith to be there.

• Slots. Are they limited? Will that limit be adhered to, or is it totally wide open?

• Start times/late arrivals. How are they kept/dealt with? There's no right answer here, but again, I find it helpful as a player to have that stated up front, just so it helps set expectations appropriately.

Once I've experienced a GM for a couple of times usually I have all my answers to the above, but when I see someone proactively giving guidelines/expecations it's really impressive and even if I decide the parameters aren't for me at that time? I always feel like my time as a person has been respected.

Player pet peeves of mine:

Not reading the guidelines/expectations that are put out in the PrP/Scene advertisement/sign up thingy. Or paying attention to the GM OOC comments about any of that stuff in the beginning.

People not showing up until 30-60 minutes in with NO warning or communication who then are combative or upset at me when I tell them that we've moved on from an easy entry point for them and I will not disrespect others' time by shoehorning them in awkwardly. If people give me heads up in advance I can make arrangements. On the fly, not so much. I usually do not wait more than 15 minutes for stragglers. And once I give up a limited slot to someone on the waiting list, I do not let the original back in unless there was some communication in advance and an arrangement has been made. Most people don't argue it, but there are some and they're really super aggressively annoying.

I love my job usually but Friday and today are apparently scream at the teller day.

Oh well, it beats getting screamed at by half naked people, which happened occasionally with my last job...

It's a good idea, Wretched, but I wonder if the work put into it will be worth the very short time period it would take for the majority of people to tune it out, not unlike weather code on most (not all) places I've played.

*Someone is sitting in the location and suddenly notices that they have a bug/spider on them. In that same vein, having a mouse run over someone's foot in a coffee shop/other establishment.

*One of the best scenes I ever had on my tow truck driver PC was when I was at a pick up scene at a diner and posed hooking up one of the other PCs' cars to my PC's tow truck (they could see this through the diner windows though it took them a little bit to catch on).

*Power outage at the location.

*play darts/spitball/some other projectile type of thing at a bar/similar location (this is especially good if you have a group of 2+ people and want to loop in a new arrival) and have the projectile hit on/near them/their stuff.

*Dine and dash (either look like you're trying to do it OR uh oh forgot my wallet/coin purse).

• be riding your bike/skateboard and get distracted by the person already there and ride into a lamppost/skip the curb and wipe out.

Pretty sure there have been some social changes between the 90s and now that have helped in that regard too. Perfect no but you're no longer the outlier or bad sport if you think you shouldnt have to accept stalking or harassment.