I find that once I meet and spend time with someone RL I have a far more generous read of their tone and behavior than I would otherwise.
If we have different perspectives on certain ethics (such as CoI) once I get to know someone I have a more nuanced view (also aided by the fact that I know better how to start the conversation about something that is bothering me) and do not feel as autodefensive as if I have no frame of reference.
It doesn't mean I don't understand when behavior is shitty. I once reported face to face RL friends to Sunny because of cheating issues amongst other things, and that in part detonated many of those RL friendships for nearly a decade, others never recovered, and most were changed.
But I disagree that online behavior should be seen as an accurate and sum total reflection of a person. I think it's a snapshot. And can be concerning. But there's a greater context most of the time and so I disagree that it should be taken as the "truest" reflection.